It wasn’t even ten o’clock in the morning and Mrs. Hardymon already felt like she had had an exhausting day. “What’s up with these boys and their diapers?” she wondered. “How come her nephew, her son, and his two friends are so strongly attracted to them? Had she made a mistake when Tyler was five and she put him back into thick overnight diapers to try to encourage him to become dry? No sense wasting energy trying to figure that one out,” she concluded. “Some things are simply inexplicable.”
The doorbell rang and she went to greet her mother-in-law. The elder Mrs. Hardymon carried a large manila envelope with her.
“How are you doing, Melinda?” she asked with concern.
“I’m doing OK. The morning has been hectic but we can talk about that later.”
“Is Luke home?”
“No, not yet. I’m really not surprised since it seems that he had several beers last night. He’s not used to drinking so I’m sure he must have a terrible hangover this morning.”
“Well, his stupid behavior deserves no better, if you ask me.”
At another time, Melinda might felt disloyal agreeing with her mother-in-law’s rather harsh judgment. Today, however, she chose not to disagree with it.
“I’m rather glad that you arrived before he did, though. I got the feeling earlier that you had a good idea of what might be troubling him.”
“Yes, dear, I’m sure that I do. Before we talk I would like you to read what’s inside here,” Sarah said pulling out a thick wad of paper from the envelope. “Sit here and read,” Sarah suggested. “Is Tyler in his room? Do you think he would mind if I went up to say hello?”
Melinda was already involved in her reading and she gave a distracted, “Go on up. I’m sure he’d like to see you.”
Sarah knocked on her grandson’s door.
“Honey, it’s grandma. May I come in?”
“Uh, sure,” Ty answered in a quiet voice.
She entered and could see that he was nervous about her first reaction. She had already decided that she would acknowledge his diaper wearing right away and then let him know that she accepted him however he wanted to dress.
“Well, don’t I get a hug this morning?” she asked enthusiastically.
Relief swept over his face as he realized that his grandmother wasn’t going to lecture him about his diapers. In fact, what she did caught him by surprise. After hugging him and kissing him on the cheek she gave his bottom a couple of approving pats and asked, “So, tell me, are you glad that your mom caught you wearing your cousin’s diapers?”
He hadn’t thought of things in that perspective so he didn’t quite know how to answer.
“I’m sorry,” his grandmother backtracked, “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
“It’s OK, grandma. I just hadn’t thought of it that way. Now that you ask, yes I am happy to be able to wear diapers all the time. I just wish that dad didn’t hate me now.”
“Don’t even think such a thing. That’s just not true,” his grandmother reassured him. “That’s why I’ve come over here today. There are some things that your dad and I have to talk about. After your dad comes home, I hope we can all sit down together and do something to help him.”
“Did dad do something bad? Is he in trouble?”
“Oh. No nothing like that. I didn’t mean to scare you. This is more personal. Today, your dad is going to need you to help him grow up a little bit. Can I count on you?”
“Of course,” Ty said unhesitatingly.
“Good. I knew that you would say that.”
The elder Mrs. Hardymon went back downstairs to see if he daughter-in-law had finished with the contents of the envelope. She had indeed read all the papers and was sitting pensively awaiting Sarah’s return.
“This explains so much,” Melinda said. “Ever since I’ve known Luke there were certain things in his behavior that I found odd. Nothing extreme, of course, just odd. Now I know where they come from. Thank you.”
“Oh no, please don’t thank me. I should have told you these things years ago. But Luke was always adamant that they weren’t important any more. I think that yesterday proved otherwise. We’ve got to make sure that Luke doesn’t drive a wedge between himself and Tyler.”
“I agree completely. But how?” Melinda wondered.
“I’ve given that some thought since we spoke this morning. I’m no psychologist but it seems to me that Luke is acting like a thirteen year old again because he’s never allowed himself to admit his weaknesses. Again, I blame myself because I let him and his father railroad me into believing that everything would somehow magically go away. I never actually believed that, and now I feel guilty for not acting sooner. When Luke gets home I’ll lay my cards on the table,” she said pointing to the papers lying in front of her, “and we’ll go from there. I expect that Luke will be upset with me but it will be worth it if gets him back on track with Tyler. It frightens me terribly that Tyler is beginning to think that his father doesn’t love him anymore over such a silly thing as wanting to wear diapers.”
“What if it doesn’t work?” Melinda worried.
“I don’t know,” Sarah admitted. “I really don’t know.”
