I Am Still Alone

Summary: I do not have a diaper fetish. I just have the need to return 
to the innocence of childhood when the world was perfect.

Hello, I am Andrew, I have been wanting to regress since I was 6 (potty 
trained at 5). I was an early bloomer. At 6 I realized how much bad was 
in the world. And when I was 4 I had only seen the good (I wanted to go 
back) like all children. Now being 16/17 I have found this good again, 
but I have come to notice it’s not going to be around long. The draft 
is coming back. Homophobia is on the rise, this concerns me because I 
have been bi since about 7 years old. Being incontinent would help me 
dodge the draft as well. Oh gee! Thank you, bladder control!

My parents don't know about my sexuality or my regression desire. So I 
can exactly regress fully. There was a week that I had lost some of my 
continence due to a severe cold. And I had noticed that this feeling, 
of my body deciding when it wanted to release and not me felt natural. 
And, I felt oddly free.

I could just remember being potty trained I was 4 1/2, the day my 
mother walked in with a pack of pull-ups training pants. I freaked out 
at her, "I want to stay in diapers! I don't want to go on the potty!" 
(Perhaps I understood the level of freedom I got.) After about 15 
minutes of explanation that they in fact WERE diapers I wore them. It 
didn't feel right. To this day I still get more satisfaction from 
wearing diapers then training pants when my urges act up.

By the time it was time for kindergarten I had been potty trained for 
around 4 months or so. (I kept resisting) I met my friend Ben, who just 
so happened to be incontinent. In the middle of an art class he stopped 
me and my "girl friend" Ashley and said asked us a strange question.

"Hey, do you guys wanna see some pampers?"

I asked, "Where?"

He pulled open his b-ball shorts exposing his Batman boxers with a 
fluffy bulge underneath. He pulled down the waistband on the boxers. 
Indeed it was a size 5 Pamper's diaper. I never got to ask him why.

I started wearing diapers frequently around age 7 when I could take 
some from my little sisters room. I'd steal a few, put one on and sit 
in my room. I loved the way the liner felt rubbing the skin on my 
genitals, gently. I had always wondered why I liked drying off after a 
bath, it felt like being a baby; I had my answer. MY mom caught me 
wearing them, she didn't freak. She told me money was tight and that I 
shouldn't be doing that.

Fast forward to age 11, my sister and my brother are bed wetting. My 
mother asks me to grab them some training pants. My hand touches them, 
my blood boils. I get a quick, sharp hot sensation all over my body. I 
grab two for them and 1 for me I stuff it under my pillow. That night I 
pull it out and slip it on. The waxy coating on the elastic takes my 
back. WAY back. Suddenly I feel like I'm 4 and everything made sense. 
But it was undercut by my mom walking in. Thank god I was lying down 
and covered up.

The next year I met, yet again ANOTHER Ben. He was a bed wetter, and I 
was his only real friend. One day he invited me over, and I noticed the 
packs of Good Nights everywhere. I asked him about it. He said his 
folks were babysitters. I didn't buy it, but I just agreed anyway. A 
week later he confessed. At that point I asked him for some. He thought 
it was cool, and handed my half a pack. Somehow I hid every one of 
them. At a later night’s stay, his gay brother (also our age at the 
time) gave me oral sex if I pissed my pants. I did, and it felt gross 
doing it for sex and not for self-gratitude. This is how I knew I was 
not into fetishism.

More to come.

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(The following information requested is optional, though your participation is highly encouraged.)
Name:
Age: <8 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 >18
What diapers do you wear? Cloth Disposable Multiple Underpants I do not wear diapers
Are your diapers plain white? Always Usually Sometimes Rarely Never I do not wear diapers
Do you wear multiple diapers? Always Usually Sometimes Rarely Never I do not wear diapers
Are you pantsless at home while in diapers? Always Usually Sometimes Rarely Never I do not wear diapers
How do you use your diapers? Pee Poop
Who else in your family has read this story? Mother Father Older Brother Younger Brother Older Sister Younger Sister
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