Awakenings



A true story of how I got interested in diapers.

-- pampers (grbeme@ultb.rit.edu - http://www.rit.edu/~grbeme)



     The summer of 1975 started like any other would for a 8 

year old, we burst out of the classroom and crowded down the 

hall and piled on the bus for that last trip home for the 

year.  There was not a frown to be seen as everyone was in 

that "last day of school" mood.  As the bus bounced along 

the bumpy rural roads we all talked about what we were going 

to do all summer long, the word work was not to be heard 

anywhere.  Everyone was laughing, talking, and throwing 

papers and letting out all their anxieties.  I was now a 

proud graduate of the third grade and intended to celebrate 

every day by playing in some way, shape, or form.

     A cloud of dust engulfed the bus as we rolled to a stop 

in front of my house, dust was definitely one of the 

downfalls of living on a dirt road.  I stepped out into the 

cloud and crossed in front of the bus as I did many times 

before but I knew this was the last time for the whole 

summer.  I raced across the lawn and ran in to the house, my 

younger sister ran along behind me.  I threw my backpack 

down and quickly changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt 

and ran outside to get summer officially started.  I ran out 

to the edge of our garden where there wasn't anything 

planted.  I just about did a flying leap into the dirt where 

my toys were, the cold soft dirt felt so much better than a 

stuffy old school-room.  I needed to get dirty, I needed to 

be a true kid again.  I looked around at the array of Tonka 

trucks, bulldozers, and other heavy equipment that was 

laying around.  Heavy construction was definitely just what 

I needed to start the summer off right.  I looked over the 

array of roads I had built and concluded that there just 

needed to be a big hole next to the road I had built the 

previous day.  The steam-shovel drove (well, was pushed 

anyway) down the road followed by a dump-truck.  I was up to 

my ears in dirt, wow, I thought, it just doesn't get any 

better than this, or so I thought.

	The dump truck pulled off to the side and the steam 

shovel went to work on the hole.  I was fully enveloped in 

my actives, in my imagination I could hear the scream of 

diesel engines and the tearing of earth in the name of 

progress.  The dump truck soon filled and off I went to 

unload it.  As I was nearing the dump site I heard a car 

coming down our road.  Since it was quite a rural road, we 

always looked because there was a good chance we knew 

whoever it was.  A big brown station wagon plowed along 

leaving a huge brown wake of dust.  I didn't recognize the 

car so back to work I went.  Then a few seconds later I 

heard the tell-tale crunching of gravel that told me that 

the car had pulled up into the yard.  Our dog Kate was going 

crazy barking as she ran beside the car, she let everyone 

know an intruder was present.  It was then that I recalled 

something about relatives from New Hampshire coming to 

visit.  My mom had mentioned something about that a few 

weeks ago.  Guess if I actually listened to her once in 

awhile I would know for sure, oh-well, such is youth.

	I ran to the car as my mom came out of the house, I 

knew she would have made me come over anyway.  I took Kate 

by the collar and told her to stop barking, but she managed 

to get in one more, "woof" just to let everyone know she was 

still on duty.

	The car was stuffed with people and luggage, there was 

even luggage strapped to the top of the car.  The doors 

opened and everyone piled out of the car and stretched to 

recover from their journey.  My mom asked me if I remembered 

any of them.  I was 2 when I had last seen them, why do 

parents always ask these stupid questions anyway?  The group 

consisted of my dad's cousin who I called uncle Rich, his 

wife Samantha, and their children:  Thomas 14, Lisa 12, and 

Heather 8.  I didn't recognize any of the faces, but 

apparently they did, Aunt Samantha came over to me and gave 

me the dreaded, "Isn't he so adorable.  You were this big 

when I say you last." as she held her hands about 2 feet or 

so off the ground.  My sister was still oblivious to all 

that was going on, and was watching television in the house.  

She was lucky, I knew construction would not resume today as 

I would get roped into entertaining the other kids.

