The Hooligan

by austin

This chapter is rather dark and moody. But it needs to be. Only one more chapter after this one. I really hope that you are enjoying this story and thank you to all that are taking the time to read it. A bigger thank you to those that are taking the time to respond and send me comments. There have been several of you who really have demonstrated the true spirit of our online community by providing good constructive criticism and comments. I really am thankful for your time. You can contact me at Austin(dot)db(at)gmail(dot)com. I hope everyone’s week is awesome! Spring is certainly finally here.

Part 10

A sinking feeling haunted Nate’s stomach throughout the rest of the day. He couldn’t shake the ominous sense that his weakness would soon be common knowledge throughout the school. It would surely ruin his reputation for ever. In fact, Nate might have been the only high-schooler to have ever wet the bed while at school. It was terrible. And even if he did manage to forget the episode for even one moment, his strange attire would remind him the next. All very uncomfortable and Nate could not wait for the end of the day.

But he knew that the bell would offer little relief. It was now the weekend and Nate had nowhere to stay. He doubted if he could just stay at the twins’ house until he decided to forgive his mother. Of course, as soon as Mr. Taylor woke up, Nate could just stay in juvenile hall. Probably for many, many years.

As soon as the final bell, in its marvelous, piercing intensity, rang throughout the school, Nate and the twins jumped on the bus.

“Coming back over, are ya?” Sean asked as they sat side by side on the dirty, synthetic leather seats. Nate started playing absentmindedly with a bit of brown patching tape that was inadequately covering a hole in the synthetic-leather-back of the seat in front of them.

“Is that alright?”

“We’ll come up with some story to tell my parents, but yeah, it’ll probably be fine.”

“Thanks,” Nate said softly.

“Though if you stay the night again, we’re going to have to find a way to keep the couch dry,” Sean said with a wink.

“Jeez, keep it down, will ya?” Nate whispered tersely. “Don’t have to tell the whole bus.”

Sean shrugged. “Just saying.”

Nate crossed his arms and stared out the window. Clouds were rolling in. They had been closing in on the city for the last couple of hours; dark, billowing, and angry. It was one of those splendid fall storms. Nate liked them for some reason. He had always liked rain clouds, a good lightning storm, and magnificent claps of thunder. It looked as if Mother Nature was about to put on quite a show.

“Gonna rain, huh?” Sean said, leaning over Nate and looking up at the sky.

“Brilliant, Sean, just brilliant,” Luke said sarcastically from one seat back.

“As always,” Sean said with an easy smile. He glanced out the window, leaning over

Jake. “Those are some scary looking clouds, though.”

Nate stayed silent. He quietly mulled over his precarious position, staring out the dirty bus window the rest of the way home. Nate found himself thinking of his dad, thinking of happier days. How far his family had fallen. Just months ago, life had been perfect. Not that Nate had seen it as that at the time, being a teenager and all.

Things had been looking up for the Argrows. Before they moved to the new neighborhood, they had lived in the dusty and forgotten northeastern side of town, just outside of city lines. Nate loved that area. In a small one-story home, Nate had grown up. A poor, yet tight-net community of steel workers comprised the district. Everyone knew everybody else and looked out for one another. Hardship can breed amazing levels of compassion and camaraderie, and Nate missed it.

Of course, when his family moved, Nate had made all the promises to stay in touch and the ‘I’ll see you on weekends’ sort of thing. But even though he only moved across town, Nate lost touch and he missed his friends now. His new neighborhood hadn’t seemed that bad at first, but now it was a poison Nate was seeking disparately to avoid. Nate didn’t wet the bed in the old neighborhood, only in the new one, and Nate certainly would never have pissed his pants at school in his old home.

The clouds were billowing in closer. Dark gray, almost black. Preaching the gospel of despair. Lovely in its melancholy. Nate took a deep breath and felt alive, yet hopeless in the midst of the towering creations marching through the atmosphere. A mind of their own, so oblivious to the small boy that rode a school bus headed for loneliness, not the comfort of home. Monstrous, yet removed. Nate felt a strange yearning to be part of their abstract existence.

Nate’s dad had gotten a promotion and out of the neighborhood they moved. Out of the neighborhood that had been so comfortable and nurturing. Into a big house, clean roads. And not a month later, his dad was dead. Suicide. Clearly they should never have moved.

