MY START

It was 1961, I was five years old and in kindergarten. We were living 
in California and my dad was an equipment operator for a small 
construction company. Mom was doing laundry and I went into the laundry 
room to see her for a moment. She wasn't there and I looked out the 
window and she was all the way in the back of the yard hanging clothes 
on the line. I saw a wet sock she had dropped. Mom had a wringer washer 
and she had warned me many times not to mess with it but the temptation 
was too much.

I flipped the lever in gear and the rollers started turning and I put 
the sock in but didn't let go soon enough and they caught my fingers 
first then my hand. I started screaming at the top of my lungs because 
it hurt so bad. There was a release lever on the side but I don't know 
if I either didn't know about it or couldn't get to it or just forgot 
about it in my panic. Mom came running in and hit the release and I 
dropped to the floor. By the time she had heard me and got in there it 
had pulled me all the way up against the chute below the rollers and 
when it couldn't take me in any farther they kept turning and tearing 
the bottom of my upper arm to pieces. It had lifted me almost off the 
floor and broke my arm just above the elbow.

I vaguely remember being in the ambulance and hearing the siren but not 
much else. I remember absolutely nothing from that first hospital stay. 
My folks said I was there about a week. They had done about three hours 
surgery on me when I first got there.

Well, to make a long story short the doctors told my parents that when 
the cast came off in about six weeks I would need more surgery and 
intensive physical therapy and would need to be in the hospital for 
about two weeks. Back then the only people that had medical insurance 
was key employees of large companies and some union members. The 
average working guy like my dad never got any. The first surgery and 
hospital stay about wiped out my folks savings and dad was going to try 
to take a loan on the house to pay for the next surgery. My folks were 
Mormons . Jack Mormons to be exact, that's church members that don't 
follow the faith to the letter. Both my parents drank coffee and only 
attended church once in a while. Somehow the bishop of our ward found 
out about my accident and came by one night to see if he could do 
anything to help. My folks thanked him but said there wasn't much he 
could do and told him they were going to take a loan on the house. He 
told them to give him a day or two to check on a couple of things and 
don't commit to a loan till they heard back from him. He returned the 
next evening and said the church owned and operated a large and 
prestigious children's hospital in Salt Lake City and if they could got 
me there for the two weeks after the cast was off the hospital would do 
the surgery and follow up care at no charge. Mom started crying and dad 
misted up a little too. They thanked him and gratefully accepted his 
offer.

Because of the financial drain we had suffered dad was going to have to 
stay back home and work and mom would have to go with me alone. We had 
some distant relatives back there but mom didn't know any of them and 
didn't want to impose on them. After much prodding and pushing mom got 
my dad to agree to let her rent a little place for a couple of weeks 
and stay by herself. My dad always the worrywart was afraid mom would 
get back there and not be able to find a place to rent or it would be 
in a bad part of town .Two weeks before we were to leave he left right 
after work on a Friday night and drove back there and found a little 
studio apartment walking distance from the hospital. When he got home 
Sunday he looked mighty tired. He told mom the apartment had laundry 
facilities for the guests and there were stores nearby.

The time had come to go back there and we had to meet with the doctor 
on Wednesday so dad took Monday and Tuesday off and drove us there. 
Wednesday morning we walked to the doctor's office which was in the 
hospital. Mom had to keep telling me to slow down because I thought I 
was going to get the cast off then. When I found out it wasn't until 
the next day I was disappointed but I could wait. He didn't do much 
with me except a quick examination but he talked with mom for quite a 
while. When they were done he called for a candy striper which was a 
volunteer nursing assistant to take us up to the orthopedics ward to 
look around and meet the nursing staff. While we were waiting for the 
elevator She told mom the orthopedic ward was divided into four wards 
by age groups. She said I was going to be in ward 2, which was four to 
six year olds. The head nurse's name was Nancy and she was nice. She 
told mom there was a form they would need to fill out. Mom sat next to 
her desk and I sat in a smaller chair off to the side and just looked 
around. Nancy began asking mom questions off the form:

"Is he allergic to any medicines or foods?"

"No."

"Does he have any other medical problems?"

"No."

They went on and on like that and I wasn't paying much attention to 
them until Nancy hit on a category that made me sit up and take notice- 
sleeping problems.

I was a bed wetter, not every night, but often enough that mom kept a 
plastic cover on my mattress and a couple of old beach towels spread 
out between it and the sheet. My folks never made a big deal out of it 
and mom would just give me a dry pair of underwear in the morning and 
change the bedding and that would be it. We hardly ever talked about 
it, not because it was a taboo subject or anything, but because, like I 
said, it was no big deal to them. The couple of times we did talk about 
it I had brought it up. I asked mom how come I still wet and she told 
me lots of kids my age did and I would stop when I got a little older 
so don't worry about it and I didn't.

"Does he wake up in the middle of the night?"

"No."

"Does he have nightmares?"

"No."

"Does he sleepwalk?"

"No."

"Does he wet the bed?"

"Yes."

Oh man! I was hoping she wouldn't ask mom that. I wasn't mad at mom for 
telling her, because they would have found it out anyway. It was just 
something I didn't want it talked about.

"Ok, because he has a current history of bedwetting he'll have to be in 
diapers while he's here."

I just about fell out of the chair. Mom asked if she meant just at 
night. Nancy said, "no he'll wear them full time."

"Why full time?"

Kids his age can get rather stressed when they're here and we find the 
frequency of wetting usually picks up and it's very common for them to 
start wetting in the daytime ,even when they don't do it at home."

"He's never wet himself in the daytime since he was two."

"Well, like I said we find it happens a lot, so we have to take 
measures to deal with it, and that's going to require him to wear 
diapers."

"I can tell you right now he's definitely not going to like that."

Mom glanced over at me and she could tell I was just about to flip out. 
I've got my work cut out for me mom said to no one in particular.

"Believe me, were used to dealing with that, and we don't have any 
choice I'm afraid. But don't worry I have an assistant supervisor nurse 
and her name is Jennifer. This is her day off, but she'll be here 
tomorrow. The kids absolutely adore her and we always let her get them 
into their diapers the first time if they're not accustomed to wearing 
them. We haven't figured out how she does it, but believe me, I've seen 
her take the most stubborn or reluctant child and even kids that are 
throwing complete temper tantrums over it and, in no time at all she 
has them diapered and happy as larks. We never have another moment's 
trouble with them after that. I promise you he'll be just fine."

"I'll believe it when I see it," mom said. They finished the rest of 
the questions then Nancy told mom what was going to happen tomorrow.

"We'll need you here at 7:30 and I'll have some consent forms and 
releases for you to sign, plus a few other things to go over with you. 
That should take about forty-five minutes or so, and while were doing 
that Jenny will take him for a little tour and let him pick out his 
bed. She'll get him changed out of his clothes and settled in, then you 
can stay with him till 9:00. Then we'll get started with the cast 
removal and the lab work and x-rays. You can come back during visiting 
hours tomorrow evening."

I didn't say anything to mom about the diapers while we were walking 
back to the apartment, but as soon as we got inside I let her have it.

"Mom I'm not going to wear a diaper and they're not going to put them 
on me! I don't care what there rules are. If they try and put one on me 
I'm going to leave and just keep the cast on forever!"

"You don't have any choice, son, you're going to have to wear them, and 
getting mad over it isn't going to help."

I ain't doing it, mom."

"It's not going to hurt you to wear them for a few days, and there'll 
be other kids wearing them, too. Nobody is going to make fun of you or 
tease you about it so just take it easy."

"No way, I won't do it."

We went on like that for most of the day. I guess towards the evening 
it was starting to wear thin with mom and she lost her temper a little.

"I've heard enough about this! You're going to wear them and I better 
not find out you gave them any trouble over I,t or I'm going to lower 
the boom on you. Do you understand me?"

"Then you better not take me there tomorrow mom cause I ain't wearing 
them no matter what anyone says!"

