Johnny's Treatment
Part One
"Darn it, this is the last time." My mom pulled
the wet blankets and sheets off my bed and threw them
on the floor. My pajamas and even my pillow were
soaking wet, as they had been every morning so far this
week.
"He stinks, and he makes the whole room stink,"
Rob complained. At fourteen, my brother was one year
older than me, and had never seemed to have any sort of
problems in his life, let alone with bedwetting. I
hated sharing a room with him, and he apparently didn't
like it any better.
"It's horrible and disgusting," said my mom, "and
I'm just not putting up with it any longer. That's it.
Now get up and get in the shower." As I got up, she
ripped the bottom sheet off my bed and tossed it toward
the other wet bedclothes, leaving my shameful plastic
sheet exposed for my brother to sneer over.
"Are you finally going to put him in diapers, mom?
Oh, please? Is little baby Johnny going back in
diapers? I sure hope so! At least it would kill some of
the smell."
"Well he just might find a little surprise waiting
for him tonight."
During my shower and later while getting dressed,
I tried not to think of what she might have in mind. To
me it was unthinkable that my mom would actually put
her thirteen year old son back in diapers. With my
brother's encouragement she had threatened to on a few
occasions, but I thought she was just understandably
exasperated and annoyed by my chronic wetting, and that
the idea would pass as her mood improved. So far it
had, but this time I wasn't so certain. But surely she
wouldn't resort to that? Since becoming enuretic at age
eleven (around the time my parents got divorced), I had
progressed from a very occasionally wet bed to perhaps
once every two weeks, then once a week, then twice, and
finally to almost every single night, and often more
than once a night, I suspected, given the sheer volume
of smelly urine that I usually woke up to. I had been
examined by my family doctor, then by a urologist
(neither could find anything wrong, unfortunately,
adding to my mother's conviction that I must be lazy,
or was doing it on purpose, or was bad, or all three);
I had tried a pad and alarm system (my brother loved
that!), exercises, Impramamine, and nasal spray, none
of which had much effect, and the spray badly affected
my mood. Most recently I was sent to a behavioral
psychologist who did nothing at all to help, and
finally in frustration suggested to my mom that she use
diapers on me both for practical reasons and for the
`negative reinforcement' they might provide regarding
my wetting. Might! So was this it?
At breakfast Rob would not stop teasing, and mom
didn't intervene.
"Let's see, should we get him Huggies, or Pampers,
or Attends? Maybe Johnny should have ecologically
friendly cloth diapers? In that case should we get him
plastic pants or rubber pants? Decisions, decisions!
Mom, if you decide to put him in cloth diapers, be sure
to get him blue diaper pins okay, `cause he's a big
baby boy, after all."
In class all that day I could not concentrate on
schoolwork as my thoughts shifted back and forth
between the certainty that such an awful thing could
never happen to me, and the equal conviction that it
could and soon would. I contemplated running away from
home, but thought that even if I succeeded, I might not
be better off as a bedwetter in a foster home or group
home where I'd likely end up, only to face a bunch of
kids at least as nasty as my brother. The thought of an
ever-changing group of peers teasing about my
bedwetting (and who's to say that bedwetters `in care'
aren't made to wear diapers anyway) was too much to
contemplate.
I looked around the classroom at each of my fellow
male students and tried to imagine any of them as a
bedwetter. It didn't work. Rick Simon? Never in a
million years. Stuart Richardson? Impossible. Russ
Murphy? Give me a break. Conversely, I imagined each
one of them in turn being aware that I was a bedwetter
and was being made to wear diapers to bed. Pushing the
envelope, I perversely daydreamed a sleepover during
which four or five of my coolest classmates discovered
me in all my diapered shame. I could hear their
laughter and derisive taunts. A waking nightmare.
Couldn't happen.
I took my time getting home from school, anxious
as I was of what might be waiting for me there. I
arrived around five o'clock, and was relieved to see
that on the surface, everything looked `normal'; that
is, there was no obvious `baby' stuff around, no bags
or packages. My mother and brother were home, but I
gave them a wide berth as I discreetly checked in my
bedroom- nothing on the dresser, nothing out of place
in my drawers, nothing unusual in the closet.
(Nevertheless, I was embarrassed that my bed was still
unmade, my plastic sheet still exposed for anyone to
see.) I peeked into my mother's room- apparently
nothing. I was beginning to feel less anxious, and
watched TV until suppertime.
I cautiously allowed my sense of relief to grow
during our spaghetti meal, as the conversation centered
on trivial events of the day and no mention was made
about any `solution' to my `problem'. In retrospect I
had to admit that Rob might have exuded more than his
usual smugness, but at the time I had no way of knowing
that he knew something I didn't.
I was in the living room playing on the computer
around 7 o'clock when the doorbell rang.
"They're here," Rob said, and went to open the
door. A moment later he ushered our guests into the
living room as my mom joined them from the kitchen. I
looked around from the computer, startled to see Mrs.
Murphy with her son Russ from my class. He was carrying
a large box, and kept his eyes downcast. Mrs. Murphy
carried something also.
"Hello Margaret, hello Russell," my mom said.
"Thanks for coming, and for bringing Russell's old
stuff."
I couldn't quite see inside the cardboard box, but
Mrs. Murphy was carrying a large diaper pail. She put
it down. I froze. Russ wouldn't look at me, but Rob was
taking it all in with a peculiar smile on his face. So
this was it! The worst was coming true!
"Well, sometimes I thought the day would never
come," said Mrs. Murphy, "but believe it or not,
Russell's now been completely dry for just over three
months, and the deal was that he could get rid of his
diapers when he'd been dry that long. It just seemed a
pity to throw them away- some are almost brand new and
they are quite expensive- so when you mentioned that
you decided on diapers for Johnny, here, well it seemed
the right thing to do. I'm happy to be able to help."
Oh, no! `Diapers for Johnny'!
Russ hadn't budged; he still held the box in his
arms. I could hardly breathe, and I would gladly have
sunk into the floor and disappeared forever. Diapers
for Johnny!
"Let's show them what we've brought for Johnny,
Russell," said Mrs. Murphy. "I'm sure there's
everything he'll need, and fortunately the boys are the
same size..." Russ finally put the box down. Now I
could see that it contained many neatly folded white
diapers, and pairs of waterproof pants. This couldn't
be happening!
Mrs. Murphy is one of those people who likes to
wring the most from a favor, and now as I sat semi-
paralyzed in shock she systematically reached into the
box and displayed various items from my new wardrobe.
"There are over a dozen of these prefolds. They're
wonderful. They're made for older kids by `Babykins',
and are six layers thick in the middle and very
absorbent. I'd put Russell in a Babykins with two of
these prefold Gerber baby diapers inside, plus a couple
of flanelette baby diapers folded inside those. The
result was rather bulky, but after all it was only for
bed, and he was a heavy wetter." I imagined what
Russell must've looked like, what I would look like.
"So's Johnny," my mom said. No secrets here. I had
to peek at Russ. He looked miserable, almost on the
verge of tears, and I wondered who felt worse. After
all, we were looking at his ex-diapers. They were my
new ones.
"So I'd suggest you do it that way too," said Mrs.
Murphy. "Oh, and here's a bag of pins. They're just
regular baby diaper pins, but they work fine and you
might as well have them."
"Let's hope they're blue," declared my humorous
brother.
She ignored him.
"And here are some of the pants. There are plastic
ones, rubber ones, and also vinyl ones that snap-on,
handy if you're going to do the diapering. They're also
Babykins products that I used to buy at a medical
supply store called `All Care' on Victoria Drive.
They're in the book. And here's a bag of various creams
for diaper rash, which seems unavoidable from time to
time. Best to keep right on top of it, or it can become
a real problem. Russell once actually missed school
because of it. There's powder too.
"So baby will smell nice," Rob said.
I could not take it all in. I was totally
humiliated. Not only had I suddenly acquired a large
collection of diapers and waterproof pants (some of
which I would be wearing that very night, I grimly
reminded myself), but here I was having my secret
openly discussed in front of relative strangers. I had
always liked Russ, but we were not close friends, and I
had only met his mom a few times when she came to our
house to play bridge with my mom and others. That Russ
now knew I wet the bed was not helped by the fact that
now I knew that he didn't anymore. I was very ashamed,
and my shame was about to get worse.
"Also, somewhere in the bottom of the box is the
wooden paddle I used on Russ' behind to encourage him
to stop wetting . I really believe it worked, and I
strongly recommend that you adopt my method," said Mrs,
Murphy. Method? Who was this horrible old bag telling
my mother I should be spanked like a naughty little
child?
