Ronnie B. was a 14 year old from a small rural town . He was referred to me by the local foster home agency suffering from moderate chronic depression. We met weekly for over a year. After our first few meetings as Ronnie became comfortable with me, he began to talk about the punishments he had received in his last foster home --- since he was about nine years old. The following are transcripts from our sessions. 3/12/19xx DP: You're feeling better today? RB: Yep. DP: Want to tell me why? RB: No real reason, I guess. DP: The weather maybe? RB: I don't mind the rain. DP: Want to talk about anything in particular today? RB: No. DP: How about where we left off last week? RB: Okay. You mean....... DP: What.....? RB: The diapers and stuff. DP: Well, if you want. Yes, that's okay. Are you comfortable with it? RB: I don't like talking about it much.........It's okay. DP: You start -- where you want. RB: My step-dad put diapers on me...made me wear them around the house. I guess I told you that already. DP: As a punishment? RB: Yeah. DP: Under your pants...? RB: Yeah...and without pants sometimes -- when I went to bed. DP: Just the diaper. RB: Well a shirt -- a T-shirt or something. DP: Shoes? Around the house? RB: No, barefoot -- like a baby or little kid. Sometimes socks. DP: Just for a day? RB: Two or three days. On weekends. DP: I don't imagine that felt very good. RB: (stares out window.) DP: Something you didn't get used to. RB: No. DP: How often did you have to do this? RB: Like maybe every month or something like that. Maybe not that often. Maybe every six weeks. Something like that. DP: Your step-dad felt you needed punished that often? RB: Sure. More than that probably. Like when he'd paddle me. DP: That sounds like a lot? How old were you? Tell me again. RB: I don't know. Maybe ten or eleven. DP: Three or four years ago then. RB: Yeah, I guess. DP: I see. (patient seemed willing to contribute without questioning.) And........ RB: I had to go to the bathroom in them. DP: Just like a real kid would? RB: Yeah. Pee and the other. Both DP: 'The other'? RB: Yeah, you know, poop...shit. You know. Can I say 'shit' here? DP: That word doesn't offend me. It's only a word. RB: Well....I had to do my shit and piss in the diaper. DP: Just like a child does. RB: I guess...yeah. DP: Do you want to talk about it? RB: I had to sit on the toilet, on the seat, with my diaper on and do it with my step-dad there. He'd stand there and watch me pissing in the diaper. Or.....you know...pooping in the diaper. You know....making a big poop in it. Sometimes I had to do both. He'd stand there watching me grunt a big poop and pee. DP: But you were sitting on the toilet. RB: Yeah.....but I had the diaper still on. DP: The toilet lid was up but the seat..... RB: The seat was down with me sitting on it....just like normal -- when you poop anyway.. but.. DP: But what... RB: I had the diaper on. DP: Is this difficult to remember? RB: No, I remember it real well. DP: No, I meant is it difficult to talk about. RB: ........I never told nobody before if that's what you mean. Yeah, it's no fun talking about it if that's what you mean. DP: We need to talk more about it, Ronnie, but I think we can change the subject for the rest of our time today, if that's okay with you. RB: It's fine with me, Doc. ***** DP: Do you feel comfortable today talking more about the times your step-dad made you wear diapers? RB: I guess.....I.....never mind. DP: We don't have to talk about it today if you'd rather not. It's okay. RB: It's okay. DP: You told me that you wore the diaper even when you used the bathroom. RB: Yeah. I had to. DP: You sat on the toilet with the lid up and the seat down? RB: Yeah. DP: That was uncomfortable, wasn't it? RB: Yeah. Not to pee. You just gotta let go to pee. I guess. But to poop it was. I mean the diaper was tight. I had to really grunt and...you know....grunt the poop out. DP: I was thinking more about it being uncomfortable maybe in another way. How did you feel having to do that? RB: Embarrassed....I guess. Is that what you mean? DP: Yes. RB: (no response) DP: You're step-dad was there? RB: He watched me do it. DP: You had to tell him when you needed to use the bathroom? RB: Yes. DP: How did you do that? RB: I don't know. I just went and told him that I needed to go. DP: And he went into the bathroom with you? RB: Sometimes he's make me wait. If he was like busy. DP: Wait how long? RB: Well if I told him I needed to pee, he'd make me wait a little. I don't know. Maybe a few minutes. Maybe five or ten minutes. Maybe a little longer. DP: Until you became uncomfortable -- needing to urinate-- pee? RB: Sometimes. DP: And if you needed to ....make poop? RB: He'd ask if I could wait...usually. If he was busy, I mean. DP: Did you ever have an accident ---because you couldn't wait? RB: I think so...maybe once or twice. DP: And.... RB: Once I couldn't hold my pee. I waited too long to tell him. I really had to go...and DP: And... RB: I peed in the diaper on the way to the bathroom, I guess. Bill (the name Ronnie uses when referring to his step-father) said it was my fault for waiting. DP: Was he upset? RB: No. You can't hold pee like you can a poop. DP: And he knows that. RB: Sure...I guess. He would, I guess. DP: Did you hold your poop on purpose? RB: Yeah. DP: That must have been uncomfortable. RB: Some. I got used to it. And I didn't always do it cause it made me plugged. DP: 'Plugged'? You mean constipated? RB: I guess. Like when you can't poop because it such a big poop and you....you got to really grunt and push and it hurts and all. DP: And it was hard enough to