And you heard what I said so that had better be the last word I hear 
out of you about this!" I dropped it.

As soon as I opened my eyes the next morning I started gearing up for a 
fight. While I was raised to be respectful and polite to my elders I 
was pissed off. I made up my mind that as soon as I saw this Jenny who 
ever she was that I was going to tell her in no uncertain terms what 
she could do with her diapers.

We walked into the ward and Nancy said good morning and we sat down.

"Jenny had to step out for a moment but she'll be right back," Nancy 
said, "and then we'll get started." She leaned over to me.

"So, you excited about getting the cast off and your arm all fixed?"

I smiled and said yes. Just about then Jenny walked in and all my anger 
suddenly evaporated and from that moment on I never had a chance. There 
are some people that have a strange sort of magnetism about them that 
children and animals find impossible to resist. Jenny was one of those 
people. From the second I saw her I liked her very much and started 
looking for any excuse I could think of to get near her. She had raven 
black hair and was in her mid twenties. She was very pretty and the 
only word I can think of to describe the impression I had of her was 
that she just looked very soft. I know that sounds dumb, but even today 
I can't think of a better way to say it. Nancy introduced herself to 
mom and then to me. She came over to me and shook my hand and said 
hello. I was so mesmerized by her. I think I might have mumbled 
something back but can't be sure. Mom said, "why don't you go and look 
at those books over there for a minute."

I knew what that meant, get lost so she could talk to them without me 
hearing. I went over to the table a few feet away and picked up a book 
and pretended to look at it. I was still close enough to hear what was 
said. Mom leaned over toward them.

"Listen, I need to tell something. All day long yesterday he was as 
upset as I've ever seen him. And it was all about having to wear 
diapers. I talked to him 'til I was blue in the face and got absolutely 
nowhere. He refuses to have anything to do with them and won't even 
consider it. And believe me, you're not going to change his mind, so be 
ready for a fight when you try putting it on him, because he's going to 
be trouble. Nancy just smiled and said, "no he's not."

Jenny came over to me and said, "your mom and Nancy have a bunch of 
papers to fill out, so what do you say we go look around while they're 
doing that?" I nodded OK. She picked me up and put me on her hip and 
started walking. I glanced at mom and she had a look like she was 
watching a condemned prisoner being taken away. Jenny told me to watch 
all the beds and if I saw one without a card in the slot on the end and 
if I liked it I could choose that one. We stopped at the windows and 
looked out and Jenny told me the names of the mountains and some of the 
buildings that we could see. We stopped and talked to some of the kids 
as we went around and I was looking to see if any of them were wearing 
diapers but didn't see any. There was a bed right next to the window 
with no card and I asked Jenny if I could have that one so I could see 
out.

"Sure you can. We'll come back a little later and put your card on it." 
She pointed out the play area in the middle of the ward. There didn't 
seem like there were many kids around and I asked her where they were 
and she said some were in other parts of the hospital and some were in 
the therapy room and I would see it in a moment. We got all the way to 
the other end of the ward and there was a big set of double doors. 
Jenny reached over and pushed a big red button on the wall. There was a 
hissing sound and the doors swung open. I thought that was really neat. 
We went in and it was full of tables with ropes and weights and slings. 
She told me, "that's where we stretch our muscles to get them better." 
I would be in here next week. That sounded like fun. I watched the kids 
and nurses for a few minutes and some of the kids looked like it was 
hurting them pretty bad.

We went to the back and through another door and the room was full of 
little bathtub-like things and they had water moving all around in 
them. The kids in them looked like they were having a ball. I flipped 
when I saw that and asked Jenny if I could try one when I came next 
week. "Sure." Then she got close to my ear and sort of whispered, "I'll 
tell you what. If we get done with all our stuff on time today you and 
me just might sneak back in here and you can try one this afternoon. 
What do you say?"

"Okay, thank you," I answered.

We left the therapy room and continued around the ward. There was a 
small room sticking out in the corner of the ward. It had a wide 
opening at the end with a curtain that could be pulled across. As we 
were approaching it I could see a cabinet up against the left wall with 
a padded top on it. Kind of like a mattress from a crib, and it was 
covered with a sheet. I guessed it was an examination table of some 
kind. Just beyond it was a couple of short walls sticking out from both 
sides of the room and they were portioning off what looked to be a 
storeroom. As we went through the doorway Jenny stopped and drew the 
curtain closed. I could see shelves on the back wall of the storeroom 
and they were full of bedding and blankets on the lower shelves and 
hospital gowns robes slippers and kids underwear on the upper ones. We 
got passed the examination table and I looked in. To left behind the 
short wall was another set of shelves. They were completely full of 
diapers, baby pants, pins, powder-- you name it-- and it was there.

Exam table, my foot, it was a changing table. I immediately started to 
push away from Jenny and she turned and stepped back away from the 
shelves.

"Just relax and take it easy; you'll be all right."

I ain't wearing diapers and nobody's going to make me."

"OK, OK, don't get excited. I'm not going to put it on you right now."

"Jenny, I won't wear them, so don't even try to put it on me, and I 
mean it."

"Yes, I know you mean it. All I want you to do is let me show you a 
couple of things and then let's talk about it a little; will you do 
that for me, please?"

"I don't want to talk about it cause I ain't wearing them."

"Well, if you're sure you're not going to wear them, then it won't hurt 
anything to just talk about it, will it? Please, will you do it just 
for me?"

As long as she knew I wasn't going to wear them I figured she was 
right, it wouldn't hurt to just talk about it. I liked her so much I 
didn't want to do anything to hurt her feelings or make her not like 
me. I nodded yes.

She turned and started back towards the entrance and next to it on the 
wall was a big cork bulletin board with at least forty or fifty 
pictures pinned on it. I hadn't seen it when we came because it was to 
my back. We got closer I could see they were pictures of kids ranging 
in age from about four to six years old. Most were boys. Some were in 
the beds out in the ward. Others were in wheelchairs and a lot of them 
were either sitting up or lying down on the changing table behind us. 
Most of them though were being held by Jenny just the way she was 
holding me. Every single one of them was wearing diapers. All but a few 
had baby pants on over them over them. The baby pants were very large 
and a roomy looking. Some had on hospital gowns but even they couldn't 
hide it. Between the camera angle that was used and the hospital gowns 
being so short you couldn't help seeing what they were wearing under 
them. I just kept staring at the pictures trying to comprehend what I 
was looking because I was so stunned by them.

Jenny asked, "you see all those kids?" I kind of nodded.

"Look real close at them and tell me if you see even one of them that 
looks like they're mad or upset."

They were all smiling and looked happy as could be. And that was what 
was blowing me away. Even though they were all very heavily diapered 
they were grinning from ear to ear and looked like they had just hit 
the jackpot.

"No, I don't," I answered.

"You want to try and guess why there all smiling and happy like that?" 
she asked. I was so flabbergasted by then I couldn't even begin to 
guess and just shook my head no.

"Would you like to know why?"

"Yah, I guess so."

She quickly looked around as if to make sure nobody was around that 
could hear, then put her mouth right next to my ear and very quietly 
whispered, "because they know the secret."

"What secret?" I whispered back.

"Let me ask you something first, If I tell you what the secret is and 
make you a promise that it really is the truth and that I'm not fibbing 
even a tiny little bit, and cross my heart, will believe me?"

Well, by this time she had me so firmly on the hook that I would have 
agreed with just about anything to hear what it was. And I knew beyond 
a doubt by the way she had said it that no matter how crazy it sounded 
it was going to be the truth.

"Yah, I'll` believe you, tell me."

"OK, I promise you this is the truth," and she crossed her heart with 
her finger.

"Here's the secret. And you can't tell anybody, OK?"

"I won't," I answered .

"Diapers feel really, really, really  good, and when you're wearing 
them they make you feel absolutely wonderful."