The road that led to Nate’s old neighborhood was narrow. Crumbling concrete disintegrated along the edges of the street that was paved half-heatedly many years before. It wound out from a traffic light. A boarded up gas station was at one corner. Gray peeling paint, a relic of the fifties. The other three corners were weeds, dirt, and northwestern dust. Under railroad tracks, a dangerously small underpass, and then the collection of houses. So quiet and removed. A hill to onside, the railroad tracks to the other, and nothing be freedom beyond. Nate longed for that freedom.

As Nate sat in the synthetic, dirty leather seat of the school bus, he wished he had appreciated the freedom more when he had it. Now it was gone, and he had never known what he lost until it unexpectedly vanished. Somewhere in the move, perhaps in a forgotten cardboard box, freedom was tied, shivering, freezing in captivity. If Nate could find it, he’d cut its bonds, set it free to chase away the coming storm. But it was far too late. Too lost. And the worst part was that it was suicide. Not some heroic death. Just molestation and suicide. Weak. What pride was he deserved? What family name?

Nate breathed in deeply through his nose and thought he could smell the rain. It was a distinctive smell. He tilted his head back and tried to define it. Somehow he knew it was rain, but there nothing tangible to grasp in understanding. Just an intuition. It was rain. Somewhere close, coming nearer. Cleansing rain.

As soon as they got home, the boys dashed down the stairs to the twins’ basement. Nate sat awkwardly on the couch as Sean and Luke unhitched the burden of the school day and left it in their rooms. Still wearing the second hand clothes from the school, Nate felt out of place, very far from home and unable to relax. He glanced around the room and busied himself playing with a few frayed threads which were struggling to free themselves from the worn upholstery. Sean wandered back into the den and flipped on the TV. He sat heavily on the couch next to Nate, who picked at a particular thread and numbly watched the flashing television.

Usually Nate loved TV. His parents had never really allowed him to watch much, so whenever he was provided the chance, he became glued to the screen. But for now, it seemed the TV had lost its captivating power. Nate looked down at his clothes.

“Do you think…” he trailed off.

“What?” Sean asked, changing the channel.

“Never mind.” Nate waved his hand in dismissal.

“No, what?” Sean persisted.

“Just wondering if I could maybe have a change of clothes. These pants are too small.”

As Sean was about to respond, a voice, undoubtedly that of the twins’ mom, yelled from upstairs requesting the boys’ presence immediately. “Be back in a second,” Sean said quickly, and got up from the couch. He headed up stairs, Luke close on his heels.

Nate tried to decipher what the muted voices were saying up in the kitchen, but he could not. He turned his attention to the TV as he waited for the twins’ to return. Some guy was rummaging around in a forest, making a shelter. It was raining wherever he was, and the character was obviously anxious to find cover. Nate mused that he might find himself in a similar position if he didn’t go home soon. Maybe he could just go live in a forest somewhere. In a place no one could find him. Maybe everyone would just forget he existed and Nate could live in peace, without shame.

Thudding on the stairs announced the twins return from their conversation with their mother.

“We’re going away for the weekend,” Sean said as they walked into the room.

“To our cousins,” Luke added.

Nate nodded. “Suppose I can’t come with you, huh?”

“No, don’t think that would work,” Sean said.

“What am I going to do, then?” Nate wondered out loud.

“You could always just go home,” Luke responded.

Nate looked up at the twins. They were both standing in the middle of the room looking down at Nate. Nate directed his attention back at the TV. “Nah,” he said.

“Why not?” Luke pressed.

“Just can’t.”

“You have to be reasonable,” Sean added.

“Reasonable?” Nate scoffed. “Coming from you two that doesn’t mean much.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Luke said roughly.

“You two are crazy, thieves, criminals, and you’re talking to me about being reasonable.”

Luke shook his head in a mixture of disgust and dismissal and walked into his room leaving Sean and Nate by themselves. Sean looked Nate over calmly for a moment, then took a seat next to Nate.

“That’s not very grateful.”

“Grateful?”

“We went and blew up a truck for you, for Christ’s sake,” Sean said, anger creeping into his voice. “I looked out for you today at school when you peed your pants. Now you’re calling us criminals. What does that make you? You some sort of Jesus?”

