Goodbye Normal Jeans

A novel by Danny

Chapter 10

The next few days were almost normal as one day flowed into the next and then the next without much notice except for the continued absence of Kevin and his sweetheart, Meggin. Kevin did call home and spoke with ma, but pa, he weren’t home when Kevin called so pa missed out gettin’ to yell at him that time.

That one call was the only time ma has been out of bed for the last couple weeks. Dr. Wilson has taken to comin’ over every day and some days he shows up more than once, usually around eatin’ time. Lots of ladies from church have come by bringin’ food over and I think Karen is most happy about that ‘cause she ain’t hardly had to cook since ma got sent to bed. Mostly she just heats stuff up, puts it on the table and we scarf it down. Pa says that ma has to hurry up and get better ‘cause soon he is goin’ to get so fat from eating all the pies that keep showin’ up that he ain’t goin’ to be able to fit into none of his clothes no more.

To be honest, for the last couple weeks, I have been so busy that I’ve not been able to get into too much trouble. When I ain’t been at school, or up in my room tryin’ to catch up on my school work then I, along with everyone else, have been helpin’ take up the slack farm work that Kevin normally does. Pa has said a number of times, “That fool brother of yours picked the worst time to run off and get married!”

He’s been saying that ‘cause it’s harvest season and it takes all us to get it done.

Even with all that goin’ on I was still able to find some time to buddy around with Nugget. He’s even come over a few times to help around the farm. I ain’t said nothing ‘bout it but I think he is sweet on my sister, Kathy ‘cause he gets all goofy whenever she is around.

Pa and me taught Nugget how to drive the tractor; I think that is his favorite thing ever to do. I also showed him how to milk a cow and how not to get pecked to death by the chickens. Surprisin’ enough, Nuggets pa and ma came over last weekend to help out. Nuggets pa turned out to be a really hard worker and was no stranger to gettin’ dirty. His ma took to takin’ care of our ma, along with Karen’s help they got everythin’ ready for when the baby comes.

Basset was around too but mostly he just stayed with the limousine except for when Mr. Goldberg fell while tryin’ to get up into the hay wagon. That’s when Basset decided he needed to stay closer to Mr. Goldberg—just in case.

Now you might have noticed that I said that I ain’t been able to get into too much trouble... I couldn’t say that I didn’t get into none ‘cause I did get into a little bit of trouble. My brother Kyle-Lee and I got into a fight one afternoon. He was bein’ so dang mean to me but only when no one else was around. I figured out for myself that he was only doing it when we were alone so that he wouldn’t get into trouble again. I wanted to tell on him but I figured that ma and pa had enough worryin’ ‘em and they didn’t need me addin’ to that too.

Well the other day I was in the barn with him and he called me a name so bad that I don’t even want to write it down here ‘cause the paper might just burst into flames. When I said I was goin’ to tell on him he punched me in the belly which knocked the wind right out of me. You best believe that I was powerful mad after that and Kyle-Lee, he shouldn’t have turned his back on me. He should have known that I was goin’ to get him back and boy did I ever! Soon as I could breathe again I leapt on him like a wild animal; he fell face first into one of May-Bell’s fresh baked cow patties. The two of us were punchin’, kickin’ and rollin’ around inside the barn until pa came in and stopped us. Even after pa jerked me off Kyle-Lee I kept tryin’ to fight more until pa lifted us both by the seat of our britches, carried us out of the barn and dropped us right into the pigs’ waterin’ trough. That put an end to our fightin’, mostly ‘cause I couldn’t hardly move now that my diaper was waterlogged and weighin’ me down.

When everythin’ was over, Kyle-Lee had a bloody nose, a fat lip, a sprained fin’er from me tryin’ to break it off and one of his bottom teeth was loose. Amazingly enough I only had one sore eye that turned black later that same day. Boy pa really was mad and yelled at us both but he didn’t send us to our room and we didn’t get spanked. My bottom was healin’ up right good but still, if pa had spanked me I knew it would’a hurt so much... but it would a been worth it ‘cause Kyle-Lee had it comin’.

The next mornin’, while I was takin’ my bath before school pa came into the bathroom and we talked. He couldn’t believe that I got the better of Kyle-Lee but he said I ain’t allowed to tell no one that he said that. Pa also done told me that he knew Kyle-Lee had been teasin’ me but he didn’t say or do nothin’ ‘cause he figured I was gettin’ grown enough that I needed to stand up for myself. He also said that he supposes Kyle-Lee had been feelin’ left out ‘cause ma, Kevin and me were gettin’ so much attention. I ain’t sure I buy into that but I guess maybe pa could be right.

Before he left me to finish my bath pa also told me he was proud of me and that he loved me. Then he reached into the water, I thought he was goin’ to pull the drain plug but instead he took hold of my ankle and tugged on my leg causin’ my head to go under. When I came back up he was hightailin’ it for the door laughin’ as he went.