"Would you use it on him every time he wet?" asked
my mom. Oh no, she was going to actually consider it.
Or was she just being polite?
"For every wetting, but not every night," Mrs.
Murphy replied. "But that's how I started. Before being
diapered in the evening, Russell would get a spanking
if he had wet the night before. But it was particularly
hard on him when he had diaper rash, and I thought of a
better way. I hung a calendar on his wall, and marked a
large `W' for every morning he was wet. Then, on Friday
evenings before being put in his diapers, Russell would
be made to lean over his bed to receive three strokes
for each wet night the previous week. There were no
exceptions, even when it caused him considerable
embarrassment." She did not say what these occasions
were, but I could imagine. Visitors, for example. They
would surely know of his punishment.
"Russell, do you think the spankings helped?" my
mother asked. She seemed definitely interested. Russ'
face was crimson, and he had tears in his eyes. He
looked like he didn't know what to say.
"Um, I don't know, I guess so..."
"Ok, Johnny, take your new things upstairs and
we'll sort them out later," said my mom. "Thanks again,
Margaret."
"Oh, don't mention it. Give him a hand, Russell,"
said Mrs. Murphy.
My knees were like jelly as I picked up the
surprisingly heavy box of diapers. On top was a pair of
snap-on vinyl or rubber pants. They looked so
incredibly babyish! I wanted to hide everything. At the
same time I felt like I might faint. Right beside the
infantile pants was a zip-lock bag containing diaper
pins. There were blue ones and white ones. I could not
believe that soon some of them would be pinning some of
these very diapers on me, and that Russ knew it, and my
brother knew it. He grabbed the diaper pail and we
started toward the stairs.
"Johnny, if you don't mind. I'd like the box back,
please," said Mrs. Murphy. She explained to my mom that
they'd be moving at the end of the month and she was
trying to collect as many boxes as she could.
"Where do you want this?" Russ asked, indicating
the diaper pail. I mumbled to put it anywhere. I put
the box down beside my bed. I didn't know where to put
everything, as my dresser was full, and the top was
full of clutter. So I began gingerly stacking the stuff
on my bed, and Russ began to help. Just touching the
diapers felt weird, and my hands were shaky. And to
think that those plastic pants were not for some baby,
they were for me! And imagine that just a little
earlier in the day I was concerned that someone might
see my plastic sheet! Now a classmate was helping me
place my diapers, my plastic and rubber pants, my
diaper pins, powder and diaper rash cream right on top
of it, and now I could not help being aware that it
smelled a little of urine. I vaguely hoped Russ
wouldn't notice, as if it mattered now! He reached into
the box to retrieve the last item- the paddle. It was
brown, about 18 inches long, and about 7 or 8 inches
wide, and had a handle with a loop of shoelace
attached. The plastic sheet rustled a little as Russ
put the paddle down. I couldn't believe it was actually
designed to administer spankings to someone like me. I
felt like crying.
"In case you were wondering, it hurts," he said.
"But the embarrassment is worse."
"I had no idea you...had a problem," I stammered.
"I knew about you `cause your mom talked to mine,"
he said. "Man I sure hated wearing those diapers. Sorry
you got stuck with them, Johnny. It sure wasn't my
idea."
"You won't tell anyone, will you?"
"No I won't," he said.
"But I might." It was Rob. "I think I'm going to
tell everyone what nice thick diapers you have, what
great plastic pants, oh and such cute diaper pins, too!
Not to mention the fact that your little butt will be
regularly paddled!"
After Russ and Mrs. Murphy left, my mom sent Rob
and me to the basement to get a metal trolley that had
been down there for ages. I don't know what its
original use was, but it had three shelves which I was
instructed to fill with my `baby' stuff. This meant I
would never be able to have friends over again, because
the loaded trolley was right out in the open, up
against my bedroom wall. The top two levels now held
diapers; below that were my waterproof pants, and on
the bottom was powder, cream, and pins. The paddle now
hung menacingly from a nail in the wall, a grim
reminder each time I glanced at it of the likelihood of
humiliating spankings to come. Also on the wall was a
calendar on which my brother had playfully added large
`W's for `Wet' in magic marker for weeks in advance.
When I complained, my mom said we'd just circle each
`W' as necessary. I was embarrassed that my exact
wetting history would be in plain view for anyone to
see.
As I made my bed, I began to dread what I knew was
about to come. Some of the shock of the evening had
worn off, and I was left with a feeling of dry-mouthed
horror at the knowledge that in a short while I would
be put in diapers for the first time since I was a
baby. I didn't know if I'd be able to stand it, but
could see no way to avoid what I now had no doubt was
inevitable.
As I finished making my bed, my mom came into the
room. Rob followed. She looked at the diaper trolley
and pronounced herself satisfied with it. Then she
removed one of the large Babykins diapers and spread it
open on the bed. It was flannelette, two layers thick
overall, with a much thicker middle panel. I could have
died right then.
"Now we can do this the easy way," she said, "or
we can do it the hard way," as she looked suggestively
toward the paddle. "But either way you're going to be
wearing diapers tonight and from now on. You can get
undressed now. You can keep your t-shirt on, but
everything else comes off, please."
"Why does he have to be here?"
"I want Rob to see how I do it in case he has to
diaper you if I happen to not be available."
"Oh, man!" I said. This was getting worse and
worse. Rob produced a false look of humility. "Glad to
be of service."
I slowly began to undress as I felt my face become
redder and redder. I hated to be seen naked by anyone,
with no exceptions. I watched shakily as my mom placed
two baby diaper prefolds along the center panel of the
Babykins, then folded three flannelette diapers in
three lengthwise and placed them on top of the
prefolds. Then she folded the sides of the Babykins
toward the center. It was really happening. My shameful
diapers were ready. But I decided I wasn't.
"Now lie down on top of your diapers, please," she
said, "so I can pin them on." I didn't move. Any
reference to the diapers or plastic pants being mine
made my stomach flutter. Now here I was, totally
embarrassed with only socks and a T-shirt on, and for
some reason I turned defiant. I don't know why- I
wasn't trying to be bad or anything, I just couldn't
let myself completely give in so easily; maybe I still
had a bit of pride.
"Are you going to lie down on top of your
diapers?"
"No! You can't make me!"
I felt myself being wrestled on to my bed. My
mother is strong- especially when she's angry- and with
my brother's help I was no match. Now I was lying on
the diapers on my stomach. I thought she was going to
diaper me that way, but then I heard her call for the
paddle, and a moment later I felt its first biting
sting. The spanking went on for a long time, and was
very painful. As I cried, I was told over and over that
this was what I could expect every time I showed the
slightest resistance to being put in diapers, whether
it was my mother, brother, or anyone else doing the
diapering. When she finished, she sprinkled a strongly
scented baby powder on my aching rear. Then she rolled
me over, told me to lift up, adjusted the diapers under
me, then sprinkled powder on my front, and pulled the
diapers up between my legs and pinned them on with a
single blue pin on either side, with the back of the
diapers overlapping the front.
She told my brother to get the snap-on pants. Then
I had to lift up again as she slid them underneath me,
brought up the front between my legs, then began to do
up the five snaps on either side. My butt was very
sore, and the diapers felt incredibly bulky around my
body, especially between my legs. When my mom was done,
she told me to stand up. I did as I was told, and they
both stood staring at me in my new ridiculous baby
clothing. I felt totally defeated, completely reduced
in status, and stared at the floor and cried.
"And by the way," my mother said "if you ever even
think of taking your diapers off without permission,
that spanking you just got will seem like a tickle
compared to what you'll get. Do you understand?"
"Yes. Can I wear pyjamas?"
"Maybe tomorrow. For now I want you to think about
what you're wearing and why. Now you can watch TV or do
whatever until bedtime." As my mom left the room, my
brother lightly spanked me on the back of my vinyl
pants. "Does poor baby have a sore bottom?"
It was such an odd, complicated sensation! I felt
so bulky, so vulnerable, so ridiculous, so ashamed! And
when I moved, the vinyl pants, my vinyl pants- crinkled
loudly as if to bring added attention to the farcical
infant I had so suddenly become.
I went downstairs, mostly to get away from Rob,
who had some homework to do in our room. I could hear
my mom putting supper things in the dishwasher in the
kitchen. I switched the TV on. There happened to be a
Pampers commercial running, and I quickly changed the
channel. I stood watching something about racing boats
on TLC (my butt was stinging such that I didn't want to
risk sitting down) but all I could think about was how
I could survive wearing diapers and being spanked like
a little kid. Right now I couldn't see a way.