My jaw dropped. She quickly put her hand up with three fingers extended 
and said, "scout's honor; I'm not fibbing, honest, look at the pictures 
again. Bet they'll make more sense to you now?"

They all looked like they liked wearing diapers, and right out in the 
open too. There were people all over in the pictures and that's what 
really got me. How in the heck could they do that? I'd die if that were 
me.

"Well, do you understand them better now?"

"I don't know, they look like they're okay wearing diapers, but how 
come there not embarrassed and trying to hide them?"

"Why should they be embarrassed?"

"I know I would be and I'd never let anybody see me wearing one."

You shouldn't feel that way there's nothing wrong with wearing 
diapers."

"Diapers are for babies," I said.

"Ok, if diapers are only for babies, then let me show you something."

She turned and walked back to the storeroom and reached around the 
partition and picked up a pair of baby pants. She handed them to me and 
said, "open them up and take a look at them."

I did and they looked very big, big enough to fit really big kids.

"If you say diapers are only for babies then how come they make them 
that big?" I didn't answer.

"It's because lots and lots of kids that are way older then you wear 
diapers every day. Don't believe me?"

I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Well, stop and think about it, why would they make them this big if 
older kids didn't wear them?" She took the pants and put them back on 
the shelf. She sat me on the edge of the changing table.

"We've had hundreds of kids here your age that wore diapers and not a 
one of them were unhappy about it. Like I said, the pictures don't 
lie."

She pointed back at the bulletin board.

"All those kids felt just like you do right now, until they got their 
first diaper on. Then after that they loved them. And yes, they felt a 
little funny wearing them at first and didn't want anybody to see them 
with it on, but very soon they got used to them and liked them so much 
they quit worrying about it. Besides, everybody around here is so used 
to seeing kids in diapers they don't even pay any attention to it. Let 
me show you something else."

Stepping around the partition again this time she got a diaper and 
stepped back in front of me. She closed her eyes and gently rubbed it 
on her cheek for a few seconds with a pleasant smile on her face.

"Here, you feel it," she said. "Close your eyes."

I did and felt it touch my cheek. She slowly rubbed it up and down and 
it was very soft and smelled good.

"Nice, huh?"

"Yah," I said.

By this time I was starting to succumb to her manipulation and was 
beginning to agree with whatever she said. Before long I probably would 
have jumped off the building if she'd asked me to.

"When I put this on you it's going to feel so warm and soft and fluffy 
you're not going to believe it, You'll love it, I promise."

I think that was a test to see if I was going to flip out when she said 
it and still needed more work. Apparently I was where she wanted me. 
She took it away from my cheek and I opened my eyes as she set it on 
the end of the table.

"What do you say we give it a try?" she asked.

"No, I don't want to." She must have detected something in my voice 
that told her I was considering it.

"No one can see you here, so what do you say we just try it on you for 
a few minutes and see how you like it. Please, will you do it for me?" 
she asked. Then, before I could even respond she took both her hands 
and cradled my head in them and gave me a little kiss on the forehead. 
Oh man, I really liked her. I started to say no again and she put her 
finger to her lips signaling me to stay quiet.

"Close your eyes for me again. Good." She put her hands on my 
shoulders.

"Now, sit here quietly for a moment with your eyes closed and just 
relax because I want you to really enjoy this."

I started getting all tingly. After about a minute or so she asked, 
"how you doing? You feeling pretty good now?"

I opened my eyes and nodded yes. She had two blue diaper pins stuck in 
the front of her nurses' uniform. I took a quick glance over at the 
diaper and while my eyes were closed she had gotten a pair of baby 
pants and some powder and set them next to it. My heart started to 
pound. The second I saw the pins on the front of her it triggered 
something in me and I wanted her to diaper me so bad right then I could 
taste it. I was like a mouse looking at that big old piece of cheese 
and knowing you better not touch it or it will spring the trap on you, 
but you want it so bad you reach for it anyway. She pulled me forward a 
little and held me in a hug for a few seconds to calm me down.

"Now, you just sit back and relax and let me take care of everything 
and pretty soon you're going to be smiling just like those kids in the 
pictures. Put your arms straight up for me. She pulled down on the 
sleeve of my T-shirt and put her other hand up the front of it and 
helped me get my good arm out of it. She lifted the neck opening over 
my head then very carefully worked the other sleeve down over the cast 
so as not to hurt me.

Putting one hand behind my neck and reaching under my knees with the 
other, she lifted my legs up and turned me sideways on the cushion and 
laid me down. Unfastening my pants, she said, "lift up for me" and 
pulled both my pants and underwear off together. Picking up the diaper 
and setting it down between us, she got hold of both my ankles with her 
right hand and lifted me up as she used her left hand to put it under 
me. She lowered me down and my heart really started to race.

"Lets put a little powder on you so you'll smell good."

Ever since she first picked me up by Nancy's desk I kept thinking I 
smelled some kind of perfume on her but it was so faint sometimes I 
wasn't sure if I was actually smelling it or not. When I did get whiffs 
of it I liked it but couldn't figure out what it was. As soon as she 
started sprinkling the powder on me it hit me. What I'd been smelling 
the whole time was baby powder and that cracked me up for some reason 
and I let out a giggle. She stopped with the powder for a second and 
said, "what's that all about?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Well I'm sure glad you're enjoying the 'Oh, nothing'," and she 
continued with the powder.

When she pulled the diaper up between my legs and spread it out over 
the front of me the thickness and bulk of it caught me completely by 
surprise and it shocked me. It kind of snapped my out of my haze for a 
moment and the realization of what was happening began to sink in. I 
started to have serious second thoughts. The whole thing was very 
unfamiliar and strange to me. Suddenly I changed my mind and didn't 
want to do it. I was just about to tell her. She had left the diaper 
over the front of me and put her hands on the edge of the pad to give 
me time to adjust to the feeling. I think she knew I was about to back 
out when she said, "I know it feels a little funny now, but it's going 
to get a lot better real quick, just watch."

Exactly like she said it would I started to notice the warmth from it 
and it did feel as soft and fluffy as a cloud. I started to calm down 
some. She drew the first side together and started pinning it and it 
just kept getting better and better. When she brought the other side 
together the bulk of the fabric caused me to go kind of bowlegged and 
the overall feel of the diaper became so pleasant I couldn't believe 
it. I had felt so awkward and embarrassed up until then. I couldn't 
even look at her and just stared at the ceiling. When she finished with 
the second pin she put her hands on the edge of the table again and 
just let me lay there for a while and take it all in. Whenever I moved 
my legs even the slightest bit it would really enhance the feeling of 
it and I was trying to do it without being noticed. She said, "go ahead 
and wiggle around and get the feel of it," she had noticed. I 
sheepishly took her up on her offer and raised my knees up then opened 
and then closed my legs as far as the thickness of the diaper would 
allow. I put my knees down and was becoming totally oblivious to 
everything around me.

"So what do you think? You going to be able to put up with these for a 
couple of weeks?" I just nodded my head yes and stopped moving. I was 
focusing so much on the unbelievably wonderful feel of the diaper by 
then I wasn't paying attention to anything else.

"Want to hear another secret?"

"Yes," I said rather weakly with a quivering voice. She picked up the 
baby pants and held them up in front of me.

"You think that diaper feels good now wait 'til I get these on you and 
it'll feel twice as good."

That was the first thing she had said that I didn't believe because I 
was sure it couldn't get any better. She slipped them over my feet then 
ran them up my legs and with an expertise that only comes with lots of 
practice as she lifted me first by one ankle then the other and had 
them all the way on me in nothing flat. She used her fingertips to push 
the leg elastics up snug next the diaper.

"Now try wiggling around and see what you think."

I did and it she was wrong it wasn't twice as good it was ten times as 
good. I was beginning to feel very good. An odd and pleasant sense of 
contentment came over me.

"You're going to do just fine," she said. How about we get a gown on 
you then we'll go and see if Nancy and your mom are done.

"Jenny, I can't go out there, everybody will see it."

