Name: Daniel
Email: [email protected]
The Survivors

	I wanted to share a real story with you that has only just 
happened a couple weeks ago. I have been having problems with 
pains in the right side of my head. I hate going to the hospital 
so when I do go you can be sure I am either very, very sick or in 
a great deal of pain.
	On a Friday afternoon after work, I could not take the pain 
any longer so I asked my father to drive me to the emergency room. 
After several hours and a great deal of poking and prodding, I was 
admitted into the hospital for observation and to have some test 
done. After a day of lying in that bed, I could not take it any 
more and I just had to get up and move around. I got permission 
from a nurse to walk down the hall for a while to stretch my legs. 
When I got to the end of the hall I started to feel somewhat weird 
and the next thing I remember was some kid that looked about 16 or 
17 standing over me asking me if I was ok. Then a swarm of doctors 
and nurses came from everywhere and then I went out again. I guess 
I gave everyone a good scare, especially my family.
	Later that day I learned that what I had done was I had 
fallen into one of the rooms at the end of the hall and hit my 
head. This kid I seen over me had called for help. I had a nice 
sized knot on the back of my head and I broke two fingers on my 
right hand. Do you have any idea how hard it is to type with two 
broken fingers?
	After a couple of days later I was allowed to leave my room 
again but only in a wheel chair. I made my way back down the hall. 
I had a secret reason for wanting to go back down the hall. You 
see when I first came too after I fell into that kids room, I 
thought I saw that the kid was only wearing a hospital gown and 
one of those nasty green hospital diapers. Being a closeted AB 
myself, I had to know if I saw what I think I saw. I was not 
exactly sure which door it was but I was hoping I would see the 
kids face again. As luck would have it, I found the room. As I was 
wheeling myself slowly past each door, I eventually saw him just 
inside the door. I made my way into the room, he looked over at me 
and recognized me right off and smiled. When I was all the way in 
the room, I realized it was not a semi-private room like the one I 
had at the other end of the hallway. There were eight beds and 
each of them were filled with kids that looked to be from about 
fourteen to maybe eighteen.
	I introduced myself and found out the young man that had come 
to my rescue was named Jason. I was able to thank him for helping 
me and ended up talking with him and the others in the room for a 
while. He introduced me to the rest of the boys. I learned that 
their ages were from just about to turn fourteen to only just 
turning seventeen. Jason was sixteen and was in the hospital 
because he rolled his fathers mini-van.
	They each shared their reasons for being in the hospital. 
Their reasons varied from car accidents to falling out a second 
story window. Jason was the only one of them that was able to get 
out of his bed; the others had injuries that kept them bed bound. 
I did not know it then but Jason was a lot worse off then he 
looked or acted.
	I never brought up the subject of their diapers but I did 
make it a point to notice that every one of them were in diapers. 
However, never at any point did any of them comment on why they 
all were in diapers. This was the first time in my life ever being 
around anyone that I knew wore diapers aside from babies and 
toddlers. To be completely honest, being with those eight boys was 
the first time in my life I ever felt like I belonged. I never 
shared with them my secret diaper desires but still I felt a bond 
between the nine of us.
	After a while, a nurse popped in and said she was wondering 
where I had gone too. I had to leave the boys but I was able to go 
back the next day just before I had my surgery. The doctors had 
found out I had a growth just under my inner ear and that is what 
was causing all my pain. If I had know then that it would be the 
last time I would see some of those boys I would have tried to of 
made plans to keep in touch later or something like that.
	When I went back to see the boys they were all happy to see 
me. We talked, told jokes, and laughed a lot. In my mind, I kept 
thinking about how all eight of these boys setting on these beds 
were only wearing green diapers and hospital gowns while we talked 
and laughed. I told them I was having surgery later that afternoon 
and why, they were all genuinely concerned for me and wished me a 
speedy recovery.
	I was not able to stay as long as I would have liked too. 
That same nurse came in and took me back to my room to be prepped 
for surgery.
	I am happy to say that the next day I awoke to learn that my 
surgery was a success and that they were able to remove the 
growth. I only learned yesterday that it was not cancerous. Two 
days after my surgery I was released from the hospital, but I was 
not very strong so I was not able to go back to see my new young 
friends.
	When my father took me back to the hospital for my first 
follow up visit, I insisted on going up to see if any of the boys 
were still there.
	I did find two of them still in the room. There were other 
kids in the other beds now but I never really connected with them 
as I did the others. The two boys still there were the younger two 
of the group, but sadly, they told me that Jason had passed away 
the day before from complications. My visit with the two of them 
was brief and quite somber. It was all I could do to keep from 
breaking down in front of them. When I returned home I wept for 
several hours. Just writing this now I have a lump in my throat.