	About this time my grandparents and my other uncle and 

aunt were approaching, they live just up the road and saw 

the car pull in.  The adults started talking next to the car 

and I could see that all of us kids were on our own.  Not 

knowing what else to do I offered to show them around the 

farm.  We had just started for the barn when I saw my cousin 

Bill and Chris, who live up the street, coming over.  Bill 

and Chris were older than me and about the age of Tom and 

Lisa so they pretty much took off by themselves.  I was left 

with Heather as the older four went off and did their own 

thing.  I brought her around the barn showing her the cows, 

pigs, and the rest of the animals we had.   As we were 

walking around I would occasionally look at her, she was 

quite cute, even though she was a girl.  She had blonde 

straight hair the color of wheat that flowed down just below 

her shoulders, sparkling baby blue eyes, and a petite frame.  

I know at 8 years old I was young and was supposed to still 

think girls had cooties, but she was quite pleasing to look 

at.  Besides my cousin Bill (12 at the time) told me it was 

actually fun to kiss these girl creatures.  I didn't really 

have an attraction to her pre se, but there was something 

about her that seemed interesting.  I finished showing her 

around the barn and the pasture where all the cows were.  

With the tour done, so was my interest for now.  Hey, what 

kind of attention span did you expect from a 8 year old?

	I excused myself explaining that I had important work 

to do and I brought her to the house and left her with my 

sister in front of the TV.  Back out in my corner of the 

garden earth was again being moved, trucks zoomed back and 

forth carrying their loads.  Construction was well under way 

when I heard someone approaching, I looked up and Heather 

was standing there.  I sort of just looked at her with a, 

"why are you here?" look, she told me that Jan (my sister) 

was just watching television and it was boring.  She said 

she would rather play with the trucks and stuff if I didn't 

mind.  Hmmm, I thought, she must be a tomboy, I had never 

encountered this before.  This could be ok I thought, so I 

told her she could play.  I described the layout of the 

roads and quarries and what was to go where, she nodded and 

we got to work.

	We spent the rest of the day playing, we got along very 

well, and both of us were covered in dirt.  At dinner time 

we stopped and I went inside to get cleaned up, she went up 

to my aunts house were they would all be staying.  I could 

tell it wouldn't be that bad having her around after all. 

The next day we would all go to the state fair in Syracuse, 

NY, it was about a 2 hour drive form our house. We all piled 

into the Chevy Suburban and Heather and I were in the very 

back together on the floor.  We had ample toys to keep us 

busy so we played most of the way there.  We had a good day 

at the fair, ate tons of cotton candy, popcorn and went on 

every upside down ride we could find.  Why we didn't get 

sick from all of this, I'll never know.  On the way home we 

got the floor again in the back, this time it was dark and 

we couldn't really play with out toys.  Heather and I just 

talked and looked up through the window and watched the 

stars.  After awhile the topic of kissing came up, she asked 

me if I had ever kissed a girl.  I replied of course, "No 

Way!" and she asked me if I wanted to kiss her.  I said 

"never in a million years.", but being a female she bugged 

me until I caved in. We kissed on the lips a few times and 

found it funny, we giggled and held hands the rest of the 

way home.  They were definitely not deep passionate kisses 

but were soft, shy and unsure.  The following day we played 

together again and managed to sneak a few more kisses behind 

the barn.  We agreed that we would be boyfriend and 

girlfriend while we were together.  I found it hard to 

believe that just 2 days ago I found the idea of kissing 

girls repulsive, let alone having one as a girlfriend.  We 

spent the whole day together playing all sorts of different 

games, and come dinner time we didn't want to part company.  

I asked my mom if Heather could eat supper with us and she 

agreed if it was ok with her parents, she called and they 

said it was ok.  We ate dinner and headed right back outside 

to take advantage of the long summer sunlight.  When it got 

dark we went into the house and we asked if she could sleep 

in my room for the night since we were having so much fun 

together.  Again, it was ok as long as her parents agreed.  

