Goodbye Normal Jeans

A novel by Danny

Chapter 4

School turned out to be a lot different then I honestly expected it to be. Most of the day no one paid me much attention until about five minutes before it was time to go home. I was sitting in class and started hearing someone behind me making snake sounds.

It got so annoying that I finally turned around and saw it was some boy I didn’t know. He was sitting one row to the right and one desk back and was attempting to covertly draw my attention to my backside.

That’s when I realized I’d spring a leak and my britches were showing the signs. I got so embarrassed that my entire head became red hot. Heck, I wouldn’t of been surprised none if steam had shot from my ears.

I was shoving my books into my backpack when the bell rang. I started to stand up but someone had taken a hold of my shirt and pulled me right back down in my seat. I felt my wet diaper squish as my bottom hit the seat again.

When I turned to see who it was I seen it was that same boy. He was holding onto my shirt just behind my right elbow and knelt down beside me. “Wait until the rest clear out. There will be less chance of someone noticing.” He said quietly and I couldn’t help but notice the way he talked. It was so very proper with a hint of some sort of accent.

I suppose I was taken off guard ‘cause I gave my arm a tug to try and loosen his grim on my shirt but it didn’t work.

“Calm down!” the boy said while displaying a fake smile, “I am trying to help you, however if you would rather be the butt of everyone’s jokes?” he said with a shrug and let go of my shirt.

Just as he was beginning to stand up to leave I reached out and caught hold of his backpack. A couple others in class notices this so I had to make something up and fast, “Ok, I’ll trade ya but I got to ask my ma if’n it’s ok first.”

Thankfully he was just as quick thinking as me. “That does sound like the best idea all around!” he said and sat down in the seat in front of me to make the others think we were going to continue talking.

“If your mother agrees, do be a good sport and bring them to school tomorrow.” He said and then whispered, “Are they gone yet?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “hook, line and sinker!”

“Beg your pardon?” the boy said with one eyebrow sitting high on his forehead.

I shoot my head, “Their gone.”

“Splendid! I do dislike seeing others made fun of just for being different.” He said.

“My name’s...” I started to say but he cut me off.

“Everyone knows who you are!” he giggled slightly and I wasn’t sure how to take it.

He thrust out the wrong shaking hand, “My friends call me Nugget.”

“Nugget?” I asked taking his hand with my wrong shaking hand too.

“On account of my last name being Goldberg.” He said.

“I like it!” I said

“Do you prefer to be called Kris, Kristian or dare I guess Doc as short for Doctavio?”

“Nah, most everyone just calls me Nevada.” I said.

His other eyebrow jumped up to his forehead, “Really? Oh I do like that! Nevada it is then!” and he gave my hand a firm squeeze before letting it go.

He gave the classroom a quick scan, saw that two of our class mates were talking with our teacher so he continued on. In a whisper he said, “Don’t worry about missing the bus; I will have father drive you home.”

My confusion must have been written across my face.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you must see the nurse before you leave for home?” he said and before I could reply he said, “I shall wait for you then.”

Right then out teacher spoke up sounding a bit putout by our lingering presents, “You’ll turn out the lights then Mr. Goldberg?”

Nugget snapped to his feet like a well-trained military soldier, “Yes Sir! We’re right behind you Sir!”

Our teacher smiled and playfully gave Nugget a salute before leaving the two of us alone in the classroom.

“Wow I never seen,” I started to say.

“In addition to being our teacher,” Nugget began as he took my backpack, laced his right hand through the strap and slung it over his shoulder, “He is also my cousin.”

“Really?” I said noticing the Nugget appeared to be wearing some sort of glove on his right hand but the thought quickly left me as I stood up and felt the weight of my wet diaper hanging between my thighs.

As if we’d been friends all out lives he and I walked out of the classroom and down the hall to the nurse’s office. The entire time he was talking a bit louder then a normal level and waving his arms about at the same time.

“Actually he is more like twice removed however my mother could tell you exactly. She lives for family genealogies. I would hazard to guess that if you ever met him outside of the school setting you would take a shine to him.”

I couldn’t get a word in edgewise but that wasn’t such a bad thing. It was actually kind of amazing ‘cause whenever someone would look at us their attention went right to Nugget and his expressive hands and arms waving about.

