Ronnie B. was a 14 year old from a small rural town . He 
was referred to me by the local foster home agency 
suffering from moderate chronic depression. We met weekly 
for over a year. After our first few meetings as Ronnie 
became comfortable with me, he began to talk about the 
punishments he had received in his last foster home --- 
since he was about nine years old.

The following are transcripts from our sessions.

3/12/19xx

DP: You're feeling better today?

RB: Yep.

DP: Want to tell me why?

RB: No real reason, I guess.

DP: The weather maybe?

RB: I don't mind the rain.

DP: Want to talk about anything in particular today?

RB: No.

DP: How about where we left off last week?

RB: Okay. You mean.......

DP: What.....?

RB: The diapers and stuff.

DP: Well, if you want. Yes, that's okay. Are you 
comfortable with it?

RB: I don't like talking about it much.........It's okay.

DP: You start -- where you want.

RB: My step-dad put diapers on me...made me wear them 
around the house. I guess I told you that already.

DP: As a punishment?

RB: Yeah.

DP: Under your pants...?

RB: Yeah...and without pants sometimes -- when I went to 
bed.

DP: Just the diaper.

RB: Well a shirt -- a T-shirt or something.

DP: Shoes? Around the house?

RB: No, barefoot -- like a baby or little kid. Sometimes 
socks.

DP: Just for a day?

RB: Two or three days. On weekends.

DP: I don't imagine that felt very good.

RB: (stares out window.)

DP: Something you didn't get used to.

RB: No.

DP: How often did you have to do this?

RB: Like maybe every month or something like that. Maybe 
not that often. Maybe every six weeks. Something like that.

DP: Your step-dad felt you needed punished that often?

RB: Sure. More than that probably. Like when he'd paddle 
me.

DP: That sounds like a lot? How old were you? Tell me 
again.

RB: I don't know. Maybe ten or eleven.

DP: Three or four years ago then.

RB: Yeah, I guess.

DP: I see. (patient seemed willing to contribute without 
questioning.) And........

RB: I had to go to the bathroom in them.

DP: Just like a real kid would?

RB: Yeah. Pee and the other. Both

DP: 'The other'?

RB: Yeah, you know, poop...shit. You know. Can I say 'shit'  
here?

DP: That word doesn't offend me. It's only a word.

RB: Well....I had to do my shit and piss in the diaper.

DP: Just like a child does.

RB: I guess...yeah.

DP: Do you want to talk about it?

RB: I had to sit on the toilet, on the seat, with my diaper 
on and do it with my step-dad there. He'd stand there and 
watch me pissing in the diaper. Or.....you know...pooping 
in the diaper. You know....making a big poop in it. 
Sometimes I had to do both. He'd stand there watching me 
grunt a big poop and pee.

DP: But you were sitting on the toilet.

RB: Yeah.....but I had the diaper still on.

DP: The toilet lid was up but the seat.....

RB: The seat was down with me sitting on it....just like 
normal -- when you poop anyway.. but..

DP: But what...

RB: I had the diaper on.

DP: Is this difficult to remember?

RB: No, I remember it real well.

DP: No, I meant is it difficult to talk about.

RB: ........I never told nobody before if that's what you 
mean. Yeah, it's  no fun talking about it if that's what 
you mean.

DP: We need to talk more about it, Ronnie, but I think we 
can change the subject for the rest of our time today, if 
that's okay with you.

RB: It's fine with me, Doc.

*****

DP: Do you feel comfortable today talking more about the 
times your step-dad made you wear diapers?

RB: I guess.....I.....never mind.

DP: We don't have to talk about it today if you'd rather 
not. It's okay.

RB: It's okay.

DP: You told me that you wore the diaper even when you used 
the bathroom.

RB: Yeah. I had to.

DP: You sat on the toilet with the lid up and the seat 
down?

RB: Yeah.

DP: That was uncomfortable, wasn't it?