"I'm going to put a robe on you too, nobodies going to see anything."

"The kids are going to make fun of me."

How are they going to do that if they don't know you have it on? It'll 
be fine, I promise."

As she turned to go get a gown and robe I lifted my head up and looked 
down. The baby pants were blossoming out all over. They were a milky 
white color. Even though they were opaque and only slightly transparent 
I could still barely make out the diaper and blue pins through them. 
Suddenly I felt very much like a little baby. She sat me sit up as she 
put the gown on me. Pulling a comb out of her side pocket she ran it 
through my hair. She said, told you you'd like it, didn't I? Was I 
right?"

"Yah, but I'm scared someone will see it."

"Hey, like I told you, everybody is so used to seeing kids in diapers 
around here we don't even pay any attention to it anymore."

After she got a robe on me she put me on her hip and we left the room. 
As we were going down the front of the ward I looked at the windows 
facing out into the hallway and could see our reflection. The robe 
worked and I couldn't see anything that was giving away what I was 
wearing.

There were people in the hallway looking in at us but they didn't act 
as though they were paying any attention to us. All the kids in the 
play area watched us go by and a few had a look like "I know what you 
got on." I was hoping I was wrong about that.

When we got up to the front mom was still sitting next to Nancy's desk 
with a clipboard in her lap and Nancy and her were talking. Jenny 
walked up alongside mom who had her back to us.

"Okay, mom, we're all done," Jenny said.

"Oh good, that didn't take long," mom said and started to put the 
clipboard on Nancy's desk. While she was doing that she took a quick 
glance at us then turned her head back to see where she was setting it. 
She hadn't noticed. Nancy said, "So Jenny, you get everything taken 
care of that you needed to do?"

"Sure, piece of cake," Jenny said. Mom gave Nancy a quizzical look then 
caught on to what she meant and looked at Jenny like, "if you're trying 
to tell me he's got a diaper on right now I don't believe it."

Jenny gave mom a wink and a smile as if to say, "hey it's no big deal I 
do this all the time."

Jenny took me off her hip and sat me crosswise on mom's lap. Mom put a 
hand on my back and the other one over my lap. I could feel her kind of 
exploring what was under the robe with her fingers. She found the 
diaper pin and fingered it a bit more just to be sure. She gave Jenny a 
look like, "how in the world did you manage this?" Mom smiled and 
started shaking her head. I was so embarrassed that they were talking 
about me being in diapers like that as if I didn't know what was going 
on I wanted to die.

"Why don't you show your mom the bed you picked out and I'll make you a 
card and bring it over so you can put it in the holder," Jenny said.

"Lets go see," mom said and lifted me off her lap and stood me on the 
floor. She got up and took my hand and we started off.

That was the first time I had walked since Jenny put it on me and it 
was so unbelievably fantastic I almost wet myself right there. We got 
over to the bed and mom asked me why I picked that one and I told her 
so I could look out the window.

"Well, let's get you up in it and see how well you can see," and she 
lifted me onto it. I could see fine. Jenny came over with the card and 
put it in the slot. A lot of the kids were watching us and I think some 
of them were trying to see if they were right about what I was wearing.

"Let's get that robe off you," Jenny said and she reached down and 
pulled the part of the robe I was sitting on out from under my rump. I 
started to panic and Jenny said, "I'll cover you up with a blanket."

She untied the belt and slipped it off the back of me. I looked down 
and the baby pants were sticking out under the front of the gown. I 
knew if I could see them everybody else could, too. I grabbed the 
blanket and pulled it up over my lap and turned beet red. Mom didn't 
say a word and I think she felt sorry for me. I looked over to the play 
area and some of the kids were covering their mouths and snickering 
like, "yah, I knew it." Jenny saw what was going on and said, "excuse 
me for a moment." She went over and had a few words with them. I 
couldn't hear what was said but as soon as she left they started going 
out of their way not to look. I sat there getting more embarrassed by 
the minute. I knew mom was dying to ask me how Jenny managed to get the 
diaper me after all the ruckus I had raised the day before but she let 
it go.

Mom stayed a little while longer then Nancy came over and said, "I'm 
sorry, but we have to get started now." She handed mom a large white 
paper sack with a picture of the hospital on it and said it was my 
clothes. Mom kissed me goodbye and told me to do everything they told 
me and she would see me that afternoon. A candy striper came and they 
put the robe and a pair of slippers on me. The candy striper didn't act 
as if she noticed the baby pants sticking out but I knew she saw them 
and the kids were all gawking again. We started off in a wheelchair. 
When we got off the elevator we went into the cast room. There was a 
man in it and the striper stood me up and started taking my robe off. I 
want to keep it on, I pleaded.

"Sorry, it has to come off so he can work on the cast."

She put me up on the table with my legs hanging over the edge. The baby 
pants were visible to everyone walking by the door. She pulled the gown 
down both arms in the front and let it rest on my lap. I pushed it on 
down to cover up better. They split the cast all the way down the 
inside and outside, but instead of taking it off they wrapped an 
elastic bandage around it and left it on. They told me it would come 
off tomorrow when they fixed my arm. We went to x-ray and they took 
many shots, then they took some blood from my arm and that wasn't much 
fun, but I didn't cry. The doctor came in and took the cast off and 
looked at my arm and then put it back on. We waited around until the x-
rays came back so he could look at them then went back to the ward. 
Jenny was right, none of the staff even gave my diaper a second glance.

Jenny got me back in my bed and said she would come back in a while and 
she would have a surprise for me. She came right after we finished 
lunch and she took me into the therapy room. We went over to what they 
called the jet tub and she reached down and closed a drain valve the 
turned the water on and kept adjusting the temperature as it filled. 
There was a net all the way down the inside like a hammock with a 
plastic headrest at the top. When it had filled she started to take my 
robe off and I told her I changed my mind I didn't want to try the tub. 
She knew what I was really worrying about and positioned herself 
between me and the other kids and said, "they're not going to see 
anything, just relax." After she got the robe off she sat me in the 
chair next to the tub and laid the robe across my lap to cover me up. 
Just like the striper had done she untied the gown in the back and 
pulled it down and left it on top of the robe. She had a long skinny 
plastic bag and slipped it up over the cast. Taking a wide, gooey-
looking bandage out of a package, she wrapped it around both the top of 
the bag and the skin on my arm.

"This has to be a little tight to keep the water out," she said. "Okay, 
were all set, ready?" She stood me up, and blocking the view again, she 
stripped the robe and gown away and pulled down one side of the baby 
pants and took the pin out and let it and the diaper go down my legs to 
the floor.

"Step out," she said. She put the pin on the front of her uniform and 
then took the other one out and put it next to the first. As she was 
lowering me in she said, "it's going to feel hot at first, but you'll 
get used to in a minute. When I was lying all the way down she said, 
"let your head go back against the rest for me so I can see if it's 
adjusted right." I started to do it but the water was coming up to my 
mouth.

"Okay,` hang on, let me fix that for you," and she pulled on the straps 
on both sides and said, "try it again." The water stopped at my chin 
this time. "That's perfect. OK, here we go," and she reached up to a 
panel over my head and flipped some switches and the water started 
going everywhere.

"How do you like that?"

"It's great, really feels good," I answered.

"I'll be back in a few to see how you're doing," and she picked up the 
pants and diaper and walked to the back. All the kids were looking both 
at them and then at me. If the net hadn't been under me I would have 
tried to drown myself.

Jenny walked around the room visiting with the other kids and staff 
while I was in the tub. After a while she picked up some towels from a 
stand and come over and took me out and dried me off. Wrapping a dry 
towel around me she said, "let's go get some britches on you" and 
reached down and picked up the robe and we went to the changing room. 
She diapered me and put another gown back on me and then whipped out 
her trusty comb again.

"So, are you starting to feel a little more comfortable here?"

"No, the kids keep looking and laughing at me," I said.

"You don't want them to see you with the diaper on?"

