Name: Mit M. Ages: 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 10. 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18+ Current Age: 54 My Life in Diapers Hi, I am a 54-year-old diaper boy!! Yes, I say "Diaper boy", because in many ways I have never truly grown up. While I have been successful in life; managing to save money for my retirement, my "Little Boy" side has always been there. I have lived as 2 people; one the responsible adult, and two, the 3 ˝ year old diaper boy. Yes, 3 ˝, because those are my first memories of my diapers. ************ As a kid, I never wanted to be toilet trained. I wanted my diapers. This is what my mom told me, not what I remember. She took away my diapers; I wet my pants, or would drop my pants and pee whenever and wherever. I would end up back in thick cloth diapers. I must have loved it. The most memorable incident that I actually do remember was "peeing on the fireplug"! I was maybe a bit over 3 ˝– maybe not. I had to go really bad, so I dropped my pants and peed on the fireplug, just as a dog would do. Mom, of course saw the whole thing and got really upset, dragged me back to the apartment, then put me back in diapers and locked me into the master bedroom until dad came home to deal with me. I do not remember how dad "dealt" with the problem. Knowing him, he would have laughed!! On another day, I must have mis-behaved and was again put into a thick cloth diaper and plastic pants. Mom was on the phone, and I had to go potty. I kept trying to tell her– she ignored me. So I went and climbed up onto the potty seat (without removing my diaper 'cause I didn't know how) and just let go. I remember a little bit how the warmth spread through my crotch as I soaked myself. Later, she found me sitting on the potty with a soaked diaper. She told me I was a good boy, and took off my diaper. I got my unwanted "tighty whiteys" back. Really though, how good was I?? For me, NOT!! I liked my diapers. For her, maybe at the time? ************ Time passed on, and I got a bit older. Still a kid, but..... I had a sister who was 4 years younger than I. I was 6 and she was 2. I stole a pair of plastic diaper pants out of her room and tried to pull them on over my jeans. Not only didn't that work, I got punished for destroying a pair of sis's plastic pants. Bummer!! A few months later my parents thought I had finally got the idea about becoming a "big boy". I had outgrown them anyway, so they "gave" my old diaper things to my brother who was a bedwetter. But no. Secretly I wanted those diapers back. I was comfortable being surrounded by the soft cloth with the security of the oversized rubber or plastic pants I used to have. I wanted to once again be able to wet whenever and wherever I wanted to... to never have to stop playing just to use the stupid toilet. My parents kept telling me that older kids didn't wear diapers. I had a lot of daytime wetting accidents because I didn't stop what I was doing to go to the toilet. This displeased my parents immensely. ************ Up until about age 7 or whenever it was that my 2 siblings and myself outgrew the largest size of plastic pants, we were allowed to wear diapers on long drives. Every summer we took a 10 to 12 hour drive to Chicago to see my grandparents. It was nice to be able to drink as much iced tea on those trips; not having to worry about where it went. I wore the thickest diapers out of the three of us kids I think. I outgrew the diapers sometime in the winter when I was 6. Then I got the "privilege" of having to hold things in until one of dad's infrequent rest area (fuel) stops. I got 3 chances to pee the whole day!! Needless to say I gave up the iced tea after just one of those trips in "big boy" pants. I hated watching my younger brother and sister flood their diapers while I had to be so uncomfortable. It just was not fair!! I wanted my diapers back too. ************ Then came the 5th grade. I was 10 years old then. There was a girl in my class who had leg braces and had to use crutches. One day her dress blew in the wind at recess and I saw it. She was wearing diapers!!! I saw the translucent plastic pants with the diaper beneath them. She was also wet, the color change of her diaper between the wet and dry area of the diaper in back was was clearly visible. My heart must have skipped 7 beats! I was so excited! It didn't matter she was disabled; I didn't understand anything about Spina Bifida back then, all I saw was another 10 year old who was wearing diapers, and the flame for my want of diapers had been re kindled, forever. Mom had told me that older kids didn't wear diapers, now I knew that was not true. When I broached the subject with mom, she really got mad. I think she knew it was just a matter of time before I was wearing diapers again. ************ A little more time passed.. One of the chores we kids in the family had was to move our dirty clothes to the big "dirty clothes" box at the foot of my parent's bed. There was a washday I was late getting my clothing there. The box was empty save for a few items at the very bottom; all the dirty clothes that had been in it removed to the laundry room. Something caught my eye among the items at the bottom of the box. I ran downstairs with my dirty clothes and gave them to mom. Then I returned to the dirty clothes box to satisfy my curiosity. I could not believe my eyes or luck!! There they were!! A pair of plastic snap - on diaper pants from years