Luke didn’t get home. for another forty-five minutes. He didn’t look very well. His drinking binge the night before left him much the worse for wear. If he was surprised to see his mother he didn’t show it. He was an intensely private person and even though he knew that his wife must be upset with him over his behavior last night he hoped that his mother was unaware of it. He didn’t have to wait long to find out that not only was she aware of it but that it was the cause of her visit this morning.
“Luke,” his mother said, “will you join Melinda and me? We have some thing to discuss.”
Almost before he had settled onto the couch, she thrust the medical records toward him. Since he had never seen them before he was momentarily confused. As awareness dawned on him he looked pleadingly toward his mother. ‘Don’t reveal these to my family,’ his gaze seemed to say. His mother, however, was determined to have the truth exposed once and for all.
“Luke, Melinda has already read them. As a nurse she clearly understands what they mean. Isn’t it time that you lower your defenses and let your wife and family know everything there is to know about your past?”
Whatever reaction either of them had expected it wasn’t the one they got. Luke’s eyes pooled up with tears that began streaming down his face. He slowly rocked back and forth, his body racked by sobs.
“Why can’t you leave this in the past?” he gasped. “No one needs to know. It’s all over, forgotten, healed.”
“If it’s healed, why did you turn on your son last night?” Sarah demanded.
“I was drunk.”
“You haven’t gotten drunk in the fifteen years we’ve been married,” Melinda pointed out.
“That’s right,” Sarah agreed. “Why did you get drunk last night?”
“Because…, because it all came back to me… how kids can treat you when you’re different… even when it’s not your fault. Tyler doesn’t know- I’ve got to make him understand, to stop him.”
“So far, you’ve only managed to hurt him. He’s no longer sure if you love or hate him. He understands perfectly well that his wanting to wear diapers makes him different from his friends. Your actions are making him think that he is unlovable for what he has chosen. Is that what you want him to believe?”
“No, of course not. But what does all this stuff from the past have to do with anything?” he challenged.
Melinda answered the question.
“Now that I’ve read your file I can see that many things are unchanged- physically, that is. You didn’t tell me the whole truth when you said you needed pads in your underwear to prevent embarrassment from ‘slight dripping’. Also, I now understand why you get up about five times a night. It has nothing to do with chronic insomnia, you trained yourself to do that, didn’t you? You may have spent years kidding yourself that your problem had gone away but I can see that it hasn’t- and you know it, too. Why can’t you trust me? Us- your family?”
This last part sounded accusatory and she wished that she hadn’t asked it but it couldn’t be taken back. Melinda wanted to close up the distance between herself and her husband. She went over to the couch and sat beside him. When he made no motion to reject her, she placed her arms around his shoulders and pulled him close. He meekly complied. Her gentle stroking of his hair was deeply comforting.
“Thank you,” he whispered as he straightened himself up. “Now what?”
Neither Melinda nor Sarah wanted to push him too hard, especially since he seemed to be moving in a favorable direction.
“OK,” he said as much to himself as to his wife and mother, “I guess I’ve got to talk to Tyler and Josie. The sooner the better, I think. Are they home?”
Melinda explained that Tyler was in his room and that Josie had not come down yet. Luke decided that he wanted to speak to Ty alone. He went up to his son’s room and knocked.
“Yeah?”
“It’s me,” his dad announced. “Can I come in? I’d like to talk to you.”
“Sure,” he answered uncertainly. He suddenly felt embarrassed about his diaper and plastic pants.
Sitting down on the bed Luke invited Ty to join him.
“Son, I’m really sorry about my behavior toward you and Eddie last night. It will never happen again, I promise. I love you very much and I never want to lose you. I hope you can forgive me.”
Ty was touched by his dad’s sincerity. He willingly accepted his dad’s hug and hugged him back harder than he could ever remember doing before.
“Now,” his dad said, “I’d like to tell you and Josie some stories about me when I was a kid. I know that they’re not an excuse for how I acted, but I hope that it will help you understand me better.”
“Sure,” Ty answered eagerly. It was funny but his embarrassment about his dad seeing him in his diaper was suddenly gone.
Sarah was waiting alone in the den. Ty and his father sat next to each other on the couch. Melinda returned a minute later and announced that Josie felt a lot better and that she would be down soon. The few minutes they spent waiting for Josie were a little awkward but Sarah managed to keep the conversation going. Josie arrived and Luke cleared his throat nervously.
“I have always told you kids that whenever you have a problem you should come and talk to me or mom. I have told you that in a family we share each other’s problems so that they become easier to bear. For a long time I’ve had a problem that I haven’t shared with you the way I should have. I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you and mom.”
He paused, unsure of how to continue. He didn’t want Ty and Josie to pity him; he wanted them to learn the value of trust. Perhaps he had waited too long to try to teach them this lesson. “Well,” he thought to himself, “whatever happens, I hope I don’t mess my kids up by what I’m about to share with them.”
