BIG BOY This is a story about a big boy, who wants hugs and kisses, like a little boys get. His father won't give him that kind of love, but he finds it when he goes to college. There is no description of sex in this story, and no violence. I was always bigger then on the other kids my age, but then I had a head start. I weighed more than 15 pounds when I was born! That's what killed my mother! I never had any remorse over that, after all, I never knew the woman, and besides, I never asked to be born big. In fact I never asked to be born at all. I was raised by my father, with the assistance, or interference of various nurses, housekeepers, maids, baby sitters, etc., each with a unique style of incompetence. I funked the first one when I was twelve, or I think I did! She said I did! It was my birthday, and my father said that my present was in his bedroom. When I opened the door, I was shocked! The woman must have been as old is my father, and I hated her, and she was naked! She did dirty things to me, and when I couldn't, or wouldn't, do what she wanted me too, she laughed at me! When I started to cry, she said I was a sissy, but she was paid to funk me, and she was damned well going to do it! IT WAS AWFUL!!! I don't know what she told my father, the next morning, but he said that he was proud of me and that now I was a "REAL MAN." My father always wanted me to be "REAL MAN." This always seemed silly to me, what else could I be? Maybe I could be a little puppy dog, they get hugs and kisses, or maybe I could be a teddy bear, they get lots of hugs and kisses. My father never hugged or kissed me. He said a "REAL MAN" didn't do that, but he sure didn't mind hugging and kissing one of his damned girls! He would bring them home, and funk them in his bedroom or on the living room couch. I wasn't supposed to watch, when he was doing this, but I knew what was going on! I learned to jerk off early and often, but I wasn't thinking about any of those damned girls when I did it. I just wanted somebody to love me, to hug me, and kiss me, and treat me like a little boy! I wanted somebody to tell me that it was all right that he'd take care of me, and protect me, that he loved me! I remember when I was six or seven. My father took me to a baseball game. I fell asleep, and when I woke up I had lost my teddy bear! I was upset, and started to cry. I wanted my father to hug me, and kiss me, and tell me that it would be all right, that he'd get me another one. (Fat chance) He patted me on the shoulder and said, "SHUT UP! You're a big boy now, and you don't need a teddy bear.". That was easy for him to say. He wasn't afraid of the dark! I worried about that for the next few nights, but then I invented Willie. He was my invisible teddy bear. Of course I couldn't hug or kiss him, but I could talk to him, and he said he would watch over me at night. After that I talked to Willie whenever I was afraid, or had a problem. (Which was most of the time) I never found anything good about being big. When a little kid fell down and hurt his knee, somebody would pick him up and hug him, and kiss it better. What I fell down they told me to "GET UP AND SHUT UP!". Big boys weren't supposed to cry (It still hurt though). Little kids were always getting hugs and kisses. If they wet their diaper, they got hugs and kisses, along with a new diaper. I didn't have a diaper, but I wished I did, maybe then I get hugs and kisses. If a little kid did something right, they got hugs and kisses. If I did something right, I got a pat on the back and my hair messed up. (Thanks). When they did something wrong, they got spanked, and then their mother would hug them and kiss them and tell them she still loved them. When I did something wrong, I had to do push ups, or run around the block on until I was too tired to stand up! My father said "that's the way they did it in the army," he never told me he loved me! My father was a drill Sargent in the army. He never told anybody that he loved them! I never wanted to be in the Army, but I think I was drafted! They always had things for little kid's, and everybody looked out for the little kids, but nobody looked out for me! They had a block party, with a pony ride for the little kids, but the man said that I was too big to ride his pony! ( They didn't have a pony ride for big kids.) The little kids always wanted me to tell them what to do, because I was bigger and looked older. If I said "let's play baseball" we played baseball. If I said "let's play football" we played football. I really didn't like football, or baseball, or rough games like that, they were for big kids, and I wanted to be a little kid. I wonder what would have happened if I had said "let's play house, or let's play Barbie dolls." That's what I really wanted to say, but my father would have had me doing push ups till Christmas! In school I was always in trouble. The teacher said that I should be more mature than the little kids. Why? It was the little kids who wanted to grow up! All I wanted, was to be a little kid, and get hugs and kisses. When we got caught doing something wrong, everybody would run and hide. Then the teacher would say "I know that big kid was there, but I didn't recognize any of the others." If I told on the little kids, they'd be mad at me, and my father would make me