Locked into Diapers

	Just the smell of a hospital takes me back through the 
years to the time when I spent every night locked in a 
pediatric crib with heavy diapers parting my young thighs - 
and loving every minute of it. 
	It all started with the most innocent of reasons. My 
mother, who was a Registered Nurse, found out that the 
hospital where she worked paid a premium for night shifts. 
That was a pretty good reason for her to switch to working 
nights but when she realized she wouldn't have to pay for 
after-school baby sitters for me it made even more sense. 
She knew there were lots of extra beds in the kids ward so 
why not take me to work with her and let me sleep at the 
hospital? 
	Her boss and coworkers agreed and I went along with it 
all. I was only 9 and still pretty impressed with hospitals 
- based on medical dramas on TV. I figured it would be 
exciting - and I was right but in ways that I couldn't have 
predicted. 
	Although only 9 I had discovered that I liked to be 
helpless. Whenever we played at tying each other up I was 
always the first to volunteer to be the victim. There was 
something powerful about being unable to move. I was too 
young to think of this in a sexual context but that didn't 
stop me from being attracted to it. 
	The first night I was to sleep at the hospital was very 
exciting. Mom helped me pack some clothes and pajamas. I 
would walk to school from the hospital the next morning. I 
had to bring my homework with me. 
	We got there a few minutes before Mom's shift started 
at 7 p.m. She showed me where I'd be sleeping and I got my 
first surprise of the night. My "bed" would be pediatric 
crib, complete with a cage of steel bars and rubber covered 
mattress. Thinking I'd be afraid of such a bed, Mom began to 
apologize, saying that she'd make the bed up nice and that I 
wouldn't have to have the side of the crib closed. How could 
I tell her that I was thrilled. 
	For the next hour I did my homework at a desk in the 
nursing station. Then Mom took me to the "day" room to meet 
some of the other kids who were at the hospital for 
treatment. Most of them were really glad to have someone new 
to play with. I noticed right away that about half of them 
wore diapers and plastic pants under their hospital gowns or 
pajamas. I felt strangely attracted to these kids, though 
I'd never before thought of diapers very much. It's just 
that these kids, all of whom were too old to be in diapers 
for the usual reason, looked like they were under a sort of 
control and THAT did excite me. 
	About nine o'clock there was a general move towards the 
wards. I watched as kid after kid stopped by a changing 
table near the door to have his or her diapers checked. If 
the diapers were too wet or dirty new ones were swiftly 
applied. Anyone who hadn't been wearing diapers up to that 
point was put into them, covered by a pair of heavy grade, 
frosty plastic pants. Soon, I was the only kid in the ward 
not in diapers. No one seemed to care about that so I headed 
for my crib. I felt strange to be treated differently. 
	Once we were all in bed the nurses went around raising 
the crib sides. The clanging of the metal bars sounded like 
a symphony to me. I watched as young face after young face 
peered back at me through the shiny chrome bars. I secretly 
wanted to be like them but I just couldn't find the words to 
ask - who would believe that I wanted those things to happen 
to me. 
	As I crawled into my crib Mom assured me that I 
wouldn't have to wear diapers or have my crib side up - the 
exact opposite of what I wanted! I smiled and let her kiss 
me good night. As I listened to the room full of kids toss 
and turn I began to wonder what it would feel like to be in 
one of those closed cribs, wearing thick diapers sealed 
inside frosty plastic pants. I fell asleep hoping that 
somehow I'd find out. 
	As it turns out I didn't have long to wait. The next 
thing I knew I was awake. There was an older woman in a 
nurse's uniform standing next to the crib. My Mom was beside 
her and they were talking about me. 
	"I have no problem with him sleeping in an otherwise 
vacant crib," the older woman said quietly, "but we must 
respect insurance regulations. The fact that his side is 
down will encourage others to want their sides open. I must 
insist that his crib be secured." There was a bit of a pause 
then she continued, with words I'll never forget. "Of 
course, we can't have you running to him every time he needs 
to be let out to use the bathroom. Put night thickness 
diapers on him from now on and make sure he knows that no 
matter how much he calls for you, he must not expect to be 
let out for any reason." 
	"Yes, Ma'am" My mother replied. It was all I could do 
not to shout for joy. 
	A few seconds later my Mom was back at the crib, gently 
wakening me. "I'm sorry, Jamie, but the Head Nurse insists 
that your crib be locked and that means I'll have to put you 
back into diapers at night. I know it's not much fun but no 
one but the people here at the hospital will ever know." 
	I pretended to be half asleep as she peeled down my 
pajama bottoms and then slid a thick pile of cloth diapers 
underneath my bottom. It felt just as soft and warm as I'd 
thought. She fastened them tightly, pinning them at both the 
waist and legs. I felt as if I was being bound up in warm 
soft cotton. It was all I could do not to moan with delight. 
Still feigning sleep I went limp as she worked a pair of 
plastic pants up my legs and over my diapers. As she pulled 
them over my bulging diapers I felt a thrill pass through my 
body. I was in heaven. 