"No way!"

"So, you're constantly looking around and trying to hide it, right?"

"Yah!"

"That's why they're doing it. If you ignore them and act like you don't 
care they'll get bored and stop."

"No, they won't!" I said.

"Hey they're only doing it because they know they can get you rattled. 
And they're going to keep it up 'til you relax and quit worrying 
about."

"So, what am I supposed to do?"

"Act like you don't have a care in the world and when they see that 
you're not bothered wearing them, they'll stop with the teasing."

"Yah right, they'll never stop."

"Yes, they will. Remember I've had many, many kids wearing diapers here 
and they had the same problem, and when they stopped acting like they 
were scared to death to be seen in a them and started acted normally, 
it stopped. You want to see if I'm right? We'll leave the robe off."

"No!" I answered.

"Not ready to try it my way yet, huh?"

"No, I can't do it."

"Ok I'll get you a robe, but it's not going to stop 'til you do."

"I don't care, I cant do it."

"Hey, they've already seen you in it, right?"

"Yah."

"Then why are you trying to hide it now?"

"I don't know, I just can't do it."

I went back to my bed and stayed covered up. Jenny came by later and 
said she wanted to talk to me.

"I want to let you know what is going to happen tomorrow."

"They're going to put me to sleep and cut my arm open and fix the stuff 
inside then sew it up then I have to do lots of exercises and it's 
going to hurt a lot."

She just stood there with a stunned look and finally, when she could 
speak again asked, "Who told you all that?"

"My dad."

"Well, he sounds like a very smart man."

"He is, and he always tells me I shouldn't get into something unless I 
know what's going to happen, so he told me everything."

"You scared?"

"NOPE!"

"Not even a little bit?"

"NOPE! Dad told me these guys are the best operators around and that's 
why he brought me here and he always says when you have the best you 
don't have to worry."

"I really have to meet your dad," she said.

"You'll like him, he's neat."

"I already like him," she said.

"What does you dad do?"

"He's an operator," I said.

"He's a doctor?"

"No, he's an equipment operator, He drives a bulldozer."

"Oh," she said. "Eat good tonight because you can't have any breakfast 
in the morning, but I'll give you some juice, OK?"

"How come no breakfast?"

"Because sometimes it makes you sick when you're asleep, so you can't 
have any. I'll give you a pill right after I get here in the morning 
and it's going to make you woozy."

"That's okay," I said.

"I'll try to come down there around lunch time and see how you're doing 
but I can't promise you because it just depends what I have going on 
here, but I really will try, OK?"

"All right," I told her.

"You know, you're my kind of kid," she said and told me goodnight and 
went home.

The next morning they let mom come early and we were visiting when 
Jenny came in. She took a little white envelope out of her pocket and 
ripped it open and dumped the pill in the palm of her hand and put it 
out in front of me. I reached out and popped it in my mouth and 
immediately keeled over on my side like I had passed out. Jenny started 
cracking up and said, "get up, you turkey, they don't work that fast!"

I opened my eyes and said, "Oh! And got back up. Jenny handed me some 
water and told me to swallow the pill and was laughing so hard she 
could barely talk and told mom, "This kid's nuts! You know that, don't 
you?"

"You just figured that out?"

"I could have told you that," mom said.

Jenny walked away laughing her head off. She went up to Nancy's desk 
and I could see them talking. Then all of a sudden Nancy stood up and 
looked over at me and both of them were cracking up. I woke up in post-
op. And felt like crap. Mom was there. She said Jenny came by a few 
moments before but I hadn't woke up yet and she couldn't stay. I 
started to barf and the nurse got a tray and put it beside me. My 
throat was killing me. They kept me overnight.

When I got back to the ward the next morning I asked Jenny if I could 
go in the jet tub and she told me it wouldn't be allowed for at least 
two days until the stitches healed up. I had to wait until Monday; that 
was a bummer. I kept thinking about what Jenny had told me about the 
teasing. My bed was starting to feel like my own private space and I 
decided as long as I was in my space I would try her suggestion but 
only to a small degree. I started sitting up while I was reading or 
looking out the window and gradually push the blanket down just a 
little ways at first then farther with time. Some of the kids would 
look over and see my baby pants showing and giggle and point, but I 
just smiled and looked the other way. After a while most of them quit 
looking, but not all, There was about five of them that kept it up. It 
was a couple of more days before I was comfortable enough to be away 
from my bed in just the gown and no robe. I started leaving the covers 
off in bed during the day and would take naps on top of the covers. I 
sometimes wet during naps but was always soaked every morning. Jenny 
had told me the first day the diapers in the daytime were for just in 
case. If I needed to go potty let someone know and they would take me. 
If something happened and I wet the diaper during the day it was all 
right and not to worry about it. And if I had to sit on the potty be 
sure to tell someone because I was never to ever use the diaper for 
that. I loved the feel of the diapers and I especially loved it right 
after they put it on me before they stretched out and began to conform 
to my body shape. I always got a nurse when I had to whiz even a little 
bit. They would take me to the bathroom and take the diaper off me and 
let me do my thing. Then take me to the changing room and put a brand 
new fresh diaper on me and I would be in hog heaven for a while. The 
hardest thing to get used to was them changing me in bed. The first few 
times they did it I couldn't look at any of the kids for at least an 
hour afterwards. I eventually got used to it though and stopped dying 
of embarrassment. I wet a couple of times during the day just for the 
heck of it to see what it felt like. I really liked how it would 
suddenly get real warm. But then I was to embarrassed to tell a nurse 
and admit I had done it while I was awake so I would just stay in it 
till someone came by and checked me. I think they had a philosophy 
there that if you were going to be wearing diapers your bashfulness or 
modesty didn't matter. So to them there was no sense in screwing around 
with using a diaper on you that traded off absorbency for discreteness. 
Believe me, they were more than adequate for even the heaviest wetting. 
They were so thick and bulky you couldn't forget you were wearing it 
for a second. Jenny came by and picked me up and took me up front and I 
sometimes thought she believed my legs were damaged instead of my arm 
because she almost always carried me everywhere we went. When we got up 
front Nancy pulled out a camera. Jenny moved back a little and turned 
so I was slightly in front of her. Smile she said and I sort of did but 
I guess not enough for her. She reached down and tickled my foot and 
Nancy snapped the picture.

It was Sunday and the second day after the surgery and I was just 
sitting there looking out the window and all of a sudden it started to 
snow. I couldn't hardly believe it. Jenny was a few beds away talking 
to a kid and I started calling her and pointing out the window. She 
said, "I'll be there in a minute just calm down." When she got there 
she asked, "what the heck's got you so excited?"

"It's snowing," I said.

"Oh, you like the snow?" she asked.

"I've never seen it before," I said.

"What do you mean you've never seen it be--- OH! That's right you're 
from California, aren't you?" Suddenly she started to get that squinty-
eyed sneaky look like she had just before she told me the secret. She 
looked around as if to see that nobody could her.

"You wait here and I'll be right back," and she took off. Making a 
beeline for the changing room, she ducked inside and was back out so 
fast I couldn't believe it. She was carrying a couple of blankets and 
beat feet towards the front. She was back in a flash with a wheelchair. 
She opened up a blanket and put it down on the seat and got me in my 
robe and slippers and plopped me down in it. Covering me up she took 
the other blanket and put it across the front of me. She knelt down and 
looked me right in the eyes and said, "we don't tell anyone about this 
because if they find out I going to be in big trouble, OK?"

