Name: Tony
Email: [email protected]
Ages: 5, 6, 7, 9, 16, 17

A story that must be told.

This is my true story, the stuff in the story really 
happened. I write this story how I remember it, if I can't 
remember it I'm not going to make it up, sorry. First, let 
me tell you about my family, I have four brothers and one 
sister. I am the oldest of the bunch. I was born in 1977; 
for those of you counting, I'm now 24. When my mom found 
out she was going to have my sister, she decided it was 
time to potty train me, as she didn't want to have two kids 
in diapers. I was potty trained at a very young age, but I 
often had accidents in my pants. So, my mom forced me to 
wear diapers a few times as punishment, this is were I 
think my love for diapers started.

The first time I can remember I was playing outside with 
some friends. We were sitting in the sand and pushing it 
into our crotches and making sand diapers. Somewhere along 
the line I peed into my pants. After my friends left I when 
into the house. My mom saw the wet mark on my pants. I told 
her I was just playing in some wet sand. She dragged me 
into my room and pulled off my pants. She smelled my 
underwear. "This is pee!" she yelled at me. I was turned 
over and given a good spanking. My mom then left the room 
with my pants and underwear. The next thing I remember was 
her putting a diaper on me. I was crying and telling her I 
could be a big boy. After that I remember sitting on my bed 
in a diaper and my shirt. My mom was vacuuming the hall 
outside my room. I was still crying and every time I saw 
her I would scream at her. She came in and slapped my mouth 
and told me to stop it and take a nap. She then left the 
room closing the door behind her. The next thing I remember 
was waking up and walking into the living room after my nap 
with my blanket. My mom was sitting on the couch so I sat 
down by her and started to watch Battle Star Galactica. I 
don't remember getting out of the diaper, but I do remember 
that night as I sat on the stairs playing with my AT-AT 
(Imperial Walker for those of you who don't know what an 
AT-AT is) My dad just walked in from work and asked my mom 
how her day was. She made me tell my dad about the pants-
wetting and diapers. I don't remember his reaction. I think 
I was 3 or 4. (If you really want to know how old I was the 
first Star Wars movie came out the year I was born, 1977, 
and the AT-AT is in the second movie, so it would have just 
came out.)

The next time I remember being punished in diapers was when 
I was around age 6 or so (once again if you really have to 
know in the car I was playing with a Land speeder from Star 
Wars 3 so it would have just came out, you do the math) 
Anyway, we were at K-mart shopping. While my mom was 
checking out I asked to go to the bathroom, she said, "yes, 
but hurry." In the front of the store was a huge safe (why 
it was there I don't know) Being the curious kid I was, I 
decided to try to open it. I spend a few minutes there 
playing with the dial. The next thing I remember was my mom 
dragging me by the hand, We had just gotten to the store 
exit when I looked down to see a puddle forming at my feet. 
I remember a checkout girl coming over with a roll of 
towels in her hand. She told my mom not to worry, it 
happened often. The next thing I remember I was standing 
outside the back of the car. It was a new station wagon, 
but in the back was a fold up vinyl seat. I remember being 
told to get in and stay put. My mom then started back in to 
the store. I sat there crying for a bit then stopped and 
started to play with my speeder. My mom came back with 
another bag and we went home. (I found out later the bag 
had diapers in my size in it) Next, I remember being held 
down by someone (I think it was an uncle) while my mom put 
a diaper on me. I can't remember much after that. I know I 
had a few friends come to my window to talk to me. I was in 
a diaper and T-shirt at the time. I remember having to 
explain to them why I was wearing what I was and why I 
couldn't come out and play. Once again I can't remember how 
long I was in diapers or how I got out.

