My name is Garret, I am 18 years old and I wrote this story because I needed someway to straighten out my thoughts on my unwanted fetish. I know this is poorly written. I'm not the best with grammar so bear with me. And many of you will not like this story, but it is more for me to get my story out there instead of your entertainment. This story is 100% true. I have been a diaper lover/ adult baby, whatever you want to call it as long as I could remember. One day I remember when I was about 9 or 10 I was playing with my neighbor. She was a couple years older than I was. Some how I got some pullups and put them on and I told her I wanted her to play my mommy. She agreed, although I don�t think she was as excited as I was. She pushed me in a stroller around my driveway and front door walk way, but that�s all the babying I would get on that day. I now know that was the diaper lover in me coming out. After that day, my desires went away for a while. All the way until, I think 6th grade or when I was like 14. That�s when my strong desires of being babied became impossible to ignore. Unlike most people, I don�t like my fetish. I wish I did not have this diaper fetish. I'm a normal kid, no different from anyone else. I have played sports all my life soccer, baseball, and basketball. I am good at all these sports also, or at least when I still played them. I only play soccer now, but anyway I have always been one of the best athletes anywhere I go. I have never had many problems with getting a girlfriend or getting the occasional hook up. I listen to Lil� Wayne, and lately after watching "Walk The Line" I have been catching up on some Johnny Cash. I dream of one day playing professional soccer. How can I do that with a strong diaper fetish being in the way? Even though I wish I didn't have this fetish, I still do, and I am completely helpless to my desires. My ultimate "fantasy" would be waking up one day in a crib which I could not get out of and wearing only a diaper which I could not take off no matter how hard I tried. As soon as I would start to panic an attractive, mother-like figure would walk up to me and start to baby talk down to me. I would want to be completely babied, which means using my diaper, getting changed, being forced to crawl, being breast fed, etc., etc. When I�m out with my friends and in public, my desires are nonexistent. Only when I'm alone is when I think about being babied. When I am home alone, I read up on some of Deeker�s stories and occasionally masturbate to them. After I finish though, I become totally against anything about my desires, and diapers. Which is still a mystery to me, one minute I seriously consider asking my mom to diaper me, but the very next minute I get turned off of anything to do with my whole fetish. Like I said, I have debated with myself to tell my mom about my desires. But I think she would have a hard time taking it in. I have promised to myself to never tell anyone about my desires, but with a little too much alcohol one night I broke my promise. I was at my best friend at the time Travis's house to sleep there. We were both already drunk. He had this little closet next to his bathroom where I would keep my toothbrush, because I pretty much lived over there during the summer. So I went to get my toothbrush, and I saw a bag of pampers. I got the shivers just looking at them, it had been so long since the last time I have seen diapers so up close in person. I leaned forward and sniffed the bag a bit and felt the diapers with my fingers. They smelled so good and felt so soft. I quickly began to get aroused. I yelled "Hey Travis come here, what are these?" He said that they were his baby cousin's left here from when his Aunt visited. I said "Oh" and then proceeded to brush my teeth. After that, we decided to go to steak and shake, which was walking distance from his house. So we snuck out of his house and off we went. The whole time there I would hint to him things like, "Wouldn't it be sweet to be able to go pee when ever you want, just let it go?" and things like "I want to see what a diaper feels like again." So from that point on it was decided that I was going to put those diapers on. And my friend didn't seem to be bothered by my choice. So when we got back I took out a diaper and went to the bathroom. The diaper was pretty small so I positioned it where I wanted it and put my pants back on to keep it from falling off. I taped it straight onto my stomach which only made it stick for a few minutes. I went back to Travis�s room and told him it felt really good. He got really excited and he actually ran and put one on. He ended up liking it also. We both fell asleep with them on. In the morning his mom always would come in while we were still sleeping and fix out blankets and just check on us. To this day I wish she would have some how seen us with our diapers on. I wanted to see how she would react because she is an opened minded person and probably would have accepted us wearing diapers. I knew that she knew we were fooling around with them because after we were done with the diapers, we put them back into the bag. The bag was gone a week later and that�s the last time me and travis ever spoke about diapers with each other. I never said anything to him again because I didn't want him to think that I was too into diapers, so I kept my mouth shut. So there I was again, alone with my diaper desires. Until about a year later. My grandparents took my family to Disney World for vacation. I was also there for a soccer tournament so it worked out well. One of the nights I was there, when I was trying to get to sleep, I was getting my biggest diaper urge I have ever had before. (my urges were getting progressively stronger as I kept keeping them inside me) At that same time, my ex girlfriend (Amy) texted me, "hey! :)" This was it, I was finally going to really tell someone how I felt about diapers. At this point I had been seriously thinking about telling 1 of the 2 following people for a couple weeks. Amy, and a girl named Alix. I knew I could trust both of them, Amy was my most recent ex and I knew she liked me. I still was a bit attracted to her, especially when I imagined her diapering me. She had light brown hair almost blonde, a cute face with blue eyes. She had a big butt with nice tits but wasn't really athletic looking, she had a bit of meat on her but it was a good thing in her case, not too skinny. Alix was pretty much my best friend. Alix and I would talk about everything together mostly about each other's relationships. We both had always been attracted to each other. Alix also had light brown hair with the most beautiful