Nate remained silent. He knew he was the one being unreasonable, but couldn’t, for some reason, submit to Sean’s logic. He was angry; frustrated at being abandoned by the twins. Now where was he going to stay? He stood up, pulling down on his pants, trying get comfortable in their small confines. “Fine, I’ll just leave I guess,” Nate said hotly.

Sean looked as if he was going to say something, but decided to keep his mouth shut. Instead he just looked at Nate. Nate stared back for a moment, then realized Sean wasn’t going to stop him. He turned on his heels and stomped out of the room. Up the stairs and quickly out the back door Nate stomped.

Nate was angry. Angry at the twins, angry at himself. But at the same time, he felt as if he wanted to turn around, run back in, and apologize to Sean. Sean had been nice to him, his only friend in the new neighborhood, and now Nate had pushed him away. Now Nate had nowhere to stay.

Outside the wind was really blowing. The tall pine trees that grew plentifully in the neighborhood were bending this way and that, to impossible angles. Nate was sure they would snap. He fearfully sped up each time he walked near one. The sky was nearly dark now, despite the fact that there were still a couple of hours of sunlight left. As he rounded the corner, leaving the twins’ house behind, the first drops of rain began to fall.

The twins’ neighborhood was nice, old and quiet. The sleepy roads wound asymmetrically up and down a gentle slope. Nate walked down the incline, knowing that it led to a golf course. Nate and the hooligans had spent a couple of the warm fall nights roaming around the course, which was dark and deserted once the sun went down.

Soon, the storm, in all its fury, came to fruition. Wind whipped rain drops pelted Nate as he climbed over the chain-link fence and starting walking down a particularly long par-5 fairway. The outside lights of the clubhouse were on, casting a weak glow into the stormy gray evening. The grass of the fairway was short and waterlogged. It did not take long for Nate to become soaked through. Nate’s shoes stuck with each step deep into the turf. He could feel the resistance as he lifted his shoe for the next step. Nate’s hair was dripping, clinging to his forehead and directing water directly into his eyes. The old shirt clung to his shivering body and the pants, already undersized and uncomfortable, seemed to shrink even smaller, cleaving close to his body and holding his genitals in close like tight briefs.

Down slippery wood steps Nate made his way into the lower half of the course. From the stairs, Nate could hear the mighty roaring of water and was reminded that the river flowed just past the edge of the course. Having no better destination, Nate decided to have a look.

He felt himself slipping into a sort of daze. Nate noticed that he couldn’t feel any emotion. He wasn’t sad or angry anymore, just there, just cold.

There was an old road that followed the river. It was narrow and lined with tall pine trees. The whole road seemed haunted, even during the day. It wound and curved along the whimsical course of the river. Nate climbed over the fence that marked the edge of the course and waded through the knee high weeds that bordered the road. Just as he started to cross the empty road and bright flash of light cut through the air, followed shortly by a thundering blast of sound. The thunder storm had began in earnest. Nate stood in the middle of the road and held his hands out. He turned in a slow circle in the shower of rain, darkness and gloom. In the now nearly faded light, the road and trees lacked distinction and beyond a short distance, were just a collection of shadows. Nate continued his unhurried pirouette in the middle of the road. He felt a prick of fear climb up his spine and he shivered violently. He was alone on the haunted road in the middle of a thunder storm. He spun and spun, slowly and deliberately, almost enjoying the fear.

The crashing water still beckoned, so Nate gave up his mournful ballet and set out through the trees and weeds to the edge of a steep incline. The land gave out sharply and dropped 20 meters or so. Nate stood on the edge and looked out over the dark, angry river. It was already swelled due to the torrent of rain and noisily made its way down the ancient course.

From his vantage point, Nate could see the bridge that crossed it more than a half-mile away. It was tall and lined with street lights. In the storm, it shimmered and glowed in the distance. For no real reason, Nate decided he wanted to be in the middle of the bridge. He turned and walked back to the road.

Nate walked along the small gravel shoulder. He was beyond wet and beyond caring. This excursion into loneliness was nice and Nate almost didn’t want it to end. So with disappointment he noted the bright headlights of a car winding its way down from the bridge and along the river road. The driver turned on the brights, which now clashed head on with the shadows creating a mesmerizing lighting effect. Nate stood still and watched the car approach.

