From: Jonas Subject: ~I do it, because I like it. Date: 28 May 1997 08:54:54 GMT X-No-Archive: Yes I do it, because I like it -------------------------- To sleep in diapers was a wish, that I already had as a child. When I was three and a half, my mother wrote in my diary, that I wanted to wear diapers again, although I was dry for almost a year. She assumed, that I was jealous of my younger sister and wanted to be treated the same way. She let me do what I wanted although she feared, that I would start to wet them again - but I never did. My parents never told anything and never applied pressure to make me stop it. Despite this acceptance I exactly knew, that wearing diapers was babyish - the opposite of what I wanted to be... When I was five, I spent a few days with my cousins. I left my diapers at home, because I feared that they could laugh at me. When I returned home my diapers were gone. My mother told me, that I was old enough now to sleep without them. First I continued to sleep with the pillow between my legs. I was not a baby anymore, I got a bicycle, went to kindergarten and after some time the diapers were forgotten. Five years later we moved to another town. My new teacher was a witch and beside problems at school, I had difficulties finding new friends too. At this time I began to wet my bed. I could not help it. My parents tried a lot to stop it. - no drinks at and after dinner - wake-up trips to toilet - doctor (medical examination negative) - alarm device that went off, when it was already too late They also sent me to a psychiatrist who gave me a prescription for Valium (I already then was quite nervous and not an easy child). The worst for me were neither the measures nor the wet beds but that I knew, that bedwetting was something bad. I could not help it and there was no way to hide it either. The fact that my parents were very patient and gave me a lot of extra attention made it probably even worse. I was very sad. After months wetting the sheets my mother bought diapers for me. Then something strange happened: With the diapers on I almost always stayed dry. Today I believe, that this was mainly because the diapers made me feel secure and comfortable. I could manage the accidents by myself and nobody would find out if I had one. This probably also gave me back some self-esteem. I went on sleeping with diapers until I was about sixteen. My mother remembered well my diaper addiction when I was a child - and maybe she also heard about the phenomena of adult babies... One day she said that I should know by myself when I was old enough to stop playing baby. - Was I a baby only because I liked to wear diapers to bed? I felt caught and stopped it for some time but after a while I went on again. Although she knew that I continued, she never said anything again. I missed her understanding but never had the courage to tell her that. On occasion I told others, that I sometimes wet the bed and that it was the easiest for me to wear diapers. The reactions were almost always the same: No problem - it's all right. Nobody ever laughed at me. I took a long time until I learned not to have a guilty conscience and to accept myself. I told myself, that it was my right: Everyone has a secret. Others drink, smoke or take drugs - this is my way to escape. It does not cost much, is not unhealthy and does not disturb anybody. It belongs to me and I do it, because I like it. For someone who is not diaper-minded it must be extremely difficult to understand these feelings. They think about it as I probably do about other weird things. Therefore I do not believe, that coming-out will help anyone. Who should we try to persuade that what we do is right but ourselves? -------------------------------------------------------------------- Many thanks to Linda who looked it through and helped me with my English. If you have any questions or comments... please mail me at dandelion@anon.nymserver.com Jonas