The next time came when I was about 7 or so. (the NES had 
just come out if you want to do the math) We were at my 
grandparents' house. The kids across the street had a 
lemonade stand. We were talking to them and found out the 
reason for the stand was they had just gotten a Nintendo 
(NES). We all wanted to play it, so we made a deal if we 
help them we could play. Well we finally finished with the 
stand and it came time to play the NES. You know the rule. 
you play 'til your game is over. We were playing Super 
Mario Brothers and that means it was going to be a long 
time until I got my turn. All my brothers and sister left 
because it was taking too long, I didn't. After about an 
hour I started to feel the need to poop. I told the kid I 
needed to go to the bathroom but he told me if I left I 
lost my turn in line. It finally got to my turn. I had just 
started and I was trying REALLY hard to hold back the poop. 
Finally, I just couldn't do it anymore. I dropped the 
control and ran out of the house as fast as I could. About 
halfway across the street the poo came out in my pants. I 
decided to hide by a camper and a wall at my grandparents' 
house. I knew I would get it if I walked in with poopy 
pants on so I decided to sneak into the house. I came up 
with this great plan. My grandparents' garage had been 
turned into a storage room. I decided to go into the 
storage room by the means of a side door. I would take off 
my underwear, use some paper towels out there to get 
cleaned up, then trash the underwear, and go get some new 
ones from inside. I went to the side door and opened it. 
Wouldn't you know, my dad and grandpa were looking for my 
dad's old BB gun. So I quickly shut the door and when back 
to the hiding spot. I decided to wait there for them to 
leave. About an hour later they were still there. That is 
when my mom started to call me to eat dinner. I decided to 
just go into the house and walk quickly in to the bathroom. 
There, I would take off the underwear and throw them out 
the window, that way I could just go out get them and trash 
them. I waited for my mom to stop calling me from the door, 
then I quickly opened the door and started to run to the 
bathroom. As I got to the hall my mom saw me from the 
kitchen and started to ask what type of sandwich I wanted, 
I yelled "ham" as I entered the bathroom. I stood in the 
bathroom for about 10 minutes before taking off my 
underwear. I decided to try to clean them up a bit before 
throwing them out the window. I guess my mom thought that I 
turned on the faucet because I was done. She opened the 
door to see me and my poopy pants. I don't remember much 
after that. I know I was given a bath. My mom got me out 
and took me to the room. There on the bed was a diaper and 
a shirt, (I'm guessing the diaper was one of my brothers as 
he was a bedwetter and wore them to bed.) I was put into a 
diaper and shirt then told to go eat. I remember walking 
into the dining room where my grandma was. She made the 
comment, "I didn't know Tony was still in diapers." I ate 
my lunch and was told to go watch TV, my grandpa said the 
same thing when I walked into the living room. This is the 
last time I was punished in diapers. Looking back, I wish I 
would have told my mom I didn't want my big boy pants back.

Off and on I would find a diaper or make one to wear. There 
are a few times I can remember having a real one, plus I 
got caught a few times, too. Like the time I was 10, I was 
using a blanket as a makeshift cloth diaper when my mom 
walked in. She was mad and told me if I really wanted to be 
in diapers she could arrange it. I said "no." I wish now I 
would have said yes. Another time when I was 12 I was using 
a towel as a makeshift diaper when my mom knocked on my 
door. I just dropped the towel to the floor when she open 
the door. She thought I had been playing with myself, so 
she grounded me, and she spent the rest of the night 
crying. My next big diaper experience happened when I was 
14. My mom was cleaning my uncle's house and found an old 
bag of diapers he had used when he got hurt. I put one in 
the bottom of my bag and took it home. Let me tell you, 
never has a diaper been used so much, I put tape on it so 
that the diaper tapes would not rip the plastic. I wore it 
to bed for about a month till it finally got too messed up 
to bad to put on. I wet and messed it one night then threw 
it away. When I was 15 I had another chance to get some 
more from my uncle so I did. There were only two left, so I 
took them both. I spend the next few months diapered every 
night. That was it I thought, "man there must be something 
wrong with me," so I tried to give it up.

