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Joseph Kross:

the adventures of

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a short story by austin

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Thanks for all the comments. Feel free to shoot me an email expressing your thoughts. austin(dot)db(at)gmail(dot)com.

Live and let live. Love and give.

Judge nothing but bigotry and hate.

But remember, ain't no one out there who's a saint.

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********************* CHAPTER 4 *********************

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"How are you doing?" the soft female voice asked.

The boy, just his hair (though short) showing tangled and disheveled through the opening of the green sleeping bag, groaned and rolled over.

"You going to survive?"

But the boy was back asleep and no answer came.

*********************

Joseph opened his eyes and groggily rubbed them, trying to clear his consciousness of the cobwebs of unconsciousness. He looked about, attempting to register his surroundings. Bunk beds, vinyl covered mattresses. The room was empty. A window. It looked familiar. He was so tired.

*********************

"Joseph," the voice whispered.

*********************

Eyes open again. A vague recollection of someone talking. But no one was there. The room was empty. Sunlight streamed in from the window. So tired.

*********************

"Joseph, you're wet," came the voice again, soft, female, familiar. "I'm going to change you, OK?"

Joseph's eyes fluttered open and he looked blankly in the direction of the voice. Slowly, his eyes focused. Meg was kneeling next to him, smiling and gently patting his shoulder. Joseph was lying on top of a green sleeping bag. He realized Meg was touching his skin. Looking down, he saw he wasn't wearing a shirt. Looking further down, he saw he was wearing the same pajama bottoms that Caleb had worn. Horizontal stripes of white, blue, red, and pink. Primarily white, the colors just accents. Joseph felt a constant weight around his middle and, bulging out from the top of the pajama bottoms, protected by frosty yet nearly clear plastic pants, were thick cloth diapers. Joseph could just see the blue capped pin that held them to his body. Looking next to him, Joseph blinked in surprise. It wasn't a baby bottle, per se, but it sure resembled one. It was like a tippy cup, but instead of the usual spill proof top, a baby bottle cap with a large, soft nipple was used instead. And next to the bottle, surprising Joseph again, was a big, brown teddy bear, lying contentedly on its side, a gold ribbon tied around its furry neck.

"Flip over for me, OK?" Meg said softly. She placed a hand on Joseph's shoulder and another under his tummy and gently rolled him over so that he was lying on his back.

Joseph looked up at Meg, who was smiling down at him.

"Hi Joseph," she said.

"Hi," Joseph replied. He felt his pajama bottoms being pulled down and the plastic pants removed. "How did I get here?"

"You don't remember?"

"No."

She was unpinning the diapers, and Joseph could tell by the difference of pressure when Meg pulled them out from under his slightly lifted bottom that they were quite soaked.

"Officer Leemon brought you in."

"What?" Joseph said as surprised as his half-awake voice would let him.

"Yeah. Found you wandering...around."

That's quite a coincidence, Joseph thought. "Oh," was all he said.

Meg was cleaning around Joseph's boyhood with a wipe.

"How did I get here?"

"Well, he brought you here, silly," Meg said, tickling Joseph briefly on his tummy. Joseph giggled.

"I know that," Joseph said. "It's just that...I don't remember it," he whispered.

"Who knows how long you'd been walking. Could have just been sleepwalking at that point."

Meg was spreading oil around his middle. It felt so good. So warm and soft. "We think you were trying to come back here."

Joseph nodded.

"Merry Christmas, by the way," Meg said.

"Huh?" Joseph asked, sitting up on his elbows and looking curiously at Meg. She was pulling up two cloth diapers and they felt just wonderful.

"Merry Christmas," she repeated.

"Christmas?"

Meg looked at Joseph who was staring back, disbelief on his face. Meg laughed. "Yes, Christmas."

Joseph lay back down on the sleeping bag as Meg pinned the diapers snugly.

"You're working on Christmas," Joseph said faintly.

"Well," Meg said quietly. "They called me last night and told me they'd brought you in." She paused and put her hand, warm and soft, on Joseph's bare thigh. "I thought I'd come in and just see how you were doing."