We called my aunt's house and her parents thought it was 

all-right, as long as we weren't a bother to my mom.

	Heather went off to get her cloths and stuff, she 

returned carrying a little brown suitcase.  It wasn't quite 

bed-time yet so we ran around the house screaming and in 

general, driving my mom crazy.  Eventually my mom tired of 

our rough housing and we were told that we were tired and 

should go to bed.  We avoided going to bed as long as 

possible but the tone in mom's voice eventually reached that 

"you're going to get your butt kicked" tone.  Heather and I 

went to my room where I told her she could change into her 

pajamas.  I took my pajamas and headed to the bathroom to 

change.  I slipped out of my cloths and in to my blue 

striped pj bottoms, I didn't wear the top in summer.  I 

headed back towards my bedroom but Heather was still in 

there with the door closed so I put my cloths down next to 

the door and headed back to the bathroom.  I grabbed my 

toothbrush and as usual put too much toothpaste on it.  I 

started brushing my teeth and began blowing huge bubbles 

with the massive amounts of toothpaste foam in my mouth.  I 

was involved in an especially large bubble when suddenly I 

heard, "ewwwww, neat!" from behind me.  Startled, I jumped 

and the bubble burst covering my face with toothpaste foam.  

There was Heather, wearing a pair of pink sleeper-style 

pajamas with feet.  It zipped up the front and had a small 

yellow and white bunny holding a carrot on the chest.  We 

started laughing hysterically at my covered face and it only 

got worse when I was laughing so hard toothpaste foam 

started flying out of my mouth.  Still laughing, Heather 

reached for her toothbrush, she wanted to attempt the bubble 

blowing antics.  She covered her toothbrush with an obscene 

amount of toothpaste, prodded by me of course.  She made all 

sorts of faces as the wad of mint paste smeared around in 

her mouth and started to foam.  Still laughing she tried to 

blow a bubble but could only manage small ones due to 

uncontrolled laughing before they exploded,  covering her 

face.  She gave up and we wiped the froth from our faces and 

I finished brushing my teeth.  

	Heather was just finishing brushing her teeth as I left 

the bathroom and I picked up my cloths I had put down 

outside the door earlier.  I walked in to my room and 

noticed that Heather's suitcase was on top of my hamper so I 

grabbed the top strap and swung it over towards the bed to I 

could put in my cloths.  About mid-swing I realized her bag 

wasn't closed all the way and it opened up, spilling the 

contents all over the floor.  Just as the contents of her 

bag finished spreading themselves across my floor Heather 

walked in.  Still holding the open bag I looked at Heather 

somewhat embarrassed but ready to laugh since it was pretty 

funny.  She wasn't looking at me though, she was staring at 

her cloths on the floor.  I turned and looked at her cloths 

strewn across the floor and then noticed why she was 

staring.  Right next to her underwear there were two white 

folded pampers.  I looked up at her again and she looked at 

me with a scared look in her eyes.  She looked to see if my 

mom or sister saw, they didn't,  and she pushed the door 

closed then continued to look at me sheepishly.  I could 

tell she wanted to say something but she couldn't come up 

with any words.  I shyly asked her if she had to wear 

diapers at night.  She nodded that she did, and in a meek 

tone she explained that her whole family had a bedwetting 

history.  Her older brother just outgrew it and her sister 

had outgrown it a year or so ago, she still had an accident 

occasionally.  Her dad had wet until he was 16 or 17.  I 

looked at her in her pajamas and asked, "Do you have one on 

now?".  She nodded yes and I did notice that she had a 

fullness around her bottom in the pajamas.  I stared at her 

puffy bottom for a second, then something happened that to 

this day I can't explain.  Without even thinking about how 

strange it was I asked, "Can I try one?".  I don't know if 

it was because I just wanted to be like her, make her feel 

better, or because I always had the desire to wear them.