back. Actually there were two, one was a pair of beach ball looking plastic pants that had at one time been mine (I had seen myself in pictures wearing them) and a pair of simple, translucent snap -on baby pants in the largest "toddler" size. I took them and tried them on. The translucent pants still fit, sort of. Only the top two snaps on each side could be fastened. My butt had become too big for them to be snapped on all the way down. I took and hid those, and put the multi colored ones back into the hamper. ************ At age 10 ˝ I was heading into puberty. All of these mixed up sexual feelings were greater when I though about diapers and wetting my pants. I took several pairs of underpants and covered them up best as possible with the plastic pants I had, then wet them. I didn't at all understand why I was "back peeing". It was of course an ejaculation, but I didn't know that. Dad refused to talk about sex and puberty, so I was on my own. All I know is that it felt really good, and I wanted to do it again and again. This went on for a couple weeks, then..... **** The inevitable happened. I got caught. A guy should never underestimate the power of a female nose!! Mom smelled the ammonia from my "peed in" underpants and found them under the bathroom sink. She made me carry them to the washing machine with my nose buried in them. Somehow I saved the plastic pants by hiding them under the stairwell. Of course questions were asked, and I told her again about the disabled girl. Oh My lord did she get upset. I got in big time trouble over my pants wetting that day. First I got the "Why don't you want to be a big boy?" lecture, Then when dad came home I got to listen to him tell me how lazy I was not to want to use the toilet after mom informed him of my stinky wet underpants. So I got the "doubled barrel"; yelled at, belittled, and grounded. **** I stayed clean for maybe a week or two, then I was back to wetting my pants. The cycle continued.. I would get away with wearing these makeshift "diapers" for a week or two, then get caught and grounded. Finally the old baby pants gave up and ripped... It was a really sad day when I had to toss them out. By that time only the top snap worked. Mom and dad noticed I had seemingly given up my desire to wear diapers, but little did they know..... Yes it was still alive and well!! **** Even though I was still using multiple underpants as diapers, I needed plastic pants. I had no idea how or where to get them, and was too shy to ask the girl in school where she got hers. So I had to improvise. In my days as a kid, all we had were cloth diapers. There were no disposables. In 1963, Pampers were 6 to 8 years from being introduced, and the first ones would require plastic diaper pants and pins.... So here I was, in 1964 knowing I needed a cloth type diaper. At the cool age of 12 I came up with an idea. Cut open a plastic bag and tuck it in around the leg and waistband of my underpants!! Mom had tons of these plastic bags around, so I stole me a few. Pretty soon I had cleared out her supply. She suspected where they had gone, and once again I got caught. This time the maid we had found the wet things. She ran them through the washer and hung the destroyed bags on my towel rack!! When mom found the bags she was so, so upset. Another bawling out session and grounding. All this over something so harmless I thought. After I got yelled at I asked the question: "Could I take care of my diaper interests myself?" I asked If I could get real diapers and plastic pants, and pay her back slowly out of my allowance money. I would wash them and make sure my room didn't smell. The answer was resounding "No!". Mom didn't want a "diapered teen" in her house. Neither did dad. I was downtrodden. I knew my feeling for diapers was never going to go away. I wanted them; to wear them full time, though I gave up the idea of using them for poop. It smelled horrible and the cleanup– worse. I just wanted to be left alone and able to wet and enjoy my diapers. So after my parents nixed my diaper idea, I decided I was going to get and wear my diapers anyway, somehow!!! ************ As a 14 year old I took up mowing grass for the neighbors. Money city!! I could afford some of the things I wanted– a new reel - to reel tape deck, more records, more clothing, and real diapers!!!! The plastic pants were a problem though. I went to a medical supply house and bought my first pair of over-the-counter diaper pants. I asked them if they had the plastic baby pants in adult sizes, but they explained these were all they had. They were made of plastic covered nylon tricot. The inside felt like rubber, and the outside felt like cloth. They really didn't work so well. The crotch was way too narrow and they leaked badly. I wanted true plastic baby pants.... Ones in my size!! I didn't want to be discovered, so I decided to secretly try and make my own. ************ Mom made a lot of my sister's dresses in those days on her sewing machine. I was determined to learn how to use it. Mom knew of my interest to learn how to sew, and she was happy to teach me the in's and out's of sewing!! I got to cut out the patterns, pin the fabric, then sew it together. All the while, I was looking to see how elastic waistbands were done. I found out later that this is one of the hardest things to do on a sewing machine. Mom let me try it, and it turns out I picked up the tricks right away!! Before too long I was the