Joseph felt emotion well up deep within him and he knew his stony facade was going to break. He made no effort to stop it. His head lying back on the pillow, tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his face. He lay there silent, tears flowing down his face. He didn't dare look up at Meg, he was so embarrassed for crying. But the overwhelming sense of caring, of being looked after, maybe even loved, was a lot for his tired, weak body. The contrast was so great from the rest of his life, from the nightmare at his grandma's. He had to say something. He had to make sure Meg knew how much he appreciated seeing her in that moment, when his eyes fluttered open. It was like a dream come true. A most beautiful dream after the most awful of nightmares. "I'm...glad you...did," Joseph choked out, "Thank you."

Joseph opened his eyes, and through the blurriness of tears, saw that Meg had looked away and was staring out the window. Joseph brought his hands up and wiped his tears away so he could see clearer. Was she looking away from him in disgust? For his open emotion? Then he saw her bite her lip and when she turned back and looked in Joseph's eyes, he could see tears of her own.

"I'm just glad you are OK," Meg said. "When I got the call, I was...I was scared. But," She blinked and the tears were gone, "You're here, you're fine. And," she pulled up plastic pants around the diapers and they came up to his belly button, "You're all diapered up now. Bet you're hungry."

Joseph nodded.

"Alright then, throw this on." Meg threw Joseph the same Buzz Lightyear pajama top he had worn before. "It's not going to be as warm out there as it is in here. We had the heat pumped up for you."

Joseph slipped it on and stood up. He could feel a tightness in his knees and soreness in his muscles. He groaned slightly and stretched. Up on his toes and as he raised his hands far above his head and yawned, he could feel the diaper, clean, soft, and warm. Back down to the balls of his feet, Joseph took a step toward the door and smiled. "This is nice," he said. And it was. It might have been just like heaven. Cozy, diapered, and warm. Safe.

Meg turned and wrapped him in a hug. Joseph felt her warm body, her arms pulling his small frame into her embrace. Then she let go and they were walking out of the door.

The temperature drop was immediate. "Whew, it is cold," Joseph said, rubbing his forearms with his hands.

"Yeah, you'll adjust. Give it a minute."

In the cafeteria, Joseph saw a staff member he didn't recognize sitting with three other kids huddled over steaming bowls of soup.

"Other people are here now," Joseph stopping in the doorway and whispering to Meg.

She stopped and turned around. "So? You want to hide out in your room?" Meg winked and walked into the kitchen

Joseph shook his head and swallowed any last bit of self-pride and embarrassment. He took another bold step into the well-lit room and took a seat at a table. The other kids didn't even look up. They were clearly far more interested in their soup than any eleven year old boy in diapers. Joseph looked around the room and noticed two other children sitting alone in a corner. He blinked in surprise and recognized Caleb and Emma. He almost called over to them when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"I wouldn't bother them just yet," Meg said softly. She set a bowl of soup and a few pieces of bread in front of Joseph. "Their mom died yesterday."

"Oh," Joseph said, a sinking feeling of mourning and sadness filling him. He'd seen someone dead, but hadn't felt anything other than fear. But now the moment came back to him and he realized the truth. His grandma had died. She was dead. And Caleb and Emma. Their mom. Joseph looked at the two children sitting next to each other in the corner, hunched over and tired. Joseph could see the fatigue and sadness in their eyes from halfway across the room.

"They'll be fine. They didn't see much of her anyways, ya know? But it is still hard."

"Yeah," Joseph said.

"Eat," Meg directed, pushing the bowl of soup over to Joseph.

Joseph tore his gaze away and started slurping down the soup. "This is good," Joseph said, looking up at Meg with a smile. She smiled back.

It was weird, Joseph thought. So much suffering everywhere. So many things wrong in the world. Joseph felt guilty that he should be able to enjoy the comfort of being diapered and held by Meg, even if it had only been for a moment. Didn't everyone deserve that comfort?