	I have been back to the hospital twice since then and both 
times, I made it a point to stop in to say hello. The last visit 
was yesterday and they both were due to be discharged this 
morning.
	I have been thinking about it and when I am allowed to drive 
again, I am going to try to find Jason's grave so I can stop over 
and visit with him from time to time.
	If any of the seven of you ever read this, I hope you will 
try to track me down. I am in the phone book and I would love to 
talk and joke around with you again.

Part 2

	I had to go back to the hospital the first of the week for 
another follow-up visit. I was not in a very good mood as it was 
raining out (it's been raining for two weeks solid now) and I got 
soaked just trying to make my way to the car. I still cannot move 
too fast, else I get dizzy and end up on the floor. That has only 
happened a couple times since I came back home and luckily I have 
not hurt anything other then my pride. At any rate when my mom 
dropped me off at the hospital entrance, so I would not have to 
walk as far, I ran into an old girlfriend from way back. She was 
just coming out as I was going in. I was not to keen on running 
into her. She broke my heart when she left me and seeing her again 
just made what was building up to be a bad day into a down right 
pathetic day. Now, I was polite and civil to her but it was not 
easy. We only spoke for a few minutes before my mom walked up and 
opened the door for me.
	I had no idea that my mother, the lady that gave birth to me 
and raised me from a pup, could be so cold and hold a grudge 
against someone for so many years. As I walked through the door I 
heard my mom call my old girlfriend something I cannot and will 
not repeat. I was utterly shocked and at the same time, a bit 
pleased that she was still defending me even though I am her, not 
so little boy, now.
	I still do not know why, but today there was quite a bit of a 
wait to get into see the doctor. My mom hates hospitals so she 
decided to go look for some coffee. The waiting room was pretty 
well packed and all that was on the television was Jerry Springer. 
I shuffled through a magazine for a while and eventually my name 
was called. I followed the nurse's aid down the hall, passing 
several rooms on the way. When we were about half way down the 
hall, I heard someone call my name. I turned around slowly and was 
surprised to see one of the boys I had met during my stay in the 
hospital. His name is Brian and he is fifteen. He was one of the 
boys that got out of the hospital shortly after I had.
	I honestly was not expecting to ever see him or any of the 
guys again. The aid was very kind and allowed us to talk for a 
couple minutes. Poor guy has to have surgery again. They are going 
to put rods in his arm and leg to keep the bones in place while 
they heal. Although he was smiling ear to ear when I turned 
around, I could tell he was not doing too well. He just did not 
look too good and it showed in his eyes. He has not been assigned 
a room yet but I promised him I would come visit him.
	I even had the privilege to meet his parents there in the 
hallway, too. His dad is a big man with a long reddish beard and a 
big happy belly. He is also very loud and my first impression of 
him is that he is a very kind man and would be a lot of fun at a 
party. His mother, bless her heart, started to cry when I told 
them about Jason passing, they had not heard. I could also tell 
that Brian was fighting back the tears, I was too, for that 
matter. It made me feel so good when she told me that the boys 
talked about me and were inquiring about me after my surgery. I 
would have liked to have been able to visit with Brian and his 
parents for a while but doctors were waiting for us both.
	When I woke up Wednesday, I was feeling a lot better. It was 
really the first day that I have felt like my old self again. I 
felt good enough that around 11:00 a.m. I wanted to go visit 
Brian. I called and found out what room they had him in and then I 
called my older sister and asked if she would mind driving me over 
to the hospital. Mom and dad were out Christmas shopping. 
Hopefully buying lots of presents for me! Haha!
	My sister was only too happy to take me. I think she needed 
an excuse to get out of the house. She dropped me off at the 
hospital and went shopping. It did not take me long at all to find 
Brian's room. When I went in, he was asleep with his little 
hospital TV still on. Although I was feeling pretty good I didn't 
think I was up to walking around the hospital until he woke up so 
I decided to just sent in the guest chair near the foot of the bed 
and wait for him to wake up.
	I did not have to wait very long. After about ten minute or 
so, he opened his eyes and saw me right away. He smiled so big but 
I could tell he was hurting. His covers were pulled all the way up 
to his shoulders so there was no way I could see what kind of 
shape he was in but his eyes told me enough to know he had already 
had his surgery.
	When he tried to talk, he sounded somewhat doped up but we 
still managed to strike up a conversation. I had only just missed 
his parents. They had come in to feed him his lunch and then went 
back home to get some rest. He asked how I was doing and we talked 
about the other guys a little. Somehow, we steered clear of 
talking about Jason. Maybe it was just too hard for the both of 
us.