	Heather's embarrassed look suddenly changed to a faint 

smile and she looked up at me and she replied that I could 

try one.  I imagine she was comforted that I didn't make fun 

of her or call her a baby.  She bent down and started 

putting her cloths back into her suitcase.  Setting one of 

the pampers aside she closed the suitcase and zipped it 

closed this time before she put the suitcase back on the 

hamper.  She picked up the diaper and handed it to me, my 

hands were shaking as I took it, not exactly sure of what I 

just got myself into.  The soft, powdery smell of the 

original pampers then washed over me and I was sure I had 

made the right decision.

	Heather curiously watched as I opened the diaper up and 

looked at it for awhile, the smell became overpowering now 

as the room filled with the smell of pampers.  The pamper 

was thick and rectangular with folds around the legs and 

very simple, there was no elastic around the legs or waist.  

I touched the silky plastic backing and caressed the soft 

padding of the diaper.  I inhaled and the soft smell of 

pampers perfume filled my nostrils and I became very 

excited.  I climbed into my bed and pulled the covers over 

myself so I could change without Heather seeing me.  I 

pulled off my pajama bottoms and my jockey shorts and picked 

up the diaper.  I slid the open diaper under my bottom and 

sat down on it.  "No turning back now",  I thought.  I 

pulled the thickness up between my legs and a sudden feeling 

of comfort and security enveloped me as if I were in the 

midst of a nice hug.  My mind rushed with new emotions that 

I had never felt before, I was happy, content, and excited 

all at the same time.  I pulled the diaper tight and 

fastened the tapes snugly in place.  The tapes barely 

reached but seemed as if they would hold.  I just laid there 

for a minute enjoying my new feelings.  I eventually was 

brought back to reality when Heather asked if it was on yet.  

I answered  "yes", and she said, "Well, let me see."  I was 

a bit shocked and didn't really know what to think but I 

suddenly got a bit bold and said, "Only if I can see yours 

too."  She didn't even have to think before she agreed.  I 

pulled back the covers revealing the soft white pamper taped 

firmly in place, Heather gazed at me and told me it looked 

cute.  She told me to turn over so she could see how it fit.  

I rolled over and she said it was a little small but would 

be fine.  The thick material pressed against me and I told 

her that I really liked it and it felt good.  She giggled 

and agreed, she said she liked how they felt on her too.  

She said that she was glad she still wet occasionally so she 

could still wear her diapers at night.

  	I told her that I wanted to see hers now, since she had 

seen me in them.  I could see in her eyes that she now had 

some second thoughts on letting me see hers.  She knew 

thought that I had fulfilled my part of the bargain and it 

was now her turn.  She slowly unzipped her pajamas and 

looked at me in a way that now I would call seductive.  She 

paused for a second and then slid the pajamas over her 

petite shoulders.  Her pajamas gently slid down and stopped 

at her waist.  She folded her arms holding the pink fuzzy 

sleepers bunched at the top of her diaper.  I looked at her 

flat chest and stomach, her blond hair cascaded across her 

shoulders.  I could just see the top of her thick pamper as 

she held her sleepers around her waist.  She paused for a 

second then looked at me laying on my bed in just my diaper 

and she let her pajamas drop the rest of the way.  I gazed 

at her beautiful petite frame with her thick diaper nestled 

between her legs.  She looked beautiful standing before me 

in just her pampers, I had never though a girl could look so 

good.  I told her I thought she looked really pretty like 

that, she blushed and told me that she thought I looked good 

too.  There was an energy in the room that I couldn't 

explain at the time, I can only wonder if it were some early 

form of prepubescent sexual arousal.  It manifested itself 

as an excess of energy, that is an excess even for 8 year 

olds.