"I diapered Caleb this morning, of course," Meg said. "And I could tell he was going to be fine. I could just tell. Ya know, he was just enjoying it, gettin' cared for, like he always does, and I could just tell he was gonna be fine. You gotta be real worried if kids don't enjoy anything anymore. Even what they love most."

Joseph was amazed at Meg and her intuition. It was almost like she could read his mind. His worry and reservations. He supposed that you had to take advantage of what pleasure you were afforded. Looking around the room, Joseph saw problems everywhere. Stories too gruesome for most people to understand. He alone, Joseph knew, had absorbed more trouble than was meant to be bestowed upon eleven year old boys. But, Joseph understood, there were some who were going to have it better than others. Life wasn't fair, and he knew it. But the fortunate probably just found problems in whatever life they led. Everyone's got troubles. From the richest man in the world to the poorest, from the most connected to the loneliest. Everyone has problems and their problems, in their eyes and from their perspective, are the biggest problems in the world. Because one can only know and define pain and suffering from what they have experienced. Learning about the suffering of a neighbor won’t suffice, won’t replace true experience. Empathy is only as real and genuine as experience allows. So one person's pain is just as real as the next, in their eyes at least. However, that is not to say that some pain and suffering have more value, more substance than others. Certainly there are levels, there is better and worse. A rich man will admit that he has less suffering than the poor, but in reality, in his daily life, there are as many gripes, if not more, than the poor man. Is the same ambiguity in experience present with joy? It is why humans desire newness. As soon as joy has been experienced and cataloged, it can never be reached as simply as the first time; as organically, as innocently again. In that light, then, shouldn't one take advantage of whatever comfort they are allowed? As long as one doesn't forget the pain and doesn't live in ignorance of the real pain of others, then pleasure should be enjoyed...at least every once in a while. So, Joseph decided, he should not feel guilty about being in a moment of salvation, of wonderful reprieve, of deep peace, of calm, of an incredible sense of...rightness. He had experienced his pain. He knew he had enough suffering to give him ammo for empathy, enough to last a long, long while. So this was allowed. Joseph knew the same respite would come for Caleb and Emma eventually, just as it would for the other children of pain in the room. This was his time.

"What are you thinkin' about?" Meg asked.

Joseph looked up from his soup and saw that it was gone.

"You've been staring at that empty bowl of soup for a while."

"Mph," Joseph grunted, "Nothing."

"I'll bet," Meg said with a wink and took a sip of coffee from a mug she must have grabbed while Joseph's mind had drifted. "What I'll bet is that you've got a whole lot more up in that head of yours than you let on."

Joseph lowered his eyes timidly. He was reminded of what he was wearing and how clearly the diaper he had on stood out and he found it funny that anyone would take him seriously at this moment. He laughed lightly. Yes, he would just have to enjoy what this life threw at him, one step at a time. Joseph felt a soft hand on his and he looked up. Meg was eying him, a serious look on her face.

"So, we know your grandma died."

Joseph nodded.

"They sent some officers over there this morning to see why you had left and they found her. I'm sorry you had to see that, Joseph."

Joseph shrugged.

"Was it scary?"

Joseph nodded. "Yeah," he said softly.

Meg patted his hand. "We can talk more about it a little later. I'm just glad you are safe now. Hey," Meg stopped and looked at Joseph with her head tilted slightly to the side. "Being that it is Christmas and all, why don't we try to enjoy ourselves? Just be lazy and watch a movie or something?"

"I'd like that," Joseph said with a smile.

"Why don't you go see if Caleb and Emma would like to join us," Meg said, standing up and, with a final smile, walked into the kitchen.

*********************

It was obvious that Caleb was excited to see Joseph (though it was as if he had already known Joseph was there), but his greeting was still subdued and when Joseph asked them to join him and Meg for a movie, he could tell both Caleb and Emma had been crying. They wanted to come, though, and as the three children walked down the hall, Joseph could see that Caleb was diapered, waddling slightly. Emma walked with her arm around her younger brother and Joseph just wanted to hug them, and for them to hug him back. Like they were siblings, children of the same mother of pain.

