Drew Barrymore and the Shawshank Redemption
By: Zac G.

Introduction

	By looking at the title of this story, the average 
person will have one question they'd like answered before 
they read any further. That question, of course, would be: 
what the hell is this story? This story is many things. It 
is part satire, part drama, and part fantasy. It's only 
real purpose is to entertain, not maintain credibility down 
to the last detail or convey any sort of message.
	I'm sure everyone will recall a movie not too long ago 
by the name of The Shawshank Redemption, and many of you 
have probably seen it. It won no Oscars, but it was a 
success nonetheless, as was the Stephen King novel upon 
which it was based. That book/movie was an emotionally 
charged prison drama about the trials of one man's life.
	This story is something else entirely. It falls under 
the category of fan fiction (where a person takes a popular 
book or movie and does his or her rendition of it, not 
necessarily copyright infringement but a show of 
appreciation for a particular work), but isn't really meant 
to be taken seriously. It is about life at the infamous 
Shawshank Academy, a school that handles children that are 
disciplinary problems (the school's motto seems to be that 
the proper punishment is the solution to everything). More 
specifically, it is about longtime Shawshank attendee Red 
and his friendship with peculiar newcomer Andy. The story 
is fairly twisted, and has elements of abuse, profanity, 
vulgarity, violence, and sexual innuendo. If this offends 
you, don't read. And above all, don't take it seriously. 
Like I said, it is meant to entertain. Enjoy.

Chapter 1

	Andy rode to the top of the hill and stopped. He 
looked keenly at the house, and smiled so wickedly it 
resembled a snarl. They were there all right. Andy could 
here them. They were inside, probably just watching a movie 
or something, and they were laughing. Then again, it could 
be something else entirely they were laughing about. They 
could be laughing at him. Andy wasn't about to stand for 
that. He would make both of them pay.
	Linda had been Andy's friend all his life. They played 
together, went to school together, and remained friends as 
they grew. Recently, however, they had been more then that. 
They were getting older now (they were over a decade), and 
each of them was undergoing changes. These changes were 
attributed to things called hormones, and hormones made one 
do all kinds of stupid things, like fall in love. That was 
exactly what happened between Andy and Linda. They had been 
going steady for months now, and while they rarely did 
anything outside of talk, hold hands, and occasionally 
kiss, Andy thought it was the greatest thing in his life.
	Then summer came along, and with it the desire to be 
outdoors. Linda had shown some interest in playing softball 
for the girl's Little League team, and she wanted Andy to 
teach her how to play. Andy couldn't swing to save his life 
(athletics were one of his few shortcomings), so he asked 
his friend Glenn for help. Glenn happened to be quite good 
at sports, if nothing else, and showed Linda everything she 
wanted to know.
	As time went by, Glenn and Linda became good friends, 
and Andy noticed that she spent more time with Glenn then 
she did with him. Andy was starting to wonder if they were 
becoming more then friends. One day, after Linda said she 
was going shopping, he followed her on his bike and found 
her at Glenn's house. He talked to her later about it and 
they had a big argument and broke up.
	That was two weeks ago. It was now late August, and he 
had been feeling terrible. Terrible enough to do something 
drastic. Earlier that day, he had snuck into his dad's 
study (his dad was on a business trip) and taken two items. 
One was a bottle of whiskey. Andy knew that drinking was a 
bad thing, but he also knew that people always looked like 
they were having fun when they were drunk, and he really 
needed to have some fun. Andy took a sip and promptly spit 
it out. It tasted terrible and burned his throat. He forced 
himself to drink a little more and gulped it down. He began 
to feel weird, almost dizzy. It was doing something all 
right.
	The other item Andy took was his dad's Louisville 
slugger baseball bat. His dad had it for a long time and 
Andy figured it might be worth something. Of course, to him 
it had always been just another piece of wood. He would 
never be able to use the bat to hit a baseball. A baseball, 
after all, was too small of a target. But somebody's head, 
on the other hand, was much bigger. And now Andy will show 
both of them that maybe he wasn't that bad at baseball 
after all.
	Andy took one final swig of the revolting drink, and 
held it in his mouth for a moment before spitting it out. 
He hated it and knew drinking anymore wouldn't be good for 
him. Andy needed to be in good health for the task he was 
about to perform. Clutching the bat tightly, he walked up 
to the house.

