From: Jonas 
Subject: ~I do it, because I like it.
Date: 28 May 1997 08:54:54 GMT





X-No-Archive: Yes





I do it, because I like it

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To sleep in diapers was a wish, that I already had as a child.

When I was three and a half, my mother wrote in my diary, that I

wanted to wear diapers again, although I was dry for almost a year.



She assumed, that I was jealous of my younger sister and wanted

to be treated the same way. 



She let me do what I wanted although she feared, that I would start to

wet them again - but I never did.



My parents never told anything and never applied pressure to make me

stop it.



Despite this acceptance I exactly knew, that wearing diapers was

babyish - the opposite of what I wanted to be... 



When I was five, I spent a few days with my cousins. 

I left my diapers at home, because I feared that they could laugh at me.



When I returned home my diapers were gone. My mother told me, that I

was old enough now to sleep without them.



First I continued to sleep with the pillow between my

legs. I was not a baby anymore, I got a bicycle, went to kindergarten

and after some time the diapers were forgotten.



Five years later we moved to another town. My new teacher was

a witch and beside problems at school, I had difficulties finding new

friends too. 



At this time I began to wet my bed. I could not help it. 



My parents tried a lot to stop it.



- no drinks at and after dinner

- wake-up trips to toilet

- doctor (medical examination negative)

- alarm device that went off, when it was already too late



They also sent me to a psychiatrist who gave me a prescription for

Valium (I already then was quite nervous and not an easy child).



The worst for me were neither the measures nor the wet beds but that

I knew, that bedwetting was something bad. I could not help it and

there was no way to hide it either.  



The fact that my parents were very patient and gave me a lot of extra

attention made it probably even worse. I was very sad.



After months wetting the sheets my mother bought diapers for me.

Then something strange happened: With the diapers on I almost always

stayed dry.



Today I believe, that this was mainly because the diapers made me

feel secure and comfortable. I could manage the accidents by myself

and nobody would find out if I had one. This probably also gave me

back some self-esteem.



I went on sleeping with diapers until I was about sixteen. My mother

remembered well my diaper addiction when I was a child - and maybe

she also heard about the phenomena of adult babies...  



One day she said that I should know by myself when I was old enough to

stop playing baby. - Was I a baby only because I liked to wear

diapers to bed?



I felt caught and stopped it for some time but after a while I went

on again. Although she knew that I continued, she never said anything

again. 



I missed her understanding but never had the courage to tell her that.



On occasion I told others, that I sometimes wet the bed and that it

was the easiest for me to wear diapers. The reactions were almost

always the same: No problem - it's all right. Nobody ever laughed at

me.



I took a long time until I learned not to have a guilty conscience

and to accept myself.



I told myself, that it was my right: Everyone has a secret. Others

drink, smoke or take drugs - this is my way to escape. It does not

cost much, is not unhealthy and does not disturb anybody. It belongs

to me and I do it, because I like it.



For someone who is not diaper-minded it must be extremely difficult to

understand these feelings. They think about it as I probably do about other

weird things. Therefore I do not believe, that coming-out will help

anyone.



Who should we try to persuade that what we do is right but ourselves?



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Many thanks to Linda who looked it through and helped me with my English.



If you have any questions or comments...

please mail me at dandelion@anon.nymserver.com



Jonas