They all curled up on the couch, managing to squeeze all four of them on the black, worn leather. The movie was nice, the mood was calm, and Joseph was happy. Happy to be next to three people he enjoyed and liked. Three people who noticed him and would not hurt him in any way. His head was leaned against Meg's body, his knees curled up, bringing the diaper pulled tight against his middle. Mid-way through the movie, he didn't hesitate to empty his bladder and wet the diaper, thoroughly enjoying the profound sense of relief and relaxation that filled his entire being.

When the movie was through, Meg asked if either Joseph or Caleb needed a change. Joseph was at first embarrassed that she would ask so blatantly and loud, but then realized no one was around except Caleb, Emma, and Meg.

Joseph shrugged. "I guess," he said softly.

Caleb nodded but didn't say anything.

"Well, let's save some time and get you both changed at once. Emma, you want to help?"

Joseph coughed in surprise. But before he could protest, he was being herded into the receiving room by Meg, Emma and Caleb close behind. Emma shut the door behind her as Meg laid out two towels on the floor.

"Joseph, you get this one. Caleb, over here."

Joseph lay down nervously on the towel toward which he was directed and Caleb plopped down next to him. Caleb looked over sideways and smiled slightly at Joseph. He didn't say anything, though, and turned his head to stare at the ceiling as Meg pulled off the sweatpants he was wearing. Even though Joseph didn't know Caleb that well, he knew Caleb enough to recognize that he was not his usual talkative self.

Joseph, though, all the sudden stopped caring about whether Caleb was his usual self or not as he felt his pajama bottoms being firmly pulled off. He looked up in surprise to see Emma reaching for his plastic pants.

"Whoa!" Joseph squealed. "You're not changing me, are you?"

Emma shrugged and placed her finger under the elastic waistband. Her finger pressed into Joseph's stomach.

He tensed up. "I thought...uh...Meg was going to change me."

"I'm busy with Caleb, Joseph," Meg said, unpinning Caleb's diapers.

"She's busy," Emma unnecessarily reiterated.

"I can wait," Joseph said quickly.

"Nope," Meg butted in again. "It's now or never. I ain't changing you later."

Joseph coughed uncomfortably. Emma’s finger was still on his tummy. He wasn't even comfortable with Meg seeing him naked and the thought of a girl pretty much his own age, at least compared to Meg, was a tough pill to swallow. Emma pushed her finger in, slightly kneading Joseph's abdomen muscles. He giggled and squirmed uncontrollably.

"He's really ticklish," Meg commented. She was already wiping down Caleb.

Joseph felt a nervous flutter in his stomach. Caleb was stark naked beside him, getting changed like a baby. And here Joseph was, about to be changed by a girl just a little older than himself. How strange. How weirdly, wonderfully strange.

"Now or never," Meg repeated.

"Fine," Joseph grumbled and took a quick look at Emma, who was smiling down at him, clearly enjoying herself (she looked beautiful in that moment, even with the dark clouds under her eyes), then turned his head sideways and stared steadily at the cabinets on the wall. Joseph felt the plastic pants pulled off the wet cloth diapers. The diaper pins undone. Then the cloth was gone, pulled out from under his bottom. Joseph was still staring at the cabinets. He didn't dare look up. Emma was wiping his genitals with a wipe and Joseph felt flutters and flutters and excitement and he stared at the cabinets (brown and faded, painted, not covered with wood veneer. Cheap plywood. Not very well sanded, bumpy). The flutters and excitement and she was oiling, rubbing his bottom and boyhood and, oh god, the flutters and Joseph could feel blood rushing and he knew his boyhood penis was standing straight up, embracing this curious sensation with delight. The cabinets had handles. Some loose and half falling off. In disrepair. Joseph wondered why they weren't fixed and Emma was asking him to lift his bottom. He did, and he felt soft cloth underneath, then pulled up tightly against his genitals and it felt amazing. Simply amazing and Joseph knew what happiness was at that moment. And he also understood, in that moment, that happiness is fleeting. Not a way of living or a constant state of mind, but a fleeting, fluttering moment in which all is right and the sorrows, which still exist just beyond the gentle folds of that moment, are pushed aside. Not forgotten, just ignored for a moment. And one's only job, in that moment, is to live in the moment and let the whole body, mind, and soul enjoy the height of human emotion. And that is what Joseph did. He closed his eyes and smiled and let Emma pin the diapers snug and direct plastic pants up until the elastic band hugged his tummy up to his belly button. Then she was patting him on the side of his leg. Joseph opened his eyes and smiled up at Emma, who, silhouetted and haloed by the light on the ceiling behind her head, smiled back.