I may have stood there about fifteen minutes,
oblivious to everything except my shame and self-pity,
when the front door opened and in walked Brad, my
brother's best friend. "Knock, knock, only me," he
said. He was carrying schoolwork, and was obviously
here to study with Rob. He spent a lot of time at our
house, and was considered almost a member of the
family, so it was not uncommon for him to more or less
barge in. But now I was trapped. There was no place to
hide, and no time to try anyway. I was aware of the
last few moments passing as if in slow motion before
Brad discovered that I was in diapers. I saw the look
of amazement come over his face.
"Oh man! I can't believe it! Diapers?", he finally
said. "You're actually wearing diapers? Johnny's in
diapers now?" This he asked of my mom, who on hearing
the commotion had come out of the kitchen. I was rooted
to the spot, paralyzed.
"Yes, Brad. From now on, `til he stops wetting his
bed. Enough's enough." Brad approached. He gently
lifted my T-shirt and examined my vinyl pants and took
in the obvious bulk beneath them. He actually touched
the vinyl between two of the snaps on one side, as if
he couldn't believe his eyes.
"Man, oh man, that's amazing! Well, you did warn
him, but I never thought it would actually happen..."
"Well, it's happened, all right, as you can see."
But something else had happened, which nobody
could see. Brad is just a year older than me, and he's
someone I always looked up to as a sort of model. I
thought he was just the coolest person. Now, in the raw
panic of knowing he was about to see me in such
embarrassing, debasing circumstances, I must have wet
my diapers. Incredible! I wasn't aware of it happening,
but now I knew I was wet down there, and quickly
decided to say nothing. Brad, muttering and shaking his
head, went up to work with Rob.
It only took my mom about half an hour to realize
that something was amiss. I was still watching TV
standing up when she came up from the laundry room.
"What's that smell?" She seemed genuinely puzzled.
"I don't smell anything..." I think something
shaky in my voice gave me away. Mothers can always
tell. She stared at my diaper area.
"You didn't! Come here!" She pulled on the
waistband of my pants and took a whiff. She smacked me
on the butt a few times. It made a loud noise. "You
dirty thing!"
I tried to explain that I didn't do it on purpose,
that it was my extreme dread of Brad finding out about
my diapers that had caused it to happen, a sort of
involuntary panic thing, but she was furious and
wouldn't listen.
"Well you can just stay like that until tomorrow,"
she said. "No, wait, on second thought, go and tell
your brother to make up a set of diapers like he saw me
do."
"But mom, Brad's with him. I can't tell him in
front of Brad. It's too embarrassing."
"Listen, as long as you're wearing diapers, I
figure you're entitled to about as much privacy as a
little baby, which is exactly what you'll get. Now go
and do as I said, then wait for me upstairs."
My vinyl pants rustled loudly going up the stairs,
and actually alerted Rob and Brad when I entered the
room. They both looked around. "Rob, mom told me to
tell you..."
"Speak up. Don't mumble." To Brad he added,
"Baby's just learning to talk."
"She told me to tell you to make up a set of, um,
of diapers the way she showed you, and she'll be up in
a minute." I stared at the floor. Having to say the
word `diapers' out loud made me quite dizzy.
"Why?"
"Um, I'm wet. It was an accident."
"Geez!"
"Do you want me to leave?" Brad asked. He was
looking at me, but he asked Rob.
"Nope. You better watch, in case you have to do it
sometime."
Grumbling the whole time, Rob laid out a Babykins
on my bed and began adding baby diapers the way mom
had. Then she came into the room with a wet facecloth.
She took the top off the diaper pail. Then she slowly
unsnapped my pants, putting them on my bed beside the
new diapers, unpinned my wet diapers and threw them
into the pail while throwing the pins on to the bed.
Then she roughly cleaned me with the facecloth. By now
my fresh diapers were ready.
"That's fine," she said.
"Well it's not exactly rocket science," Rob
replied.
"Now lean over your bed, please, hands on the
mattress," mom instructed me. The hidden plastic sheet
crinkled again. Who cared? She asked Rob for the
paddle, and I got six more hard smacks.
"Ow,ow, ow, man, that's got to hurt!" said Brad.
It did. But as Russ said, the embarrassment was worse.
Here I was getting my bare, already reddened ass
spanked in front of a guy I really admired. And my
stupid brother.
"He wets during the day too now?" asked Brad.
"This is the first time. He said it's your fault.
You made him do it." I was doing my best to sink into
the floor.
"Gosh, I wonder how I did that?" said Brad. There
was a bit of derision in his voice.
"Now Rob, I want you to diaper him, so I'll know
you know how in case you're needed. Johnny, lie down on
your diapers, please."
"No, wait," Rob said. "Brad, hand me the baby
powder." He sprinkled some on the diapers where my bum
would be, then lay me down and sprinkled my front, then
pulled the diapers between my legs and fastened them
tightly with the pins my mom handed him. He was more
careful with the pins than he would sometimes be in the
future. Then I had to lift up as he slid the same vinyl
pants under me, pulled up the front, and snapped them
on securely over my diapers. Now Brad had seen me get
spanked and diapered! I could never live this down in a
million years.
"Voila," Rob said, "one freshly diapered baby."
"You did very well," said my mom.
"You'll make an excellent daddy some day," said
Brad.
I felt I had lost every shred of dignity. I got
off the bed and waddled downstairs to continue watching
TV in an upright position. About half an hour later,
finished studying, Brad came downstairs and prepared to
head for home. He looked at me for a moment and said
"Well so long, Johnny. Hey man, try really hard to stay
dry and avoid those painful spankings!" He laughed. It
was not the last time that someone would feel free to
take a condescending attitude toward me because of my
problem.
Later, in bed, I worried that the news would get
out, would spread all over the neighborhood, to school,
even. Could I trust my brother and Brad not to say
anything? I didn't think so. There had always been
vague, fairly easily deniable rumors about my
bedwetting, but this diaper thing was a lot more
serious. Even if they didn't say anything (I wasn't
worried about Russ), my brother had friends over often,
and there was my `baby' stuff right out in the open.
Heck, there was `baby' me, more or less right out in
the open. Even in PJ's it would be obvious to anyone
who saw me that I was wearing thick diapers and noisy
waterproof pants. And there was my mom, who seemed not
to care who knew. And the new weekly spanking, which
anyone in the house would likely be aware of.
It felt very odd being in bed in diapers. It was
as if the diapers represented an admission of failure
and helplessness at the most basic level. I felt a deep
sense of shame and humiliation, and was reminded of it
every time I moved and my pants made noise or I felt
the bulk of the diapers between my legs. At one point I
was finally thinking about something else when my hand
came to rest on the cool vinyl, and I was startled and
horrified all over again. My butt still hurt from the
double spanking, and I felt miserable, mortified, and
babyish. I fell asleep, and when I woke in the morning
I was wet, but my bed was not. Later I would be made to
circle the appropriate `W' on the calendar, a reminder
that whatever might happen the rest of the week to make
it worse, I would be getting a spanking on Friday
evening. It was Saturday, so I had a whole week during
which to dread it. And in fact I never did receive
fewer than eighteen smacks of the paddle.
Johnny's Treatment
Part Two
As I had feared but expected, word about my
nightly diapered status slowly got out. At first I
denied everything, but over time the list of
`eyewitnesses' grew so large and the `evidence' became
so overwhelming that any further denials were
pointless. While my brother's friend Brad might not
have made a crusade of it, I know for certain that he
did talk to several kids about my wetting and the fact
that I was put in diapers every night, and they surely
told others and so on. The old snowball effect. My
brother didn't exactly hide my `secret' either- he
openly discussed my `big baby' treatment with anyone
who asked, and never left out the fact that I was
regularly spanked for it; but then he couldn't have
hidden the truth even if he wanted to, what with my
infantile clothing and associated items in plain view
in my room for his friends and anyone else to see. And
of course his buddies soon all seemed to know exactly
what the circled `W's represented on my `calendar of
disgrace', and they appeared gleefully interested in
the paddle hanging ominously under it. (`Hey Johnny- I
see you peed your diapers again last night? Come here
and bend over, young man...') Furthermore, my mom
diapered me around 7 p.m. each evening regardless of
who might be in the house. Or even in my room.