poop without being plugged. RB: I had to sit on the seat with my diaper still on. Sometimes I had to push a lot to poop. DP: Even if you weren't plugged? RB: I was plugged only two or three times, I guess. DP: You learned not to wait? RB: Yeah. I guess. DP: Did your step-dad always take you to the toilet? RB: Yeah, usually. I think. Always when I needed to poop. Except maybe once. DP: Tell me about that. RB: He wasn't home. And I pooped in my bedroom. DP: And when he got home? RB: I told him and he still made me like sit on the toilet seat anyway. DP: And after you'd sit on the toilet to pee or poop, what happened next? RB: I had to lie down on the floor. DP: With your diaper still on? RB: It was yucky. He'd take the old one off. Really yucky. DP: You were on the floor. On your back or stomach? RB: My back...you know, lying on the floor. DP: And he would take the old diaper off. RB: Yeah. He'd undo and like take the front part off and then I lifted my legs and he'd slide the back off. If it was all pooped-up it was yucky. DP: Then what? RB: He put it in a plastic bag. And then I took a shower. DP: Was he there when you showered? RB: Only if my butt was messy from a poop. RB: I'm not sure I understand. RB: If my butt was messy he washed it. DP: While you were in the shower. RB: Yeah. I mean he didn't get in the shower or nothing. Just washed my butt with a wash cloth. DP: I think we've talked enough about this for today. If it's okay with you we'll talk more some other time. RB: Sure. It's okay. One time I had to wear a diaper for a week. Did I tell you about that? DP: I'd like to hear about it. But maybe next time. RB: Sure. ***** DP: How are you today? RB: Fine...I guess. DP: I'm told you're eating better. That's good. RB: Food here is okay. DP: Well, can we talk a little more about the times you were put in a diaper? Is that a comfortable subject for you today? RB: I guess. DP: We could talk more about the spanking if that would be better this time. RB: And paddlings.... spankings and paddlings I got. I got both. [patient talked of being paddled for seven minutes] DP: Now let's talk about the diaper a little more. Can we? RB: Yeah. Sure. DP: Did you always take a shower after wetting or dirtying your diaper? RB: Yeah, I guess. Maybe not for just peeing but always if I had to poop in it. DP: And your step-dad would help wash you? RB: Only if I had a messy butt...you know....well, you know...if I pooped. DP: He used a cloth to wash you? RB: With soap. Yeah. DP: What did you think about that? RB: I was old enough to wash myself. I guess he made that part of the punishment. DP: You didn't like being washed. RB: No. Of course not. Of course I didn't. I was too old for that. DP: Did he wash your back or your face or..... RB: No he let me do that. He just washed my butt. DP: Maybe because he thought he could do a better job. RB: Maybe. But I don't think so. DP: Why then? RB: To make me feel bad...worse, I guess. DP: You felt like what...? RB: He made me feel like I couldn't do it myself....like he had to do it for me. Like I was a little kid or something. DP: Then what happened? After the shower. RB: I dried off and he put a new diaper on me. DP: Did he help you dry? RB: Nope. DP: But he was there? RB: Yeah. DP: A new diaper? RB: Yeah. He had one ready. I got on the floor again. And he...you know...put a new one on...and stuff. DP: What stuff? RB: He put powder on my...you know...on my dick...and my balls. White powder. DP: Baby powder? RB: I guess. Yeah. DP: Then the new diaper? RB: I was laying on the diaper already. You know...it was under my butt and I was like lying on it already. DP: And he fastened it? RB: Up through my legs...yeah. But He did other stuff before that. DP: What stuff? RB: He pulled my legs back ....back up.. like over my head, I guess. DP: And... RB: And he rubbed yucky lotion on my butt.. all over. Real yucky stuff. He rubbed it on my butt. DP: Do you know what the word 'anus' means? RB: Yeah...kind-of. It's where you poop...shit. It's you butt hole. DP: Did he rub the lotion on you anus? RB: Yeah. I guess....yeah. DP: Always? RB: Yeah. DP: How did he do that? RB: I don't know. I could just feel him doing it, that's all. You know, rubbing his finger and the lotion on. And up on my balls too. DP: Did the lotion feel good. RB: It felt yucky. That's what they use on babies he said. DP: Baby oil? RB: I don't know. I guess that's what it was. I just wanted him to get it done...leave my balls and butt hole alone. It was really yucky. I didn't like him doing that. DP: Did he rub your anus and balls a long time? RB: I don't know. Long enough get them all yucky. Not long. DP: Did he touch your penis.. your dick? RB: I know what a penis is. No. Not much. No. Just the powder. DP: Then what? RB: I guess he let go of my legs and fastened the diaper...in front. It had sticky tape but he used pins too. DP: Safety pins? RB: Yeah, I guess. Made the diaper tight around my butt and my dick and all when I stood up. You know...tight. DP: Then what.... RB: Then I was done. I had to go to my room usually. DP: Did you put pants on over your diaper? RB: Sometimes. If I went downstairs...like when we had company or something.. or to eat. DP: I want to talk about you diapers a little more, Ronnie, but I think we can move on to something else today -- if that's okay with you. How do you feel talking about this? RB: Do you mean does it make me mad or that kind of thing? DP: I suppose. Yes. RB: I'm not mad anymore about it. I just remember how embarrassing it was. I hated diapers. Yuck. DP: I think you were right in feeling embarrassed. (to be continued)