My Braces

CHAPTER 1

	Most professionals agree, when a kid starts wetting the bed again 
after he's been dry for years, it usually because of some traumatic 
experience. My name's Frank, but I was Frankie at the time of this 
telling. In my case the only thing I recall, is that it all seemed to 
start right when I got my braces. Not much of a trauma, I know, but I 
do remember being pretty terrified at the time. Every kid at school, 
who had them, told me about the excruciating pain I was about to 
receive. I remember it like yesterday. I had just got off the bus. Mom 
was there waiting for me with the minivan. We were on our way to the 
oral surgeon, so I could have 2 of my back molars yanked. I had just 
turned 11 only 2wk. s ago and it was decided that I was now man enough 
to endure this rite of passage. That night after we got home I never 
thought anything could hurt so bad. I was so out of it, from the meds 
and pain, it was difficult to participate in my favorite pastime. This, 
of course, was sparring with my little brother Matt. He was a great 
little brother to battle, an easy target. See, at 9 years old, Matt 
still wet his bed. . . every night. Or at least he used to. Seems about 
4 months prior to my night of oral agony he seemed to dry up. When he 
did he stole quite a lot of my ammo. As he started in on me with his 
chants of "tinsel teeth tinsel teeth", the best response I could muster 
was a half-hearted, "shut up, pee boy." Of course after 4 dry months 
the pee boy salvos were losing their punch. I was hoping he'd pee the 
bed for the rest of his life. I never lost a fight and almost all my 
victories were rewarded with Matt running away screaming and crying for 
Mom. In retrospect I guess I deserved what was coming, but I sure 
wasn't ready for it. Anyway, I still had the fact that he sleeping on a 
plastic sheet. In between throbs of pain I fired that one at him. Would 
you believe the little brat actually stood in there and fought back. He 
calmly reminded me that Mom promised to take them off if he was dry for 
just one more month. This really sucked, if there was ever a time I 
needed a screaming, crying victory, it was right then. So on went the 
battle. At least it helped keep my mind off the pain till bedtime.
	That night, after getting ready for bed, I was given 2 pain pills 
along with an antibiotic. I can't be sure, but I think they may have 
been Percocets. Now sitting in the kitchen I sucked 'em all down at 
once with my ritual glass of chocolate cow. Both me and Matt loved 
chocolate cow, but the huge glass before bed was my privilege alone. 
Matt wouldn't dare risk that one, not even after 4 dry months. Rubbing 
it in, as I sucked down my cow, made it a point of getting in Matt's 
face. I theatrically savored every drop Occasionally look up at him and 
go "Pssss", until he screamed in protest to Mom. Eventually 10 o'clock 
got there and it was time to hit the sack. After I assumed my position 
as top dog in the upper bunk, I couldn't help but get in one last jab. 
"Got your diaper on little pee?" I asked condescendingly. They weren't 
actually diapers, they were those big-kid pull-ups called Goodnites. It 
worked all the same. His shouted "shut up" reply was satisfying, as the 
pills took effect and my day came to a close.