Naturally I complained about this, but she would
simply reply "Well in this house, if you behave like a
baby, you get treated like a baby, and I don't care who
knows about it," or words to that effect. Not very
original. She considered my shame a positive thing, an
incentive for me to stop wetting. So the more the
better. And of course as Friday evenings approached, my
apprehension mounted as I anticipated not only a
painful and demeaning spanking, but also the fact that
quite often friends of my brother (or sometimes of my
mother) would not only be acutely aware of my
punishment blow by blow, but then would most likely see
me shamefaced in my diapers, sometimes in tears, soon
after. I was allowed pajamas now, but there was simply
no disguising the bulk of my diapers or the rustling of
my plastic or rubber pants. And I had to get used to
people talking over me as if I really were a baby, as
if I couldn't understand. "Is he made to launder and
fold his own diapers? I hope so! I would certainly not
do it for him." This was a busybody friend of my mom's.
She kept staring at the front of my protruding pajamas,
the old cow.
"Yes, Gloria. And either he does it promptly and
properly or he knows I will hire a diaper service for
him. I actually made him call one to confirm that they
do provide diapers for older kids such as himself who
are incontinent or bedwetters, so he knows I mean
business. Johnny, what was the name of that diaper
service again?"
"Natural Diapers Unlimited," I mumbled in a shaky
voice. The lady there had asked how old I was, and told
me that indeed they do provide Babykins `youth' diapers
and inserts. No problem. Plastic or rubber pants also.
Would my mother or caregiver like to speak to her now?
No thank you.
"That's it. `Unlimited' is right! Actually Rob
keeps after me to do just that because he doesn't like
his clothes done in the same washer that's used for
Johnny's urine-soaked diapers. He's afraid his things
will smell."
Soon at the mall, at school, and on the street my
reputation was such that I was having to endure such
taunts as `Diaperboy', `Piss-head', and the like. I
especially hated to be teased by kids younger than me,
and it happened often. "Hey Johnnybaby, it's getting
late, you better toddle on home and ask your mommy to
diaper you!" Stupid stuff, but it always bothered me.
Sometimes I didn't even know the kids doing the
teasing, and I never knew when or where I might
encounter such mean comments. For instance, at
McDonald's I ran into some kids I barely knew in a
booth beside mine. I was just trying to eat an order of
fries in peace, when one of them said: "Hey look guys,
it's Johnny the toxic tot! John-boy, did you `dampen'
your diapers again last night?" No, as a matter of fact
I soaked them. And I just decided on take-out fries
after all.
Once in my desk at school I found a couple of
diaper pins along with a crude drawing of me in crayon-
yellow diapers, and a pacifier on another occasion.
Some time after that on the blackboard I noticed
someone had written `Why can't Johnny read?' But the
word `read' was dramatically crossed out and the words
`stay dry' added. The teacher didn't notice, and the
question remained there all afternoon. In my class I
had become a pariah, an object of ridicule and
derision, fair game for everyone. Teachers did not
encourage this, but actually did very little to stop
it. Russ never teased me, but he kept his distance and
I couldn't blame him. Of course no one knew that it was
his hand-me-down diapers I was wearing to bed every
night.
And there was always something new to worry about.
For example, we were assigned a Japanese exchange
student to room and board with us. My brother's bed had
been replaced by bunkbeds, and fourteen year old `Hiro'
(his name is Hiroaki, from Kyoto) would occupy the top
bunk. It's common for Japanese students to come to
Canada for six month stints of intense English language
training at various special schools. They stay with
pre-approved families and pay quite high rates for room
and board. My mom had applied, and was accepted. I
doubt she mentioned on the application form that any
prospective student would be sharing a room with a
diapered chronic wetter. Would he complain? For weeks
before Hiro arrived I worried what his reaction to my
diapers would be. Would he think I was a loser and a
retard as my brother was so fond of claiming? Would he
think me a big baby? Would he tease and humiliate me? I
didn't think I could take much more of that.
I was very nervous on that first evening after his
arrival. Hiro turned out to be about my size, and if
anything, even lighter. He seemed tired after his long
flight, and as he brought his stuff into the room, if
he noticed my supply of diapers and rubber pants and
other things, he didn't say anything. And of course my
painfully revealing calendar wouldn't mean anything to
him. Not yet, anyway. He didn't say anything, but as it
turned out he couldn't have, at least nothing I would
have understood. His English was all but non-existent,
and we tried to communicate using gestures, trial and
error, and a Fodor's travel dictionary.
As the dreaded 7 o'clock arrived, Hiro was lying
on his bunk, reading, half snoozing. I was grateful
that at least this was not a Friday, but knew that that
would come soon enough. I felt very awkward that he was
in the room, and protested, of course to no avail.
"He's going to find out all about it anyway, so it
might as well be now." Then my mom tried to make him
understand what was about to happen. She pointed to the
trolley. "Diapers." She pointed to me. "Bedwetter." She
thought if she talked loud he'd understand. "Hiro,
Johnny has to wear diapers to bed at night because he
wets the bed."
Great. Hiro didn't seem to have a clue as to what
she was saying, but unfortunately now we had his
attention. He seemed bewildered, and stared blankly in
the direction of my shameful stay-dry wear.
"Go ahead and get undressed," my mom said, as she
selected the regulation diapers and started to combine
them in the now familiar way. I hesitated. My mouth was
dry, and I had that peculiar floating feeling I get
when something awful has already begun to happen. Naked
in front of a stranger, a peer! Unceremoniously
diapered in front of our student boarder! Again I felt
faint.
"Look, I don't want to have to spank you in front
of Hiro on his first night," she said noticing my
reticence, "but you know I surely will if I'm forced
to." She looked toward the paddle. My brother had
recently offered to drill holes in it to eliminate any
`cushion' of air against the skin, therefore to render
spankings a little more painful. She was thinking about
it. I sheepishly did as I was told, then lay in
excruciating nakedness on the powdered thick rectangle
of diapers. The babyish scent of Johnson & Johnson Pure
Cornstarch already seemed to fill the room as my mom
sprinkled my front, then pulled the diapers up and
pinned them tight. Then she slid my vinyl pants under
my submissive butt and snapped me into them. I felt
totally infantilized, ashamed, horrified to be so
helpless in front of Hiro in this way.
"I wonder what poor Hiro must be thinking," she
chuckled as she finished. "I bet he's never seen
anything like this before." She read my mind, but I
wasn't laughing. I opened my eyes and got a glimpse of
him. He was wide-eyed and his mouth was open as he
stared at me laying in my bulky, waterproof state. And
his face was almost as red as mine felt. He mumbled to
himself, seemingly in disbelief. Now I had no choice
but to waddle over to my dresser if I wanted pajamas to
at least cover my ever cumbersome diapers. I was
intensely aware of my (to me) deafening diaper-pants
noise as I moved, and I knew that Hiro must be noticing
also. I could feel his eyes on my back as I walked in
short steps to try to minimize the effect. So now he
knew everything! Well, almost.
Later, downstairs, my brother and Hiro were
watching TV when I came into the room. I didn't sit
down. I was wisely testing the waters. Rob started
almost immediately.
"What's on?" I innocently asked.
"Sshhh! I'm already helping Hiro with his English.
Let me think of a word; Hiro, can you say...
`diapers'?"
"Di-pers?"
"Very good! Can you say... `baby'?"
"Ba-bee."
"Excellent! Do you know what a `spanking' is?"
"Spanking?"
"Here, I'll show you."
Without warning Rob grabbed me in a tight grip and
managed to force me over his knee. He's on the
wrestling team at school and very wiry and strong. He
held me down with his left arm and began to spank me on
my diapers with his right. It was `play' but he was
spanking me quite hard, and my vinyl pants were making
a lot of noise under my pj's. I squirmed and struggled,
but couldn't get free, and finally simply had to submit
to Rob's degrading treatment as Hiro watched with a
bemused expression. When my brother was finally
satisfied, he said "There. Spank-ing. Bad boy." I got
up and slunk up to my room in tears of helpless
embarrassment and rage. Later, recovered somewhat and
reading in bed, I was shocked when Rob and Hiro came in
to the room to prepare for bed. Hiro went over to my
supply of diapers, touched one, and said "Omutsu.
Diaper. Omutsu."
"Omutsu," repeated Rob. "Gosh, you learn something
new every day. Johnny, can you say `omutsu'?"
"Shut up."
"Pantsu," said Hiro, pointing at a pair of my
vinyl pants. "Akachan."