Closer and closer it came. Nate didn’t move. The rain was dripping off his body in torrents. The driver was moving slowly, and took a long while to finally round the last curve in front of Nate. Nate was immediately blinded by the bright lights and couldn’t make out the occupants of the car as it rolled past. Turning to watch the car disappear, Nate’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest as he observed the car rolling to a stop.

A whole new level of fear coursed through Nate’s veins. Here he was alone on a stormy night, walking down a haunted road, and the car had stopped. The vehicle shifted into reverse, and the high whine of the engine drew closer to Nate. Nate wanted to run, but he was frozen, standing on the gravel shoulder.

The car finally reached Nate. Nate heard the whir of an electric window.

“What are you doing out here?” came a female’s voice.

Nate didn’t move nor respond. He was staring into the car trying to see who was inside, but it was too dark.

“Is that you, Nate?” said another voice, this time in the deep tenor of a male. Nate recognized the voice but couldn’t place who it belonged to. “Get in the car, man. We’ll give you a ride.”

Nate still didn’t move.

“Well, put him in the car. He’ll get hypotho-whatever-you-call-it out here.” said the female voice.

The passenger side door opened, consequently turning on the dome light in the car. Nate immediately recognized Brandon climbing out of the car and hurrying around in front of the bright headlights. In the driver’s seat was an older girl Nate didn’t recognize.

Nate felt Brandon’s strong arm around his back. The bigger boy dragged Nate to the backseat, opened the door quickly, and shoved him inside.

**************************

Mia was unable to sit still. We were sitting in her kitchen. I had a steaming mug of coffee in front of me. Mia kept getting up, retrieving and reorganizing various objects in the kitchen. When she was sitting down, she was shuffling the scattering of mail, bills, and school assignments. Peter and Paul were down in the rec room trying to play, but there was an aura of worry throughout the house. The stormy weather wasn’t helping.

“Where is that boy?!” Mia said, getting up and staring out the window at the darkened backyard. A flash of lighting lit the yard, and was followed closely by a clap of thunder.

I heard a thumping on the stairs and after a moment, Paul appeared in the kitchen. He had changed out of the school sweatpants into some of his own clothes. He looked frightened. After standing in the kitchen for a moment, he walked over to me and climbed up on my lap. I wrapped my arm around him and kissed the top of his head.

“Thunder scaring you, buddy?” I asked.

He nodded. Mia turned from the window and forced a smile. “Everything’s fine, honey.”

“When’s Nate coming home?” Paul asked, his voice small and scared. I think he could particularly sense the tension in the house.

“I don’t know,” Mia answered honestly, turning back to the window. Lightning flashed again, the thunder sounding even closer. I felt Paul tense up and rubbed his back lightly. More thumping came on the stairs, and Peter joined us. I could tell he was trying to be big, strong, but a trace of fear could be seen in his eyes. He sat down at the table.

“You left me downstairs by myself, Paul. Thanks.” Peter said sharply.

“I was scared.”

“Baby.”

“Boys!” Mia said loudly. “Not now, ok?”

Something needed to be done, I knew. We had to get out of the house for just a bit, or else no one was going to be able to sleep. “I have an idea,” I said. Everyone looked my direction. “Let’s go visit Mr. Taylor. I’m sure he’d love to see you boys.”

“Oh, I don’t know David. It’s raining pretty hard out there.”

I looked at Mia. “It’ll be fine, Mia. My car can handle it. It’ll be good for us to get out of the house,” I said confidently.

She sighed heavily, but accepted my advice. “Go grab your raincoats boys.”

When the boys were gone, she looked at me questioningly. “You sure this is a good idea?”

I shrugged. “No,” I answered honestly. “But we’ve got to get out of here for a while, Mia. It’s suffocating.”

“Ok, but we’ve got to be quick about it. I want to be here if Nate comes home.”

I nodded and gave her a small hug. I didn’t tell her that I doubted if Nate was going to be home this night. If he wasn’t home by now, there was no way he was coming home, at least not when the weather was so bad. Maybe tomorrow.

“Oh, I suppose we should put a diaper on Paul,” Mia thought out loud. “Who knows what will happen if he gets really scared on the ride, with the thunder and all.”

“Probably a good idea,” I said.

Paul barely put up a protest as Mia took up him upstairs. While we were waiting for Mia and Paul, I retrieved Peter’s rain boots from the top of the hallway closet and helped him into them.

