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For some of you this might need a little introduction. What is infantalism? I can only speak from personal experience. For a really good academic infantalism page visit BitterGrey's Den

Why am I talking about this topic?

My love of diapers is certainly a part of me. It is a part that often does not get expressed. I am still struggling with this, as I am sure many other people are. Anytime anyone does not conform to the "normal" societal constraints, they are subject to riddicule. Infantalism is not widly accepted, or even known about. If I had to describe infantalism breifly, I would say it is the desire to use diapers forr their intended purpose. Infantalism also may include the desire to be treated like a baby, including bottles, baby clothing etc. Infantalists run a wide range, in their intrests, desires, and sexual orientation. One point I would like to make abundantly clear is that it has nothing to do with children, whatsoever!!

How did it start for me?



My diaper desires go pretty far back. It's hard to even figure out when. I just remember being drawn to them. I was intrigued, and wanted to see a diaper, and wear one. As an only child I didn't have a great deal of exposure to diapers besides my own infancy. As a male, I was also supposed to have no interaction with diaper changing etc. I'm sure this helped to spur my intrests, but it's hard to say how much. Even as a little kid I remember playing house and wanting to be the baby. I guess that never ended.

So for many years I was involved in a silent struggle. I wanted to get my hands on diapers, but couldn't. When my baby cousin came to visit when I was about 8, I really wanted to snag a diaper for myself. It was useless though. I was to embarrressed and ashamed to try, and besides, it wouldn't fit anyway. For the time being I had to be content with makeshift diapers, from old sheets and other household items.

Then, I turned 16, and got my driver's license. One day I drove to the store (far away of course) and picked up a package of Depends. By far not the best on the market, but it was sure ecstasy for me. I was finally wearing diapers!! I later found Attends, which were better. I was very happy with my new found diapers. I was content to wet and mess in them on my own. I still felt tremendous guilt for my actions. I knew it wasn't "normal". I also felt like the only "freak" who was interested in this.

When I left for college, I knew things had to channge. With a roommate I could never keep my baby stuff. I left that at home. I also thought I left my desires. Little did I know college would only strengthen my desires. At college, I first discovered the internet. I typed in diaper sex, and found sites!! I was shocked. I learned I was not alone, but now what?

Trying to define myself



As a sophmore in college, I am just starting to feel more confident in my academic choices for life. Now comes the hard part. I come from a middle class suburb of New York City. I generally like most aspects of my life. On campus, I also discovered my faith again in Christ. This only serves to complicate matters. I want to accept myself, for who I am. I also am trying to define relationships for myself. Will my life long partner also be a diaper lover? How will this fit in with my normal life? It sometimes gets you feeling like you are living a double life. I don't want to do that.

if you want to send me an email , I am always ready to meet new friends. Thanks for taking the time to listen to my rambling.






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Nursery Links



The first, and probably largest group of adult babies DPF . Can you guess what it stands for?

Gordo's Adult Babyland Formerly, Gordo was known as "Pampers"

Davee's playpen A fun place with a lot of pics

BBIF mailing list Just send an email to become part of the Big Babies Infantalists and Friends mailing list

Space Baby Bob's Nursery A really cool site. user:abyuser password:babybottle