He slowly took in my `baby' supplies, shook his
head in incredulity and said in Japanese what I took to
mean `Man, I can hardly believe this! The kid's 13 and
still in diapers!' I had to admit he had a point, if
that's what he was thinking. After all, he had come
halfway around the world on his own to board with
strangers and immerse himself in a language that was
almost totally foreign. Pretty grown-up stuff. And what
does he find? A kid his own size and only a little
younger (I was thirteen and a half by then) whose
mother still regularly diapers him at night and whose
thick diapers are almost always soaked by morning. A
kid who has to submit to a humiliating bare-butt
spanking every week because he can't accomplish what
some three-year olds have no problem mastering. (Of
course Hiro didn't even know about my punishment yet,
but I was getting quite carried away in my self-pitying
daydream.) A kid who has to have a ridiculous, noisy
plastic sheet on his bed because sometimes he pees so
much in his sleep that his infantile rubber pants can't
hold it all.
Later in the dark I tried not to move around too
much as I imagined that Hiro might be hearing every
babyish crinkle of my mattress protector and/or vinyl
pants. I could only hope he wouldn't hear my diapers
being peed later. Soon after I dreamed that, while
sobbing naked from the waist down in my room in front
of a group of amused, quietly laughing and jeering
Japanese students, my mother spanked me (the paddle had
holes drilled in it), then diapered me using ceremonial
diaper pins which Hiro, bowing, handed her from a
package with Japanese writing on it. As she snapped my
stigmatizing vinyl pants on me, one of the students
contemptuously spat out `Akachan!', while the others
nodded and laughed in agreement. I woke up in the
morning wet as usual. Later, I looked up the Japanese
word from my dream in the Japanese-English dictionary
we had bought to help communicate with Hiro, and sure
enough: Akachan = Baby!
Hiro was mercifully not home on the first Friday
since taking up residence at our house, and I was glad
he would not be a witness to my regularly scheduled
paddling session for wetting, but Rob and Brad were
downstairs watching TV. As I shakily took off my pants
and underwear as ordered, I hoped they wouldn't hear,
but I knew there was no chance of that. My mom somewhat
redundantly checked my calendar, which I well knew
depicted a circled `W' for each of the previous seven
days. Then as I bent cowering over the bed, she took
the paddle off the wall, and began to administer the
maximum twenty-one strokes I had `earned'. That night's
diapers already lay waiting for my sore post-spanking
backside. By about the tenth whack, the combination of
humiliation and pain had usually reduced me to a
blubbering mess, and tonight was no exception. I was
still whimpering as my mom diapered me. Tonight she put
me in rubber pants. After putting on my pajamas I hung
around my room to avoid my brother and Brad, but later
they both came up in preparation of going out.
"I heard a certain chronic wetter got the max with
the old paddle, again," Brad said, condescendingly.
"Ouch. Too bad. Better luck next week, maybe."
"Oh, he always gets the max," said Rob. "'Cause
he's a maximum baby. Just check out his bedwetting
calendar."
"Here's a tip," said Brad. "Get your mom to diaper
you before your spanking instead of after. Would hurt a
lot less, but then it might be a bit tricky to convince
her..." He laughed. I decided to get out of there and
go downstairs to watch TV. As usual my waterproof pants
made loud and embarrassing rustling noises as I walked.
"Man, what a racket his rubber pants make!" said
Brad. Lucky guess.
"I know. If it wasn't so obvious already, it's
like he's wearing a neon sign that says `Look at me!
I'm in diapers! Look at me! I'm a baby!" my brother
answered. "And he reeks of baby powder, too." I went to
watch TV. Standing up.
Weeks went slowly by. I tried to keep as low a
profile as possible. I kept to myself at school (not
that I had much choice) and tried to ignore the
teasing. But I knew that even if I stopped wetting
tomorrow, then won the Nobel prize for literature, to
my fellow students I'd still be `the diaper kid', or
`piss-boy', or whatever. Forever.
At home I continued to have feelings of deep
disgrace from the time I submissively took my pants off
to be diapered until I removed my almost invariably
wet, smelly diapers in the morning, sometimes after
having to wait forever for the bathroom, thus causing
further wetness and feelings of babyish helplessness.
Once there simply wasn't time for a shower, and I had
to go to school smelling of urine. Kids around me
teased mercilessly, pretended to faint, and held their
noses.
Meanwhile Hiro, whose English was improving by the
day, didn't overtly harass me, but it was clear he
thought me infantile, and he did playfully refer to me
as `akachan' and `osinago'. Baby. ("Johnny big
baby...") He seemed genuinely bewildered that I could
still need to be in diapers at my age, and as a result
he tended to dismiss me as being beneath his interest.
Also, the few excruciating times he was around during
my spankings, he didn't seem to disapprove, and offered
me no sympathy or consolation afterward. Sometimes I
heard my name mentioned when he talked to his friends
on his cell phone, and it sounded like he was filling
them in. I sometimes heard the word `omutsu' following
my name. Also `oneshou'. Bedwetting. I wondered if
Emperor Hirohito had been informed yet.
My brother continued to make my life as miserable
as possible, and I just hated it when he had friends
over in the evening. Several had by now seen me
actually being diapered, and virtually all had seen me
wearing them. For me, being seen in diapers put me just
about as low on the totem pole of humanity as one can
get. Only a friend of his witnessing me get a spanking
first couldn't make me sink a little lower; maybe half
an inch.
Something finally happened that I knew very well
was inevitable, but nevertheless had hoped to avoid.
After supper one evening, my mom was called to a
neighbor's house. Her husband had been in a car
accident. She said she wouldn't be long, but when seven
o'clock came and she wasn't home, I started to get
nervous. Then the phone rang.
"Hello?" I already knew who it probably was, and
why she was phoning.
"Johnny, I'm going to have to be here for awhile.
Mr. Simmons will be all right, but I have to drive Mary
to the hospital, and I don't know how long I'll be. So
I think your brother is going to have to stay in, and
he's going to have to diaper you. Right now. And I
don't want you to make a fuss, or else. Understand?"
"Aw mom, Brad's here. He's right up in my room..."
"You know my attitude toward that. Give Rob the
phone, please." I did, and tried to follow the
conversation. I had butterflies in my stomach already.
And that weird, black, floating feeling.
"Hello? Hi... Aw jeez! What a pain! Aw, do I have
to? Well what if he gives me a hard time? He's bound
to. He's not going to just lie still, you know...Well
if he does make a fuss can I use the paddle on him?
Brad's here, and he can help me. Yay! `Only If you
absolutely have to,'" he repeated for my benefit, then
said goodbye and hung up. "Well, let's go get it over
with, Johnnyboy."
In our room Rob began putting my diapers together
on my bed.
"Oh man, did you get stuck with the job of
changing him?" Brad said. Hiro was downstairs. I hoped
he would stay downstairs.
"Yeah, mom's late. Hurry up, Johnny, get your
pants off. And remember, if you squawk, you're getting
the paddle. Don't try me, I'm warning you." He took the
paddle off the wall and laid it threateningly on my
bed.
"I wouldn't try him," Brad said. "Personally, if I
were you, I wouldn't squawk, or even peep." They
laughed at his wit.
I submitted. It was hard to undress in front of
them. Then my brother carelessly stuck me with a diaper
pin. Brad, my former idol, watched the whole belittling
procedure, and added a snide comment on the minor
diaper rash I usually suffered. Then to my horror Hiro
came into the room just as Rob was finishing snapping
up my waterproof pants. He looked surprised at what he
was seeing. "Rob komori," he said smiling. "Rob
babysitter today?"
"That's right, I'm a babysitter. And what does
that make you, Johnnyboy?"
"Duh, a wittle baby, I guess," answered Brad, and
sucked his thumb. Why deny it? There I was standing in
front of the three of them in just my baby-powdered
diapers, vinyl pants, and a tee-shirt. What could I
say?
About a week later, a particularly embarrassing
thing happened. I was just putting my pajamas on after
being diapered when my mother noticed a stain on the
back of my pj bottoms which she touched and felt to be
damp. She also complained of a urine smell. The night
before, my diapers had leaked a little and got a tiny
section of my pj's a bit wet. I thought nothing of it
and just threw them in my drawer in the morning, where
because of poor air circulation I guess they hadn't
quite dried. Now my mom had noticed and was making a
big deal about it.
"You're not wearing damp and smelly pajamas around
the house," said my mom. "You can just take them off."
"But there's just one problem," I said. "My other
pair's already in the wash. I'll have nothing to wear."