Joseph could hear Caleb's diaper rustling and looked over. He could see Caleb standing up on the towel next to Joseph. Caleb had yet to put back on the sweatpants and Joseph saw what his own body must look like in a diaper. Caleb's bare feet, small and slightly dirty. His smooth legs, slight prickles of nearly transparent boyish hair running up from his calves to his thighs. The plastic pants puffing out around the thick folds of cloth, hugging securely to Caleb's legs and up around his middle. The top of the diaper disappeared under the front of Caleb's shirt. And his arms around Meg, and Meg holding him, rubbing him slightly on his back, his head leaned against Meg's bosom. And Joseph knew Caleb was also experiencing that moment of happiness. All the pain and suffering his life had given him, and still was amply providing, temporarily forgotten to pay homage to the great god: happiness.

Joseph stood up too and whispered a thank you to Emma. Emma handed him his pajama bottoms. White with red, blue, and pink stripes.

She smiled again. "No problem, Joseph. Any time."

*********************

That night Joseph lay on his mattress, the green sleeping bag pulled up under his chin. Caleb was in the top bunk and Joseph could tell by his breathing that he was still awake. The room was empty except for them. Emma had gone to bed just after their Christmas dinner. It had been funny to watch the expressions of the other youths at the shelter when Joseph and Caleb sat down, clearly diapered and not the least bit worried about it. No one bothered them and the dinner, with steaming soup and bread and a turkey donated by a neighborhood church group, was wonderful. Now Joseph lay in bed and couldn't help but smile. Meg had tucked them in with the promise that she'd be back in the morning to clean them up. She looked tired, but bright. When she'd bent down to give Joseph a hug, Joseph had told her honestly that it had been the best Christmas of his life.

"Hey," came a small voice.

"Hey," Joseph whispered back.

"Can I, uh, come down there?" Caleb asked.

Joseph laughed softly, "Of course."

Joseph could hear the crinkle of the plastic pants and the swish of Caleb's sleeping bag, then Joseph could see Caleb's sock covered feet feeling their way down the ladder. Caleb hopped the last step onto the floor making a muffled thud. Without hesitation, he crawled into the sleeping bag right next to Joseph.

"Shoot. Too cold to be sittin' outside," Caleb said as explanation.

Joseph shrugged and rolled onto his back, placing his hands under his head. Caleb lay on his back too.

"Sorry about your mom," Joseph said quietly.

Caleb didn't respond right away. Joseph didn't push him. "Yeah," he finally whispered. "Thanks."

"I'm not very good at comforting people," Joseph said, not knowing what to say next.

Joseph felt Caleb shrug his shoulders. "It's OK," he said. "Didn't know I was ever going to see you again. So that is comfort enough. You know, I've met a lot of people in here, but none of 'em is like you. I could just tell you was different. Could just tell."

Joseph didn't know how to respond, so he didn't say anything. Just took a deep breath and felt good. That good feeling when someone recognizes and vocalizes your worth.

"You know, the kids in here, we are all just so focused on our own problems. It's all we see. Not each other. But for some reason, we saw you. Emma sees it too. You're a good person. You ain't like the others. We don't do the bad stuff, ya know? Shoot, we just in the bad stuff. There is a difference."