"I won't tell anyone, I promise," and I meant it; they couldn't have 
got it out of me with thumbscrews. Grabbing the handles, she spun me 
around and we went flying to the front. We stopped at Nancy's desk and 
Jenny said, "hand me one of those colored file dividers in the drawer 
down there, would you?" Nancy was bent over some papers and very slowly 
raised her head and had a look on her face like I didn't see nothin', I 
didn't hear nothin', I don't know nothin', and if anyone asks me I'm 
going to deny it. She bit the inside of her lip for a moment like she 
was trying to decide if giving her the divider was going to make her an 
accomplice. Opening the drawer, she took out a red one and handed it to 
her then slowly lowered her head back down like we were never there. 
Jenny grabbed her sweater off the hook behind us. When we got off the 
elevator we went down a long corridor and out a side entrance. She 
wheeled me out away from the building. Man, was it cold; Jenny had to 
be freezing in just a sweater. I maneuvered my good arm out of the 
blankets and reached out and grabbed a snowflake and pulled it back in 
to look at it. It was gone and only a wet spot remained.

"Where'd it go?" I asked.

"It melted," she said.

"That fast?"

"It's only a little piece of ice and they melt as soon as they touch 
anything warm," she said.

"Here, try this," and she held the divider out in front of her like a 
serving tray and let some flakes land on it. She brought it over in 
front of me so I could see them.

"They still melt pretty fast, but at least you can get a look at them," 
She said. I touched one with my fingertip and it instantly melted. I 
took the divider and played with it for a few minutes. There wasn't 
much snow, just enough to make everything start to turn white. Jenny 
knelt down alongside the walk and started scooping up snow from all 
around and finally had enough to make a snowball and handed it to me. I 
played with it for a while, then she said, "give it a toss, we have to 
get back now." I threw it away. When we passed Nancy's desk she still 
had that same look on her face. She plopped me back in bed and almost 
ran to the therapy ward doors and hit the button. When the doors swung 
open she pushed the chair in and turned around and started taking her 
sweater off like nothing had happened. She went up front to get chewed 
out.

Like I said there were about five kids that still teased me and they 
had a ringleader. He was a little older than me and I honestly can't 
remember his name, so I'll just call him Tom. He was on crutches and 
had a metal brace on his foot and lower leg. He never missed an 
opportunity to torment me. One time he came by my bed and said, "hey, 
aren't you supposed to be in that ward over there?" He pointed across 
the hall to ward one and laughed and walked away. That was where the 
one to three-year-olds were. If you were in there you were diapered, 
period. Sometimes he would be over in the play area and would act like 
he was drinking out of a baby bottle or stick his thumb in his mouth. 
Once he put his fingertips on his hips like he was holding on to diaper 
pins and then wiggled his butt back and forth showing off his imaginary 
diaper.

A couple of times I wanted to take his crutches and shove them where 
the sun don't shine. I was pretty sure I could whip him even with one 
bad arm but I knew if I did and mom got wind of it I was in deep 
trouble. Jenny knew everything that went on in the ward and when a 
couple of kids started butting heads she would intervene only if it 
started getting out of hand. If they kept it reasonably civil she would 
stay out of it and let them work it out between themselves. She stepped 
in on me and Tom a couple of times because she knew I was about to ring 
his chimes. I hated the ground that kid walked on and she knew that, 
too.

It was the afternoon of the same day Jenny and I had sneaked out to the 
snow. I was sitting in bed not doing much and I saw Jenny get Tom and 
take him over to a couple of chairs near the back of the ward. They sat 
down and talked for a long time. Jenny left and Tom sat there by 
himself for a while then went over to his bed and lay down. Sometime 
later Jenny came over to me and asked.

"Would you do me a great big favor if I asked you?"

"Sure, you know I would."

"OK, here it is, Tom, is going to have an operation on his foot in the 
morning. I told him what to expect tomorrow and he is very, very 
nervous. I've talked to him and can't get him to calm down. You've been 
through it already and know what it's all about. Would you talk with 
him and see if you can put him at ease?"

I thought for a moment, let that S.O.B. sweat it 'til morning, then 
said yes, because there was no way I was going to say no to Jenny.
	"Thanks," she said and put my robe and slippers on me and we went 
into the therapy room to a small seating area. No one was in there.
	"Wait here I'll be back in a minute." The doors opened and Tom 
and Jenny walked in. He sat down and just looked at the floor.
	"Tell him what's going to happen tomorrow," she said to me. I 
looked at him and when she said he was nervous that didn't even come 
close. He looked like a chicken at a coyote convention. I actually felt 
sorry for him. I started with the pill and went from there. I told him 
I had gotten sick afterwards, but he might not, it just depends on the 
person. I explained the sore throat and that they give you ice water 
and it helps a lot and that it's fine the next morning.

"What's it like?" he asked, and I told him it was just like taking a 
nap, you go to sleep and when you wake up it's all over.

"You don't feel anything?" he asked and I told him, "no, nothing."

"Were you scared?"

"Are you kidding, when Jenny told me what they were going to do I was 
scared crazy. I'd never been more scared in my life but it was for 
nothing cause like I said, you don't feel a thing. Just take a nap and 
it's done."

Jenny kind of gave me a quick sideways glance like, "you lying little 
turd." The more I talked to him the more sorry I felt for him and I 
talked like a Dutch uncle to try and help him. Finally, we broke it up 
and went back to our beds. Just before they put the lights out that 
night Tom came over to me and said, "hey, I'm sorry I teased you, I 
won't do it anymore." I said, "thanks."

The next morning his parents were there early and Jenny gave him his 
pill. My mom came just as they were wheeling him out and he looked over 
at me and gave me the OK sign and smiled. I did the same. Jenny came by 
a little later and said, "thank you for doing that for me yesterday, it 
was very nice of you and it helped him a lot."

"You're welcome," I said. She put her hand on my shoulder for a moment 
and said, "kid, you're number one in my book," and left. Mom asked, 
"what was that about?"

"Oh, I just helped her with a problem she was having is all."

Well, snoopy old mom couldn't stand it and she said, "I'll be back in a 
minute" and went over the Jenny. They talked for a few then she came 
back beaming from ear to ear. She obviously approved.

"I'm very proud of you," she said. Mom and I were talking and Jenny 
stopped by. I was kind of reclining in the bed and suddenly mom said, 
"hey, tell me something, will you?"

"What?" I asked.

"Aren't you the same guy that drove me absolutely crazy that day with, 
'I'm never wearing diapers, no way mom, there not putting them on me 
and they better not try it', and you went on and on like that the whole 
day. I check you in the very next morning and warn them that they're 
going to be in for the fight of their lives when they try to put it on 
you. We hadn't even been here an hour yet and you were sitting on my 
lap wearing a diaper and happy as a clam? So tell me, what changed your 
mind so quickly?"

I glanced at Jenny and she simply smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

"Can't tell you, mom, it's a secret."

Mom stood there, looking at me for a few, like "HUH?????"

Then she looked at Jenny, who immediately threw up her hands and said, 
"can't tell you, mom, it's a secret."

Mom started shaking her head and sort of laughing to herself as if to 
say, "okay, I give up." Mom left and my big my day had come. I was 
going to start therapy this morning and maybe get a spin in the jet 
tub. The doctor came by and checked my arm and gave the go-ahead for 
the therapist to start me. It didn't go real well, my arm swelled up 
and hurt like crazy. They iced it and called mom and asked her to come 
back. After some more x-rays and meetings with the doc and therapist 
they said they would have to modify the schedule somewhat and start me 
out more gradually. Now, instead of me getting discharged on Wednesday 
of the following week it was going to be on the Friday. Mom said it 
wasn't a problem. All that mattered was getting my arm healthy. But I 
did get to go in the tub that afternoon. They brought Tom back that 
afternoon and he looked over at me as they were putting him in bed and 
gave me the thumbs up. His foot and ankle was all bandaged.

The therapy started going much better after a couple of days and it was 
getting harder and longer as the days passed. One afternoon I was in 
the jet tub and relaxing after finishing the therapy and Jenny came in 
and waved. She milled around the kids and staff for a while then came 
over and moved the chair down to the end of the tub so she could look 
at me as she talked.

"Something bothering you?" she asked.

"No! Why?"

"I've been watching you over here for a while and you look like you're 
thinking real hard about something. Want to tell me what it is?"