CHAPTER 2

	The next day, as morning broke, consciousness seemed to me a bit 
slower than usual. My first awareness was of the intense throbbing pain 
coming from my now missing teeth. Oh God, how it killed! My next 
cognitive thought was that my bed felt somehow different, kind of 
like...wet! One quick check as I deep-sixed my hand confirmed my fears. 
I wet the bed. As the full realization hit, it was like a sledgehammer, 
better than 20 cups of coffee. Forget about the pills I took the night 
before, I was wide awake. A quick look at the clock said Mom would be 
in to wake me in about 15 minutes I was in a total panic. I had to hide 
it, had to, there was no other option. Of course how was another 
matter, Matt was sleeping not four feet beneath me. No waiting him out 
either, I was in junior high this year and had to be up 45 minutes 
earlier than he. As I lay there pondering what to do, in walked Mom. 
Seems she thought it would be a good idea to wake me a bit early in 
case it took a few minutes for the pills to wear off. Little did she 
know I was wide awake.
	"Frankie...Frankie honey," she said in a hushed voice, "it's time 
to get up." Great, just great. Now there was no way out. There really 
never was, though, as Mom made our beds ever morning, so she was going 
to see anyway. It was time to fess up. Telling Mom was one thing, don't 
misunderstand the shame was total, but having Matt find out was another 
matter altogether.
	"I'm awake, Mom," I said, as clear as if I'd just gotten out of a 
cold shower.
	"Wow, I'll say," she added, perceiving the alertness in my voice. 
"What's a matter? Teeth hurtin' ya pretty bad this morning, huh kiddo?" 
Funny thing, I'd forgotten all about them.
	"Mom," I said whispering, "I got to tell you something."
	"Yeah, honey, what is it?" she asked, coming closer. When she was 
close enough so that I thought I could be discrete I admitted my shame.
	"I think I had an accident," I said. I guess this was so unlike 
me, she wasn't sure just what it was I was tying to tell her.
	"What kind of accident, sweetie?" she asked concerned, and 
looking toward my mouth. I guess she thought the accident I was talking 
about had something to do with my teeth. Well, I saw there was no 
getting around this, no whitewash allowed. She was going to make me say 
it.
	"No, Mom. I think I wet my bed," I said, rolling back my covers 
and revealing my indiscretion. I was expecting to hear Mom console me 
as she had always done with my brother. Instead what I heard was Matt. 
I guess my wet bed had pretty much the same affect on him as it did me. 
He sounded wide awake, better than 20 cups of coffee.
	"Frankie wet the bed?!" Now he was out of bed and on his feet. 
"Frankie wet the bed!!!" With all the excitement in his voice, you'd 
think the little creep had just won a new bike or something. The glee 
beaming from him. Standing next to Mom now, he was able to confirm with 
his eyes what he'd heard. Next he broke into chants of "pee boy, pee 
boy, pee boy!" He was enjoying himself way too much.
	"Shut up, Mom, tell him to shut up!" I screamed!
	"Alright, alright, that's enough, it must've been those pills I 
gave you last night, probably made you sleep to deep."
	Great, totally cool, that's exactly what I needed, a legitimate 
excuse. I wasn't a baby, it was the medicine. That didn't stop Matt, 
though, "pee boy" evolved into "pee baby" and so on. He then generously 
offered to give up his plastic sheet since he didn't need it anymore. 
And also I'd be more than welcome to the half package of Goodnites he 
had left over underneath his bed.
	"You better shut up!" I yelled while pleading with my eyes for my 
Mom to intervene. God I couldn't believe this. It was a nightmare, my 
little brother was about to win a battle against me, it was going to be 
a screaming, crying victory, too. Worst of all I was pee boy this time!
	"Come on, kiddo, get your butt outta that bed , so I can clean 
things up." I knew the drill from Matt. It was my responsibility to 
take my sheets and pajamas down to the wash. Mom would take care of the 
rest. While I was busy with this shameful task, Matt was carefully 
explaining to Mom how very important it was to get a plastic sheet on 
my bed ASAP... just in case. Fortunately Mom stepped in right then and 
went to bat for me.
	"Matthew," she began, your brother's accident happened because 
the pills I gave him last night were very strong stuff. If he doesn't 
take the medicine it won't happen again. Thank God Mom helped out when 
she did, I was just about to go critical mass. I was also thoroughly 
humiliated by the fact that I needed my Mom to stop Matt from teasing 
me! Her explanation didn't stop Matt, though. He next announced how it 