Then one morning when I was 17 my wildest dream came true. 
I woke up to a weird feeling I was cold and WET!!!! I 
couldn't believe it, was it possible, could I be turning 
into a bedwetter? I thought "no way." I'm sure everyone 
wets the bed ever now and then. At the same time I hoped it 
was true, I was becoming a bedwetter and I would need 
diapers to keep my bed dry. (I say that because three of my 
brothers wet the bed and mom's solution to wet beds was 
diapers) I went a whole month dry. I had just about 
forgotten the bedwetting when again I woke up wet. To make 
a long story short within a 6 month period, I became a 
bedwetter. I went from wetting the bed once a month, to 3 
to 5 times a week. I was afraid to tell my mom. Now looking 
back, I wish I had as it might have been fixable. I started 
to buy and wear diapers to bed at 18, I would wait until my 
family was sleeping then I would put one on. I would get up 
really early and take it off before any one woke up. One 
day I woke after a nap, I had been feeling a bit sick so I 
took one. I woke to find I was wet, I forgot to diaper 
myself, plus I had diarrhea, so I had also messed my pants 
a bit. I thought this is it, my chance to tell my parents. 
I called my mom into my room but chickened out at the last 
minute. Instead I told her I was sick, and must have been 
deeply asleep. As I showered I thought, "man what an idiot. 
I just lost the perfect opportunity to tell her about the 
wetting."  I decided to drink a lot of water before going 
back to bed. I knew then I would wake up wet. It worked. I 
woke up about an hour later to a soaked bed. I once again 
called my mom, and once again I chickened out at the last 
minute. My mom started to change my bedding and I when to 
the bathroom to change PJs. Once again I had blown a 
perfect opportunity. So I thought "one more time," so once 
again I got tanked up on water then when to bed. This time 
I wasn't so lucky. I woke up but not wet, I needed to go 
REALLY bad so I thought, "here goes nothing." I let go and 
wet on purpose, then I called my mom. I was just about to 
tell her when she said, "this is the third time tonight, 
I'll change your sheets again, but next time it is your 
problem and you need to deal with it."

There, now you have it, now the ball was in my court, and I 
wasn't sure what to do. About this time we got hooked up to 
the net, one night I ran a search on bedwetting. I got a 
lot of good info. on it. Then I decided to run one on 
diapers. That night I found out what an AB was, and a DL, 
and a TB. I was no longer alone. I spend all night on the 
net, I finally when to bed at 4 in the morning. My dad 
wondered what was so interesting that I would be up that 
late, so he looked at the history and the memory. BUSTED! I 
got the lecturer of a lifetime, and was grounded from the 
net. Later that night it dawned on me, I was in big 
trouble. I couldn't tell my parents I was a real bedwetter 
now, because they would think I was doing it on purpose 
just to wear diapers. I decided to just keep my bedwetting 
a secret for the time being. Time passed and soon it was 
time for me to go on my preaching quest. I'm a very 
religious person. My beliefs give me the chance to go out 
for a few years and talk about God. I wanted to go but I 
still had not told my parents about my bedwetting, and that 
I liked diapers and I thought I was an AB. I decided it was 
time to tell them so I spent about a week practicing what I 
was going to say. When the time came I left out the diapers 
part and AB part. I just told them I was a bedwetter. It 
turns out they already thought I might be, but didn't know 
how to approach me. The last three weeks I was home were 
the coolest. For the first time I didn't have to wait until 
everyone was in bed to put on a diaper. I didn't have to 
lock the door. I didn't have to get up early and take it 
off, but best of all if I wanted I could just lie around my 
room in my favorite outfit. (a diaper, socks and T-shirt) 
My mom and dad still didn't know about my AB half, but that 
was okay. I now had a reason to wear diapers.

Soon I left on my preaching quest. I was out about 6 months 
when my nightmare started. I noticed that I had gone 
several days and not wet the bed. So I started to keep 
track of my wet and dry nights. I when one and a half 
months dry, NO I thought my reason to wear diapers was 
slowly being pulled away from me. It was at this point in 
my life a I made the MEGA mistake of my life. There was a 
handicapped man in the congregation who use a catheter to 
urinate. I thought if I use one at night it would help me 
wet the bed. Then I thought, no, that would take too long. 
One night my stress and frustration exploded. I had to have 
a reason to wear a diaper or I knew I would be asked to 
stop, and I didn't want that to happen. If you don't like 
graphic stuff skip to the next line down.