“I would never know it to look at him that he has six children, all girls,” he wiggled his eyebrows as he said, ‘all girls’, “and the oldest is our age.”

“Hey we are having a party the weekend after next; could come?” he asked just as we found ourselves stepping through the door into the nurse’s office.

“Well Mr. Doctavio?” The nurse said, “I didn’t expect to be seeing you for a third time today. She stopped abruptly when she caught sight of Nugget just behind me.

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there Mr. Goldberg!” she said to Nugget. Out of the corner of my eye I saw that he had gone all pink.

Wearing the goofiest smile he spoke to me but was looking right at the school nurse, “Hey I’ll just wait for you outside in the hall if that’s alright?”

“Huh, yeah, uh, thanks!” I replied sounding like a plum idiot.

“Oh, here’s your pack!” He said passing it to me.

“See ya!” I said as Nugget streaked out the door like he was on fire.

“I see you’ve met the President.” The nurse said as she locked the door closed to keep anyone from walking in on us.

“Huh?” I replied continuing my streak of stupid replies.

“Didn’t you know? Mr. Goldberg is the student body president. He is only the second one his age ever to hold that honor in the entire history of this institution.” She said while helping me up on the table type bed thing.

“Wow!” I exclaimed, “No I didn’t know that! I never met a President before!”

“Well now you did! But what say we get you cleaned up and see if we can’t get you on that bus?” she remarked.

“Uh,” there I go again grunting like a idiot again, “he done said, uh,” I had to recall what he’d said, “Oh yeah, his pa is goin’ ta take me home.”

She worked fast while she talked, “Oh my, you are making some powerful friends today.”

I honestly didn’t want to say it again but I just couldn’t help myself, “Huh?”

“Mr. Goldberg’s father works for the Governor.” She said.

“Ouch!” I cried out.

“Oh dear I am so very sorry! I didn’t mean to poke you with a pin.”

That ended our conversation and before I knew it I was zipping up a dry pair of britches and rushing out the door.

True to his word Nugget was standing just outside the office door.

“There you are! That didn’t take long.” He said when he saw me. I think maybe I might have blushed a little but thankfully he didn’t seem to notice or at least he didn’t react to it if he did notice.

While we were heading out of the school I had time to ask him why he acted so funny when he saw the nurse.

“You have to promise not to tell her but I think she is an angel!” he said with this weird dreamy look in his eyes just the way my older brother Kevin gets whenever he is thinking about his girl, Meggin.

“You didn’t even give me a chance to promise!” I complained jokingly.

He was lost in his dreams so I gave him a nudge, “Alright! I won’t tell her but I’m think’n it ain’t much of a secret.”

“Do you really think so?” he asked.

I just smiled and said, “Come on lover-boy!” as the two of us stepped outside.

It was kind of weird seeing my bus pulling away without me in it but when Nugget said, “There, now see, you have to come with us!” He was grinning so big that if he were older he’d have been mistaken for a car salesman easy.

“So, President huh?” I asked.

Anyone that saw the two of us together might have thought that I had just told the worlds funnies joke because right then Nugget burst out with the loudest belly laugh in the history of the world.

Through his laugher he managed to say, “I was wondering when you’d figure that out!”

“I didn’t know. It was the nurse; she told...” I stopped talking when I saw the car Nugget was leading me too.

I never seen such a car ever in my life! It must have been as long as four cars and was all white and silver and shiny. And inside the car everything was just as red, as red could get. It was so big inside that I bet we could have fit the whole entire school body inside and still had room for dancing.

“Wow!” I exclaimed.

“I suppose I should have warned you.” Nugget said and it seemed he was getting some pleasure from seeing my reaction. “My father is the Lieutenant Governor of Ohio.” Nugget said.

“Lieutenant?” I asked, “What’s that mean? He in the military or somethin’?”

The car started moving as Nugget giggled, “No nothing like that.” And without even the slightest pause he said, “Basset, we’re taking my friend Nevada home.”

From the front seat I heard, “Very good.”

And I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. I leaned toward Nugget and whispered, “Does he know he’s named after a kind of dog?”

From the front seat came, “I heard that!”

I thought Nugget was going to laugh himself to death. “Don’t mind Basset, I tease him like that all the time. Isn’t that right Barfet?”