“Let me start at the end, OK? Ty, I reacted to Eddie and you the way I did last night because you reminded me of something from my childhood and teenage years. I wore diapers and plastic pants all the time until I was fifteen because I needed to. In fact, I should never have stopped. Let me explain.”
Ty and Josie were shocked. It appeared that Ty wanted to say something but his dad asked him to hold off until he finished his story. He went on to explain the he was born with a condition that caused him to have an underdeveloped bladder and extremely weak urinary control. At the age of fifteen, his ability to control his bladder was no better than it had been when he was six months old. Even now, it was hardly any better.
“Why did you stop wearing them?” Ty asked.
“I felt ashamed at being so weak,” he answered immediately.
“And I blame myself for that,” the elder Mrs. Hardymon said. Turning her attention to her son, she added, “I allowed your father to bully you and me. He never wanted anyone else to find out about your problem. We wouldn’t allow you to go on overnights; we made sure that your diapers and plastic pants were dried in the basement where no one could see them. It was no wonder that you felt so ashamed; we made it seem that everything to do with your diapers was shameful. Our actions even made it seem like we were ashamed of you. Why, even your visits to the doctor were kept secret!” she said in a tone that made it clear how disgusted she was with herself.
“Mom, it’s OK,” Luke assured her. “I don’t blame you. I remember how you fought me and dad when I said that I wouldn’t wear diapers anymore. Dad encouraged me because he always believed that I wasn’t trying hard enough and that this ‘would make a man out of me.’ You knew better; you knew that this would only make my life more difficult. In the end you were right: I still couldn’t join any teams or go on overnights. I couldn’t even tell my friends why; I wound up lying to them and telling them that you wouldn’t allow it.” Luke turned his attention to his wife. “When I met you, Melinda, I wanted to be honest and tell you everything but I had gotten so used to lying I didn’t know how to tell you the truth. Most of all, I was afraid that you would laugh at me or reject me. Then, when we were married and you were pregnant with Tyler, I was frantic that the baby might inherit my condition. I should have told you about the risk. I’m so sorry that I didn’t have the courage to speak up. I’ll do better from now, please believe me.”
“Of course, I believe you. I love you- we’ll work things out,” Melinda assured Luke.
“There are so many other things I feel the need to apologize for,” Luke continued.
“No, dear,” Melinda interrupted. “It’s like we tell the children. You don’t continue to beat yourself up once you’ve admitted your mistake. The proper thing is to move on.”
Ty agreed with his mom and gave his dad another hug with Josie and Melinda right behind. Luke was deeply moved and wiped tears from his eyes.
“Thank you,” he said in a choked voice. Then, clearing his throat, he added “I guess I need to do some shopping.”
“Maybe not right away,” his mother said. “If I did something wrong, just say so. But, I was fairly certain that this was how things would work out so I stopped and got you all the supplies you’ll need. I even bought some pants to fit over your… your new underwear.”
“It’s OK, mom. This family isn’t hiding things anymore. You can say it out loud - you got me some pants to fit over my diapers. Where are they? Out in the car?”
“Yes,” she admitted, relieved that Luke was being so accepting.
“Well, Ty, what do you say? Will you help me bring them in?”
Ty wasn’t the least bit shy about going outside dressed in diapers and plastic pants. In fact, he took his dad’s invitation as a sign that he had accepted his son’s desire to wear diapers fulltime. Looking at the packages, it seemed to Ty that his grandmother had gotten his dad about the same number of diapers and plastic pants as he himself had gotten yesterday. Back inside, Melinda and Luke went up to their bedroom.
Grandma Hardymon stayed downstairs with Ty and Josie. She asked them if they were doing anything this afternoon.
“Why, Grandma?” they asked.
“Since today is turning into a special family day I wondered if you would like it if I suggested to your mom and dad that we all go out to lunch somewhere special? That is, if you’re feeling up to it, Josie.”
“It’s OK, grandma. I know that I look kind of bad but I feel a lot better. I didn’t want to eat anything this morning but now I’m kind of hungry.”
“How about you, Ty?”
“Yeah, I’d like that, but mom hasn’t bought me any pants yet. I don’t have anything to wear to a restaurant.”
“If we take care of that, would you like it if we all went out together?”
“Sure,” Ty agreed readily.
Melinda came down a few minutes later, chuckling.
“Sarah, I’m afraid you’ve underestimated how much your little boy has grown. You bought him 34” pants which is his normal size without diapers. I think he’ll need 36” pants.”