I thought about it for a minute then decided I could tell her.

"I've been wanting to ask mom if it would be all right with her if I 
wore diapers at night when we get home but can't."

"Why can't you?" she asked.

"I don't know, every time I start to I get feeling weird and chicken 
out."

"There's nothing wrong with that question; I don't know why you'd 
chicken out."

"Well, I just do, and besides even if I could ask her I know she'd talk 
to dad about it."

"You don't think your dad would approve?" she asked.

"I don't think so, he keeps calling me his big boy all the time and 
when I do something he likes he tells me how proud he is of me. I don't 
think he'd like it if he knew I wore diapers."

"You think he doesn't know you're wearing them now?"

"He doesn't know," I answered.

"Oh, really?" she said. "You know your mom calls him every night to 
tell him how you're doing and how you're progressing, right?"

"Yah, I know."

"Well, you remember the day you gave your mom such a hard time about 
not wearing diapers?"

"Yah, I remember."

"Well, after you went to sleep that night your mom called your dad and 
told him how upset you were over it." I felt a cold chill go down my 
back with that one.

"He said he was very sorry and wished there was something he could do 
to help, but if that were the rules you were just going to have to do 
it. And he also told your mom he couldn't understand why you were 
getting so worked up over it because there was nothing wrong with 
wearing them. So you see, he does know, and he doesn't have a problem 
with it."

I was speechless because I really believed he didn't know. After I just 
kept silent. Jenny said, "how about I speak to your mom for you?" 
AHHHH!

"I don't know," I said.

"Hey, what's it going to hurt, all she can do is say no, right?"

"Yah, I guess so."

"Then it's OK for me to talk to her then?"

"Yah, I suppose so, thanks."

The next morning right at about the start of visiting hours Jenny 
started hanging around the entrance instead of checking the kids to 
make sure we were presentable and combing our hair like she usually 
did. When mom showed up she intercepted her and they went out in the 
hall and stepped out of sight. After a while they came back in and mom 
came over. I started to tense up anticipating what she might say but 
she never mentioned a word about it. We just had a regular normal 
visit. I decided that either Jenny had chickened out, too, or it wasn't 
the right time to ask her. The next morning as usual one of the first 
things Jenny did was get a fresh diaper and baby pants with some powder 
and come over and change me. We talked for a minute or two after that 
and just like mom the night before, she never brought it up. She picked 
up the wet diaper and went into the therapy room to put it in the 
diaper pail and wash her hands. When she hadn't said, "I haven't talked 
to your mom yet, I'm waiting for the right time" or something like 
that. I knew I was right she had chickened out.

Mom came in at her regular time and started off her usual chipper self. 
"Did you sleep good?" "How was breakfast?" and stuff like that. All of 
a sudden she got a real perturbed look and said, "Jenny and I had a 
little talk last night."

"Oh, gees!" I thought, "why did I ever tell her it was OK to talk to 
mom?" This was going to be bad, very bad.

I couldn't even look at her and just lowered my head.

"Please look at me and not at the blankets when I'm talking. I'm very 
concerned by this. Why didn't you ask me yourself instead of having 
someone else do it for you?"

"I tried, mom, a couple of times, but I just couldn't do it!"

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I would go to do it and then start to feel embarrassed 
to be asking it and then chicken out."

"I don't understand why you would feel embarrassed; you're wearing them 
now."

"Yah, but this is the hospital, and I don't have any choice here. Mom, 
I'm sorry I made you mad."

"Hey, you've got the wrong idea here, I'm not mad, it just really 
bothers me to think you could have something that important to and you 
didn't feel like you could talk to me about it." I want you to make me 
a promise. From now on if you have something you need to talk about or 
ask you'll come to either your dad or me with it, no matter what it is. 
I give you my word, we'll listen to you and do anything we can to help; 
will you make me that promise?"

"Yes, mom, I promise."

"Good, well, we got that settled. That wasn't so bad, now was it?"

"No, it was fine, thanks mom."

"Now, about your question. You want to wear diapers at night, to keep 
your bed dry. Sure you can. No problem at all. As soon as we get home 
and rested up from our trip a little we'll go to the store and get you 
some. How's that sound?"

"That sounds real good mom, thanks, But what about dad?"

"I talked to your dad after I left here last night and told him what 
you wanted to do." There went that cold chill up my back again.

"He said to tell you he thought it was a great idea and he was with you 
all the way on this one. And he also told me to tell you he was real 
proud of you for deciding this all on you own."

"Really, mom? He said that?"

"Yes, really, that's exactly what he said, so you're all set, kiddo."

Man, I was floating so high right then you couldn't have reached me 
with an airplane. As soon as mom left Jenny came strolling over with a 
smug look on her face.

"You know, you look like somebody that just got some good news." I 
answered, "Yah! Real good news, thank you very much Jenny."

"Any time, glad to help."

My last full day had started. Mom came in and said, "your dad went home 
after work yesterday and got a few hours sleep and left late last 
night. He's driving here right now to take us home tomorrow. And it 
looks like he'll get here in time for tonight's visiting hours, How's 
that sound?"

That was the best thing I'd heard in a long time. I was really missing 
him. The day couldn't go by fast enough. Finally, it was just about 
visiting hours and Jenny walked by and said, "wont be long now!" I 
thought, "Yah, she's right" and then started to feel rather 
apprehensive. Mom had guaranteed me that dad didn't have a problem with 
me and the diapers but I was feeling very funny about letting him see 
me in one. I made sure the gown was down as far as it would go and 
pulled the covers up and tucked it in all around my waist so nothing 
would show.

They walked through the doorway and mom always the stickler for 
courtesy and politeness started introducing dad to Nancy and Jenny. The 
way dad was looking all over trying to see where I was I knew intros 
was the last thing he was interested in right then They saw it, too, 
and both of them began waving them on by. Jenny got up and ushered him 
right on around them and said, "We'll have time for introductions 
later. Go over to your boy right now he's really chomping at the bit to 
see his dad," and she pointed over at me. He thanked her and set a 
direct course for me. He didn't waste time to put the side rail down he 
just reached over it and snatched me up and pulled me to his chest and 
gave me a big bear hug. After a few he planted a great big smooch on my 
cheek and at the same time gave me several pats on my well padded rear, 
then just held his hand firmly up against it. I had just crossed the 
last hurdle at that moment. My dad had a certain style of doing things 
and him giving me those pats then resting his hand directly on the seat 
of the baby pants like that was his way of letting me know they were OK 
with him. Then he started nuzzling his old beard stubble and mustache 
in the side of my neck, that always made me cringe like crazy and 
giggle like the village idiot. Mom put her arms around both of us and 
we were a family again, life was good. I don't think he put me down the 
whole visit. Both Nancy and Jenny came over and the intros were made.

"You look like you're really tired," Jenny said to dad. He said he felt 
like he had been drug through a knothole and explained how he had drove 
straight through with only a few hours sleep after work.

"You're not going to go straight back through tomorrow, are you?" she 
asked.

"No way," dad said, "we'll be getting too late a start for that and I'm 
not up to it anyway." Well stop in Saint George and spend the night.

After a few more minutes Nancy and Jenny went home.

The next morning I woke up real early and was just lying there looking 
out the window. I thought for a moment that I heard Jenny's voice then 
dismissed it. Then I thought I heard it again, it was still dark 
outside. I propped my self up on one elbow and looked to the front and 
she was talking real quite with the night staff. She had Tuesdays and 
Wednesdays off but on the other days right at quarter to seven she 
would walk in. You could set your watch by it. She would put her purse 
in the cabinet behind Nancy's desk hang up her sweater then start 
meeting with the night staff. I had never seen her this early before. 
She walked towards me and when she got close put her finger to her lips 
to tell me not to make a sound. Very quietly she lowered the bed rail 
and picked me up and went over to the therapy doors. Instead of pushing 
the button and the doors making noise she pulled on side open and we 
slipped in.