RB: Yeah. Not to pee. You just gotta let go to pee. I 
guess. But to poop it was. I mean the diaper was tight. I 
had to really grunt and...you know....grunt the poop out.

DP: I was thinking more about it being uncomfortable maybe 
in another way. How did you feel having to do that?

RB: Embarrassed....I guess. Is that what you mean?

DP: Yes.

RB: (no response)

DP: You're step-dad was there?

RB: He watched me do it.

DP: You had to tell him when you needed to use the 
bathroom?

RB: Yes.

DP: How did you do that?

RB: I don't know. I just went and told him that I needed to 
go.

DP: And he went into the bathroom with you?

RB: Sometimes he's make me wait. If he was like busy.

DP: Wait how long?

RB: Well if I told him I needed to pee, he'd make me wait a 
little. I don't know. Maybe a few minutes. Maybe five or 
ten minutes. Maybe a little longer.

DP: Until you became uncomfortable -- needing to urinate--
pee?

RB: Sometimes.

DP: And if you needed to ....make poop?

RB: He'd ask if I could wait...usually. If he was busy, I 
mean.

DP: Did you ever have an accident ---because you couldn't 
wait?

RB: I think so...maybe once or twice.

DP: And....

RB: Once I couldn't hold my pee. I waited too long to tell 
him. I really had to go...and

DP: And...

RB: I peed in the diaper on the way to the bathroom, I 
guess. Bill (the name Ronnie uses when referring to his 
step-father) said it was my fault for waiting.

DP: Was he upset?

RB: No. You can't hold pee like you can a poop.

DP: And he knows that.

RB: Sure...I guess. He would, I guess.

DP: Did you hold your poop on purpose?

RB: Yeah.

DP: That must have been uncomfortable.

RB: Some. I got used to it. And I didn't always do it cause 
it made me plugged.

DP: 'Plugged'? You mean constipated?

RB: I guess. Like when you can't poop because it such a big 
poop and you....you got to really grunt and push and it 
hurts and all.

DP: And it was hard enough to poop without being plugged.

RB: I had to sit on the seat with my diaper still on. 
Sometimes I had to push a lot to poop.

DP: Even if you weren't plugged?

RB: I was plugged only two or three times, I guess.

DP: You learned not to wait?

RB: Yeah. I guess.

DP: Did your step-dad always take you to the toilet?

RB: Yeah, usually. I think. Always when I needed to poop. 
Except maybe once.

DP: Tell me about that.

RB: He wasn't home. And I pooped in my bedroom.

DP: And when he got home?

RB: I told him and he still made me like sit on the toilet 
seat anyway.

DP: And after you'd sit on the toilet to pee or poop, what 
happened next?

RB: I had to lie down on the floor.

DP: With your diaper still on?

RB: It was yucky. He'd take the old one off. Really yucky.

DP: You were on the floor. On your back or stomach?

RB: My back...you know, lying on the floor.

DP: And he would take the old diaper off.

RB: Yeah. He'd undo and like take the front part off and 
then I lifted my legs and he'd slide the back off. If it 
was all pooped-up it was yucky.

DP: Then what?

RB: He put it in a plastic bag. And then I took a shower.

DP: Was he there when you showered?

RB: Only if my butt was messy from a poop.

RB: I'm not sure I understand.

RB: If my butt was messy he washed it.

DP: While you were in the shower.

RB: Yeah. I mean he didn't get in the shower or nothing. 
Just washed my butt with a wash cloth.

DP: I think we've talked enough about this for today. If 
it's okay with you we'll talk more some other time.

RB: Sure. It's okay. One time I had to wear a diaper for a 
week. Did I tell you about that?

DP: I'd like to hear about it. But maybe next time.

RB: Sure.

*****

DP: How are you today?

RB: Fine...I guess.

DP: I'm told you're eating better. That's good.

RB: Food here is okay.

DP: Well, can we talk a little more about the times you 
were put in a diaper? Is that a comfortable subject for you 
today?

RB: I guess.