 Here is were I make the MEGA MISTAKE. In a storage closet 
at my house we had a fish tank stored. The hoses on the 
pump were about the size of a catheter, so I took one and 
cut some sharp teeth in to the end. Then I took the tube 
and put it into my penis all the way to the bladder. (By 
the way I have never felt more pain in my life) Once I got 
it to my bladder I twisted it around, well about 2 minutes 
of that and I start to bleed out of my penis. I panicked 
and thought, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!!!" I pulled out the 
tube and with it came a small mound of flesh.

Now you are most likely thinking "what an idiot", but it 
was my dream to wear diapers and without a reason I know 
there would be no way I could. So ask yourself, if you had 
your dream be it money, or looks, or whatever would you not 
fight to keep it. I did just that, now for about the next 
week it hurt like hell to pee, and I peed mainly blood. By 
week two I was getting better and by the third week I was 
fine for the most part. My little stunt did it. I was now 
wetting the bed more then I ever had. Well, on the third 
week I woke up in pain. I thought I had just pulled a 
muscle in my back. I got up and showered, hoping it would 
help. By the end of the shower I was on the floor crawling 
back to my bed. Once again, to make a long story short, I 
was rushed to the ER. There they found I had a bad bladder 
infection that had spread to my kidneys. They told me that 
there was a lot of scars and that the nerves in my bladder 
were badly damaged from the infection. (I didn't tell them 
about what I did) They told me I would be a bedwetter for 
the rest of my life, and that I might lose daytime control 
as well. I got better, but I still felt really bad about 
what I had done, so one day I told the priest in the church 
what I had done. He said to me that we all do stuff to hurt 
our bodies. Some people smoke, some drink, some do drugs, 
and some just overeat. He told me as long as I had learned 
from it I would be fine, and that we all make mistakes. He 
then told me about a doctor in the area he trusted, and 
told me to call him. I went to see him, the best we (me and 
him) can guess is I cut the muscle to the nerves, and the 
tube (not being clean) let the bacteria eat at the nerves 
first. He told me there was not much I could do and that I 
would be in diapers full time within a few years. He was 
right. I slowly lost all control and am now in diapers 
24/7. One night as I lay in bed it dawned on me, the 
diapers were only part of a bigger picture. I am an AB and 
even though diapers play a big part of it they are not the 
only part.

Today I find I'm in deeper then ever, I have to wear diaper 
24/7. My parents, friend and doctors still don't know about 
the whole tube thing or AB. At this point in my life 
diapers have become a prison for me. I know a bunch of AB 
who wish for this, DON'T. I never wanted to be in them full 
time, part time at night yes, but not full time. It sucks. 
See, you have to change in public bathrooms, or travel with 
more diapers then clothes. The sad thing is to this day all 
I ever wanted was for my parents to understand I like to 
wear diapers, and to be babied ever now and then.

I just wanted to be loved for who I am and not what I like. 
Diapers and my love of them have kept me out of trouble. 
You would think if a kid told his parents he loves diapers, 
the parents would be happy. It is better then a kid telling 
their parents, "hey, I like drugs, drinking, partying, 
sleeping around, shooting, stabbing, killing, joining a 
gang, gambling." Sadly more parents just get pissed if a 
kid just wants to be diapered and babied. Now I don't want 
to blame my parents, they are great, most of the time. I 
just wish they had understood.

Back to me. Here I am, even more unhappy. All I wish is to 
find someone to love me. It is hard to find that right 
person, and even harder when you are in Huggies. I think by 
writing what I wish to say, I wish my parents would have 
just understood, and that I hope there is still someone out 
there that this might help. I also hope there is someone 
out there for me, who can understand a need so deep one 
almost killed ones self to keep it.