"You should have thought of that before. You can
put them back on after you've run them through the
laundry. Now take them off and go and do it please and
then you can come back and finish your homework." At
least she said please. But there was another little
problem. This was bridge night, meaning there were
three of my mother's card cronies downstairs, and one
of them, when a babysitter had called in sick, had
brought her visiting 12 year old nephew along rather
than miss out on the evening. In order to get to the
laundry room, I would have to pass in front of all of
them in just my diapers and tee-shirt. I might have
been brave enough to ask Hiro to lend me some pj's, but
neither he nor my brother was around, and I didn't dare
borrow a pair of his or Rob's without asking. Now my
mother was back downstairs while I stood in my room
shifting from foot to foot (even that made my pants
crinkle) while trying to screw up my courage. I thought
maybe I could sort of bundle up my pajamas and try to
hide behind them, but I didn't think it would work too
well. And there were still the noisy pants and fresh
baby-powder smell. I was a goner. I waited as long as I
dared, then took a deep breath and started a surreal
voyage downstairs. Near the bottom was the nephew,
watching TV. He was the first to spot me. Of course he
stared wide-eyed, seemingly disbelieving. He called
across the room to the card table. "Aunt Jessica, how
come that kid is wearing diapers?" They all looked up.
I stopped dead, holding the balled-up pajamas at chest
level in both hands. They did smell a little.
"Carl, meet Johnny; Johnny, this is my nephew
Carl, from Calgary." We didn't shake hands.
"Auntie, why's he wearing diapers? He's bigger
than me."
"I don't know, Carl. Why don't you ask him why?"
"How come?" asked Carl. It was almost a demand.
The card game was in suspension. So was I. I wished it
was by the neck until dead.
"Um, `cause sometimes I wet my bed," I managed to
stammer.
"Wow. I never even met a bedwetter before. I
thought only babies did that. Do you do it every
night?"
"Well..." I looked at my mom. She returned my look
meaningfully. "Pretty much," I admitted. "Excuse me, I
have to get to the laundry." My diapers never felt so
thick or my pants so loud as I trudged self-conscious
and mortified past everyone toward the kitchen and the
stairs to the basement. "How come he wets his bed?" I
heard Carl ask.
With the machine going, again I had to eventually
force myself to leave the safety of the laundry room to
face who knew what new humiliation. My face was just
burning. As expected, Carl was waiting. "Is it true
your mom even diapers you? And you even get a spanking
for wetting your diapers?"
"Yes." If I had denied it, my mom would have
stepped in and made it worse.
"Man, you're just like a big baby." Tell me about
it, Carl, you little twelve year old twerp. I toddled
off as the ladies began on a discussion regarding the
merits of spankings for enuretics. My mother's position
was that even if spanking eventually proved ineffective
as a deterrent to bedwetting, "... and it's 'way too
early to say...", it still provided a powerful reminder
regarding a parent's disapproving attitude toward the
wetting behavior. I couldn't concentrate on my homework
knowing they were discussing such things (what was
Carl's opinion on the matter?) and that of course they
would all see me again when I went to put the pj's in
the dryer. This time on the way up Carl just shook his
head. "Man. I can't believe it!" he said. "Thirteen and
he still has to get diapered like a little baby!
Believe it or not, Carl.
Then something really bad happened. One Monday, on
her way to the laundry room my mother slipped on the
basement stairs, and suffered a separated shoulder and
a broken wrist. She went to hospital by ambulance, and
came back with her wrist in a cast and her arm in a
sling. Naturally I felt very awful for her, but I began
to feel bad for my selfish self also as the
implications began to sink in. Yikes! Who would diaper
me? Just as bad or even worse, who would inflict my
degrading punishments while she recovered? Oh, I could
guess who...
Rob was not at all happy with his regular new
chores, which he carried out with maximal derision and
with very little regard for my privacy or dignity (not
that this represented much of a change), and he was
quite careless with diaper pins, too. Now I had to make
up my own set of diapers each evening, with the threat
of severe repercussions if I ever used fewer than
specified by my mom, something which seemed pointless
to me anyway. Would I appear any less babyish overall
for wearing one or two fewer baby diapers inside my
Babykins? But the new arrangement was really
inconvenient when Rob planned to be out for the
evening, because then I'd be put in my infantilizing
diapers before he left, once as early as 5 o'clock. I
had to sit diapered at the supper table in front of
Hiro and my mom. I was glad Hiro hadn't asked anyone
over to eat, at least.
However, my first spanking in my brother's charge
was almost a relief after the anxiety I had built up
over the week. As it turned out, he only spanked me
about as hard as my mom, who included enough physical
and mental discomfort that any more would be overkill,
but that's what I was afraid of. I think she warned him
not to go overboard. But once again I first had to
undress in front of Brad, which for me was almost as
bad as the disciplining itself. Then it was torturous
being made to lean over my bed with a bared bum, and
being sadistically made to wait a little while for the
first burning smack of the paddle while knowing my
brother's friend was watching everything, taking in
every detail of my disgrace. I began to cry around the
fifth stroke, wishing my brother to hurry it up to at
least get my ego-crushing spanking over with. He took
his time, but finally it was over, and as I lay
blubbering while passively having my diapers pinned on,
another total defeat, Brad said, "Has he really always
got the full 21 smacks?"
"Nah," said Rob. "I think he only got 18 once."
I was still sniffling as he snapped me into my
hated vinyl pants. As I stood up shakily, Brad
playfully swatted my sore behind a few more times with
his hand. "Stay dry, Johnny. Just stay dry! That's my
advice to you."
Then later in the week the plan hit a big snag.
Rob had a chance to go camping for the weekend with
Brad and some other friends, and no one thought he
should miss out just because of having to diaper me.
"You could take him with you," suggested my mom.
Rob seemed to consider it.
"Nah, it's just not practical. Besides, the guys
don't want to be hanging around with a kid who's still
in diapers. It's embarrassing." Brad was shaking his
head. "It's a big boy thing."
"No, I have to agree," conceded my mom. Whew!
Under the circumstances I didn't think I'd have been a
very happy camper.
"What about Hiro? He could easily do it. He
wouldn't mind." My stomach lurched. No!
"He'll be away the same time as you. He's going to
the island on a field trip with his class over the
weekend."
"Got it," Brad said, snapping his fingers. "Why
don't you hire a babysitter?"
"What?" my mom asked.
"Sure. You must know someone whose son or daughter
baby-sits. Hire someone just to come in on Friday and
Saturday evening, diaper Johnny, and that's it!"
"Sure, why not?" my mom replied. "And I think I
know of somebody, too."
A plan was worked out whereby, incidentally, I
would be spanked in advance on Thursday evening on the
understanding (`In the unlikely event' was how my
brother put it) that if, big if, I was dry on Friday,
then three smacks would be deducted from next week's
`earnings'. That's how much faith they had in me. The
next day I heard my mom on the phone. She explained to
someone down the street called Monica that she had had
a slight accident and was in a bind regarding diapering
her son over the weekend. It was just for bedwetting.
Didn't Monica have a daughter who babysat? Karen,
that's right. Could Karen possibly stop by on Friday
and Saturday at 7 o'clock? It would only take a minute,
and she'd be well paid. I'll hold on... She could?
Great! See her then. And thanks!
Karen arrived promptly at five to seven on Friday.
I answered the door. I was shaking, then even more as I
realized she seemed to be only around 15, and was with
a guy around the same age. I recognized him from
school, but we had never spoken. "Hello, I'm Karen, and
this is my boyfriend Kevin. We're just on our way to a
movie."
"I'm uh, Johnny. Pleased to meet you." My mom
heard from the kitchen. "Is that Karen? Thanks for
coming, Karen, you're a godsend! Wait, I'm just
coming."
"So where's the nursery? Is the baby upstairs?"
Karen asked.
"Um, baby?" I stammered. This was bad. This was
terrible. My mom came into the room. She looked
surprised when she saw Karen.
"Hello Mrs. Nash, I'm Karen, and this is Kevin, my
boyfriend. We're on our way to a movie. Gosh, I hope
your shoulder isn't too sore? That sling looks like a
good idea. Is the baby upstairs? We only have a
minute."
My mom looked bewildered. I was beyond bewildered.
All of a sudden I was downright terrified.
"Baby? Oh, I see! I think there's been a
misunderstanding. I'm afraid you're looking at the
`baby'. Johnny here wets the bed and I keep him in
diapers at night." I stared very hard at the floor. "
But with this darn thing..." She indicated the sling.
"Oh, my mom thought there was a baby. Like a
toddler or something, in toilet training. Gosh. I dunno
if I can do it. Given our relative closeness in age and
difference in gender, I honestly don't think it would
be appropriate for me to diaper your son, do you? She
was blushing. So was I. "How old is Johnny, by the
way?"
"Thirteen," answered my mom. I almost added `And a
half,' but bit my tongue.
"Oh, I completely I agree, Karen. For some reason
I thought you were around 19," said my mom. "Well.
Sorry about this."
"But what'll you do?" Karen asked.