	I crawled out of bed and stood on the floor.  The thick 

diaper between my legs made it difficult to get my legs 

together but it felt heavenly.  I tried to walk but I ended 

up waddling across the room to toss my underwear in the 

hamper.  Heather giggled and told me that I would get used 

to walking in them after awhile.  I shyly looked up at 

Heather and asked her if I could wear the diaper for the 

night, she just smiled knowingly. She apparently had the 

same feelings I did at the time because she said she wasn't 

tired yet and asked if I wanted to build a tent.  I told her 

yes but we would have to be quiet so my mom didn't hear us.  

I put a towel across the bottom of the door and partially 

covered the light so my mom wouldn't see any light in the 

room either and would think we were asleep.  

Heather started pulling blankets off the bed and I quietly 

pulled my desk chair into the middle of the room.  We built 

a huge tent in the middle of the room out of bed sheets and 

towels and tossed some toys inside through the opening under 

the chair.  Heather and I walked to the opening and admired 

our work for a bit. The opening was pretty small so I bent 

down on my hands and knees so I could enter the tent.  

Heather bent down right in front of me and her thick 

diapered bottom wiggled back and forth right in front of my 

face as she crawled into the tent.  The thick padding 

cradled her small bottom and rustled softly with every move.  

I followed Heather in and we sat in the tent playing with 

our toys.  The thick padding on my bottom felt wonderful as 

I sat playing.  In just a few minutes the aroma of pampers 

filled the tent and we played happily for an hour to two.  

Our excess energy was not being used up fast enough and we 

started to tire of the toys.  Heather asked me if we could 

practice kissing some more like we were earlier.  I agreed 

of course and we started kissing softly, her small lips were 

soft and silky as they pressed against mine.  

	After a few minutes Heather stopped and asked if we 

could try kissing another way.  I didn't know what she was 

talking about, how else could you kiss I thought, and asked 

her what she meant.  She told me that she had seen her 

brother and his girlfriend kissing before and wanted to try 

it like they did.  I was naturally curious so I agreed and 

asked what I should do.  Heather laid down on her back in 

front of me and spread her legs apart.  I just stared in awe 

at her laying before me in her diaper.  The sight of her 

thickly pampered frame laying with her legs apart and her 

soft hair flowing around her was incredible.   She then told 

me I had to lay on her to do it right.  I was a bit confused 

as to how laying down would help kissing but was willing to 

do anything.  I and kneeled over her and then lowered myself 

down on top of her.  My diaper pressed into hers and my bare 

chest rested against hers.  The thick feel of our diapers 

pressed together was a feeling I will never forget.  I 

wanted to lay there forever just holding her small pampered 

body against mine.  Heather told me that her brother and his 

girlfriend had kissed with open mouths and they sometimes 

used their tongues.  I was a bit grossed out at first but 

Heather assured me that her brother liked it and it was 

supposed to be fun.  I opened my mouth, as did she, and we 

kissed clumsily.  We continued and it was obvious we were 

both new, our teeth bumped occasionally, but soon we were 

more relaxed and doing a much better job.  Heather then 

moved her tongue to my mouth as we were kissing and our 

tongues explored each others mouths.  We both quickly 

started laughing, partially grossed out, and partly because 

of the new exciting feelings.  We spent about 15 minutes in 

each others arms, wearing just our diapers, kissing.  

Afterwards we talked about the kissing, we both thought it 

was a strange feeling, but it was also fun, we giggled and 

talked about how it felt.  

	We decided to sleep in the tent together in just out 

diapers.  I set my alarm for early in the morning so we 

could take down the tent and get dressed before my mom woke 

up.  I pulled a blanket over us and pulled her close to me.  

She hugged me and kissed me softly goodnight.  Her hand slid 

down my back and came to rest on my pampered behind, I let 

my hand glide across her back to her diaper.  I pressed my 

hand against her diaper and she sighed with contentment.  We 

both fell asleep quickly and I think it was the happiest 

nights sleep I have ever had.