“Oh yes Sir! And I never grow tired of it Sir!” Basset said putting extra emphasis on the words ‘never’ and both ‘Sirs’, which caused Nugget to laugh even more.

While Nugget began rummaging through his book bag I asked, “I thought you said your pa, I mean, your father was taking me home?”

He pulled from his bag, two Twinkies, though they were a bit squished. He offered me one and I knew mum would skin me alive if she knew I was eating something so bad for me but I took it anyway.

He was ripping open his Twinkie with his teeth as he spoke, “Basset always picks me up from school and we stop afterward to pick up father on the way home,” and then Nugget went quiet for moment before shouting, “Basset Stop!”

The car lurched to a stop and Basset, apparently forgetting himself yelled, “You lithle shith! You mabe me bith ma thongue!”

Nuggets eyes became the size of dinner plates, “Sorry Basset!” and trying to smother a fit of the giggles he added, “I didn’t mean for that to come out like that!”

He leaned closer to me, “I get him like that at least once a week!”

Basset had leaned forward to look at his tongue in the rearview mirror and I could see him massaging it with his fingers before he rested back against the seat again. “If you didn’t have a guest back there I’d give you what for!” Basset threatened.

I looked to Nugget expecting him to be expressing the same fear I was feeling but instead I saw Nugget rolling his eye.

“Why’d you make me stop anyway?” Basset asked in a nicer tone, “Or were you just being a little...”

“Basset?” Nugget called out with a laugh.

Once again I looked to Nugget this time expecting him to answer the driver but instead Nugget said to me, “I have no idea where you live. Are we even going in the right direction?”

Basset spoke up, “Oh we are not picking up your father first?”

Not sure who to tell I looked to Nugget who nodded toward the front seat. I spoke toward Basset and told him my address.

I got a kick out of Bassets reply, “Well yeehaw! Y’all sit right back and enjoy the ride! We be goin’ country!” and the car suddenly lurched forward slamming Nugget and me against the back seat.

From up front came, “Yeehaw get along little doggy! Yeehaw, Yeehaw, Yeeeeeeeeeehaaawwww!”

I was laughing hysterically but when I looked at Nugget he seemed like he was having some kind of laughing fit. It was then that I noticed his right hand seemed to be missing completely.

I gasped and noticed that it was sitting on the ledge of the back window of the car. “Oh my!” I cried out both from surprise and fear.

“Basset you jerk!” Nugget continued to laugh, “You sent my hand flying!”

The way Nugget reacted by getting up to retrieve his hand from the back window you would have thought it was a shoe or a hat that he’d lost and not a dang hand.

“You ok?” Nugget asked me.

“Me? You? Your? Whow? Hand?” is how it came out.

I could hear Basset screaming with laughter and Nugget shouted up at him, “I’m going to get you so bad for that one!” which only made Basset laugh that much louder.

He laid his hand down in his lap and began to roll up his sleeve, “I was born without a hand. See?” He said holding up a pink nub where a wrist and hand would normally be.

Akin to putting on a sock I watched as Nugget slipped the hand over his arm and rolled his sleeve back down.

“Well I’ll be a horse’s behind!” I exclaimed, “I never seen nothing like that afore!”

As I was saying goodbye to Nugget and Basset, who I finally got to meet face-to-face, I knew that me and Nugget were going to be best of friends!

I stood on the front porch with pa and ma while waving to Nugget who was in the back window of the car waving back at me until the cloud of dust hid him and the car from my view.

It wasn’t until I stepped inside the screen door that I remembered I had left my backpack lying inside the car.

To be continued . . .

A message from the author:

I am so very sorry that it has been such a long time since I have updated this story. The first three-chapters of ‘Goodbye Normal Jeans’ seemed to flow out of me all at once and then nothing for the longest period. And then today I sat down, opened it up and about four hours later I had wrote another 10 pages.

I still have no idea where this story is going and how long it will be but I am guessing that there is maybe one or two more chapters hiding out inside my head.

I really do appreciate everyone that has emailed me over the past few months asking about this story. I hope this chapter doesn’t disappoint any of you and if you have enjoyed this or even if you have not, I would like to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected]. I’m not sure when the next chapter will be ready, but I will try not to let there be such a huge gap in time.