Petey's Regressive Interview A recollection of my years in diapers while at an interview... my conscious versus my unconscious... this is mostly a real story but artistic license has been used to describe my feelings as a child diapered much of the time...Hope you enjoy and I am pleased to submit this to Deeker since he has given so much back with this site I am a fan of web quality! As I sat in the interview, facing a very matronly woman and a very handsome man, in his 30's, answering to the best of my knowledge, the questions related to marketing, I could feel the warm pee surrounding my center. It took me back to my childhood and grade school which I had just finished explaining to my potential new employers that I had graduated with honours... in fact through all of my schooling I explained, I excelled at to great heights. "So what was it that required my need for diapers up to my early 30's?..." that is exactly where my unconscious mind went wandering, as my body finished wetting the diaper and the heavy-wet absorbent liner, my conscious mind dealt with the intensity of the interview situation at hand. My unconscious is possibly more powerful than my conscious and I say this because it started with me being prone to wetting my bed, which I still do...my unconscious or quiet decision tree, as I like to call it, drove decisions that create definite risk situations in the conscious world relative to my "bathroom duties" as mom always referred to them. I have done this since I was in grade school or earlier ...developing a well-focused intuition and understanding of just how much time my body will take to process different kinds of food and drink. It all sounds so calculating and it is to a degree but at some point it is hard to come back to a conscious world of toilets and controlled movements especially when events take place that qualify the use of diapers and changes... I remember, before enrolling in kindergarten that my mother always took an extra diaper and rubber pants with her when we went to visit anyone. I was 5 and was known to have accidents continually. I knew what I was doing although most wouldn't know that it was planned. Before leaving to meet the moms with other kids mom would take me to the bathroom and sit me down to do my business and leave for a minute. I would usually pee (because I can always drink more) but if I had to poo I would just force it to my bowel and never let it out; sometimes this would cause some of that uncomfortable holding pressure in my rectum, but I enjoyed it for some reason but I didn't know why. I was always in thick training pants...just in case, which are essentially lined rubber pants and I liked the feeling. Sometimes "accidents" happened in the car or in the middle of play with the other children. Inevitably it happened and I was whisked back into full diapers and rubber pants for a day or two until it was back to trainers. I'm not sure that this is so much the same with all kids but I chose to wet my bed every night and often would poo in my diaper in the morning, while still in bed or right after breakfast, with my diaper still on, ensuring a change before school. When I was 6 my mom said that I would have to learn to change my own diapers since I could tie my shoes and even pick an outfit... but it was a challenge for her and I became too much to bear. In 3 out of 5 mornings she would show up to clean me up with baby wipes and send me to the shower and hurry me back to put on the day's trainers or diaper, depending on the events of the past week. I was thrilled when mom would say "get up on the bed then... and let's get the baby ready for school" ... this ultimately meant diaper time and I went through this until I was through grade school and I was 13 years old or so...She called the school nurse when I entered kindergarten and informed her that I would always have 2 extra diapers and plastic pants in my knapsack and I was introduced to the nurse in case of accidents. We became friends and she treated me like a real baby so at least a couple of accidents a week were mandatory in my mind. She remained the nurse on duty for most of my years in grade school so we got to understand my requirements together and she just kept a stock of diapers for me...I liked cotton diapers and plastic pants better than disposables because in grade 6 we tried them once and when they were dry they made too much noise under my clothes...I had a quick solution for that which was of course pee...this made them quiet again and gave me the privacy I wanted but caused some problems at home...so back to cotton we went. The ultimate time for me to hold and fill my diapers was at the end of the school day and so if I had any urges in the afternoon, I would try to save them up... hold, hold hold!... I always knew that mom or dad would want me changed because a poo-filled messy diaper or trainers are not acceptable for any length of time. I made it my habit to hold the urge until I was on the bus or at the long driveway walking up to the house. I had it down to an art... in the bus I would sit alone at the back waiting for the urgent moment when I would get up a bit and feel the warm heat of the solid mass squish against my buttocks and make its way up the back of my trainer pants or diapers and as I let my weight down on it, enjoy the relief and squishy feeling as the odour started to waft up through my clothes.... If I made it home for the walk up the driveway, my brother and sister would ultimately be playing tag or hide-and-seek. In any case, I would find a place to squat and yes right up until I was 12 or 13, push the poo to its wanted destination, my pants. My brother or sister would usually report the issue to my parents and simply say "Petey smells like big ones, and wants to play with us downstairs. Can you call him and change his diaper?" I would be whisked away to my bedroom, which incidentally had a closet full with diapers and rubber pants and a stack of disposables for trips and quick change. The plastic changing mat was always in full view on the dresser and said emblazoned on it " big diapers for big kids". Mom got this as a result of our doctor asking if we would be part of a study for kids over 