"Glad to see you were awake," she said.

"How come you're here so early?" I asked.

"Well, you're going home this morning and I thought you might like one 
more spin in the jet tub before you go." It didn't surprise me she was 
doing this. She took the wet diaper off and instead of putting the pins 
on the front of her uniform as usual she hooked them together and 
dropped them in her side pocket. I knew that meant it was over. She let 
me stay in the tub much longer than ever before and we talked and 
sometimes just remained quiet and enjoyed each other's company. Finally 
I got out and we went to the changing room. She put a pair of underwear 
and a gown on me and combed my hair. As we started to leave the room 
she took me over in front of the bulletin board and pulled out an 
unused pin and handed it to me. Reaching down in her pocket she pulled 
out a photo, it was the one Nancy had taken a few days earlier. I had 
completely forgotten about it. She positioned it next to the last one 
and said, "push the pin in." In the picture we were by the coat rack 
and Jenny's arm had pulled the back of the gown all the way up above 
the top of the baby pants. I knew that hadn't been an accident. The 
first time I ever set eyes on all those pictures I said to myself there 
was no way they were ever going to get my picture up there with me 
wearing a diaper. Now pushing the pin in was kind of the crowning end 
of the whole experience. I had just become an official member in good 
standing of Jenny's diapered kids club.

I had been given the release and mom started putting my clothes on me. 
When she finished she put the gown and hospital underwear in the sack 
and left it on the bed.

I was having mixed emotions, I was glad to be going home but I was 
missing Jenny and we hadn't even left yet. We were just finishing 
saying goodbye and started to walk out. Jenny reached down next to 
Nancy's desk and picked up one of the white hospital sacks. The top was 
folded over several times. She handed it to me and said, "open it 
later."

Mom opened the rear door on the station wagon and took the sack from me 
and reached over the back of my seat and put it and her purse in the 
rear with the suitcases. I just sat and looked out the windows for a 
couple of hours feeling so good to be moving. I remembered the sack and 
got up on my knees and reached over the seat back and found it. I set 
it down next to me and unfurled the top and reached in. I felt a paper 
and pulled it out. It was a much larger print of the photo I had pinned 
on the board earlier that morning. Across the bottom was written, "To 
my best little friend" and she had signed it "Jenny."

A small note was paper clipped to the top. It said, "for you until you 
get home". Putting the sack in my lap I looked down in it. There was a 
diaper and baby pants a couple of blue pins and a small sample size can 
of powder. I thought, "YIKES!!!!" and crunched the top of the sack 
closed real quick and looked up. Mom was sitting kind of sideways with 
her arm on the back of the seat. She had been watching me the whole 
time. She gave me a wink and turned back around in her seat.

A little info and some comments.

I tried to write this as a story instead of a narrative. I thought it 
would be more interesting that way, hope I succeeded. First of all this 
is a true story, The parts about my parents financial burden after my 
accident and things like my dad driving to Salt Lake to find a place 
for mom to stay and so on I picked up listening to my folks talking 
about it over the years. The parts pertaining to my experiences in the 
hospital are from my own personal recollections. A little about myself. 
I am married and we have a son who is twenty-six and he has a son that 
just turned five. I am still a bedwetter and I still wear cloth diapers 
and vinyl pants to bed every night. And I still enjoy them as much now 
as the first time. I have found as I get older that they are a great 
strain reliever. I am in a line of work that studies have shown to have 
the highest level of stress of any civilian occupation second only to 
air traffic controllers. At bedtime after a hot shower a fresh thick 
diaper and a warm bed the tension rolls off and I sleep like excuse the 
pun a baby. Anticipating some of your questions: of course my wife is 
aware of my wetting and use of diapers to manage it. We had been dating 
about six months and things were getting serious so I decided I had 
better let know about it. She didn't have a problem with it at all. It 
was sometime later before I told her of my attraction to them and her 
response was then and still is that she thinks it's cute. My son also 
knows of my wetting and use of diapers to manage it and he has known 
since he was old enough to comprehend. He does not know of the other 
part.

My son did not wet the bed but his boy does. I'm told it's quite common 
for it to skip a generation like that. My son has told me his boy is 
greatly bothered by his wetting. He asked me at what age did I finally 
accept it. I told him I didn't just wake up one morning and say OH man 
I'm a bed wetter now what do I do?

I explained to him that my parents treated it in such an open, causal 
and non-judgmental manner that it never was a problem for me. It was 
something that was a daily part of my life that I grew up with and I 
never felt any shame or pressure because of the way it was dealt with 
by my parents. I suggested that he and his wife talk with his grand 
parents and they could give them some tips on how they handled it with 
me and maybe it could be of some help. He said he would, I don't know 
if he ever did. A few days after we got home mom was diapering me for 
bed time and she tried again to get it out of me as to just how Jenny 
managed to get me in diapers so fast and with out any trouble. I just 
kind of played her question off and never did tell her because I would 
have had to admit I liked them. She figured it out over time anyway but 
that's another story.

Everybody has some kind of compulsive behavior, weird habit or pet 
peeve. With Jenny it was kids with messy hair. It drove her totally 
nuts. I swear if the building had been on fire and we were evacuating 
and Jenny had spotted a kid with a couple of hairs out of place she 
would have stopped to comb it. I don't know if she had any kids but if 
she did as many times as they would have had their hair combed in a day 
they would have been bald before they were five. She would go around 
whipping out that comb like a gunfighter. I still haven't figured out 
why we all didn't have head lice the way she was constantly using that 
one come on all of us.

To this day I couldn't tell you what rule or regulation she broke by 
taking me out in the snow. But I can guarantee you by the way her and 
Nancy were acting it was a definite no-no. I included it for one 
reason; I showed what kind of person she was. Ready to go that extra 
mile for you even if it was at her own personal risk.

The tour she took me on that first morning was in fact a very 
skillfully designed process that she had developed and probably had 
been fine tuning for months or even years before I got there. It had 
only one purpose and that was to get the child into diapers as quickly 
and painlessly as possible. Trust me she had it down to an art form. 
She knew exactly the right thing to say or do and when to do it to keep 
you heading in the direction she wanted. Like I said I never had a 
chance.

I don't think there was any one thing that morning that caused me to 
accept the idea of wearing diapers. It was more a result of the step-
by-step process she was taking me through. Each succeeding step got you 
a little bit closer until she finally got you in them. If I had to 
choose one thing though it would definitely have to be the photos. From 
the moment I walked in to the ward that morning I had one single mind 
set. Resist by any and all means necessary and never give in. When she 
took me over to that bulletin board and I got my first good look at the 
photos the initial shock and utter disbelief at what I was seeing was 
so profound I don't think I could have told you my name right then. 
They were so fascinating and intriguing to me I couldn't take my eyes 
off them. It was like watching a video tape of a car wreck or plane 
crash. You really don't want to watch but you can't turn away. Like I 
said the kids looked as if they were in seventh heaven and I kept 
asking myself what the heck's going on here? What do they know that I 
don't? Then the thoughts start flashing through you head like Gee I 
wonder what it's really like to wear them and I wonder if I'd ever have 
the nerve to wear them right out in the open in front of everybody like 
that. Well when you reach that point your done, the only thing left is 
to stick a fork in you. Jenny knew it to because she put me on the fast 
track to the diaper right then. I've often wondered how many other 
bedwetters went through that tour of hers and came out of it life long 
diaper junkies like me.

I know my mother still has that picture of Jenny and me. She's one of 
those people that never throws anything like that away. She still has 
all my grade school report cards and she even showed me once a napkin 
she had saved from the first restaurant my dad took her to when they 
were dating. I'm going to get my hands on that and when I do I'll 
repost this story with the photo. It won't be any time real soon my 
folks live three states away and we don't get together that often 
anymore but it's going on my to do list. Well I can't think of much 
else to say right now so I will see you later. Thanks for you time. 
Keep them thick and get them while there fresh. Your comments are 
welcome

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