“Oh, my,” Sarah chuckled, “how fast they grow up and out! Well, no problem, we can fix that right now. I’ve been talking to Ty and Josie and they agree that today would be a good day for a special family lunch together. What would you say to going out and buying pants for Tyler and Luke then having lunch out. Do you think that it would be OK?”
“I think it’s a wonderful idea. I’m sure Luke will agree- if we get him some pants,” Melinda added.
“Don’t forget to get some for me, too!” Ty reminded them.
“Can I go shopping with you?” Josie begged.
“Sure, honey. Let’s leave right away,” Melinda suggested. “Tyler, go upstairs and tell dad that we’ll be back in about forty-minutes. Let him know about our lunch plans, too.”
Ty knocked on his parents’ bedroom door.
“Dad?… dad?”
“Yes, what is it?”
“Mom and grandma and Josie have gone to the store to buy some pants for me and you to wear over our… diapers. Mom says that they’ll be back in forty-five minutes.”
Neither Luke nor Melinda were particularly prudish. Especially on weekends, it was not unusual for them to get up and to put on the coffee while dressed in only boxers and a t-shirt or some other nightwear. Sometimes the kids were already up and sometimes they weren’t. He supposed that sooner or later his children would see him wearing his diapers. So, when Luke heard Tyler hesitate over saying the word diapers he made a decision. He opened the bedroom door and stood there in white socks, t-shirt, plastic pants and diaper. Judging by the puffiness of his dad’s plastic pants, Tyler guessed that he must be wearing a thick flannel diaper similar to his own. The major difference in their respective looks was that his dad’s plastic pants had four snaps running up each side.
“If your mother and grandmother actually complete a shopping trip in under forty-five minutes I’ll be amazed,” he quipped. “Are there any good games on TV that we can watch until they get back?”
Tyler understood instinctively the message that his dad was sending: I trust you enough to allow you to see me in my diaper and plastic pants.
After some channel hopping, they settled on a Cleveland/Boston baseball game, even though it was already in the fourth inning and neither team was local. For some reason unknown to his dad, Ty had always been an ardent Boston fan. Just for the fun of it, Luke began rooting for Cleveland. By the top of the seventh, Cleveland was ahead 12-3. Ty was getting frustrated but he wouldn’t admit that Boston was anything but a perfect team. When Cleveland hit another two-run homer Luke reached out from his chair and gave Ty (who was stretched out on his stomach on the couch) a playful swat on the seat of his plastic pants.
“Ha!… and you call Boston a team!”
When it came to Boston Ty put the ‘fan’ in ‘fanatic’- there was no way he would say anything good about Cleveland. So, instead of commenting on the game he responded to his dad’s slap on his butt.
“Quit it, dad,” he complained.
“Oh, so you can’t take it any better than Boston can, huh?”
“I can, too,” Ty responded hotly.
“Oh, really? You think so, huh?”
His dad came charging from his chair and Ty barely had enough time to jump off the couch to defend himself. Even though Ty had gone through a couple of growth spurts he hadn’t yet bulked out like his dad. Luke had a clear advantage in size and weight but he didn’t press it. Nonetheless, he quickly got Ty in a headlock and was dragging him out to the entrance hall where there was more room (and he didn’t want to break anything in the den and have to listen to Melinda’s complaints about it!).
“Are you ready to admit that Cleveland is a better team?”
“Never!”
Before Ty knew what had happened, he was sprawled on his back and his dad was sitting on his legs and holding his arms above his head. Despite his best efforts he couldn’t shake his dad off him.
“Are you ready now to admit Cleveland’s superiority?”
“No!” Ty shouted.
“Alright, you asked for it,” his dad warned.
Luke then released Ty’s arms and pulled up his t-shirt and began tickling him. Regardless of how much he bucked and wriggled he couldn’t shake his dad. After about a minute Ty’s sides were beginning to hurt.
“OK, OK, I give,” Ty gasped between squeals of laughter.
“You have to say ‘I love Cleveland; they’re number 1,” his dad insisted.
“No, please, don’t make me say that,” Ty begged.
“Say it or you get more of the same,” his dad warned again.
Thirty seconds later Ty had had enough.
“You win, you win. I’ll say it- just stop,”
“OK, go ahead,” his dad encouraged.
“IloveClevelandtheyrenumberone.” Ty said swiftly.
“Well, that wasn’t great but I guess it’s good enough,” his dad mock-grumbled.
Once on his feet and heading back to the den, Ty added “for today- maybe” under his breath.
His dad heard him and gave him a last swat on the seat of his plastic pants.
“Owww, child abuse,” Ty moaned while pretending to faint onto the couch.
