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Deeker's Message of the Week

September 8, 2002

When to Tell Her

While I try to keep this part of my web site limited mostly to matters concerning this site or to matters that are of interest to the AB/TB/DL community as a whole, I am going to take some time to address some personal concerns and ask for others to offer their experiences in dealing with what I have described below. Also, I really don't have much else to report this week anyway, so I have to put something here.

After taking a six-year hiatus from dating and swearing on my life that I would never date again with the prospects or remaining eternally unattached, I am very pleased to announce that I have a girlfriend now. I won't go into all the mushy details about what we have done together, but we are doing quite well. We have agreed not to rush into anything, so I won't be making any wedding announcements here anytime soon. For now we are just taking things one day at a time.

The most obvious question to most of you, and hence the purpose for my writing this, is the issue on revealing to her the fact that I have a diaper fetish. Many of the people who correspond with me via email have advised me to wait until the time is right and make sure that we are truly in love with each other before taking the big step in telling her. I agree that this would be best, although I don't want to wait until it's too late and have her discover it on her own and then ask me why I did not trust her enough to tell her about it. I realize there is a balance that has to be attained in terms of the timing for when she is told. One person additionally advised that if I do let her know that I wear diapers and wear them around her, that I limit my activity to wetting only. I don't have a problem with making this sacrifice should the time come for her to know. Others have also told me not to let her see the pictures and drawings that I have of diapered boys as she may not understand my purposes for having them.

Coincidentally, the six years during which I did not date anyone are concurrent with the time during which I have administered this web site. With having a girlfriend in my life now, I am facing some unprecedented challenges in balancing my time between maintaining the site, responding to emails, processing surveys, etc., and spending time with my girlfriend. I don't intend to get anyone concerned about the future of my web site as I am dedicated to maintaining it, but with changes in my personal priorities it is possible that I may have to eventually change the time and/or the frequency of the updates. If any such changes are deemed necessary I will announce them here. My girlfriend and I have an understanding between each other that we each still need time to ourselves to tend to the matters that have been with each of us before we met, so with this understanding it is my hope that once she learns of my desire to wear diapers and becomes aware of this web site that I maintain, that she will understand that I will need time to keep up on it and to keep up with the email that I receive from the friends I have made as a result of having this web site.

One thing that is for certain is that I will not make the mistake that I made in April of 1994 when I was last faced with the possibility of having to reveal to my then-girlfriend that I liked to wear diapers. After we hit it off well and started doing things together more I quickly realized that my desire for wearing diapers would interfere with the viability of the relationship. At that time I decided to call it quits on the diaper fetish and go cold turkey. I had written several stories (which were not as refined and at the time were not written for anyone else to read but myself) plus I had a collection of clippings from diaper ads, videotaped excerpts of diapered boys from TV (e.g. "America's Funniest Home Videos") plus some drawings. Since I knew there was a good chance I would have a relapse I decided to burn my bridge, almost literally. I took all my printed materials and burned them. I erased the videotape I had of the diapered boys and I deleted all the files related to diapers from my computer, including several files that were on floppy disks (this was 1994, remember). I tried as hard as I could not to think about diapers anymore. Since I was still living with my parents then (I moved out in October of that same year) I did not have any real diapers of my own (I was still wearing a bunch of underpants together as I had been doing since I was a boy), which meant that I had no diapers to get rid of.

While I tried to convince myself that I was emerging as a "new man" in the interests of pursuing the relationship that I had going, I knew that I was kidding myself and it just did not feel natural trying to resist these thoughts and urges. I knew that I was still a diaper boy, no matter what, and I began to regret having destroyed what I had collected and created up to that point. At about that same time the bottom suddenly fell out of the relationship with no immediate explanation. She eventually told me that her eye doctor told her that she was slowly going blind, and with this news that she could not be at ease to remain involved in a relationship. Apparently this didn't seem to bother the boyfriend she went back to, which I learned was the real reason she broke it off with me. Needless to say I was quite disgusted (cue up Sam Kinison's version of "Wild Thing"). I was additionally disgusted in that my efforts to quit my diaper fetish were in vain and that I had lost so much of what was important to me.

In the following months I managed to recover several of the deleted files and I ran across a few materials that managed to miss the burn pile. In August of that year I popped in one of the many AOL floppy disks (yes, floppy disks) that I had collected and decided to give AOL a try and see if I could find some information on diaper fetishes. Much to my pleasure I found the newsgroup alt.sex.fetish.diapers, which at the time was the primary Internet resource for stories, other information on diapers, meeting people, etc., but has since degenerated to a spam-infested wasteland and has been supplanted by all the web sites on diapers, including, of course, this one. Since then I have known that I am not the only one who likes to wear diapers. Prior to this my mind was in a different mode, which made me think that there was a more compelling reason to rid myself of this behavior, thinking that nobody else was like me in this aspect.

Since then I have acquired far, far more than I ever had in 1994. I now have hundreds of stories collected and over a dozen stories to my credit, lots of photos and drawings, a web site dedicated to this interest and lots of friends who have come about from it. There is far too much at stake for me to make the mistake that I made in 1994, so you can be assured that this will never again happen. The diapers are here to stay and I came to this conclusion about myself a long time ago, so if my girfriend turns out to be with me for life, she will hopefully accept this part about me.

You might be wondering if I faced this problem again in 1996 when I had last dated before now. At the time the girl I was seeing wasn't really a girlfriend. We spent time together and went out to dinner and went to movies, etc., but we never got beyond the stage of being friends, so it was only a platonic relationship and revealing my diaper fetish to her never became an issue. Her religious affiliations stood in the way of our becoming a boyfriend/girlfriend couple and I was not willing to adhere to her church's beliefs. We parted ways peacefully and amicably and on the mutual agreement that we were not meant to be a couple, so there were no hard feelings. Still, this, combined with my experience from 1994, and from a very stressful and miserable relationship that spanned 1989 and 1990, I was put off from dating indefinitely. A friend of mine thought I might be interested in meeting someone he knew, and it took a lot of talking for him to pursuade me to come out of my shell and at least meet her, which I agreed to do. I must say that I am glad that I did. If any new developments, good or bad, come about upon telling her about the diaper-boy side of me, I will announce them here.

If you have any stories to share about telling a significant other (doesn't matter if you are straight or gay) about wearing diapers, I invite you to share your experiences here. If anyone would like to submit his comments for me to post (unless you indicate for me not to post them) please feel welcome to contact me. If I post your comments I will not post your name or email address unless you indicate to me that I may.

Top Ten Story Downloads for Week of 08/25/02 to 08/31/02

1Regression of Charlie Contributed Stories1662
2Alex #3 True Accounts1126
3Luke True Accounts1008
4The Kelly's Come to America Contributed Stories294
5Sam in DiapersArchived Stories274
6Mr. Lenny's Delight Contributed Stories242
7Baby Teenager (no link, story removed at author's request)Contributed Stories172
8Baby Role PlayContributed Stories169
9Huggies for JustinContributed Stories163
10Steve's Diaper DisciplineContributed Stories162

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