“It’s probably going to be cold out there,” Peter said. To find out, he opened the front door a crack. A burst of cold, wet air blew in and Peter quickly shut the door. “Yep,” he confirmed, “cold.”

After a couple of minutes, Mia returned with Paul closely in tow. I opened the door and we all sprinted to my car. As Mia locked the front door, I helped Paul get in his car seat. I buckled him in, then dashed to the front. In moments we were all in the car and already wet. Turning on the car, I flipped on the heat to full blast.

“It’s crazy out there,” I remarked as we pulled out of the drive way. No one commented on my obvious observation. Turning on the windshield wipers, I drove the car steadily through the rain towards the hospital.

Lightning flashed periodically as we drove down the mostly empty streets. I turned on the radio and found a station playing some lighthearted reggae to help lighten the tension. I noticed Mia kept looking back and forth, searching the dark shadows along the street. She was looking for her son.

The hospital was located downtown. To get there, we had to cross over the river. There were several bridges that crossed over, and I decided to take the most direct. It also happened to be the longest. As we curved around the entrance to the bridge, I saw that I had chosen the wrong route. A wall of cars, all stopped to a standstill lined the bridge all the way across. On the other end of the bridge were several flashing lights. An accident. I noticed this all far too late, however, and there was no way to turn around. We were already boxed in by other cars similarly stuck.

“Great,” I said.

“Yeah, this is going to take a while,” Mia commented.

“What’s going on?” Peter asked from the back seat.

“Yeah?” Paul chimed in.

“I think there is an accident up ahead,” Mia explained. I saw Paul, in the rearview mirror, straining to see over the front seat, but held back by the straps of the car seat.

“I can’t see,” he whined.

“Just cars ahead,” I said, “can’t see anything even from up here.”

I turned up the music. The cars inched forward at snaillike speed. At this rate, it was going to take a good hour to get over the bridge. The rain continued to assault the car, providing a continuous chorus of ambient sound. I got everyone playing a game where you had to think of a vegetable for every letter in the alphabet. It seemed to work and even Mia seemed to get distracted. After about a half hour, when we had made it across nearly half of the bridge, Paul let us know that he had to use the restroom.

I looked out at the sea of cars that idled in between us and any sort of toilet. Things did not look good for Paul.

“Well, try to hold it, honey,” Mia said.

“But I have been.”

“Well, you’ve got a diaper on,” Peter said, “You could just use that.”

“But I have to poop.”

We all groaned. Mia put her head in her hands and mumbled, “Oh God.” She turned around and looked at Paul. “You’ve got to try and hold it, ok? We’ll be there soon.”

Paul just shook his head. “I really have to go. My stomach hurts.” He tried to shift around in the car seat, but couldn’t move around much. “I’m trying, but I can’t…” he trailed off. Paul closed his eyes and strained against the car seat straps that held him firmly into place. His whole body tensed up and the sound of his diaper being filled could be heard throughout the car.

I returned my attention to the cars in front of me and noticed that we could move forward a couple more feet. As I let up on the break to coast forward, the smell of Paul’s bowel mishap reached our noses. We all groaned again.

“That’s disgusting!” Peter said loudly. He rolled down his window, but a burst of rain showered him and he quickly rolled it back up. “We’re stuck with it, I think,” Mia said. She looked over at me with a quirky smile on her face. I smiled back and we burst out laughing.

“It’s not funny!” Paul shouted.

“I know, honey, we’re not laughing at you,” Mia said as we tried to control the spontaneous laughter. I guess there had been so much tension built up, so much nervousness and worry, that it had all just made us snap, however briefly. I felt bad for Paul. I glanced back and saw that he was shifting around in his seat. I could only guess how disgusting that must have felt for him.

“Good thing we put you in a diaper,” Mia said to Paul.

“It feels weird,” he commented.

“Guess it’s been a while since you’ve been in a messy diaper, huh? About three years probably.” Mia must have been reminiscing on when Paul was a toddler.

Peter had moved as far away from Paul’s car seat as he could. The smell seemed to dissipate, or we probably all just got used to it. By the time we finally reached the source of the traffic jam, I could barely tell Paul had messed in his pants.

