Alex
Ages: 5, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17

	I was toilet-trained by the age of two. At that stage I don't 
really remember wanting to be in diapers anymore. I do remember that I 
was allowed to wear training pants (thick terrycloth ones) until about 
the age of four because I still had accidents in the night. I wasn't 
punished for them, however: if I wet the bed I would go and wake my 
mother, and she would come to my room and change the linen, give me a 
clean pair of training pants and put me back in bed.
	I was about five when I started wanting to be in diapers again. I 
hadn't actually remembered this until recently. My friends and I would 
often pretend we were "big" by putting on our parent's shirts, pants, 
hat, tie, etc, but I always wanted us to dress up as babies. And I 
didn't care about baby bottles or baby outfits, only about getting to 
wear a diaper again. I never dared to wet one, but I got satisfaction 
out of wearing the diaper all the same. My mother either indulged this 
play, or didn't notice because at that stage my brother was still 
basically a baby and we slept in the same room, so I had easy access to 
diapers.
	When I started school at age six I remember being jealous of my 
brother, who would walk around the house in just his training pants and 
a small undershirt. All our relatives thought he was "cute" (and he 
was!) but I wanted to be the one still wearing the thick terrycloth 
pants!
	It wasn't until I was about eleven or so that I started *really* 
wanting to wear diapers. As I didn't have supplies, I was very 
frustrated. I tried wetting my underpants a couple of times while 
standing or sitting on the toilet, but I didn't get much satisfaction 
out of this. However, I sometimes wore old underwear together and 
pretended they were diapers, but I couldn't do this too often because I 
was afraid of being caught. That is, however, when I started thinking 
of myself as a "diaper wearer".
	I was also hampered by the fact that my parents would not let me 
lock my bedroom door. And when I was younger they didn't knock before 
coming in. None of the doors in our house had keys, and wearing diapers 
would have been noticed right away! So it wasn't until I was about 
sixteen that I managed to get some better supplies.
	I had moved into another room, built later, one that did have a 
key, and was able to indulge my passion. I bought a set of four diapers 
while out shopping for something else, sewed them together (badly) and 
had a makeshift diaper (although it was 'real' in the sense that it was 
made from real baby diapers).
	I'll never forget the first time I put on that diaper. The 
feeling was amazing! It was soft and surrounded me perfectly! I simply 
lay on my bed with my legs apart looking at myself, shirtless, in just 
a diaper. It was fantastic! After that I'd put the diaper on a couple 
of times a week, but didn't pee in it for a couple of months. It goes 
without saying that I *did* rub myself a lot through the diaper, but I 
took care not to ejaculate in it, because I had nowhere to hang it up 
after washing it.
	Eventually the temptation became too much, and I did pee in it. 
As I had no plastic pants, I had to do it while standing in the bath. 
It took awhile before I really got much of a stream going, but once I 
did, I filled that diaper up with warm pee! It felt wonderful! The 
warmth of the pee in the diaper against my skin turned me on so much, 
not to mention the sight of the diaper as it turned yellow and started 
to sag. I just stood there looking down at the diaper, feeling 
fulfilled at last. And then it started to leak, and the pee ran down my 
legs and into the bath. That was a turn-on too: the fact that I'd had 
an 'accident' with my diaper. I got hard really fast, and jerked off 
frantically by putting my hand inside my pissy diaper. I felt great!
	Dealing with washing the huge diaper was a problem, though. I 
developed a system of washing it in the bath after wetting it, then 
hiding it away until nighttime, hanging it up after everyone went to 
bed, then taking it down in the mornings before anybody else used the 
bathroom. Quite often it would still be damp, but I'd have to hide it 
again until the next night. Sometimes it took three or four days to dry 
it in this way. I would keep it in a plastic packet in the dresser 
where I normally kept my books because I was the only one to ever look 
in there (the dresser did not have a lock). Eventually I got tired of 
dragging this huge, heavy thing around, and I tore the diapers into 
quarters and used them as rags for washing the car, floor, etc. Luckily 
no one asked me where they had come from, as we always had a rag or two 
in our cleaning closet.
	After that I bought a white baby towel with a hood, cut the hood 
off and used that as a diaper, fitting some of my diaper rags in the 
crotch for some bulk. The towel was a lot lighter, and much easier to 
wash. Also, it looked like a towel, so I'd just hang it on the towel 
rail in the bathroom and warn people that it was *my* towel and not to 
use it. Plus, my diaper rags looked like old face cloths, so it didn't 
seem too suspicious. Since the towel was smaller, it fit more snugly, 
and I'd get a hard-on every time I wore it! I even bought myself some 
cute baby pins with animal faces on them, and pinned the towel on with 
four of them at a time.
	I continued in this way until I was staying with my brother and 
sister-in-law and their children. I had to be very careful about where 
and when I wore my diaper. Luckily I had my own bathroom and could hang 
my diapers in there quite openly, but I had to be careful at other 
times because sometimes the rugrats (my niece and nephew) would come in 
unexpectedly. This was the only time I ever tried to tell anyone about 
my diapers. My sister-in-law was quite sympathetic, knowing that I used 
the family computer to read what she thought were porn stories (they 
were diaper stories, of course - well, most of the time!). She even let 
me use her email address to send mail from, and was very discreet about 
it. We got on very well, and she allowed me to watch the rugrats 
whenever they needed a babysitter.
	One day she accidentally opened a diaper-related email meant for 
me. She wasn't really shocked, but she couldn't really understand it 
either. I tried to ask (in a roundabout way) if she would mind 
diapering me (in a totally platonic way, of course!), but she thought 
it was a come-on and stopped the conversation cold. It was a pity, 
because I'd been hoping she would mention it to my brother, to see how 
he felt about it (up to this day we have never discussed it). I'd have 
liked for the two of us to be "diaper brothers" together, like the boys 
in my story "The J-Birds in Diapers". But it didn't happen, and I had 
to continue hiding my diaper-wearing, and I promised my sister-in-law 
that I wouldn't ever mention it to her again. I kept that promise, and 
she allowed me to continue to babysit the rugrats, obviously on the 
condition that I never said anything to them or ever wore diapers in 
front of them. And I never did.
	Now that I have my own apartment, I can wear my diapers more 
openly, and don't have to worry about people seeing them (I still hang 
them in the bathroom, but out of sight behind the shower curtain, so 
it's no problem even if people do visit). I still don't have 'proper' 
diapers, but I wear two of the baby towels pinned around me, and a half 
of one in the crotch and towards the rear for some bulk and padding. 
The effect this has is to make my bottom look huge, and to have 
thickness between my legs. I have to waddle when wearing the diaper, as 
putting my legs together is difficult. At least, with the diaper this 
bulky, it doesn't usually leak when I pee.
	I don't like the idea of doing a number two in the diaper, and 
never have. But I put on my diaper almost every day, and use it at 
least half the time. I get emotional (and obviously some sexual) 
fulfillment out of wearing my diapers. I just wish there was someone 
else in my neighbourhood who liked diapers, as I'd love to be diapered 
by someone besides myself.