Deeker's Message of the Week

July 18, 2004

A Memorial for a Good Friend

I am deeply saddened to announce that I lost a good friend this weekend. His name was Kolby. On the afternoon of Friday, July 16, 2004, Kolby passed away. He was only twelve years old. Kolby had been ill for about six weeks as a result of complications due to an undiagnosed strep infection. The complications were heart related, in part due to a congenital valve defect. Kolby had developed an abscess in his heart, which eventually led to heart failure. According to his doctor, Kolby's death was painless.

Nobody would argue that Kolby deserved to live a much longer and fulfilling life. Even though he lived nearly 2000 miles away from me, he was as close as a next-door neighbor. My friendship with Kolby was brief, but I will always remember this special little boy. I am honored to know that I made a big, positive difference in his young life during the last few months, before he passed on. His parents, his siblings, his uncle and his babysitter have all expressed their appreciation for how I helped Kolby. I humbly, but proudly accept their recognition. Having earned Kolby's trust was a great honor as I was told that for many people, earning this boy's trust was difficult.

I first came to know Kolby when he wrote to me an email on April 13, 2004. He explained to me that his mother was making him write to me because he had been caught using their computer at 2:00 in the morning so that Kolby could fill out the Diaper Discipline Survey (view his entry here). He explained that he was punished for his doing this and the time he was to wear diapers for disciplinary purposes was extended after he was already on diaper punishment for lying (the details of which he never told me, nor did I ever ask about). He asked me if I would be interested in reading his story and posting it to my site. Naturally I told him I would love to see it, so he promptly wrote it and sent it to me. It's the story in the True Accounts called Kolby's Big Mistake.

As Kolby and I continued to write back and forth we got to know each other more and more. We discussed our histories with diapers. He told me about all the previous times he and his brothers had been diaper disciplined, and I told him about my difficult toilet training and how I was sometimes "diapered" with several pairs of underpants because of my frequent bowel accidents. I told Kolby how my sisters' reaction to this problem of mine developed to become an integral part of my diaper fetish. I explained to Kolby and to his mother and one of his sisters, how my experiences with diapers and toilet difficulties led to the diaper fetish that motivated me to create my web site and write so many stories, make drawings, etc. While Kolby's Internet time was supervised by his parents and his time was limited his privacy was respected, and his privileges were extended so he could have the time that he needed for these exchanges. Kolby also submitted a response for the Preteen/Teen Survey, which you can read here. Kolby also participated in many of the Questions of the Week. It felt good to know that I was deemed by Kolby's parents to be worthy of this extended time and attention that Kolby was granted.

At first Kolby told me that he hated to wear diapers, especially in public and in school, and he had a difficult time understanding how someone could possibly enjoy wearing diapers. As time went on, though, Kolby came to accept the diaper discipline he received, and his overall behavior and his attitude towards wearing diapers improved greatly as we continued to email each other on a nearly daily basis. We talked about more than just diapers and we learned a lot about each other's families, our interests and our other experiences. I gave Kolby plenty of opportunities to laugh and to make him a happier boy than he ever was when he had to wear diapers before. Kolby enjoyed reading and replying to my emails and reading my stories. Getting an email from me was like him getting a big present on Christmas morning, according to his mother. He'd jump up and down with so much excitement. He looked forward to the weekly web site updates. I had hoped that Kolby would one day admit to me that he was starting to enjoy wearing diapers, but sadly, whether or not this would ever happen will never be known. At least my goal to help Kolby at least accept his diaper discipline was realized, and for this I feel very good to have positively influenced this sweet child.

While Kolby was often difficult to discipline and his impulsive behavior got him into trouble many times-- including spanking and diaper discipline-- Kolby's parents loved him so very much. They were and still are very kind and caring parents to their surviving children. They always assured Kolby that they loved him, even in the worst of times and Kolby always knew that he was loved. His parents never punished him strictly out of anger or impatience. Kolby, in turn, loved his parents and his family just as much. His impulsive behavior diminished and he became more cooperative and obedient after he became involved with exchanging emails with me and writing stories about his own diaper discipline experiences. Kolby wrote about his past indiscretions and the resulting spanking and diaper discipline. He had pledged to write for me a fictitious diaper story, combining the elements of his own experiences and mine. I hope to one day write this story myself, just as Kolby would have written it.