The ambulances had long left by the time we reached the car wreck, but it was still a horrific sight. The rain and flashing lights made the entire scene dreamlike and surreal. One vehicle, a red sports car, was upside down on the pavement, shattered glass all around it. The other car, a SUV, was battered and facing the wrong way. Tow trucks were just arriving and emergency personnel and policemen, all with large rain jackets on, milled about. We all fell silent as I drove slowly past. I hoped everyone was alright, though I doubted it the way those cars looked. I felt Mia’s hand slip into mine and I squeezed it to comfort her. “God, I hope Nate is ok,” she said softly.

Once we were free of the snarled traffic, I finished the drive to the hospital, though with a much subdued speed. The car wreck made me want to be extra careful in the rain. After a short while we pulled into the parking garage and quickly found a spot near the entrance. Luckily we were covered from the rain in the garage, and didn’t have to run to the building.

I opened the back door of the car and reached down to unbuckle Paul. This close to him, I could again smell his soiled diaper. After unbuckling the car seat straps, I lifted him out of the seat and set him down on the ground. He took a step and stopped, his face all scrunched up. “It feels gross,” he said.

“Well, the quicker you walk, the quicker I can get you changed,” Mia said, giving him a light tap on his back. He starting walking, but it was more of a waddle. I could see the sagging diaper outlined beneath his jeans and was glad that Mia would be the one to clean that one up.

The parking garage connected to the third floor of the hospital, which happened to be the pediatrics floor. Mia grabbed Paul’s hand and immediately took him over to the nurse’s station. He waddled quickly to keep up with his mother. I followed with Peter a close distance behind.

Mia explained the situation to the nurse, who smiled kindly down at Paul. The nurse got up and told Mia to follow her. I told Mia with a wink that I’d wait with Peter while she cleaned up her youngest son. The nurse stopped at a supply closet and pulled out a package of blue diapers from a shelf that was stocked full of similar stacks. Taking one of the diapers out, she handed it to Mia and directed them into a room.

About ten minutes later, all three returned. While Paul looked much more comfortable, I could tell that he was still walking a bit strangely. As they approached, it was evident that his pants were bulging out considerably. The hospital diaper was obviously much thicker than the ones at home. I smiled down at him as we thanked the nurse and continued on our way.

Mr. Taylor’s room was clearly marked by the presence of a uniformed police officer sitting outside of his room. Apparently it was just a safety precaution and so that, when he did wake up, they could question him as quickly as possible.

It was painful to stay in Mr. Taylor’s room for very long, and our visit turned out to be very short. He was still unconscious, and it nearly made me sick to my stomach to see him lying in the sterile hospital bed, so fragile and old. His usual color was gone and he looked gaunt and pale. Mia cried silent tears as we stood by his side while Peter and Paul each gave him a hug. I knew she was feeling guilt, just as I was. We both knew we were partly responsible for the condition Mr. Taylor was in.

The drive home was silent and relatively quick. I took a different bridge back to the north side of the city and it wasn’t long before we were pulling back into the Argrow driveway. The rain had not let up a bit, and we again dashed for the front door, making it inside just as a flash of lighting lit up the sky.

Seeing Mr. Taylor in such a frail condition had done something to Mia. She too lost her color. A combination of the car wreck and hospital had made her worry about Nate rise to new heights.

“I’m going to call the police,” she finally said after she had paced around in the kitchen nervously for a good twenty minutes after we returned. I had put in a movie for Peter and Paul in the living room, and we were by ourselves in the kitchen.

“Mia, I really don’t think that is a good idea.”

“Why not? Who knows where he is. I want to know that he is safe.”

“He’s probably just at a friend’s house,” I said soothingly.

But Mia just shook her head. “You don’t know that for sure.”

“What can the police do? If they find him, they are going to take him into the station. Do you want him spending the night in a jail cell?”

“It’s better than the rain.”

“And don’t you think with the possibility of his involvement in…well, blowing up my truck, that it’s best he doesn’t go near a police station just in case.”

“It’s not worth it, David. I want him safe.” She reached for the phone on the wall.

“Mia, don’t!” I said sharply.

She glared down at me, a true menace in her eyes. “Nathan is my son, and this is my house. If you don’t agree with me, you can leave.”

I was taken aback. I hadn’t meant to push her that far. Keeping my mouth shut, I watched as she dialed the police and put the phone to her ear.