one putting the waistbands into my sister's dresses. My hands were stronger than mom's, so I had less trouble holding the elastic onto the fabric. Now I knew how to do elastic waist and leg bands!! It was time to put this skill to good use, and see if I could make a pair of plastic diaper pants!! I waited until there was a day when she would be gone for several hours, and dad would not be home either. I took a perfectly good pair of underpants, cut the leg and waistbands off, cut the sides open and made a pattern. My production of pull up plastic diaper pants was born!! My first plastic pants were really crude; the sides were not sewn shut, and the crotch was way too narrow. I threw them out. Back to the store for more elastic. The elastic was ok, everything fit in that respect, just not enough diaper room. They fit just like the underpants I had destroyed!!! I rescued my first pair of plastic pants from the garbage just as mom came home. I had an idea. This crazy operation needed to wait for the next time the house was empty. This is a problem with 5 people in the family. My next chance came very soon....... **** Learning from my mistakes with the first pair of homemade plastic pants, I cut the elastic off of them to use again, and drew my pattern bigger, especially in the butt and crotch. Sadly the product again was not big enough... But it was better, much closer to what I wanted in a pair of plastic diaper pants!! Still, I had not figured out how to close the side seams. I wanted to "heat meld" them, but didn't have the tool; didn't know where to buy it!! I didn't give up, I just made another, bigger pattern. The following pair was a super success!! Lots of diaper room, and when I sat down in my freshly wet layered underpants there were no leaks!!! I was really happy. However..... there was an odor problem due to the open side seams. I went on another of my binges with my makeshift diapers and the inevitable happened– I got caught again with wet underpants. Somehow my homemade plastic pants were overlooked. Mom was beside herself, and left me to deal with dad who was not happy at all that my diaper interest had "resurfaced". Of course I was grounded again... Now, today, I wonder. Were those home made plastic pants overlooked, or were they admired?? I will never ever know. My parents are both gone now. ************ This went on for several more years. I would get caught with my diapers, then get grounded. It didn't stop me. I kept doing it again and again. In the meantime I took the time the house was empty to construct many pairs of plastic diaper pants!! I would go and buy shower curtains made of soft translucent plastic, cut out the pattern and sew it together. By this time I was sewing the side seam shut. In 1970 when I was 18, I "graduated" to Curity flat Baby cloth Diapers. A dozen back in those days was cheap. I started with 3 dozen. In the daytime I used 4 of them together, at night 6. I had gotten smart enough to double bag the wet diapers. I was not getting caught at all now, or so I thought. I came home from my part time job one summer day to find all of my diaper things gone– wiped out. Mom came into my room and told me all was in the garbage and I was not to touch them again. Somehow she didn't look for or find my homemade plastic diaper pants. Late that night when all in the house were asleep, I sneaked out to the trash and rescued my poor diapers. They were still in the bags I had put them in!! Mom had not destroyed them!! It was a good thing because the trash man was coming early the next morning. I hid the wet diapers in my car. Mom never knew... She went out the next day and I washed them all!! I stashed the clean ones back in my car by removing the spare tire and putting it in the attic; using the space instead for my diapers. For awhile I kept the diapers in my car. That lasted a couple of months, then I brought them back inside again. All was ok until a different kind of tragedy struck. About 6 weeks before my 19th birthday, Dad was felled by a heart attack. I was so sad. **** In my grief I began wetting the bed. A good excuse for me to wear diapers. Mom would hear nothing of it. But I wore the diapers anyway. A wet diaper can be slept with, a wet bed is downright uncomfortable. No longer did she try to take them away or punish me for wearing them. After all I was 19 years old. One morning she came in and pulled back the covers exposing my very soaked diaper and tee shirt. Wow did she get hot!!! She stormed out of my room saying "I see you have graduated to real diapers!!!". It was at that time I made the biggest mistake of my life: after a few minutes mom came back into my room and asked me if I wanted her to get me a diaper service. This had been my dream; for her to accept my diapers and I told her no. Why did I do that??????? I was worried she would tell all of her friends about her big diaper boy!! In retrospect, I wish I could have that day back. Mom had finally given me permission to wear diapers and I turned her offer down! in fear. Yet she never gave me any trouble over my diapers again. All she did was to request I wash them before they got to smelling, and to keep them out of sight. She didn't want to see them. It took me 12 years of hiding my diapers to "break her in", shall I say. ************ All the while though, I could never understand my feelings and why I wanted to wear diapers so badly. Diapers felt so good to me. They were(still are) a release