ocean blue eyes. She had the reputation of the nicest butt and legs in the grade. Her butt was tight and would stick out in tight pants. Her legs were firm like a cheerleader. I always had liked Alix a lot but we were such good friends I didn't think we would ever be anything, although a little bit later on we eventually told each other how we felt. Anyway I ended up choosing to tell Amy for a couple of reasons. I thought it was a sign that she texted me out of the blue real late at night. Also, I didn't really mind what she thought of me so telling her would be a lot easier than telling someone like Alix, who I cared a lot of what she thought of me. So I texted her back and started some small talk. Then I texted, "Can I tell you something?" of course she said yes and our peachy conversation quickly became a serious one. I said you have to promise to keep it a secret and promise not to think differently of me. She agreed. At this point a started to stall. I couldn't build the courage to send the text admitting my fetish for my adult baby life. She knew I was stalling because she texted me Garret! I knew I had to say something. So I started texting the story of the night at Travis's house, "after that night at his house I started thinking about diapers a lot and formed like a fetish for diapers..." I had my thumb stuck on the send button and I was staring at the text for, what felt like an hour but was probably a couple min. Then, I finally sent it and saw the green check-mark letting me know that the text successfully sent, as the green check-mark flashed my heart pounded simultaneously. I waited for the text back. I was shaking at this point, almost feeling like throwing up. I waited, waited, and waaaiitteedd. Then my phone vibrated, which sent another pound to my heart. I laid there with my eyes closed praying for the response I would like. I opened the text and what I saw made me extremely frustrated. All she texted back was "oh". It had taken 17 years' worth of courage to finally tell the girl who I had debated to tell for weeks, and all I got back was a depressing "oh" I couldn't believe it. I quickly said, that�s all you have to say about what I just told you? She then told me she didn't expect that. I then realized that my diaper fantasy was meant to stay a fantasy and not become reality. She later texted me while I was sleeping something like, Garret I think its really cool that you can tell me something like that, I don�t think of you any differently, and I will keep your secret safe. That made me feel a lot better about the whole situation. As you can guess I played terrible during my soccer games, because all I could think about was the conversation I had with Amy. In fact, it was all I could think about for weeks to come, and when I saw her at school I found I had lost all my confidence in front of her. But I eventually gained it back after we both kind of forgot about it. But every about 3-4 months I get those strong urges and text her saying, you haven't told anyone about it have you? Hoping that she will want to talk about diapers with me, but she never would. All she would ever say was, of course not. For a long time after all that happened, my desires nearly disappeared. Which was nice because it allowed me to kind of get myself back on my feet. Slowly but surely though, I became more and more interested in my fetish. I began to look up adult baby websites to find out if I was alone in my desires. I gladly found that there are millions of people with my same fetish which made me feel a lot better about my fetish. For the next year or so I did my normal fetish things like fantasize, masturbate, etc. It wasn't until recently that I have been seriously considering telling someone else about my secret. A few nights ago actually I got real drunk. I'll even go on and say I got more drunk a couple nights ago than I ever had before. I was completely unaware of anything I was doing. I woke up in the middle of the night with my pants soaked. I had pissed my shorts with out me ever realizing it until I woke up. I was already texting Amy that night because I was drunk and I am a pretty bad drunk texter. So I don't know why but I texted Alix, Amy!! This is so weird I am sooo wet right now I need a diaper or a pull up or something. Sorry if your sleeping!! I have no idea why I texted that to Alix, or even why I wanted to text that to anyone! I guess subconsciously I wanted one of them to know my secret. The next morning I had to apologize to Amy about my drunk texts because some of them were pretty bad. I read the text I sent to Alix and I just tried to ignore it and hopefully she just realized I was drunk because she was also a bad drunk texter. She actually told me that she turns off her phone when she drinks and I always thought it was a good idea but I never do. So Alix texts me later that morning saying things like, wrong text? ha-ha, and I think you were very drunk last night! I played the "I don't remember" card and she resent the text to me. She then asked, �Well, why were you wet?� I was starting to get excited because she was very interested on why I was wet. I told her that I pissed my shorts without knowing it and to shut up because I know she has done it before also. She went on saying stuff like, �Yeah, I know I have, but that�s funny that you did that too.� I know I am probably wrong to think this but the last couple days I have been deciding on if I should tell her about my fetish or not, based off the way she reacted to my text about pissing my shorts. I know she would understand and not make a big deal out of it but I fear that I may lose her respect for me and end up losing any chance of being with her. I have been thinking of jokingly telling her something like, I think we should both wear diapers the next time we drink together haha. Or when I drink with her, piss my shorts again and hope she says something like "you do need those diapers, don't you?" Though it seems I do enjoy my fetish throughout this story, I don't, I feel trapped inside the wrong body and it sometimes drives me crazy that I can't get away from how I feel about diapers. Thank you for taking the time to read this and if you have any questions or comments my e-mail is listed twice below. What do you think I should do? (e-mail is [email protected]): a) jokingly ask her to wear diapers with me next time we get drunk. b) piss my shorts when I'm with her and hope. c) completely tell her about my whole diaper fetish d) have her read this story and try to talk to her about my desires e) do nothing and try to ignore my urges E-mail me your answer if you would like to at [email protected].