Joseph could kind of understand what he was saying. He could see the difference between himself and the friends at home. He didn't want to take part in half the bad stuff his friends (well, acquaintances at best) seemed to enjoy doing.

Caleb didn't seem to have anything else he wanted to say. He just breathed steadily. In and out.

"What are you going to do next?" Joseph asked.

"What? Now that my mom is dead?"

"Yeah, I guess," Joseph replied, uncomfortable that Caleb was so forward about it.

"We didn't have much of a home in the first place. Like I told you before, I wouldn't exactly call the house me and my sis lived in a home. Lots of people lived in it and they all did drugs and just left their...their crap everywhere. It is disgusting."

"Yeah," Joseph agreed. "I think I know what you are talking about."

"Yeah, I'm sure you do," Caleb said. "We all do, you know. Anyways, I don't really know what's next. We just came here 'cause it is the only place we knew to go. Meg wasn't here. She came in because of you, ya know. You were strait passed out, man, when they brought you in. We were worried."

"You saw me?" Joseph asked, surprised and curious.

"Yep. That cop just carried you in. You were soaked, man. Probably from the rain, but it looked like you pissed yourself too. Smelled pretty funky too. Think you may have pooped in your pants too."

"What?!"

"Yeah, think so. Whatever man, it happens. Why were you runnin', anyways? Didn't you go to your grandma's or somethin'?"

"She died."

"You saw her?"

"Yeah."

"Jeez."

"Yeah." Joseph paused. "Did you see...did you see..." he paused, curious but not wanting to be insensitive.

"My mom?"

"Yeah, your mom."

"Yeah."

"You saw her die?"

"Naw, didn't see her actually die. Saw her dead, though, on the bathroom floor."

Joseph was silent. It was bad seeing his grandma's dead body. But he couldn't imagine how bad it would have been to see his mom's, even as much as he didn't care about her.

"It must have been...bad."

"Shoot man," Caleb scoffed. "'Course it was."

Joseph felt lame for saying it. "Yeah, of course it was. Sorry."

"Naw, it is OK, man. I know you are just trying to be a friend."

That sounded nice to Joseph. A friend.

"Man, me and you are a lot alike," Caleb said quietly.

"Yeah," Joseph agreed.

"Might as well be brothers."

"Yeah."

They lay there in silence for a few minutes. Just laying there and enjoying.

"Well shoot," Caleb said, breaking the silence, "You tired?"

"Kinda," Joseph replied. And he was. The sleeping bag was warming up with two bodies and the diaper was snug and comforting. Joseph could feel his eyes longing to close.

“You know what?" Caleb whispered.

"Huh?" Joseph mumbled.

"This was my best Christmas too."

*********************

The next morning, after breakfast and a shower, Meg had Joseph dress in clean clothes. When he asked her if she could diaper him, she shook her head.

"Why not?" Joseph asked, surprised.

"You'll see," Meg said with a smile, throwing him a pair of new underpants. "Wear these for now."

Trying to hide his disappointment, but not succeeding, Joseph slipped into the briefs and jeans. He felt almost naked as he followed Meg out of the receiving room.

"Brittany isn't supposed to work today. Day after Christmas. But she's doing me a favor," Meg said.

"Who's Brittany?"

"Your new case worker."

"Case worker?"

"The state is going to look after you now, Joseph. Now she is kinda like your mom, I guess."

"But I want you to be my mom," Joseph blurted. The idea of the state looking after him was scary.

Meg laughed lightly and put an arm around Joseph's shoulder and pulled him into a hug as they walked. "Just talk to Brittany."

They entered a small room. There were pictures on the wall of calm scenes of water and mountains and birds. There were four folding chairs in a circle. In one sat a lady that looked just a bit older than Meg. She actually looked nice. Her hair, blond, was pulled back into a pony tail and she was wearing a casual t-shirt and jeans. Her beauty was apparent. Next to her sat Steve. He smiled at Joseph.

"Good morning, buddy."

"Hey Steve," Joseph said timidly, confused.