Chapter 2

	"Your Andrew Dufresne," said the man with gray hair 
and a well worn suit. The sign above his door identified 
him as a doctor, but he was unlike any other doctor Andy 
had seen before. "Sit down, Andy. I'm here to help you." 
Somehow, Andy doubted that, but he sat nonetheless.
	"Before I can do anything, I need to get the facts 
straight," said the psychiatrist. "What you did was wrong. 
I'm sure you know that by now. But not only was it wrong, I 
also think it was something you might have planned ahead of 
time. Consider this, Andy: you hit each of them 4 times. 
Not once, not twice, not 10 times, but exactly 4 times. 
What is it about the number 4?"
	"It's my favorite number, I guess," Andy said, not 
amused. He felt very insulted.
	"You took a bottle of whiskey and a baseball bat from 
your dad's study, and at 8:00 PM, you went for a little 
bike ride. Correct thus far?"
	"Yes."
	"You rode up to Glenn Quentin's house, where you knew 
that Linda and Glenn would be. You also knew that Glenn's 
mother was across the street baby-sitting."
	"So?"
	"So you walked up to the house and used the bat to 
break the sliding glass door. When Glenn and Linda went to 
investigate the noise, you assaulted them 8 times. You did 
it so quickly and so viscously that neither of them saw it 
coming, and were subsequently able to identify you."
	"No," Andy said calmly but with a hint of argument in 
his voice. "No. I wasn't feeling good all day. I was 
starting to feel better right about then."
	"Right," said the doctor with a smirk. "And you 
persist that you didn't do anything. You told your parents 
you threw the bottle on the ground and the bat in the river 
then rode home. They found the bottle, right near Glenn's 
house, but they weren't able to find the bat."
	"That's the way it happened," Any answered, flashing 
his own smirk.
	"Awfully convenient, don't you think?"
	"Actually, it's pretty inconvenient," said Andy. "See, 
I didn't do anything. If they found the bat, that would 
have cleared my name."
	"Were you angry at Linda?"
	"Yes. After I found out, I was."
	"What happened after you found out?"
	"We had an argument. She said she was glad I knew, 
because she'd much rather hang out with a cool guy like 
Glenn then a geek like me. She also asked not to see me 
again."
	"According to a neighbor, you said you'd see her in 
hell before you saw her in Glenn's arms again."
	"That sounds about right."
	The doctor looked over his notes, then looked back at 
Andy. "Son, I don't believe you realize how much trouble 
you're in," he said sternly. "You have been accused of 
beating up 2 kids. Thankfully, they're still alive, though 
badly hurt. Lt. Michner of the police wants to send you to 
jail. I was asked to step in and take a look at you, to 
find, supposedly that you are an impressionable young man 
who would not commit such a heinous act. Frankly, I haven't 
gotten that impression. You strike me as a very bitter and 
cold hearted child, Andy, and it is my recommendation that 
you seek a bit of an attitude adjustment at Shawshank 
Academy. It will be for the better."
	Andy again displayed that semi-snarl. He was busted 
for a crime, that according to him, he didn't commit. 
Unfortunately, nobody, not even his own parents, believed 
him. Now he was going to Shawshank. Andy didn't know how 
lucky he was. If he were a year or two older and the state 
laws allowed it, he wouldn't have been headed to prison on 
a verdict of assault, and he wouldn't have lasted until 
winter.

