From:  (Little2Roo)
Subject: Re: ~Re: How did you get started?/Diaper Fantasies
Date: 30 Mar 1997 13:15:54 GMT


When I was about 8 or 9 years old I first started noticing little kids who
were in diapers.  I was particularly attracted to the crinkling sound they
made when walking.  I remember being curious about how it would feel to
wear a diaper.  It wasn't until my teen years that I started fantasizing
about being physically regressed into babyhood again.  Of course I assumed
I was the only person like this in the world so I never shared my feelings
about diapers with anyone.  I was also terrified about being discovered so
I never had the guts to actually try on a real pair of diapers.  I used to
but on several pairs of underwear to simulate a diaper.  I would even wet
them sometimes, always being careful to wash them myself afterward so Mom
wouldn't find out.  

I was not an abused child or neglected.  My parents were pretty good to me
and I generally had a secure and enjoyable childhood.  I believe it has
been events in later life that have caused me to want to regain my earlier
state of happiness.  It was during college (a particularly stressful time
for me) that I tried my first diaper.  I was working as a chemistry lab
assistant and pretty much had free reign over the lab.  They had a package
of Pampers diapers that they would take the water absorbing gel out for
experiments.  One day I stole a couple of those diapers and took them home
with me.  Of course they were too small for me to wear correctly, so I had
to put them in my underwear.  WOW!!!! what a feeling.  I did that on and
off for awhile and eventually got the courage to buy my own diapers from
the store.

Keep in mind, this was long before I ever found this group on the
internet, long before I could even imagine that anyone else did this.  As
far as I knew, I was totally alone in the world with this interest. 
Finally, when I was 26 years old, I decided to try adult diapers instead
of putting a baby diaper in my underwear.  I've been hooked ever since. 
It wasn't until I was 27 that I actually discovered ASFD and the "diapers"
private chat room on AOL.  It amazes me not only how many of us there are,
but that most of us developed this interest independently, never dreaming
that there were others with similar interests.  I never had any quidance
or fellowship with this when I was younger.  It would sure have helped
alot.

My motivation for wearing diapers now has changed somewhat over time.  I
no longer "idealize" childhood and realize that I would NOT want to be a
real baby again.  On the other hand, I have been fighting clinical
depression and low self esteem for many years, and feeling like a little
boy really helps me accept and love myself.  I like to think of it as a
therapeutic way of loving my "complete" self.  My complete self includes
both adult and child characteristics.  I feel that as a self-owned adult,
I have the right to embrace any part of my life, being either young or
old, that I choose.  If I want a diaper, then I can have one.  If I want
to drive my car, then I can do that too.  That's what makes being an adult
more desirable than being an actual child.  Children do not have these
choices.  I value having the power to choose to be a child or an adult
whenever I want.  Ultimately, it is having that power that motivates real
children to grow up.  They want to be empowered too.  


Roo