DP: We could talk more about the spanking if that would be 
better this time.

RB: And paddlings.... spankings and paddlings I got. I got 
both.

[patient talked of being paddled for seven minutes]

DP: Now let's talk about the diaper a little more. Can we?

RB: Yeah. Sure.

DP: Did you always take a shower after wetting or dirtying 
your diaper?

RB: Yeah, I guess. Maybe not for just peeing but always if 
I had to poop in it.

DP: And your step-dad would help wash you?

RB: Only if I had a messy butt...you know....well, you 
know...if I pooped.

DP: He used a cloth to wash you?

RB: With soap. Yeah.

DP: What did you think about that?

RB: I was old enough to wash myself. I guess he made that 
part of the punishment.

DP: You didn't like being washed.

RB: No. Of course not. Of course I didn't. I was too old 
for that.

DP: Did he wash your back or your face or.....

RB: No he let me do that. He just washed my butt.

DP: Maybe because he thought he could do a better job.

RB: Maybe. But I don't think so.

DP: Why then?

RB: To make me feel bad...worse, I guess.

DP: You felt like what...?

RB: He made me feel like I couldn't do it myself....like he 
had to do it for me. Like I was a little kid or something.

DP: Then what happened? After the shower.

RB: I dried off and he put a new diaper on me.

DP: Did he help you dry?

RB: Nope.

DP: But he was there?

RB: Yeah.

DP: A new diaper?

RB: Yeah. He had one ready. I got on the floor again. And 
he...you know...put a new one on...and stuff.

DP: What stuff?

RB: He put powder on my...you know...on my dick...and my 
balls. White powder.

DP: Baby powder?

RB: I guess. Yeah.

DP: Then the new diaper?

RB: I was laying on the diaper already. You know...it was 
under my butt and  I was like lying on it already.

DP: And he fastened it?

RB: Up through my legs...yeah. But He did other stuff 
before that.

DP: What stuff?

RB: He pulled my legs back ....back up.. like over my head, 
I guess.

DP: And...

RB: And he rubbed yucky lotion on my butt.. all over. Real 
yucky stuff. He rubbed it on my butt.

DP: Do you know what the word 'anus' means?

RB: Yeah...kind-of. It's where you poop...shit. It's you 
butt hole.

DP: Did he rub the lotion on you anus?

RB: Yeah. I guess....yeah.

DP: Always?

RB: Yeah.

DP: How did he do that?

RB: I don't know. I could just feel him doing it, that's 
all. You know,  rubbing his finger and the lotion on. And 
up on my balls too.

DP: Did the lotion feel good.

RB: It felt yucky. That's what they use on babies he said.

DP: Baby oil?

RB: I don't know. I guess that's what it was. I just wanted 
him to get it  done...leave my balls and butt hole alone. 
It was really yucky. I didn't like him doing that.

DP: Did he rub your anus and balls a long time?

RB: I don't know. Long enough get them all yucky. Not long.

DP: Did he touch your penis.. your dick?

RB: I know what a penis is. No. Not much. No. Just the 
powder.

DP: Then what?

RB: I guess he let go of my legs and fastened the 
diaper...in front. It had sticky tape but he used pins too.

DP: Safety pins?

RB: Yeah, I guess. Made the diaper tight around my butt and 
my dick and all when I stood up. You know...tight.

DP: Then what....

RB: Then I was done. I had to go to my room usually.

DP: Did you put pants on over your diaper?

RB: Sometimes. If I went downstairs...like when we had 
company or something.. or to eat.

DP: I want to talk about you diapers a little more, Ronnie, 
but I think we can move on to something else today -- if 
that's okay with you. How do you feel talking about this?

RB: Do you mean does it make me mad or that kind of thing?

DP: I suppose. Yes.

RB: I'm not mad anymore about it. I just remember how 
embarrassing it was. 
I hated diapers. Yuck.

DP: I think you were right in feeling embarrassed.

(to be continued)