Chapter 3

	At about the same time Andy was having a sit-down with 
a shrink, I was getting my own head checked halfway across 
the state. I was in the presence of Shawshank's school 
therapist, and it was time for the yearly evaluation (or as 
I called it the yearly rejection).
	"Ellis Redding," said the therapist. "Would I be 
correct in saying you've been here for 7 years?"
	"Yes sir," I answered.
	"Do you feel that you have learned anything?"
	"Yes sir," I repeated. "Absolutely. I know what I did 
was wrong and I'll never do it again. I'm no danger to 
anyone, especially not myself."
	I wasn't surprised when it was marked on my sheet that 
I was still a behavioral problem. I'd been in for 
evaluation 6 times before, and each time I had been turned 
down. It's no surprise really. The more kids the therapist 
turns down, the more that will still be in attendance at 
Shawshank. Thus, the more money the school gets and the 
more this guy will get paid. It's a perfect system for 
everyone except for the kids and their parents, but I've 
long since outgrown heartbreak.
	I walked back out to the playground where a couple of 
friends were waiting for me. They already knew I was turned 
down, and they took a little sympathy for an 'old timer' 
like me.
	"Tough break, Red," said Floyd.
	"I got rejected last week," said Billy Haywood. "Those 
bastards."
	"Got you a little rejection present," said Floyd. He 
passed me a Hershey's bar, and although it was melting, I 
took it gratefully.
	"Thanks," I said.
	"No problem considering all the times you hooked us 
up," said Billy.
	There must be a kid like me at every school in 
America. I'm the kid who can get it for you. Candy bars, 
video games, Playboy magazines, baseball cards if you like 
to collect them. Anything for a price. Yeah, I'm a regular 
JC Penney. That's why when Andy Dufresne came to me in 
early 1995 and asked me to smuggle in Drew Barrymore, I 
told him no problem.
	"Taking bets today?" asked Floyd.
	"Sure," I said. "Cash or candy?"
	"Candy," everyone answered simultaneously.
	Today was Orientation Day, and the arrival of the new 
recruits. We always took bets on who would break down 
first. Yeah, it's sick, but in a place like this you have 
to do something for fun. And somebody always broke down.
That was also the day Andy Dufresne came. He was about 11 
at the time (the time being the summer of 1994). I'll have 
to admit, when I first met him, I thought a strong breeze 
could knock this kid over. He was tall for his age, but he 
was scrawny as hell. He also had the look of a sucker, and 
in this place, a look like that could get you killed. On 
the outside, Andy had been a straight A student and winner 
of many science fairs. Though none of that made him 
popular, it wasn't bad for a kid his age. I didn't see any 
of that of course. All I saw was 2 free candy bars.
	As the rickety old bus pulled up to the front of the 
campus, the crowd on the playground grew larger. Staff 
gathered around as well, ready to receive their newest 
charges. The bus came to a stop, and the door opened. Byron 
Hadley, the toughest screw in the entire place took his 
position by the door. Out walked a short, pudgy teenager.
	"You understand English?" asked Hadley. The kid 
nodded. "Then start marching!"
	He did and gradually others filed out of the bus as 
well. They looked more like lost animals then kids.
	"Aright," said Billy. "Put me down for that fat-ass, 
the third from the front."
	"You're crazy," said Floyd.
	"Pick something better then," Billy retorted.
	"I'll take that tall lanky bastard," I said, pointing 
at Andy.
	"Now who's crazy," Billy said mocking.
	"Who's going to prove me wrong?" I retorted. "You? 
Floyd? Blue? Jesse? You chumps are down some candy." How 
wrong I was.