During the bottom of the ninth when even Ty admitted that Boston was in a hopeless situation he let his mind wander from the game and asked his dad, “How come we never played together like that before? You know, when I was little.”
“Because I was afraid that I would wet my pants,” he answered seriously. In a lighter tone, he smiled, “So, you’d better watch it now. I’ll be ready to take you on at any time.”
“I’ll be more prepared next time,” Ty answered, also smiling. “It was fun, anyway.”
“Yes, it was,” his dad agreed.
Their mood was bittersweet- they had enjoyed today’s playtime but they regretted all the lost opportunities.
“OK, the game’s over. Sorry you lost—not!,” his dad teased. “The shoppers have been gone for an hour and a half; I’d say they’ll be home soon. Let’s get you changed into dry diapers?”
“OK.”
His father stuck his hand out. Ty took it and allowed himself be led up to his room.
“Do you have a changing pad?” he asked.
“No, mom’s been using a towel.”
“Right. Why don’t you get one while I find a fresh diaper and some plastic pants?”
Luke surveyed the room and shook his head. All his life he had been meticulous. His clothes and possessions were always in perfect order. Surveying his son’s room he was trying to decide if its condition was the result of a hurricane or a flood. Nonetheless, he chuckled to himself. “How can Ty live in this mess?” he thought. By the time Ty had returned, Luke had found the bag of diapers and plastic pants on the floor by the dresser.
“It looks like we’re going to have to get you some more storage space,” his father noted.
Bryin had a large changing table with plenty of space for his diapers, plastic pants and diapering supplies. Is this what his dad was referring to? Ty hadn’t thought of the possibility on his own but now that his father had brought it up he was rather hoping that he could have one, too.
Ty lied down on the towel and his father began changing him. Luke consciously worked slowly and gently, remembering the rare occasions when his father grudgingly changed him. He removed Ty’s plastic pants and diaper. He took a wipe and began cleaning Ty’s diaper area. Ty interrupted his concentration by asking a question.
“Dad, why do your plastic pants have snaps up the sides?” he asked ingenuously.
Luke blushed at his son’s reference to his plastic pants. Ty mistook it for anger.
“I’m sorry, dad. I didn’t mean…”
“No, that’s OK,” he reassured Ty. “It’s a fair question. Grandma bought me this style of pants because when I was your age I would change myself at school. I was able to remove my plastic pants and unpin my diaper without taking my pants completely off. For the life of me I can’t remember why I thought it was so important that I not completely remove my pants when changing my diaper. Anyway, I guess Grandma remembered the fuss I made about wearing pull-up pants at school so she got me these to wear over my daytime diapers.”
“Kewl,” Ty approved. “I guess I’ll have to change my own diapers at school, too. Do you think I can get some plastic pants like yours?”
“I don’t see why not,” his father agreed.
As they were talking Luke placed a fresh diaper under Ty and pinned it. He then slipped a new pair of plastic pants up Ty’s legs and over the diaper. Ty stood up to get his plastic pants checked for any stray diaper material. Luke then went to change himself and together they waited for the ‘girls’ to return from their shopping.
Ty’s dad had been right about the shopping trip lasting only a little longer. The ‘girls’ arrived home a half-hour later.
“Sorry we’re late,” Melinda apologized, “but we ran into Eddie and Bunny while shopping. She made us realize that we needed to do more than just buy pants for you guys. She and Eddie were on the way to a luggage shop to see what they could find in the way of diaper bags– you know, that would be big enough for his diapers. We tagged along and spent forty-five minutes in just that one place. I hope you’ll like our choices. We got one for each of you when you’re alone. And this larger one for when you are out together. That way you won’t have to carry around two bags. What do you think?”
It was obvious from the surprised look on his face that it hadn’t occurred to Ty that he would need a diaper bag, even though he knew that Bryin had one. His dad seemed unfazed as he examined on of the smaller.
“Yes, this seems to be just about right,” he judged. “Not too big but with plenty of room for three or four diapers and plastic pants. I also like that it is a dark color and that it looks like a sports bag; it will attract less attention. I think these will do very well.”
“Good,” Melinda responded, “let’s get the larger bag outfitted right away. I don’t know about you but I’m starved and I would like to leave for lunch as soon as possible.
“I’m sure that Ty and I are as starved as you are, but aren’t you going to give us our pants first?” her husband asked, blushing- partly because he had become aware of how Josie was starting at his diapers and plastic pants.
“Oh, yeah- sorry.” she answered, picking up the bag with two pairs of pants and two shorts for him. “And here are yours,” she said handing another bag to Ty.
Inexplicably, both Ty and his dad felt a little sad at covering up their diapers and plastic pants.