to me. Problems and tensions melt away when I put my diapers and plastic pants on. I did think for the longest time though that I was the only one. One out of millions of adults. The rest of them "normal" and leashed to toilets. Having to be uncomfortable while they hold in their pee looking for a place to "go". I will never understand why folks torture themselves.... Diapers are so much easier..... ************ Many years passed. I continued using Curity flat baby diapers. At one time I must have had 8 or 10 dozen of them. The plastic pants I made got better and better, but I was getting tired of making them. The process was time consuming. In 1993 I wrote the Gerber baby company, asking if plastic diaper pants for adults were made, and where to get them. I found out adult cloth diapers were made!! The Gerber folks gave me two places to look. One was a place called V.I. Products. That stands for "Vinyl Incontinence Products". I dialed the phone number. I thought my poor heart was going to come out of my chest, it was beating so hard!! I was shaking so badly!! I talked to the person, and she explained Gerber had sold off their adult diaper division to them, and they still sold the Gerber style plastic baby pants in adult sizes!! Also they added cloth diapers into their inventory as well. Plastic pants were what I was looking for originally, yet I found far more in the way of diaper supplies. When I got my first order of adult sized cloth diapers back in 1993 I was in heaven!!! My first order was 12 diapers and 6 plastic pants. I had to have more!! So as I could afford them I bought them. Plastic pants were available from the same folks but only in white. I wanted the translucent pants like I had as a 3 ˝ year old. My wishes were soon to come true..... I found what looked to be translucent plastic pants in a Dr. Leonard's catalog. Being a 3 pack was less than $10, I took the chance. Eureka!!!! That is exactly what they were!! Those plastic pant were super soft, and all but clear. That had a very smooth feel to the outside. They didn't really fit all to well over really thick night diapers I wore though. They did a bit better if I bought the pants 1 size bigger!! They were the best I had found, and I was loving life. Those pants were made by Priva, a company that makes all kinds of things for incontinent people, including cloth diapers. I continued to also make a few pairs of plastic pants myself, but not nearly as many as in previous years. More years passed.... In 2002 I got on the Internet. One of the first things I did was to type in "Adult Diapers". When the listings came up, I cried. No, not tears of grief, tears of happiness!! I am not the only adult who has chosen diapers as his underpants!! There are lots of others just like me, maybe thousands! And they are of all ages. From elementary school age up into their 80's!! There are so so many sites where those like us can purchase either cloth diapers or disposables. Plastic diaper pants galore!! **** So of course it was time to stock up on new cloth diapers, and of course, plastic diaper pants. Lots of my diaper things were almost 10 years old and worn out! The first site I bought plastic pants from an AB/DL site in CA. They were so expensive, I thought. It was not long before I discovered other good sites that offered plastic pants and diapers at much more reasonable prices. One can get good cloth diapers for between $15 and $22 each without looking all that hard. Plastic pants usually cost me around $13 to $17 each for the good ones. It took me very little time to get "stocked up" on diaper supplies. ************ Now, most of my plastic diaper pants are of the translucent type; The same kind I remember having as a toddler. At one point mom told me she used the "see through" plastic pants on me so she could tell when I was wet. Also in my inventory are tons of prints as well as white and solid colored ones. I still prefer cloth diapers to disposables. For me, cloth diapers are more comfortable than disposables, and they are far better for the bedwetting I am afflicted with. I do not consider having to wear diapers a handicap, only a privilege that allows me to sleep the night through without getting up. I just change my diaper in the morning and get on with my life. Daytime diapers allow me to go out and about without worrying about finding a clean restroom. I wear my restroom and use it without hesitation. For the most part I wear my diapers full time now. It is rare to find me not wearing one. ************ Diapers are diapers, be it cloth and plastic pants, or disposables, it is your choice. Enjoy them as I do!! Remember.... "Only Good Boys Get To Wear Diapers"!!! ++++ Diapers and plastic pants will forever be a part of me and who I am. I have no regrets. Diapers are freedom to me as I know they are to a lot of you reading this. Remember: wearing diapers never hurt or killed anybody. Being leashed to a toilet sucks. Diapers Rock!!! Triple M III P.S. I mentioned prices because a lot of sites charge way too much for adult or youth diaper products. Beware of the sites that charge too little as well. One does not want to waste his money on inferior products. Something close to the prices I mentioned above will get you good quality cloth diapers / plastic pants. Small sizes are somewhat less than my adult sized things. Another tip: wear plastic pants over your disposables. For some reason they leak less for me when I do that!! TM3