Chapter 4

	We were ordered back to our dorms while the new 
recruits were brought into the auditorium for orientation. 
I had to feel a little sympathy at that point. Orientation 
scares some kids shitless for the rest of their lives.
	Once they were all inside, Hadley yelled at them to 
shut the hell up. He enforced his point by brining out his 
oak paddle and flashing it in the air. Everyone quieted 
down real quick. Though he was only maybe 19, nobody messed 
with Byron Hadley, no matter how old they were. He was the 
meanest son of a bitch I've ever met. He'd hit first and 
ask questions later. He had no cheerful side to him. And as 
Shawshank's head of security, he fit his job perfectly.
	Sam Norton was no better. Norton was the principal at 
Shawshank, and he ran everything. The guy wasn't as mean or 
cold hearted as Hadley, but he was just as dangerous. 
Norton was guilty of the grandest hypocrisy. He was a 
religious and well respected man, worthy of praise by 
parents for his desire to embitter the children of America. 
Inside of course, all he cared about was that he was the #1 
man and nobody could touch him. The new recruits were about 
to meet the real Samuel Norton.
	"Greetings, new students," he said. "My name is Samuel 
Norton, and you are now my responsibility. You have been 
identified as having behavioral problems, and during your 
stay here, those problems will be remedied. You won't leave 
here until they are. I have 2 simple rules. The first is no 
cursing or blasphemy. I will not have God's name forsaken. 
The second is that you fulfill requests as they are given. 
Any questions?"
	"Yeah," answered one unfortunate soul. Anybody dumb 
enough to ask a question like that after meeting Norton or 
Hadley deserved what he got, I suppose. "I'm starving. When 
the hell do we eat?"
	"Mr. Hadley here is the head of security," said 
Norton. "He will answer your question. Byron, if you 
please."
	Hadley scowled and advanced towards the inquisitor. He 
then brought the paddle down upon the kid's head, causing 
him to yelp in pain. "You eat when we say you eat, you 
little punk!"
	Following this ordeal, all fell silent. I remember the 
next part was always the toughest. They made you take off 
all your clothes and be examined by the grisly old nurse, 
an embarrassing experience for most anyone. You were then 
ordered to shower, and I swear to God they actually checked 
to make sure you were clean. After that, if your hair was 
excessively long or dyed some absurd color, they cut it for 
you. Lastly, you were given your uniforms, and there was 
where the real terror struck in.
	The school uniform was simple: a pair of black slacks, 
a white shirt, a school tie, and a diaper. Yeah, you heard 
me right, a diaper. Norton had his own little explanation 
for this. "Public school bathrooms have become a haven for 
narcotics users, bullies and those who would mistreat 
themselves. We had facilities here at Shawshank for a short 
while, but they fell to ruin quickly, as you young people 
are incapable of keeping them clean and sanitary. Thus, I 
believe diapers to be a sound and practical solution to the 
problem, as well as a tool for shaping your behavior."
	As eloquently as he put it, there were still a lot of 
moans and groans. Nobody wanted to wear a diaper. "All 
right," Hadley said after Norton had disappeared. "Here's 
the deal: your each going to shut your hole, take that 
diaper and put it on right now. Otherwise, we'll come over 
there and put it on you and kick your asses in the 
process."
	This got a couple of kids moving. Most were 
inexperienced and fumbled with the tapes,. "Excuse me, Mr. 
Hadley," said one kid. "But I don't know how to do this."
	Hadley frowned, then snorted a disgusting laugh. He 
grabbed the kid and threw him over his knee. Hadley paddled 
the kid's behind then threw him down on the floor. 
Clutching the kid's feet with one hand, he slid the diaper 
under him with the other and pinned it tightly shut. He 
then slid on some thick plastic pants and smacked the kid 
on the thigh.
	"Anybody else need help with their didees."
	After everyone was adequately padded, Hadley gave more 
orders. "These diapers stay on; you don't take them off for 
nothing. We got stuck with the lousy job of changing you 
but we'll do it as long as we're getting paid. So don't you 
try and think about changing yourselves. You got that?"
	There were whispers as everyone finished dressing and 
marched over to their bunks. Life at Shawshank had 
officially begun.

Chapter 5

	That night was when hell really broke loose for 
newcomers. We all had our diapers changed, and were ordered 
back to our dorms. Perhaps I should tell you exactly what a 
dorm is at Shawshank. A dorm is a dark, dank drab room that 
houses up to 8 kids at a time. Instead of beds, there are 
cribs. Once we are diapered, we are tossed in our cribs for 
the night and not let out until morning. That was the way 
it went. Also, each dorm contained a long table where we 
were to do our work. Not desks, but a table. Any book or 
material we wanted to use, we had to first sign out. No 
toys, no privileges unless we earned them. I say it again, 
that was simply the way it went.
	The newbies were always put in solo dorms the first 
night, specifically to avoid the encounter I'm about to 
describe. Unfortunately for them it did little good. 
Anyway, as soon as the screws (excuse me, 'faculty') called 
lights out and walked away, we went fishing. We'd all 
clamor and holler and try to get the attention of the new 
guys. Sometimes, we'd make threats, other times we'd 
pretend to make homosexual passes. Either way somebody 
always broke down.
	"Hey," they called. "Hey fattie! I bet you'd make a 
real big load in your didees. Bet you already did. I can 
smell ya from here!"
	"Hey fat-ass," called Heywood. Remember now that 
Heywood had a bet down on this guy. "Don't listen to them. 
This place ain't all bad. I'll introduce you around. In 
fact, I know a couple of fellas who'd just love to make 
your acquaintance."
	That was all that it took. The fat kid started 
blubbering and crying, and the place erupted into yelling 
and laughter. "We have a winner!" said Heywood. "It's fat-
ass by his diapered tail!"
	Just then Hadley and his crew burst in and everyone 
quieted down. "What in Christ is this shit?!" he demanded 
to know.
	"I'm tellin' Mr. Norton on you," said one kid. "You 
took the Lord's name in vain."
	"Yeah, you'll be telling them about the paddle up your 
ass."
	"Please," said the fat kid, whimpering. "I don't 
belong here. Not like this, not diapered like a little 
baby. Please, I'll be good. I'll be good."
	"I'm not gonna count to 3," said Hadley, approaching 
his crib. "I'm not even going to count to 1. You will shut 
the fuck up or I will sing you a lullaby."
	"You don't understand! There's been a mistake....'
	"All right, open the crib," Hadley commanded. Once the 
crib was unlocked, Hadley dragged the poor kid out by his 
ear. He threw him face down onto the floor, and pulled off 
his diapers. Hadley became even more disgusted when he saw 
the kid had wet them. "Pants-pissin little brat," he 
muttered, as he paddled the kid's bottom. "Didn't your 
momma teach you better, you fat maggot."
	Judging from the sound of his screaming, Hadley 
spanked that kid until his bottom was blistered, maybe even 
bleeding. "All right," he said with authority when he was 
done. "Take him down to the nurse. And if I hear so much as 
a fart in here, the rest of you will be following him down 
there, I swear!" We all shut up and hit the sack. All 
except me. I wasn't too upset; I'd seen Hadley beat dozens 
of kids. What bothered me was that Andy Dufresne had cost 
me some major candy and he hadn't even said a word.

