I consider myself to be more of an adult "kid" than I do an adult baby. I don't get fully into infantilism, per se, but I do like to associate my interest in diapers with a youthful period in life when I started to become more aware of my early interests in diapers.
Underneath the surface and away from family, friends, and co-workers is the child within me that refuses to grow up. I am an eight-year-old boy who was never adequately potty trained and would rather wear diapers. My Mommy knows this and she makes sure to fulfill this wish. I show no shame for wearing them and feel quite privileged to be kept in diapers. I allow all family and friends to see me in diapers. My diapers keep me very securely and thickly padded up as they are always on me, only to be changed after wetting and messing them. Other than that, my diapers never come off. Sometimes my Mommy is busy and one of my two older sisters have to change me. They don't mind doing it since it helps my sisters to feel superior and dominant to their little brother and they like to tease him and remind him of his boyish ways. I like the attention they give me for it, even if they do look at my diapered butt and giggle every now and then.
I've had a fondness for diapers as long as I can remember. I was very difficult to toilet train and I was in diapers and training pants past the age of four. I was never a bedwetter nor had any wetting accidents that I can remember, But I continued to have a lot of messing accidents even after I was out of diapers.
I always liked to watch for diaper commercials on TV and go through my Mom's magazines to look for diaper ads and pictures of kids in diapers, and any time I saw a little kid (most often boys) in diapers, I would stare at him and wish I were the one wearing diapers.
Because of my messing accidents, sometimes I would wear eight or more pairs of underpants at a time to serve somewhat as a "diaper", in case I didn't make it to the toilet, though I was still expected to use the toilet. I was often embarrassed about this situation, especially with two older sisters who liked to tease me about my accidents and my "diapers", especially since that was all I would be wearing at bedtime. While it was embarrassing for my sisters and their friends to acknowledge my "diapered" condition, I secretly enjoyed the attention and I liked how I looked, imagining that I was in real diapers.
Naturally, these early childhood experiences were very instrumental in further developing my interests in diapers. The accidents decreased at about age ten, though I continued to put my underpants on in multiples at bedtime. At about age twelve I hit puberty and I had my first ejaculation in my "diapers." I was often tempted to try pooping in them, but I didn't want to risk getting caught.
There was one other kid I knew of who seemed to exhibit similar interests, but, regrettably, I never got to know him as a friend. I saw him in the locker room in my eighth-grade P.E. class (he was in the seventh-grade class). While we were dressing I saw him down at the end of the row putting on several pairs of underpants. Presumably, the intent was to simulate a diaper as his underwear showed signs of having been messed in with large brown stains smeared all over the seat, at least the innermost pairs, which he topped off with several more cleaner. larger-sized pairs. He even put on some of the pairs backwards with the fly on his butt and the seat pulled up high over his front. By the time he had them all on he was very well padded. He even wore pants that were large enough to accommodate the extra bulk. How I wish I could have known how he acted at home if he did these things at school in front of other classmates.
When I was about thirteen I tried to tell a friend about my interests in diapers. I let him see me wear my underwear the way I did and even put them on in front of him. My hope was that he would understand and perhaps participate. The least I wanted out of him was some kind of support. All he said was that I was weird, and the issue was dropped. I feared that he may sever the friendship and tell everyone at school, which would have been the ultimate betrayal to me since he was the only friend I had that I trusted enough for him to know. We are still friends today. Whether or not he remembers what happened, I don't know. I'm just glad he didn't hold this "weirdness" of mine against me.
I knew I was very much involved with this sort of activity when I started writing stories about it and drawing pictures. I used to keep a notebook and type stories on the computer and create graphics the best I could, which was hard to do on a Tandy Color Computer and without any type of scanning device. I was satisfied with what I produced. My biggest concern was having friends or my mom see any of this. I know my Mom saw it, so she probably knows about my interest in diapers, but she never said anything. She's always respected my privacy. I think one of my friends saw a drawing or two carelessly left out in the open, but he, too, has said nothing. He knows I'd freak out if he brought it up.
Everything remained the same for the next few years. I searched endlessly for answers about my behavior, wondering whether or not there were others like me. If there were, I didn't know how I could find such people and meet them. When I was 24, I tried to rid myself of such activities and urges. I felt that my diaper interests were too much in conflict with the relationship I was in at the time, so I burned my stories and my pictures! I constantly fought off all urges and thoughts I had about diapers. It wasn't an easy fight as these feelings came to me so naturally and I ended up feeling worse, especially when the relationship ended, thus voiding the purpose of trying to rid myself of wanting to wear diapers. I destroyed several years' worth of stories and artwork and I realized what a tremendous mistake this was. Fortunately, I was able to recover most of the stories and other materials from the disks that I erased.
Later that summer in 1994, I discovered ASFD when I signed onto America Online. I had heard that the Internet's newsgroups covered virtually every topic imaginable, I decided to check out a list of newsgroups and did a search for the word "diaper". Much to my surprise the group alt.sex.fetish.diapers was highlighted. I was so excited over this discovery as I shouted "eureka!" I even noted the day and time it happened-- August 19, 1994 at about 3:00 P.M. I was off from work for a week on a much-needed vacation, so I had plenty of time to check the group over thoroughly, which I did.
I found plenty of stories and interesting discussions about people who like to wear diapers. Most of all, I found the people who I had long sought and I was getting a lot of my questions answered at long last. No longer did I feel so alone and uncertain about my activity. I found my place at long last.
Over time, my understanding of diaper fetishism developed and I became aware of the variations of other people's interests and I am especially glad to know that there are others who are a lot like me with similar backgrounds. Since then I have e-mailed dozens of people all over the world and talked to many on the phone and I've even met a few in person. I've acquired dozens of stories from the Internet and I began writing my own diaper stories. I created a diaper web page where my stories reside.
Oh, and I do wear real diapers now. Not until I moved out of my parents' place in October of 1994 was I able to order any diapers without them possibly seeing them. Since then, I have had even more fun than ever. I spend as much of my time as I can in my diapers.