From: (Little2Roo) Subject: Re: ~Re: How did you get started?/Diaper Fantasies Date: 30 Mar 1997 13:15:54 GMT When I was about 8 or 9 years old I first started noticing little kids who were in diapers. I was particularly attracted to the crinkling sound they made when walking. I remember being curious about how it would feel to wear a diaper. It wasn't until my teen years that I started fantasizing about being physically regressed into babyhood again. Of course I assumed I was the only person like this in the world so I never shared my feelings about diapers with anyone. I was also terrified about being discovered so I never had the guts to actually try on a real pair of diapers. I used to but on several pairs of underwear to simulate a diaper. I would even wet them sometimes, always being careful to wash them myself afterward so Mom wouldn't find out. I was not an abused child or neglected. My parents were pretty good to me and I generally had a secure and enjoyable childhood. I believe it has been events in later life that have caused me to want to regain my earlier state of happiness. It was during college (a particularly stressful time for me) that I tried my first diaper. I was working as a chemistry lab assistant and pretty much had free reign over the lab. They had a package of Pampers diapers that they would take the water absorbing gel out for experiments. One day I stole a couple of those diapers and took them home with me. Of course they were too small for me to wear correctly, so I had to put them in my underwear. WOW!!!! what a feeling. I did that on and off for awhile and eventually got the courage to buy my own diapers from the store. Keep in mind, this was long before I ever found this group on the internet, long before I could even imagine that anyone else did this. As far as I knew, I was totally alone in the world with this interest. Finally, when I was 26 years old, I decided to try adult diapers instead of putting a baby diaper in my underwear. I've been hooked ever since. It wasn't until I was 27 that I actually discovered ASFD and the "diapers" private chat room on AOL. It amazes me not only how many of us there are, but that most of us developed this interest independently, never dreaming that there were others with similar interests. I never had any quidance or fellowship with this when I was younger. It would sure have helped alot. My motivation for wearing diapers now has changed somewhat over time. I no longer "idealize" childhood and realize that I would NOT want to be a real baby again. On the other hand, I have been fighting clinical depression and low self esteem for many years, and feeling like a little boy really helps me accept and love myself. I like to think of it as a therapeutic way of loving my "complete" self. My complete self includes both adult and child characteristics. I feel that as a self-owned adult, I have the right to embrace any part of my life, being either young or old, that I choose. If I want a diaper, then I can have one. If I want to drive my car, then I can do that too. That's what makes being an adult more desirable than being an actual child. Children do not have these choices. I value having the power to choose to be a child or an adult whenever I want. Ultimately, it is having that power that motivates real children to grow up. They want to be empowered too. Roo