This is my story of my life relating to my fetish for 
diapers.

	I guess it started when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I 
saw this bag of diapers in the closet to the living room. 
Being the curious little boy I was, I want to try them on. I 
was potty train very really in my life, so I wasn't in 
diapers that long. I tried one diaper on and fell in love. I 
just held it there. Then I sat down and the padding that it 
gave was wonderful. I laid down and the next thing I knew I 
fell asleep.
	I woke up to my mother looking down on me and telling 
me to get the hell out of that diaper. I was really 
embarrassed and stayed away from the closet for a long time. 
I was eventual drawn back to the closest, once again. I did 
the same thing this time, but just for a few seconds at 
most. I don't think see noticed that the diaper on top was 
always a little used, but I'll never know.
	Eventual my sister was out of diapers and I was diaper 
less. I didn't really miss them, being about 5. I had better 
things on my mind than diapers. Nothing really happened 
until I had moved out of town. It was there were I became 
very interested in this area.
	I was about 12 when I moved to the acreage. I just hit 
that point in life were I was growing hair in those places. 
I masturbated for the first time after seeing a documentary 
on male sexuality through the ages. It talk about how 
masturbation was shone a while back. So I did a little and 
found out that it is now medically acceptable to masturbate, 
since it is believed to help develop the genitalia. So I 
took a try at it and low and behold, I was addicted.
	I just plain old masturbated for a year. Then it became 
boring and I needed something new. I found that I had an 
deep inside erg to be female. Not to go into much detail, 
but I basically wanted to be a female on command. I didn't 
like the idea of being a woman all the time, but I saw the 
advantage to it. Anyway, I took to the idea. My first 
inspiration came from those tampon commercials than never 
stop on TV. I went to my mothers bathroom and found a pad. 
At first I just placed it in my underwear, then I though, 
why don't I wear panties with it? So I did. Then I wanted to 
menstruate or something in it, the closest I could get, 
being a male was urine. So I did. The only problem was that 
a pad doesn't hold that much, which I found out the hard 
way.
	I went back to the drawing board and came up with the 
idea of stuffing toilet paper in my underwear. It work 
great! I could pee and pee some more. This became an 
obsession, but an expensive one. It took 1 1/2 rolls of 
toilet paper to get the proper thickness. We were running 
out of toilet paper really fast. I also had to dispose of 
the used stuff. It was a messing process for me. In this 
process I added tampons and plastic to the equation. I was 
happy, for a while.
	I then saw that this was getting me know were and after 
I plugged up the toilet one night, I gave up. It was about a 
month later that I saw a diaper behind some wood in are 
garage. I picked up this diaper and felt it. My penis was a 
flag pole in seconds. I knew what I had to do. So I stuffed 
it in my pants and ran to the bathroom. I tried the diaper 
around my waist and fell in love. I remembered this feeling 
and liked it. I kept this diaper around my waist and then 
hid it in my room. That night I just wore the diaper, and to 
make it stay on I had to use duck tape. This, when I woke up 
in the morning proved to destroy the diaper. I disposed of 
the diaper and went on with my life.
	It was months later when my mother was baby sitting her 
friends child. He was still in diapers and there was a 
diaper bag at our house all the time. This baby wore a size 
4 diaper and this diaper all most fit me. I of course took 
advantage of this situation a used a few diapers. It then 
came down to a lost supply of diapers and REALLY BIG SEXUAL 
URGE.
	One day at school, one of my friends was using the 
school's Internet computer. I sat down watching him and he 
say, "Hey, watch this." He went to a pornographic web site 
were adults urinate on them selves. Pictures of people in 
wet diapers were contained on this site and although I say, 
"GROSS!" I was really quite happy. I got home and went to my 
trusty computer. I found that same site and downloaded every 
picture. That night I masturbated to the images of diapers 
adults.
	I eventually found instructions on how to use towels to 
make diapers. I took this idea in to perspective and used 
old T-shirts. I was amazed. This is when I started to do my 
own laundry. My mother was happy. I've done this method ever 
since, but getting less frequent and time goes on. I then 
moved to a new city. Although I wished to buy actual 
diapers, I couldn't get the courage to do it. I still can't.
	I was 15 when me and my dad moved. Since he wasn't home 
half the time, I had a chance to take my practice out of the 
room. I did this about once a week and was happy. I soon met 
a girl down the street with two little brothers. One of 
which had a bladder control problem. After getting to know 
her family they invited me to baby sit. I said sure. After 
putting the two boys to bed, I decided to look around. In my 
search I found a pack of pull-ups. I pondered what they were 
like and ended up taking one just as the parents got home. I 
shoved the pull-up in the back of my pants, got my pay and 
let. I got home and slipped in to the pull-up. It was a 
little small, but I didn't break it. Actually, it fit quite 
well. I slept in it that night. I had the best night sleep I 
had in a long time.
	I eventually used that pull-up for good and I was 
tempted to get another. So I did, and did the same thing. It 
was then left months with no action. I was very active in a 
mailing list on the net and that was my fulfillment for my 
sexual fetish. Until my family (my mom had to stay behind 
for 6 months to finish her education and let my sisters 
finish school.) went to BC for summer holidays. I stayed 
behind to work at a hotel. During this time I made bet with 
my self while mopping a floor. If my friends came down to 
see me that night, I would go buy diapers the next day. 
Well.......... 3 of my friends showed up to talk for a bit 
and I was very happy. The next day I had off, so I went to 
Shoppers Drug mark with a lot or courage and purchased the 
largest size of baby diapers there. I was happy and 
disappointed. They worked, but didn't come close to hugging 
my body. I ended up only using 4 or 5 before I throw them 
away.
	I also summed up the courage to buy a pacifier. I loved 
that and it did wonders for sleeping. This, I thought would 
lead me to buy the really thing I wanted, a fitting diaper. 
Something happened that changed all of that. I started to 
notice that little bits of infantilism were every where. My 
friend one day even talked about sex fetishes and the diaper 
one came up. When they expressed there dislike for such a 
fetish, I was greatly depressed. I turned away from diapers 
once again.
	That didn't last long, since I still was on the mailing 
list. What's happened since then? One day I was hulling 
garbage to the dump and saw a package. I knew what a diaper 
package looked like and picked it up. In side was sanitary 
bed sheet things. I took this package home to find out that 
they really smelled. (go figure?) I took 4 of the cleanest 
ones and through the rest out. I perfumed the 4 in zip lock 
bags. 2 of them didn't work and two did. I managed to create 
a light diaper with one sheet. I did this twice and then ran 
out.
	This leads me to present time. I'm currently looking 
for a person who talk to via e-mail or phone. If they of 
course live in my area. I really want some diapers, and if 
you would be nice enough to help me get some free or 
something, that would be great. My only problem is that all 
packages must be unmarked. I'm super paranoid about that.