"Take a seat, Joseph," the lady said with an easy smile. "My name is Brittany."

"You already know my name, I guess," Joseph mumbled nervously, rubbing his palms, which were suddenly sweaty, on his pant legs.

Brittany laughed.

"Listen, I know this is a lot for you. There is a lot going on in your life right now. A lot of change. I'm here to help you in every way I can, OK? I know you don't know me. But if you can trust me, I can help you a lot."

"She's one of my good friends," Meg added, taking a seat between Joseph and Steve. Joseph saw Steve reach out a hand and pat Meg’s leg.

"OK," Joseph said quietly.

"I've been assigned to your case at the request of Meg."

She paused, looking at Joseph. Joseph felt nervous with three pairs of eyes on him and averted his eyes to his lap. He imagined a diaper bulge there. It would be nice if there was.

When he didn't say anything, Brittany continued. "My first priority is to find someplace stable for you to stay. This facility, though Meg, Steve, and the rest of the staff do a great job here, isn't a good long-term option. And we want long-term. We've talked to the State of California and it sounds like they are fine with you staying up here. If you want to, that is," she added. "Do you know what a foster home is?"

"Yeah," Joseph mumbled.

"I know you have probably heard a lot of bad things about them. But I'm here to make sure you are taken care of and I guarantee you the family you are placed with will treat you with respect and dignity."

Joseph nodded. He felt rather numb, like the rest of his life was being decided for him. As far as he could tell, Joseph liked Brittany, but this was a lot of responsibility. But he felt helpless, like he couldn't do a thing about it. He was just glad Meg was sitting next to him.

"I'll check in on you every week until you are settled. Then, after that, as often as you need."

"Where am I going to go, then," Joseph asked.

"Well," Brittany said, then paused and smiled over at Meg. "Meg and Steve are registered as foster parents in the state of Washington. And they would like you to come stay with them."

Joseph felt like the world was spinning. Had he heard her correctly? Meg and Steve? Foster parents? Him? Live with Meg? Live with them?

"Would you like to do that, Joseph?"

Joseph looked up at Meg, who was smiling at him, and her image blurred as tears welled up and slid down his cheeks. He took a shaky deep breath, his small body quivering. "Yes," Joseph said, "I'd like that."

Meg stood up and stepped toward Joseph. Joseph stood up, tears streaming down his face, and let Meg hug him tight. They stood like that for how long, Joseph did not know. And did not care. He couldn't believe it. But he knew it was true. Meg wouldn't lie to him like this. He was really going to go live with Meg. Could he be any luckier? He was the luckiest boy alive, of that he was sure.

After Steve had given him a hug and they had sat back down, Joseph asked about Meg and Steve. "I didn't know you lived together."

"Married two years," Steve said. Meg turned and smiled at Steve.

Joseph smiled at them. He was genuinely happy for them. He hadn't felt real happiness for someone else before like this and it felt nice to enjoy someone else's happiness.

"I hope it is OK with you," Brittany spoke up again, "But you will have a brother and a sister."

"You guys have kids?" Joseph said, surprised.

"Well, no," Meg said.

"What I mean is," Brittany continued, "another boy and girl need a someplace to stay for a while too, and Meg and Steve have offered to take them in too."

"You don't mean..." Joseph started, a big smile sneaking onto his face. He couldn't hold it back.

"Caleb and Emma are going to be with Meg and Steve too,” Brittany finished.

Joseph let out a whoop. It was unlike him, but he was so excited, so happy, he couldn't help but shout.

Meg was beaming and Joseph swore there was moisture in Steve's eyes.

"I can’t believe it," Joseph breathed. "Caleb and I were just talking last night about how we were pretty much brothers."

"Maybe it was meant to be," Brittany said. "Now, am I correct in assuming you want to live with Meg and Steve until a more permanent solution can be found?"

Joseph nodded. "Except, I'd like to be there forever. I want that to be the permanent solution."

"Well," Brittany said with a smile, "one thing at a time, Joseph."