"I'm not sure," said my mom. Dared I hope for one
or two diaperless nights?
"Maybe I could help, ma'am" said Kevin. No Kevin!
Shut up! Don't help! "Perhaps I could do it for you.
After all, we're both guys, so that's not a problem.
And you see, I have a seven year old brother who's
still in diapers at night. He's mentally challenged. So
I have lots of diapering experience. If you like, I can
diaper Johnny, here. Only take a minute. And Karen said
it's for two nights? We can come back tomorrow also. Up
to you, but it's no problem at all."
I was told to go upstairs, make up a set of
diapers, get undressed, and wait for Kevin. Any
deviation would result in you-know-what. Great! Maybe I
should paste up pictures of myself alternately naked,
getting spanked, and in diapers on billboards all over
town and just get it over with and make sure everybody
knew. I felt pale and shaky as I waited. He finally
came. He surveyed my diapers waiting on the bed. Now I
felt totally at a loss.
"Does your mom powder you?"
"Yes, it's on the trolley over there. She puts
some on the diaper (that word again!) under my butt,
and then sprinkles some on my, um, front." Kevin
sprinkled the whole inside surface, then had me lie
down, and pulled the diapers up between my legs, and
carefully pinned them tight with pins he brought with
the powder and held lightly in his mouth, just like my
mom did.
"Which pants does she usually use?"
"Vinyl ones. Snap-ons".
"Lift up." I couldn't believe this stranger was
actually giving me orders, snapping me into my vinyl
pants after putting me in my diapers as a favor to my
mother. It was nightmarish. What next? And this guy
went to my school! And he was all business, too. No
small talk with Kevin. no baseball scores, no weather
chit-chat. It was like he was diapering a mentally-
disabled little kid. Or a baby.
"There you go. All done."
I wanted to hide upstairs, but soon heard my mom
calling. I quickly put pajamas on and reluctantly went
down. The three were standing near the front door,
which was open. I had to cross the room. Crinkle,
crinkle, crinkle.
"Did you remember to say thank you to Kevin?" my
mom asked.
"Um, thanks, Kevin." Thanks a lot, pal...
"No problem, Johnny. Mrs. Nash, I noticed he's got
a fair bit of diaper rash. At home we have a very good
new ointment that we use on Kyle. Should I bring some?"
"Please! If you wouldn't mind, Kevin. Thank you!
Johnny, did you thank Karen?"
Karen was losing the battle to politely avoid
staring at my diaper area.
"Thanks, Karen."
"No problem. Glad we could work something out."
She blushed. "Well, we'll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Nash,
same time." Sigh. Something to look forward to.
The next evening unfolded similarly, except that
Kevin ordered me to lie on my diapers on my stomach. I
felt a dab of coldness on my backside, then heard a
rustling noise. A moment later I realized that Kevin
had put on a pair disposable medical gloves. He spread
the diaper-rash cream all over my backside, then told
me to turn over, and repeated the process between my
legs and on my front. He did it with the detached
professionalism of a trained hospital attendant or
nurse, but I still found it wildly embarrassing, and my
eyes teared up. He ignored this and diapered me as the
day before, generously leaving the rest of the ointment
behind for future treatments. Again I was called
downstairs to thank them. My diapers felt strange and
sticky inside the rubber pants he put me in by pulling
them part way up, having me stand up, then, pushing my
hands away, pulling them up over my diapers. This time
Karen stared fairly openly. Bye, bye!
My mom slowly began getting better. The cast had
come off her wrist, but she still found it very stiff,
and she continued to have pain in her shoulder, though
it was much diminished. So my brother continued to be
charged with my nightly diapering as well as the weekly
infliction of the usual twenty-one strokes of the
paddle. This was bad enough, but he always seemed to
make sure at least one of his friends was around for
the spectacle (and once three teasing, giggling gawkers
were present). Whether this was done deliberately (with
the approval or even encouragement of my mom) to
maximize my shame or out of sheer insensitivity I don't
know, but it was effective. Not in terms of making me
wet any less, but in making me feel like a naughty
toddler, helpless to prevent such humiliating
treatment, and perhaps even deserving of it after all.
Perhaps I was beginning to accept my infantile status,
but I still had one big fear- above all I didn't want
to be punished and diapered by Hiro, and prayed my
mom's healing would be complete before there was any
chance of that happening. But it seems St. Jude wasn't
listening.
By now I had been wearing and wetting my donated
Babykins long enough that they were becoming flat and
less absorbent, while my most used waterproof pants
were showing signs of age and yellow discoloration, as
well as an apparent permanent faint smell of urine
which greatly irritated my mom's sensitive nose. She
decided it was time for some new supplies, and asked
the name of the medical supply store that Mrs. Murphy
had mentioned.
"All-Care," I gulped. That and everything else
about the horrible evening of Mrs. Murphy's visit with
her ex-bedwetter son Russell was etched permanently in
my memory.
"Well you can call them and see if they have what
you need in stock. Six Babykins youth diapers, and,
say, two snap-on vinyl pants and two pull-up rubber
pants. We can get new baby diapers at Wal-Mart to use
as inserts. There's the yellow pages."
I had to clear my throat several times, and it
still wasn't easy to speak. My voice kept going way up.
"I was wondering; do you have, um any um, Babykins
medium youth diapers? I need six. I mean, six are
needed. White?" My mom indicated that was ok. "And, um,
rubber and vinyl pants, same size? Two each." I nodded
to my mom. She handed me her Visa card, and I read the
number and expiry date into the phone.
"Say that you'll pick them up Friday, that's
tomorrow," ordered my mom. I did, my heart thumping.
My mom found a parking spot right outside the
store, which had wheelchairs, hospital beds, neck
braces, bathroom aids, and many other medical devices
and supplies displayed in two large show-windows. She
had other errands, and impatiently told me to hurry.
Don't worry! I even closed the car door carefully so as
not to draw undue attention on the sidewalk. I had
hoped there would be no one else in the store, but I
could see customers inside. I would've walked around
the block a few times, but of course my mom was
watching. It wasn't easy, but I went in.
"Can I help you?" I wasn't expecting this. He
looked 19, maybe a college student. I wanted to run,
but I was fighting off a weird form of paralysis. All
along the wall beside me were stacks of packaged
disposable diapers for youth, for adults, bins of
individual disposable diapers, and shelves containing
bins of individually packaged Babykins cloth diapers,
waterproof pants, plastic sheets, bed-pads, all
labeled. It was overwhelming. I felt I shouldn't be
there, but I couldn't move. The woman who I took to be
the owner stood behind the counter. Further down the
room, an elderly couple was examining an aluminum
walker, which I thought I could probably use myself at
the moment. I was trying to be discreet. I practically
whispered.
"I called..." He gave me a blank look.
"Yesterday." Still nothing. "About, um diapers?
Babykins?"
"Ah yes, six `flannelettes' and four waterproof
pants?" He approached the counter at the same time as a
young man with two different diabetes blood-testing
kits who began to ask questions of the woman. My guy
politely interrupted.
"Excuse me. Mom? This is the boy for the Babykins
order."
She picked up a paper bag and placed it on the
counter. It was stacked too full to be folded at the
top, revealing a pair of packaged vinyl snap-on pants.
"By the way," said the son, "no problem with the
youth diapers, but we made a mistake and had to give
you three vinyl pants and one pair of rubber pants
instead of two and two. Is that ok? Same price." The
other customer gave me very strange looks, up and down.
He looked at my pants. I silently wished him high blood
sugar. My knees were knocking.
"That's fine," I choked. Through body language I
tried but failed badly to communicate `Oh, Granny won't
care...'
"Do you want to check with your mom if that's ok?"
He looked toward the car outside. Everyone did, even
me.
I finally escaped to the car with my revealing
package, which my mom insisted on dismantling to
examine each item. People might see! A couple of
errands later and we were at Wal-Mart. I tagged along
with her as she picked up a carrying basket and checked
a short list, hoping she'd forget about the baby
diapers she had mentioned. But I guess she already
reached that item on the list, and abruptly told me to
go to the infants' department downstairs and to come
back with two packages.
"Just bring them, we'll pay with the rest of the
stuff. And remember, it's `Snugabye' flannelette
diapers you want. Flat, not prefold. And you could use
more baby powder, too." Customers were listening. I
sneaked self-consciously around the baby department,
avoiding staff, mothers, and mothers-to-be, while
instantly inventing a cute little infant brother in
case he might be necessary as cover. Sweet little
`Joey' wasn't needed after all, as I found what I was
looking for, grabbed the diapers and a container of
baby powder, and raced back upstairs to find my mom.