	I sleepily opened my eyes as the alarm clicked on and 

started playing music.  I started to roll over to turn the 

alarm off and the thick diaper between my legs suddenly 

brought back the memories of the night before.  I pressed my 

hand against my thickly diapered crotch and smiled 

contentedly, then turned the music off.  Heather didn't wake 

up and was still asleep under the blanket.  I watched her 

sleeping and I softly played with her long golden hair, at 

that moment I know I was privileged to be in the presence of 

pure innocence.  She slowly woke up and stretched her arms 

above her head and looked up at me.  She smiled and looked 

at me to make sure I was still diapered.  She moved her hand 

between my legs and pressed against the diaper and asked me 

if I was dry.  She gently squeezed the front of my diaper to 

feel if I was wet or not.  She almost sounded disappointed 

as she said I had a dry diaper.  In a way I was disappointed 

that I was dry, if I wasnt I'd have an excuse to wear them 

every night.  I followed Heather's lead and would check her 

diaper too.  I pulled the covers back to reveal her naked 

body.  Naked except for her beautiful thick diaper.  She 

smiled and spread her legs apart as I moved my hand between 

her legs.  I pressed the palm of my hand against her thick 

pamper and held it there.  I didn't feel any dampness so I 

told her she was dry too.  I don't know how I  would have 

reacted if she were wet.  

	I then just looked at Heather for a moment and had the 

desire to totally baby her all day long.  Unfortunately, 

that would be too obvious and my mom would have known 

something was up so I had to suppress that desire.  I knew 

my mother would be getting up soon and I knew that my 

happiest night ever was drawing to a close.  Heather and I 

took down the tent and put the room back into order.  I 

jumped into my bed and reluctantly removed the diaper and 

put a pair of underwear and my pajamas back on.  I watched 

as Heather pulled her sleeper pj's up over her diaper and 

put her arms in the sleeves and zipped them up.  I jumped 

out of bed and handed Heather my diaper but she told me I 

could have it.  She then went to her suitcase and got out 

her cloths for the day and reached under the pair of panties 

in her suitcase and took out the other diaper.  She handed 

me the other pamper and told me she wanted me to have it.  

She told me not to worry and that she had more in the car 

she could use if she needed them.  I graciously took the 

diaper and hid it and the other one in my closet.  I left 

the room and went to the bathroom while Heather got dressed 

for the day.  Then I got dressed and thought about our night 

all through breakfast.  After breakfast Heather and I went 

back outside to play some more before she had to leave. They 

were planning on leaving that afternoon to visit some other 

relatives and then head home. 

	While playing Heather and I  talked about the previous 

nights experiences.  She asked me if I really liked wearing 

the pampers or not.  I told her that I definitely did and 

wished I could wear one all the time.  She nodded and smiled 

in agreement. She confided that she wished she could wear 

them all the time too but wasn't allowed to wear one during 

the daytime.  She explained that she had even wet by 

"accident" a few times during the day in hopes of being 

diapered, but her parents got very upset.  They kept telling 

her that they knew that she would have problems at night but 

she wasn't a baby and she didn't need diapers while she was 

awake.  I told her that I wished I wet at night like she did 

so I could wear pampers every night , she laughed and told 

me she hoped she never grew out of wetting at night.  

	Heather and her family left that afternoon, I almost 

cried to see her leave.  We kept in touch as pen pals for 

about a year afterwards.  The letters became fewer and fewer 

as time passed and we haven't seen each other since.  To 

this day she doesn't know what an impression she and that 

night had on me.

	In my life now I have always desired to bring back the 

feelings that night gave me.   It has shaped my life 

forever, someday I hope to find a big baby girl that I can 

take care of  that can appreciate the closeness and love I 

intend to show her.  My deepest desire is to dress, bathe, 

change, feed and otherwise baby my love if I ever find her.  

I would love to find that special girl that would be happy 

sharing in diapers with me.  Until that time I will just 

have to be in diapers by myself, but I will never stop my 

quest...