	After we talked for a while he asked if I wanted to see what 
the doctors had done. At that moment, I did want to see but after 
the fact, I wished I had declined his offer. Brian pulled back his 
covers and then lifted a big gauze pad off his upper leg with his 
one good arm. There is no other way to describe it then, just 
plain gross. I will save you the pain of having to read just how 
bad it looked. I remember how I was at his age. That sort of mess 
was cool to me but now it just made me want to vomit. Just that 
little bit of a show zapped Brian's strength so I readjusted his 
bandage and then pulled his covers back over him. I could not help 
but get a perfect view to see he was wearing nothing but one of 
those green hospital diapers. Maybe it was unfair of me to bring 
up the subject but I did it anyway.
	"I see they have you in another diaper again." I fully 
expected him to react badly but he just turned his head to me and 
said that he was not able to get out of bed at all. I wanted to 
ask him more questions about it but I could tell his was fading 
out again so I told him that I was going to go so he could get 
some rest.
	I went back again of Friday to see him and he was doing 
remarkably better. He was setting up in his bed reading. His color 
was just much better and he was looking like he was about ready to 
check out again. I do not know what kept drawing me back. Maybe it 
was the diapers; maybe it was because for brief few days I felt 
like I belonged when all of us were together. What ever the reason 
I really enjoy visiting and talking with Brian and he always 
seemed to perk up when I came into the room.
	His mom was there today. Brian was strong enough to feed 
himself now but I think the mom in her had to be there just in 
case. His dad had gone back to work, which I learned was that he 
was the maintenance man for one of the bigger metropolitan 
churches here. Brian was doing so good that he was getting to go 
home on Saturday (that was yesterday). After I had been there 
about fifteen minutes Brian's mom, Gloria, decided she wanted to 
go home and get things ready for him. Gloria is such a sweet lady. 
She gave Brian a gentle hug, kissed him, and then gave me a hug, 
too.
	As she was putting on her coat, the weather is changing here 
and they are saying we should have snow any day now, she asked me 
to come over for Christmas dinner. Since my family got together 
this past Wednesday evening, I took up her offer.
	Now that Brian was feeling so good, we were able to talk 
more. Now I thought I talked a lot but compared to Brain I am a 
mute. I found out that he has the numbers for four of the guys but 
he has not talked with any of them yet. That is understandable 
seeing how he as had a rough few weeks. Oh and get this, he is 
into playing the guitar. A couple months back, I bought a nice one 
but I do not know how to play a single note. He promised that he 
would teach me as soon as he had the use of his other arm again. 
He is actually a very amazing guy. He likes vegetables but not 
beans or carrots, he enjoys music but only if it is loud and he 
does not have a girlfriend, he has three (I would be happy just to 
find one).
	While he was jabbering on, I just sat there and listen. You 
know it is almost as if no one has ever just listened to him 
before. I think that is sad. I see that all too often with kids 
from my church. You can just see it in their faces that they are 
dieing to have someone to talk to. I was enjoying it, too. I am a 
computer data tech. All I do all day is stair at a computer and 
occasionally someone from a neighboring cube will chat with me but 
it is always just surface stuff like what their kid did last night 
or their car broke down. Do not get me wrong, I really like my job 
and the people I work for but it is not the same as having friends 
that you can really talk too and friends that will share personal 
things about themselves.
	After a while, Brian started to look uncomfortable. I asked 
if he was in pain and he said no but it was obvious, something was 
bothering him. He finally confessed that he needed to pee. I 
wanted so badly to laugh but I did not want to risk hurting his 
feelings so I held it in. I asked him if he needed me to get a 
nurse but he said he did not need a nurse cause he could not get 
out of bed.
	Duh! That was stupid of me.
	I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something 
like, "Oh yea, do you need me to leave the room for a minute so 
you can, well, you know."
	I wanted so badly to stay but I did not feel right so I took 
this as a sign I should be going. Before going I wrote my number 
and address on a ten dollar bill cause that is the only paper I 
had and gave it to him and he gave me his too which I had to write 
on a twenty. I shook his good hand and told him I would call him 
after the first of the week so see how he was doing.
	On my way out, I stopped at the nurse's station and informed 
the nurse that Brian was going to need a fresh diaper is just a 
few minutes. She thanked me and I left.
	Today is Sunday and Brian should be home now. I am planning 
to call Brain tomorrow to see how he is. All yesterday, I was 
thinking about Brian and the other boys. I think I am going to see 
about getting in touch with them and maybe in a month or two 
having all them and their families over for a party or something. 
I will just have to wait and see what might happen.