Kolby leaves behind his legacy in what was to become a multi-part series, called Tales of a Fifth Grade Diapering. As Kolby was a very conscientuous writer and dedicated to documenting his experiences, I know that Kolby would have one day fulfilled his goal to have covered the other incidents that led him to being diaper disciplined, has his life not been cut so tragically short. Kolby was very open and honest and very detailed in his writing. For a twelve-year-old, he wrote very well. His stories included such remarkable details and his stories required virtually no editing or corrections on my part. Kolby had a love for learning new things. He enriched his vocabulary and learned many new words from my emails and my stories, and he was very proud to know these new words and use them. He appreciated that I did not talk down to him like a toddler. His repertoire of new vocabulary came to be known as "Dan words" amongst his family.

Not only did I get to know Kolby as a good, close friend who looked to me as a confidante and a mentor, but I also got to know the other people in his family, namely his mother and his eldest sister. In addition, I have had email exchanges with Kolby's uncle and the family's primary babysitter. I have been made to feel very welcome with these fine people and I have trusted them to know of the various aspects of my diaper fetish and how it developed. Should any of their other children (three boys) who are diaper disciplined from time to time, develop such feelings for diapers I feel good to have educated this family and exposed them to knowing how wearing diapers can affect a younger child's feelings for wanting to wear them when he gets older.

Kolby came from a family of six children. He is survived by three brothers (Kregg, 12; Kolt, 11; and Kourt, 9) and two sisters (Kelsey, 14; and Kami, 7). Kregg is Kolby's twin brother. According to Kolby's mom, Kolby and Kregg were like two peas in a pod. Kolby's youngest sister Kami sympathized with him when he received diaper discipline and she enjoyed doing things with her big brother, even though being in diapers might have made Kolby feel that his role as "big brother" and his younger sister's role as his "little sister", were reversed age-wise. I did not have an opportunity to learn as much about the other two boys, Kolt and Kourt, as they had requested that their experiences with diaper discipline not be discussed or written about in Kolby's stories, and Kolby honored their requests to not talk about them. Kolby's eldest sister, Kelsey, has communicated with me directly and Kolby also discussed her in our emails. She is much like how my own sisters were, namely her attitude and feelings about boys and diapers and the need for her brothers and only her brothers to be disciplined accordingly. Kelsey also participated in the Sister Survey and you can read her entry here. For my own sisters, their feelings about boys and diapers were based on my frequent bowel accidents, however, and not for behavioral control. Still, I must say that I was pleased to see that the diaper discipline being limited to just the boys pleased me in corroborating my own feelings and notions about diapers and boys. It was agreed upon by the parents that only the boys in the family are likely to receive diaper discipline.

I have also gotten to know Abi, the family's primary babysitter. She and I have exchanged a few emails so far and I have helped her to understand my diaper fetish.. As she is a college student majoring in Sociology, I look forward to assisting her with understanding how my diaper fetish affects me socially, should she ever decide to use my experiences and the information I provide for her as a subject of academic study and research. She is just as much a part of their family and she also loved Kolby, who looked to her as a second mother.

I didn't correspond with Kolby's Uncle Matt until it became imminent that Kolby would likely pass on because of his failing heart. I appreciate this wise man's comforting words of advice to help me and my friend and roommate, who also got to know Kolby, to cope with the news of this precious young boy's terrible fate. Kolby's Uncle Matt was always very kind and patient with Kolby and his behavioral problems. Matt used both his personal love for Kolby and his professional training as a psychologist to help comfort Kolby when his fragile emotions got the best of him.

Kolby shall not soon be forgotten. He will continue to live on in my own life and I will think of him often. He enjoyed reading my stories. He learned many things about my own personal experiences when he read my story, What Might Have Been. Though fictional, this story helped Kolby and his family to further understand the basis of my interest in diapers and how some of my real-life experiences led to the formation of these interests. Kolby's favorite story was Forever in Diapers. Kolby's real-life experiences contributed greatly to inspiring me to take this epic story in a different direction than what I had intended when I originally set out to write this lengthy work back in 1999. Kolby's legacy shall live on in the latter passages of this story. How I wish Kolby could be here to see his inspiration come to fruition. I knew this would have made Kolby so very happy. Because of Kolby's love for and inspiration for the remainder of this story, which is still a work in progress, I hereby dedicate "Forever in Diapers" to my dear friend Kolby.

Kolby, may God always look after you. I feel comforted in knowing you are in His care now. Perhaps there was a higher reason for my entry into your life, as only the Lord Himself could foretell. I feel so very honored to have made such a big difference for you and your family. I will miss you, my dear friend. I love you as I love my own nephews. You left way before your time. You did not deserve to suffer during your final few days. I hope you went peacefully. You will always remain close to me and in my heart.

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