Deeker's Message of the Week

February 13, 2005

Valentine Vitriol

Last year I wrote in the MOTW a big rant against Valentine's Day. I have no reason to change my feelings about the day this year, either. I hate the day with as much passion and fervor as there is. Rather than repeat my rant, I'll share a specific story on why I hate this day so much!

Of all the failed relationships I have had-- which have been few and far between-- the worst by far was the hell I endured with the most wicked cunt in the world, whose name was April. I did not have a very happy relationship with her at all. It all started in February of 1989 when I was working at Burger King. April had started working there and she began flirting with me. Since I was desperate for a girlfriend I took the bait, so to speak. I was also proud of myself for not having to rely on friends or other people to arrange our meeting as I had done before. She gave me her phone number and I called her. We got to talking and we started dating. At first things went really well, but soon things turned to shit and then only got worse and worse. Being the nice guy that I am, she recognized my generosity and my desire to be kind and helpful to others, and she took advantage of it and then some. In fact, she exploited me for everything I had to offer. She began asking for things that I couldn't afford, and soon these requests became demands. If I told her I couldn't buy it or if I didn't want to buy it she'd get pissed at me. This horrid bitch criticized me and made me feel guilty about it, so I'd give in just to try meeting her increasingly insatiable demands. As time went on she started making petty criticisms about all the things I did, many of them trivial, and her temper (and mine) got worse and worse. We no longer interacted with each other as a loving boyfriend/girlfriend couple, but I tried to deny myself out of thinking this and I lived in a fantasy world where I thought we were still lovers. Pretty soon I realized that this relationship was going nowhere except to hell, but yet I felt like I belonged to April and that I deserved how she treated me. I felt like I could turn it around if could just please her for once, which was absolutely impossible, as it turned out. Why this behavioral pattern developed, I don't know, as it would take a professional psychologist to understand. I should have been more assertive, but assertiveness has always been one of my weaknesses, so I have let people walk all over me.

Still, I kept hoping that if I was kind enough and generous enough to the leech, she'd go back to being the April I first knew. Things only got shittier and shitter still, as April took advantage of me for money until I was broke. As if this wasn't enough, she then wanted me to take out loans for Crissakes! (I had to draw the line here). When I was denied anyway for having no credit record she got pissy and whiny, as if it were my fault. She had no car, so she expected me to drive her to every place she wanted to go (including her skank-ass butt-ugly cousin's house, over 20 miles away). She expected me to wait for them to have their visit, usually about an hour. A lot of the things she expected of me were unreasonable, ridiculous demands. I know I should have bailed out of this relationship sooner than I did. I let this painful misery continue until July of 1990. It all ended the night I was helping her move into an apartment across town late at night. She criticized me one time too many that night and I finally told her to go fuck herself and then left her for good.

I don't want to go into details on how her rotten treatment of me affected me and made my life a sheer living hell, but she was literally driving me mad and making me become suidical, even causing me to make a few attempts to end my life. We got into arguments every day over petty little things, a lot of stupid shit that shouldn't have even mattered. I have left out a lot of the sordid details that I am not proud of having to recall. Just so you all know, I didn't murder her or threaten to kill her, as much as I felt she deserved it, but she nearly made a basket case out of me before it was all over with. Never before have I ever hated anyone so fiercely. It took at least a year of therapy to help me to overcome all the mental anguish she caused me.

And in case you are wondering, no, she never knew a thing about my diaper fetish. I have to admit that my diaper fetish was a good escape for me when April and I had especially bad days, which were more often than not.

My other failed relationships (1988, 1994, 2002) were never nearly this bad, but they still caused me a lot of emotional strain, and it's the reason I refuse to jump back into the dating pool. I refuse to be taken advantage of again. I refuse to be betrayed! I refuse to have my heart broken again! I refuse to have my life's hopes and dreams dashed once again! I refuse to have my pessimistic thinking tendencies justified once more! Fuck relationships, fuck dating, and FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY AND EVERYTHING IT STANDS FOR! I hope lots of couples break up on this day, I really do! You know those eHarmony commercials where they talk about people getting married? I'd like to see a followup five years from now to see how many of those fucking couples end up getting divorced! God, I love it when Valentine's Day puts so much pressure on a couple that when one of them screws up they split up! I'd laugh right in their faces, too! I'd be one unsympathetic little bastard, that's for sure! The day is a bunch of bullshit anyway! If you love your partner, why should a special day be set aside to recognize it? It's just another day that gives the greeting card companies a hard-on along with stiffening the cocks of florists and candy makers.

In the spirit of Valentine's Day as I see it, I invite you all to check out this week's Question of the Week.

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Stay happy, and if you're one of those poor, hapless souls who is compelled to buy into this wretched, god-awful day, my sympathies go out to you. And if you're one of many people in this world who feel so disenfranchised by Valentine's Day, do what I do and wear black, except for your diapers; they can stay white.

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