10 who still need some kind of protection at night or otherwise. This, in fact was my first foray into marketing and the realization that studies can be skewed. A company, which shall remain nameless was looking into developing a larger disposable and marketing the diaper as "TeenDry Diapers" and we would test the product and even discuss how it felt when I peed or pooed in them. I met, at that time, numerous other teens in diapers and wondered what all the poop was about having me use the toilet...I, at that time decided that I would be in diapers for some time, to the chagrin of my parents. TeenDry Diapers were the ultimate and "rock" as teens would say today. I loved the fact that I was being tested for how they felt and the sound level of the materials, so it was fait-de-compete that I needed to keep up the good work, peeing and pooping in my drawers. At one time mom and dad felt I was using diapers more, because of the test, so they suggested that I go to school with just a plastic pant on over underwear....well you can imagine the mess...I saved up all day and on the way home the poor bus driver had to help me out of the bus and up the driveway with sagging pants and pee running down my legs and all over the place...it was embarrassing for mom and dad more than me because we were the last stop in the bus run and some kids smelled me, (as usual) but never saw me....TeenDry were clearly part of my daily regime for some time until they shelved the idea and cancelled the marketing in favour of a line of adult diapers with some of the comfort attributes that we asked for in the TeenDry diapers. I would just poo to test them in the middle of the day many times but I didn't realize that in all this testing I was loosing the ability to have my conscious control my unconscious... It was time to go to the doctor when I was 13 and he suggested a series of tests including kidney, liver, barium swallow and of course ...barium up the bum. I was realizing, at the time that I always associated with boys, and I was often coupled with one other boy in the school that needed periodic changes...in fact during the grade 6 noisy diaper era, I was able to pick him out because of the sound and would always say hi to him. It was then we met and I told him to pee in them to stop the crinkle sounds. One time I caught him pooing in his diapers at recess squatted behind a tree, and boy did he fill them! I told him we should poo our pants together some day and go to the nurse at the same time to see if we would both be changed at the same time...we were, and our nurse friend put me on one patient table, and him on the other table across the small room. She handled it beautifully and we did this a couple of times each semester, just to see us both treated like babies...He was one year younger than I and his name was Bruce. The medical tests were tough but I passed them with the doctors not finding anything physical to go on. They suggested a child psychologist because I was a mystery to them. They even put wires on my head when I slept and at 13 I could pee and even poo my diapers without waking up...this was good and bad since everyone kept talking about college because of my top grades. At one point a doctor asked me to flex my anus as he inserted his glove-lubed, finger and I pretended not to be able to tighten as hard as I could and the only thing that they could say to my parents was that I had a weak muscles in my anus area... During the test time the nurses were really nice and one in particular, would come in my hospital room in the morning and say " you may as well poo your diapers now, because I'm not changing you just to have you do it again later this morning!" and she would walk out. As per instructions I would squat in my bed and fill my diapers and wait for her to come in and change me...usually in half an hour or so and she would exclaim ... "you are a good poopy boy" as the other kids in the ward watched her change my mess. Being 13 and being "a good poopy boy" was interesting and I liked the attention...in fact other kids in the ward started pooing their pants just after I arrived and were told firmly that this is a problem that I have and not something that they should do because they would not get diapers at all! I see though that I am not an never will be the only diaper wearer (because I want to) in the world...in fact I join with all of those who have kept the relentless pressure on, to keep diapers part of their life...and join hands and diaper pins as future brothers in arms! The hospital held one more experience for me when I was in a small car accident when I was 20. Again this led to tests to the same conclusion but it also helped me bring to light with my best friends who began to know of my diapers and didn't even challenge this in any sort of joking way, in fact they would remind me to pack diapers etc. when we went away. It was a little traumatic when at first when they would be in the room and the nurse would come in to change me. She would say perhaps your friends can wait outside as she wheeled the adult diaper cart by them, stacked with nothing else but diapers on the stainless steel cart. One time, the nurse even exclaimed, "are we ready for a change?, let me see!" talk about embarrassing when one of my friends visiting who was on the football team looked on. He actually came in after and said it must be nice to be in a dry diaper eh? I thought that was cool! There is no doubt this would be all over the college campus I thought, but to my surprise it wasn't, and the last memorable little experience had me walking down the hall with my IV bag hanging on one of those poles and wheeled gadgets and of course I had on one of those hospital gowns that was kind of open at the back...I had been holding it and as usual, in my unconscious manner had to fill my diaper as I walked the rounds of the hall, when I crouched to finish the poo off, the back of the gown opened and I couldn't close it....how embarrassing, full diaper exposed...I see my physics prof. a cute guy in his late 20's coming at me...oh my god! He saw me and came towards me and said calmly "... let me help you back to your room." I was crying like a baby and he said "...there, there, let me get a nurse to change those stinky diapers and I will be in to visit in a minute." He closed my gown and walked me to the room, as I waddled along, he went to get a nurse to change me...unfortunately none were available due to a heart attack on the ward, so, he said "get me a diaper, I'll do it" and he came in to change me with the fresh diaper and some cloths that the nurse at the station had given him. He also had under his arm a big box of large baby wipes...so he changed the mess and with no problem, like I was his own kid...he wiped me, sent me into the shower and attended to my needs including saying "I think we better get finished here. Let me get you into this fresh diaper before the nurses come." Economics was never quite the same, I never missed a class and wore my diapers to every one. He always had a nice wink for me as I went by like it was our little secret. So the moments have been noted for my growth from 14 to 20 when I was going through puberty and dealing with diapers day to day in an environment that was a little different than grade school. High school was a much more unfriendly place for my diapers and my regular poops on the way home. We had moved in from the country to the city and were in walking distance to the school. This was good but my mom insisted on maintaining a job and wasn't always home to change me. I often had a poop in my diapers just before noon and/or in the old tradition, on the way home. I still had a couple of cases of TeenDry in the basement and my brother and sister insisted that my room be stocked up so that if I got home from school and needed a change they could help when mom wasn't home. Once I got home and my sister was having some friends over. I had done major big ones in my diaper and smelled so she wasn't the least bit subtle about telling me to run a bath and she would be in to change me. She brought her friends to help and I was told that it was all in confidence. School the next few days was brutal and I pooed my pants once more just so I wouldn't have to be there. Meeting Bruce again proved useful and fulfilling since he would change me and I would change him and we became best friends. I guess it was about grade 11. I was 16 and he was about 14 or 15 and he was so smart and had a beautiful body. I was infatuated by his good spirit and the way he hung his head back and laughed and the fact that he ran on the track team impressed me. We compared bodies when changing each other and noticed his legs were something I would never have...they were genetically perfect and he had a slim upper body and just the cutest smile and freckles. We didn't even know what sex was ...I guess we were a little behind since we were both still in diapers...he had a legitimate problem that doctors identified and would attempt to operate on when he was older. We would go home to each other's house and our moms had got to know each other and found it convenient to not have to change us I guess...we would even have sleep-overs and our moms would come in to check if we were ready for bed with diapers and P.J.s. I remember one time that he slept over at my house. Bruce was cuddled up to me, I could feel the warmth of his pee through my diapers and rubber pants. I knew he was fast asleep and just enjoyed being near him and knowing that he felt safe enough to relax like that. Soon I was wet myself and entering dreamland. The next morning I pooped my diaper when we were listening to our favourite group before breakfast and noticed Bruce asking my mom if she could take him to the bathroom to help him off with his wet diaper to do number 2 in the toilet...well he didn't make it and we ended up being changed side by side just like at the school with the nurse but the fact that he asked mom for help was evidence that he was in a different category than I was. I really wanted diapers to last my whole life and it seemed like they would. Bruce was also getting interested in a girl named Naomi and I was never so jealous. He would be hanging out with her, kicking his head back and laughing and I would try to have him come home to change with me or me with him but he saw something that I didn't in girls and I was sure she wasn't in on the diaper club...well when she was 17 and I was 18 I realized that she had taken my spot changing Bruce after school and he quite enjoyed it...Bruce and I were always great friends and to this day I see them as a couple for BBQ's etc but it is a little different since Bruce would rather change his eight year old into a fresh diaper than me. ...you got it!...great legs and the diapers are a generation thing, too. I was going through a funny phase of wanting to bug people and make them understand I had a problem and I remember the driving test guy for my learner's license. I was in a bad mood from not eating until just before the test and had a hamburger and fries before which just forced things along from my normal unconscious habit of holding my poo all afternoon. I honestly forgot about going for the test and just as we got started and around the corner from the testing center...the urgent moment arrived....well I guess I am so used to doing it in my diaper, I was driving along and came to a complete stop at the STOP sign but everything else was a GO! It was luckily a stiff one and I just let it all come out and push into my diaper and I could feel it climbing up the back of my diapers. I had to kind of stand up a bit to let it all out and the guy didn't get what I was doing until I had waited too long at the stop sign and he said "let's get going!" We went on to do parallel parking and he had the window down the whole time at zero degrees outside but I passed and he suggested I should try to learn to use the bathroom as effectively as I drive. I told him that my mom would change my diaper when I got home and I will never forget the look he gave me...like he wished he was me! Meanwhile back at the interview, I am wet and just letting the poo drive into my diaper and up the back of my bottom contently as I heard my voice saying " I guess I can start on Monday". I got up with my full diaper and went home to be changed by my friend ... a fresh diaper before ball practice.