Now the problem was finding her. I was acutely
aware of my excruciating burden as I went vainly from
department to department. I tried to hide the
`Snugabye' labels on the packages, but a package of
cloth diapers is a pretty obvious thing, especially
when accompanied by a second one and a container of
baby powder. My mouth was as dry as if I had swallowed
some of the Johnson & Johnson's.
I finally found her in linens, where she had
already picked out some fitted flannelette sheets for
my bed, and was in the process of selecting a new
plastic mattress cover. I wondered whether she chose
according to how noisy it would be. She verified my
diaper selection, then placed everything in the basket,
and off we went to the in-store McDonalds, much against
my better judgement.
My mom wanted coffee, and I wanted only to get out
of there. We sat more or less in the middle of the
restaurant area, with the incriminating basket pulled
up close to the table on a chair. As my mom went to get
her coffee, I had a feeling something would go wrong. I
thought it would be wise to bury the diapers under the
less incriminating flannelette sheets in the basket in
case someone I knew came along. As I began to do that,
I noticed the plastic sheet was very noticeable also.
So I grabbed that first and was about to stuff the
package underneath when I felt it taken out of my grasp
from behind. I turned. It was Brad and friends.
"Been shopping, Johnny? What have we got here?"
There were four of them; Brad, Craig Simon and his
brother Rick (who was in my class!), and a friend of my
brother's and Brad's named Derek. Brad read from the
package: "`fitted 100% waterproof vinyl mattress
protector'. That's very nice. Your mom buying it for
you?"
"Maybe it's his birthday," Rick added. "Hey,
what's this?" He picked up a package of Snugabyes.
"`Ten flannelette baby diapers.' These still fit you,
Johnny?"
"They go inside his big-boy diapers, to make them
more absorbent," insider Brad explained. "Heavy
wetter." My mom came back with her coffee. Brad greeted
her, and the four boys sat at a table beside us. They
talked quietly, but could not contain their laughter,
and I knew it was about me. I felt awful sitting there
with personal baby diapers in plain view. When things
quieted down a little, Brad spoke to my mom. "I see you
got Johnny some nice new things," he said. This brought
renewed torrents of suppressed laughter.
"And that's not all," she said. "You should see
what he's got in the car."
"Johnny! Don't tell me! New Babykins, I bet! New
diaper pants! Even new pins, perhaps? Well, this is
your lucky day! Of course I forgot; it is a Friday..."
As we left there was more mirth as Brad pantomimed in
turn both the wielder of a paddle and a squirming,
blubbering spanking recipient. After that, going
through the check-out was a breeze. Once home I was
told to bring my new `baby' stuff up to my room.
Now there was only one other hurdle, but I didn't
have a chance. It was Friday. As my mom was so much
better, I expected that my brother would deliver one
last spanking, and then things would get back to
normal, so to speak. I thought I could take it,
especially if no one else was there to see it. Once
again I had twenty-one strokes coming.
"Where's Rob?" It was almost suppertime.
"Oh, he won't be home. Late basketball practice,
then he's staying over at Brad's." Of course; why
bother to inform the baby?
"But..."
"Don't worry, other arrangements have been made."
Other arrangements! Not Kevin! Oh no, not Hiro!
Hiro arrived home and he was not alone. He
introduced us to a friend and fellow student called
Yoshi, roughly the same age and slight build as Hiro.
They had been going to study at Yoshi's, but altered
their plans to accommodate my mother. And me, of
course.
During supper there was not a lot of conversation.
I contemplated what was coming, and picked at my food.
I knew that even if I begged my mom, my punishment
would still happen, that Hiro would carry it out. Worse
than my worst nightmare, because he had a friend with
him.
"You're sure you don't mind, Hiro?" asked my mom.
"I know it's a lot to ask, and not very pleasant, but
there's no one else. I asked Kevin, the boy who came
when you were away, but he wasn't available."
"No problem." Hiro and Yoshi talked quietly back
and forth, as if Hiro were explaining. I recognized
some familiar words, and quietly, morbidly looked up
some others. `Diaper', `spanking', `bedwetting'. In
response to a question by Yoshi, Hiro replied `juusan'.
Thirteen years old. "No!" said Yoshi. That I
understood.
"While Hiro has more dessert, I want you to go
upstairs and get ready," my mom said. "Make up a
diaper- you can use new ones, and get new pants ready,
and then get undressed and wait, please. Oh, and while
you're waiting, you can strip your bed and remake it
with your new plastic cover and a flannelette sheet.
And no fuss please, or it'll be worse."
I sheepishly went upstairs, and did as I was told.
I had never seen a new Babykins diaper before, and in
spite of my extreme nervousness I was surprised at its
size and thickness, its overwhelming, sterile
whiteness. With the other also un-shrunk baby diapers
inside, I would be padded as never before. I found it
helped to keep busy. I made up the diaper and powdered
it to spare myself the humiliation of having Hiro do
it. I put the diaper on the chair near my desk with
pins on it so that he wouldn't have to search for them,
or ask me where they were. I couldn't believe that
Hiro's fingers would be using these pins to fasten my
diapers in a few minutes. Next I opened a package and
readied a new pair of vinyl pants which I left on top
of the diaper. I though it better than having Hiro do
it. I had put off getting undressed as long as I could,
but now did so, leaving on my socks and tee-shirt as
usual. It always felt extremely weird having to strip
specifically for a spanking, then diapers, but never
more than now.
Feeling extremely embarrassed, vulnerable, and
keenly aware of just what I was waiting for, I took the
bedclothes off my bed and placed them in a heap on the
floor. I opened the package containing my new plastic
sheet, and turned it out. It was fairly thick, white,
and noisy as expected. I moved the bed out a little
from the wall, and fit the cover to the foot, then
moved forward. I secured the head, then smoothed it out
until it was tight all over.
Then Hiro was behind me. I hadn't heard him come
in. He looked at me, examined my calendar, and shook
his head a little. Then I felt dread as he slowly
reached for the paddle, and gently took it off its
hook. I was going to protest that my bed wasn't ready
yet, but he gently but firmly took my shoulder and bent
me over until my hands lay on the plastic sheet, then
spread my legs a little with his foot. He took my
diaper off the chair and opened it up in readiness on
the bed beside me, placing the vinyl pants back on the
chair. It felt extremely strange to see him handle my
diaper stuff. Now I braced for the first blow. Instead
I heard Yoshi talking excitedly, with his companion
answering. I heard Yoshi leave the room. Hiro touched
me on the backside lightly with the paddle and said
"Stay, please." I maintained that ridiculous exposed
position for half a minute, waiting helplessly to be
spanked. I was already sniffling.
Finally Yoshi said "Ok, go!" I could hear a low
whirring sound, and then the sound and sting of the
paddle smacking against my skin. He hit me pretty hard,
then again and again and again. I had been determined
not to cry, but my nerves were shot even before Hiro
began. This is what I had dreaded more than anything,
and it was all coming true. Hiro made no concession to
companionship or compassion; he spanked me with a firm
and steady rhythm, but one that lacked specific malice;
he was merely giving me, on behalf of my mother, what
they both thought I deserved.
And Yoshi was videotaping my punishment. That was
the sound I had heard. Now I could see him out of the
corner of my eye as he moved in on various angles. The
spanking went on. I had been silently counting the
blows, and now Yoshi counted out loud. "Juukuu,
juusan...," Nineteen, twenty. And finally, twenty-one.
It was over. Now, before I could even rub my stinging
behind, Hiro guided me firmly down onto my diapers.
Even though I had pre-powdered, he sprinkled me anyway,
perhaps for the benefit of the camera, which continued
to roll. He pulled my diapers up between my legs, and
pinned them securely in place. They felt huge, and slid
a little on the plastic sheet.
Next he prepared my vinyl pants and said "Up." I
lifted up and he slid them under my burning diapered
bottom. Their newness held a certain soft stiffness,
and a clean rubbery smell, and they made noise as he
manipulated them into place. The camera watched as they
covered my diapers in front, and as Hiro snapped up
five snaps on one side, then the other. I was never so
overwhelmed with shame as he stood me up, and I tried
to hide my teary face from the world. Yoshi seemed to
pass instructions to Hiro, who turned me around so that
my back was to the camera. Hiro patted my bum and
laughingly said "Omutsukabure." Diaper rash. Then Yoshi
shot a side view of me, then front, then sitting on the
side of the bed. All the time I tried to hide my face.
When they finally went downstairs I finished making my
bed like an automaton. I didn't even bother putting
pajamas on until much later, and when I did I realized
that I was already quite wet.