Chapter 6

	The next day we assembled in the cafeteria for lunch. 
Lunch usually consisted of some hard, grayish-green 
thoroughly inedible piece of meat accompanied by lumpy 
potatoes and some putrid vegetable. To drink, there was 
pasty gray skim milk. Yuck. And parents are paying for 
this? Oh, if only they knew.
	I noticed Andy was sitting at a table all by himself, 
but didn't say anything to him. I was far more concerned 
about Billy Heywood and the candy we all owed him. 
Nonetheless, I did notice Andy found a worm in his food. He 
held it up, ready to chuck it across the room when brooks 
Hatlen approached him. Brooks was about 75 years old, and a 
former graduate of this place back when it started. He has 
worn diapers all his life and is also our librarian and 
janitor.
	"Are you going to eat that?" he asked Andy.
	"Wasn't planning on it," Andy answered. Brooks took 
the worm and fed it to his pet bird, Jake.
	"Jake says thanks," Brooks told him. "He fell out of 
his nest and I'm taking care of him." Brooks was a 
peculiar, lonely old man, but we all sort of looked up to 
him.
	"Oh God, here he comes," said Floyd. I glanced over 
and say Billy sit down beside me.
	"Good day, y'all," he said. "And a really good day for 
me," he chuckled. "Come on, spread em out." We all laid out 
our candy. "Damn I'm good, picking the winner like that. 
Too bad your guy came in last, Red. You know, I think I owe 
that kid something when he gets back from the nurse."
	"Why not give him some of your candy?" I asked.
	"Shut your diapered ass up," he retorted. "Hey Tyrell. 
You still working in the nurse's office?"
	"Yeah."
	"How's the boy doing?"
	"He's gone, man. Hadley hurt him pretty bad and he 
kept whining for his parents. Well, they got down hear and 
pulled him out, Norton made up some bullshit excuse and now 
he's at military school."
	Just then, Andy opened his mouth. "Does anybody know 
his name?"
	"What does it matter, new kid," asked Billy hostile. 
"He's gone."
	After lunch, we were all given a chance to shower. It 
was supervised, of course, but it still let us feel a 
little more clean and a little more human. We were marched 
back to our dorms, where we had our stinking, sagging 
diapers removed. We were then marched bare naked, sometimes 
without being properly wiped into the showers and they 
blasted the hot water on. We were given only a certain 
amount of time to wash, and wash we did. Of course, we had 
to keep our guards up. A lot of kids around here are jerks 
or fags and are into towel-snapping and the like. One of 
these kids made a pass at Andy.
	"Hey," he said. "Did anybody get to you yet?" No 
answer. "Hey, don't be like that. You know, it's a big 
place. We all need friends in here." Nothing. "I could be 
your friend." Andy turned to walk away. "Hey, I bet you 
look real cute in just your diaper." Andy was gone. "Hard 
to get. I like that." Such was Boggs Diamond, our resident 
bully next to Byron Hadley and one of the lowest forms of 
life on the Earth. I personally thought he belonged in 
prison, but he somehow wound up here.
	Anyway, when we returned to our dorms, we were re-
diapered and sent to class. It felt refreshing to feel that 
thick mass of dry cotton next to your skin after a shower. 
In fact, diapers weren't at all bad once you got used to 
them. It took a place like Shawshank to make them bad. As I 
sat through math class, I kept on getting more and more 
curious about Andy Dufresne.