“I’m gonna get you for that pa!” I chuckled as I wiped the soap from my eyes.

Ever since our fight, Kyle-Lee and I been best of brothers again. He never did tell me what was eatin’ at him and I didn’t ask; I guess I have accepted pa’s explanation and now I am just glad Kyle-Lee ain’t bein’ mean to me no more.

Probably the most talked about thin’ to happen in the past couple weeks was when my best friend, John-Jo; you remember him, I told ya about him before. Anyway, John-Jo got himself caught in his zipper when he was peein’ back behind the church when he was supposed to be in Sunday school. Well, he says he was peein’ although I think he might have been up to somethin’ else but I better not say what. Ma says it ain’t right to spread rumors about someone so I suppose I will keep it to myself but I will say that he weren’t the only one playin’ hooky from Sunday School class that mornin’.

I am sure you know what I mean when I say that he got himself caught in his zipper. He had to get three stitches from Dr. Wilson and after gettin’ stitches twice in my backside I got an idea how embarrassed John-Jo must’a been.

Now, if’n you ask me, I think that should have been bad enough for John-Jo but it got worse and I don’t know why but just this very second I started hearin’ the preacher inside my head preachin’ about how God don’t ever give a person more burden than he can carry. I guess that popped into my head ‘cause poor John-Jo, he sure got a heavy dose of humiliation to be sure ‘cause the whole dang town knows what happened. I mean when it happened he yelped so loud folks in the next county could hear him. Now John-Jo can’t go nowhere without someone sayin’ somethin’ about it to him and he weren’t in church this past Sunday and neither was his ma and pa. I expect they got a dose of humiliation over it all too. Anyway, I done been over to see him twice already and he says he is fine but he walks like he has the worst case of diaper rash in history. But you best believe I didn’t laugh none at him and I think he was grateful for that much anyway.

This morning, when I got back to the bedroom after taking my morning bath Karen was there getting my diaperin’ things ready. She already had my school uniform laid out for me.

“Morning,” I said to her.

“Good morning small fry,” Karen said as she turned and smiled at me.

Kyle Lee was still getting dressed too. He was standing there in his underwear and socks and was pulling his shirt over his head. “Morning!” he said from inside his shirt.

“Eeek, it’s the headless underwear monster!” I teased.

Karen walked up to me, took hold of my chin and announced, “You’re eye looks a lot better today.”

From behind me I heard, “Too bad his face isn’t any better!”

I spun around and saw Nugget standing there.

“Hey, you ain’t supposed to be here yet.” I said with surprise.

“Yeah, well good morning to you too!” Nugget said.

“Oh sorry, good morning!” I said offhandedly, “but you ain’t supposed to be here yet!”

“Basset had to take my father into work early so my mother is driving us to school today.” Nugget said.

As she was passing Nugget Karen messed up his hair and said, “Good Morning Nugget and bent down and kissed his cheek.”

“Hey! How about evening it up?” He said with a grin and pointing to his other cheek.

Karen kissed his other cheek and grinned like a big goofball.

“Oh, ok!” I said accepting his reason and dropped my towel.

You might think it odd that I would just go around naked with Nugget right there in the room but for the past couple weeks he’s become one of the family. Besides, we’ve seen each other naked a couple of times now. He’s also seen me in just diapers and getting changed too. The most recent was yesterday after the two of us got into a pig slop fight. It was all in fun but boy we got dirty. Karen laughed when she sheen us covered head to toe in pig food and made us both strip on the front porch, him to his underwear and me down to my diapers and plastic pants. She then proceeded to hose us down right there before sending us up to take a bath. Heck, even his pa, ma and Basset know about my diapers. Ma told them for me ‘cause she was worried that they might think I was sickly or something. So now you see why I ain’t bothered by Nugget being in my room while Karen diapers me and helps me get my uniform on for school.

“Where is your ma?” I asked as I got on the bed.

“Down visiting with your mother and the doctor.” He said picking up my towel that I’d left lying on the floor. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve learned that Nugget has one really big quirk, he’s a neat freak. You should see his school locker, it’s organized and labeled for each text book. Aside from that, he’s just as normal as anyone else that has a fake hand.

“Doc’s here already?” Kyle-Lee asked while zipping up his pants.

“He pulled in when we were getting out of the car.” Nugget said handing the towel to Kyle-Lee who in turn tossed it into the laundry basket.

“You come in that long car again?” Kyle-Lee asked.

“Nope,” Nugget answered quickly.

Kyle-Lee invited him to have breakfast here by askin’, “So ya hungry then?”

“Why don’t the two of you head down and we’ll be down in a minute,” Karen said.

“Hey, and you might want to stop by the bathroom and comb your hair again.” Kyle-Lee said to Nugget with a grin.

Karen swatted at the two of them with my diaper and they took off.

To be continued . . .