was going to be necessary to inform all our friends just as I had 
kindly done for him. News like this was way too good to keep. Well, 
that did it! I shot across the room to where the little puke was just 
getting out of bed and threw a headlock on him.
	"If you say one thing to any of our friends, you're dead," I 
threatened with as much intimidation as I could muster. "And just 
remember, I had this accident because of those pills, you pee because 
you're still a baby."
	"And," I added, as Mom was pulling me off, "you could start up 
again any time. So you better watch what you say," I finished.
	Mom's turn was next.
	"You leave your hands off of him," she shrieked. "If he does tell 
your friends, you certainly had it coming, you told everyone of his."
	Mom was right, of course, I had told them. I didn't mean to, he 
got me mad one day when we were all out playing, and I blurted it out. 
That didn't mean I wanted to suffer the same humiliation. I didn't 
think I'd have to, either, at that point, The look on Matt's face told 
me, I'd made my point. Things pretty much died down from there. I left 
for school and everything went to its good ol' self.
	The next few weeks went smoothly. Matt had wet his bed again a 
few nights after me just like I warned. Life had returned to normal. 
It's proper pecking order restored, now that Matt had once again 
resumed his place as official pee boy. Because of latest incident, Mom 
delayed removing his plastic sheet for just a little while longer. My 
ammo dump was back to full capacity. More screaming, crying victories, 
YEAH! It was right around then my first orthodontist's appointment was 
upon me. The holes in my face where I had not too long ago sported two 
beefy molars, had healed wonderfully. So it was now time for the real 
deal, true tinsel, major metal... serious pain. Wonderful. When I got 
home Matt looked as if it were Christmas day or something. He could 
barely contain himself. He was dying to see how the new erector set 
installation looked. We started on each other almost immediately.
	"Tinsel teeth, tinsel teeth! Hey Franky, I'll eat your corn on 
the cob tonight, if your teeth hurt too much," he graciously offered.
	"Shut up, pee boy!"
	And the battle raged. I think it's important to note that our 
fighting was mostly not of a malicious intent. We really very close, 
both in age and interest. To be absolutely honest, he was my best 
friend. It's just that while we were playing, conflict would ultimately 
occur, and the fighting and teasing would begin. This was our childhood 
daily routine. And it was how I spent the evening on the day my braces 
went in, playing and fighting with Matt. It was nice, too, because on 
this particular night it took my mind of the pain until bed time. 
Before I knew it, it was time to get ready for bed. Then my eagerly 
anticipated glass of chocolate cow was when I sought out Matt. It 
always tasted so much better if he was in eyeshot.
	"Psssss!"
	"Shut up! Mom, tell him!" Matt squealed. He was so much fun. So 
easy to stir up. I just giggled and went back to my cow. Done with the 
cow, it was once again sack time. I don't think Matt and I fought that 
night. I kind of remember trying to broker some kind of trade with him. 
See, I wanted one of Matt's prized X-men figures. I had these priceless 
baseball cards to swap. The only problem was, he needed to sweeten the 
deal. I couldn't possibly let cards as valuable as these go so cheaply. 
What a sucker. At some point during our bargaining we both fell fast 
asleep. the dream came as dreams do, fleeting and shifting. I was 
sitting back at my orthodontist's office strapped down on this giant 
chair. I was about to be tinseled all over again, apparently. How 
unfair! Oh no, and here comes the doc, except, wait a second. That's 
not the doc. It's Matt. He was all dressed in surgical scrubs, complete 
with mask, but I could tell it was him anyway. I tried to yell to him 
but, strange thing, my mouth wouldn't move. Uh oh, that's because I've 
got a restraining mask on my face, keeping it open! As Matt approached 
I could see the sinister look in his eye Things didn't look good for 
our hero folks. When he got to me, he reached into his evil black bag 
that he carried. Out of it he produced the biggest needle I've ever 
seen and proceeded toward my open, vulnerable mouth.
	"This won't hurt a bit, tinsel teeth, not one bit." I screamed 
and snapped rapidly back to consciousness. I was terrified, my heart 
was pounding a million miles a seconds and...and my bed was wet. No 
that's an understatement, it was soaked. I must have dumped every last 
drop of chocolate cow into my pajamas and sheets.

To be continued

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