	She took the bottoms of my pajamas away and then raised 
the side of the crib. Two resounding clangs announced that, 
just like every other kid in the room, I was locked in for 
the night. If I had to use the bathroom my diapers would 
have to serve. I thought myself one lucky kid indeed. 
	About four or five in the morning I woke up with a full 
bladder. At home I'd just pad down the hall to the bathroom 
and then head back to bed. Suddenly the reality of what had 
been done to me came into focus. I had to pee really badly. 
	I tried to let it out while lying down but nature 
wouldn't cooperate. Finally I got up onto my knees and then, 
with the roof bars pressing into the top of my head 
(reminding me I was confined) I was able to release the hot 
pee into my diaper. 
	It was the most extraordinary thing I'd ever felt and I 
swooned with pleasure. Once the stream was over I laid back 
down and felt the thick cloth diapers soak up my pee. I 
remember looking through the bars and thinking that I was 
SUPPOSED to wet my diapers. I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE. It was 
not unlike being tied up and the feelings of being helpless 
washed over me. I didn't sleep another wink that night but I 
was sure to pretend to be asleep when Mom came to wake me 
for the day. 
	She was all apologies when she realized that my diaper 
was soaked. "Did you wake up to pee?" she asked, "Did you 
call for me?". 
	On impulse I lied and it turned out to be a smart move. 
"Gee, Mom, no, sorry. I don't remember a thing. I just went 
to sleep and woke up like this." She looked at me strangely 
and then showed me where I could take a shower. 
	That day at school I couldn't concentrate. I was so 
excited about going back to the hospital that I almost 
forgot my homework at school. 
	When we got to work Mom's boss told her that she didn't 
want me wearing street clothes in the day room. I had to get 
into my pajamas right away. She added that I might as well 
be put into my night diapers at the same time. Mom 
apologized to me again but I reassured her that it was OK 
with me because it made me feel more like the other kids. 
That seemed to make sense to her and she seemed to enjoy 
putting diapers on me from then on. 
	For me, being able to run about the day room with thick 
diapers on, sealed safe inside a pair of plastic pants that 
soon made everything nice and warm was just about as close 
to heaven as I could wish to be. When it came time for bed I 
went straight to my crib and crawled in. Having a nurse come 
along to raise the side was just another dollop of icing on 
the cake. Just before I went to sleep I lay back and let my 
bladder go. It was wonderful to lie there in the darkness 
and feel the hot pee creep through my diapers. 
	Things went along just like that for most of the first 
week. Mom wouldn't be working weekends and I was sad at the 
thought of going without diapers at night while at home. 
Then a miracle happened. 
	I got into a wrestling match with Tony, one of the 
patients in the day room, and fell on my left arm hard 
enough to sprain it. It wasn't a very painful injury but I 
played it up as best I could. The head nurse, my Mom's boss 
took a look at it and said it would be best if she made sure 
I slept on my back that night, in case I complicated the 
injury by sleeping on it. Mom got a strange look in her face 
but said she would take care of it. That night, when I was 
helped into my crib by my anxious Mom I noticed that a 
leather strap, with two fur lined cuffs attached to it, had 
been attached over the mattress at the foot of my crib. 
	As I extended my bare legs towards the leather 
appliance I guessed what those straps would do and suddenly 
it was all I could do to contain my excitement. Mom, as 
usual, was all apologies. "I'm sorry to have to do this to 
you, Jamie but I have to fasten your ankles with the cuffs. 
It will stop you from turning over in your sleep and 
possibly re-injuring your arm. You understand, don't you?" 
	I assured her I did and then watched as she pulled a 
cuff tight around each ankle. With a not-so-stern warning 
not to try to release the cuffs she stepped back and then 
raised the side of the crib into place. 
	As the lights in the ward dimmed I pulled against the 
firm leather straps and swooned with joy. Having been in 
diapers for four nights by then I had learned how to relax 
enough to wet while lying down and I celebrated my new 
thrill by soaking my diapers as best I could. I was so 
excited that it was many hours before I fell asleep. 
	The next day was the first Saturday I had spent in the 
hospital. I found out that the routine was different on 
weekends. Long past our normal wake up time the ward was 
still dark and almost silent. When the nurses did come, Mom 
wasn't with them but I was told she would be along later. I 
hadn't tried to release the cuffs, of course. It was a 
wonderful feeling though to be free of their grip. 
	About half the kids were let out of their night diapers 
and given pajamas to wear. The rest, me included, were 
changed into lighter grade "day" diapers and fresh pairs of 
plastic pants. I made a bit of a protest about that but the 
nurse pointed to my arm in a sling and asked how I expected 
to manage in the bathroom with my arm like that. It was all 
I could do not to smile with glee as I headed off to the day 
room for breakfast with my plastic pants crackling loudly 
while the warm thick bulk of fresh diapers made me walk with 
more than a little bit of a waddle. My dream had come true!