I Am Still Alone Summary: I do not have a diaper fetish. I just have the need to return to the innocence of childhood when the world was perfect. Hello, I am Andrew, I have been wanting to regress since I was 6 (potty trained at 5). I was an early bloomer. At 6 I realized how much bad was in the world. And when I was 4 I had only seen the good (I wanted to go back) like all children. Now being 16/17 I have found this good again, but I have come to notice it’s not going to be around long. The draft is coming back. Homophobia is on the rise, this concerns me because I have been bi since about 7 years old. Being incontinent would help me dodge the draft as well. Oh gee! Thank you, bladder control! My parents don't know about my sexuality or my regression desire. So I can exactly regress fully. There was a week that I had lost some of my continence due to a severe cold. And I had noticed that this feeling, of my body deciding when it wanted to release and not me felt natural. And, I felt oddly free. I could just remember being potty trained I was 4 1/2, the day my mother walked in with a pack of pull-ups training pants. I freaked out at her, "I want to stay in diapers! I don't want to go on the potty!" (Perhaps I understood the level of freedom I got.) After about 15 minutes of explanation that they in fact WERE diapers I wore them. It didn't feel right. To this day I still get more satisfaction from wearing diapers then training pants when my urges act up. By the time it was time for kindergarten I had been potty trained for around 4 months or so. (I kept resisting) I met my friend Ben, who just so happened to be incontinent. In the middle of an art class he stopped me and my "girl friend" Ashley and said asked us a strange question. "Hey, do you guys wanna see some pampers?" I asked, "Where?" He pulled open his b-ball shorts exposing his Batman boxers with a fluffy bulge underneath. He pulled down the waistband on the boxers. Indeed it was a size 5 Pamper's diaper. I never got to ask him why. I started wearing diapers frequently around age 7 when I could take some from my little sisters room. I'd steal a few, put one on and sit in my room. I loved the way the liner felt rubbing the skin on my genitals, gently. I had always wondered why I liked drying off after a bath, it felt like being a baby; I had my answer. MY mom caught me wearing them, she didn't freak. She told me money was tight and that I shouldn't be doing that. Fast forward to age 11, my sister and my brother are bed wetting. My mother asks me to grab them some training pants. My hand touches them, my blood boils. I get a quick, sharp hot sensation all over my body. I grab two for them and 1 for me I stuff it under my pillow. That night I pull it out and slip it on. The waxy coating on the elastic takes my back. WAY back. Suddenly I feel like I'm 4 and everything made sense. But it was undercut by my mom walking in. Thank god I was lying down and covered up. The next year I met, yet again ANOTHER Ben. He was a bed wetter, and I was his only real friend. One day he invited me over, and I noticed the packs of Good Nights everywhere. I asked him about it. He said his folks were babysitters. I didn't buy it, but I just agreed anyway. A week later he confessed. At that point I asked him for some. He thought it was cool, and handed my half a pack. Somehow I hid every one of them. At a later night’s stay, his gay brother (also our age at the time) gave me oral sex if I pissed my pants. I did, and it felt gross doing it for sex and not for self-gratitude. This is how I knew I was not into fetishism. More to come.