*********************

In the cafeteria, Joseph hugged Caleb and Emma, who had already been given the news. Meg and Steve looked on, holding hands, on their face the most true, genuine smiles possible. The others in the cafe looked on. Not jealous. Just curious. Joseph almost felt bad for his joy, and then remembered that it was his time. His only job right then was to live in the moment and enjoy it as much as he could. It would not always be good. Life was life, and life had its ups and downs. Joseph knew that. So he had to enjoy this and be thankful for what he had been given. Maybe it all did even out after all.

"Now," Meg said after the celebration had run its course. "Let's get you two into some diapers before you have an accident."

"Hey!" Joseph said. "I won't have an accident. I wear them because I like 'em, not 'cause I need 'em."

Meg just shook her head and laughed as she led them out of the room. Joseph didn't mind at all the questioning eyes of the other youths that followed him out of the cafeteria. Who were these strange boys that wanted to wear diapers?

*********************

Joseph lay in his bed, his own bed, and watched the slivers of streetlight let in by the window shades shiver slightly on the ceiling, coaxed into movement by the crisp winter breeze blowing refreshingly in the still dark sky outside the window in Meg and Steve's third story apartment. The sound of Caleb's methodical, slow breathing drifted from where he slept in his bed across the room. Joseph quietly slipped out of bed and padded softly over to the window. As he walked, Joseph could feel the thick diaper between his legs, still dry, pinned snugly around his middle by Meg as he had been getting ready for bed the night before. Though the window was cool to the touch and thinly frosted, Joseph felt warm. The full-body footed fleece sleeper Meg had gotten for him did a phenomenal job at retaining body heat. Joseph loved the sleeper and was already dreading having to lose it when warmer weather hit.

Joseph was afforded a breathtaking view from the window. One of the benefits of living in North Seattle. Cresting the peaks of the Cascades Mountain Range to the east, the sun rose and cast its pink, fresh rays on Mt. Rainier, which he could just see to the left. Cutting through the jagged peaks of natural mountainous beauty, past the hazy peaks of human accomplishment (the ever-growing sky scrapers of the rapidly expanding suburb of Bellevue), over the tree studded hills of East Seattle, reflecting on the still calm shimmering surface of Green Lake (which lay nestled not more than a half mile away), and finally to Joseph's eyes: he saw the beauty of the day. It promised to be a welcomed break from the monotonous drudgery of thirty-one days of rain. Almost a new record for Seattle (and that was saying something). The sky was clear, washed clean by the relentless rain, and crisp, and Joseph felt that just taking a breath of it would renew him and give him strength (though he already felt healthier and stronger than he ever had in his life).

He quietly left the room and went over to the other side of the apartment, which was small and cozy (sometimes just a little bit too small and cozy with five bodies and a cat squeezed into three rooms. Joseph shared a room with Caleb. Emma won the right to her own room with her age, which turned out to be 13, and gender. Meg and Steve shared the final bedroom). Joseph carefully opened the sliding door and stepped out onto the deck, still wet with the night's rain. Standing with his hands on the railing, Joseph took in the vista. The sun’s rays shining westward. The third-story deck overlooked the rolling hills of North Seattle, then just beyond, the choppy waters of the Puget Sound, and still further in the distance, faded from the moisture in the air, the Olympics, the smaller brother of the Cascades, but arguably more beautiful with its stark simplicity, the entire range visible from start to finish, cutting into the horizon.

Standing there on the deck, thickly diapered, comfortable and warm in the footed sleeper, and gazing out at the breathtaking beauty that now surrounded his life, Joseph understood the concept of new beginnings. Even if it had been raining outside, quite hard; perhaps no sunrise, just the gradual thinning of the dark black sky into shades of gray, which would then, at the end of the day, fade back into black (such had been most of Joseph’s days in Seattle), Joseph knew it would have been just fine. Survive and fight the hard times, enjoy the good, and moment by moment, day by day, year by year…in the end, if he never forgot the pain and always enjoyed the rare treat of happiness, Joseph knew he would be just fine.

*****THE END*****