do push ups for not "TAKING IT LIKE A REAL MAN." If I didn't tell, the teacher would punish me for that too! I couldn't win. Of course I played football in high school. Everybody expected it, and my father demanded it, but I wasn't very good at it. I didn't like to hit people, and I didn't like them to hit me,( little kids don't have to hit each other) and I kept dropping the ball. Some people said I was clumsy, but others said I was just awkward and would grow out of it. That bothered me, I didn't want to grow anymore! I had done too much of that already! One day, when I was taking a shower after practice, a kid wanted to suck my chock! I knew my father was waiting for me outside, so I just pushed the kid away. He slipped, fell down, hit his head, and was out like a light! He said he was alone in the shower. I said I found him, in the shower unconscious. My father said I did the right thing, and the coach didn't say anything, but the word got around school and after that nobody came near me, which suited me fine. I wasn't really interested in the boys, and I certainly wasn't going to chase the damned girls, like my father did! Early in my senior year I applied to a small college out West. They didn't have a football team, and they had an excellent English department. When I was accepted, they asked me if I wanted to live off campus. It was a local school and they were short of dormitory space. They included a list of places that rented rooms to college kids. One of them said to reply by e-mail and gave the address for a man called "Mommy," I thought this was a little odd, but people had all kinds of strange e-mail addresses, so I sent off a long e-mail telling him all about myself. He suggested we meet in a chat room, and after that we "talked" almost every night. I told him all about myself, what I liked, and what I didn't like. I did most of the "talking." For the first time in my life somebody was interested in ME! Sometimes I sat at the computer and cried, I was so happy! I had finally found someone who would listen to ME! When I finally graduated from high school my father bought me the used car that we all agreed, I would need at college. My father said that he would drive me out and fly back. This was important, because I had just gotten my license and didn't feel I could drive that far alone. We planned to leave very early on a Sunday morning, but that Saturday night my father brought home another one of his damned girls! When I said that we had planned to leave early in the morning, he said "YOU CAN GO BY YOURSELF! You're a big boy now, you have your own car, and you don't need me to cart you around any more!" I was shocked, HE HAD PROMISED, but there was nothing I could do about it. I got up early, had breakfast by myself, and started out, alone. I was scared, I had never driven a car at night before and it was well before daylight, when I started out. Willie said that I would just have to keep driving, but he would watch over me, and keep me safe (thank God for Willie) When daylight came I was in the city, and I was even more scared. There were cars everywhere, blowing their horns at me, and cutting me off. Out on a highway it wasn't much better. I had never driven a car that fast before, and the other cars kept passing me, or pushing up behind me, and blowing their horns at me! I had a long way to go, so I only stopped for gas and a bite to eat at a drive through, but it was still well after eight o'clock that night when I finally found the right house and knocked on the door. When the door opened, I stood there in amazement. I was looking at the most beautiful human being that I had ever seen! He wasn't big, but he had light brown wavy hair, beautiful big blue eyes, and a smile you could die for. He had broad shoulders with a narrow waste, and he was STARK NAKED! He looked me up and down and said "Follow me, and close the door behind you." I followed him as he led me through the house and up the stairs to what I assumed was to be my bedroom. It was a large room with small bed, (actually more like a cot than a bed), I wondered how I was going to sleep on that, but it had a dresser, and a clothes closet. What made the room outstanding was that the walls were lined, floor to ceiling, wall to wall, with books! There was a large study desk, with plenty of room for my computer, and a big bay window overlooking the campus. It was the perfect place for me to study, but I was worried about sleeping their. Mommy said "Unpack your things, and put them away NEATLY. Mommy doesn't like little boys with messy drawers." He then chuckled to himself, and went back downstairs to the living room. I was a little surprised at this strange welcome, but I unpacked my things, and stuffed them in various drawers. Then I started downstairs to meet my new landlord. When I was halfway down the steps he said in a clear commanding voice "Go right back upstairs, young man, and take your clothes off! We are all little boys here, and there is no need for such modesty!" I went back upstairs and sat on the bed. I didn't know what to do. There might be "no need for such modesty," but I really didn't see any need for nudity either. I had lived all my life with my father, and I didn't remember him ever seeing me naked. I thought about it, a little while, but after all, it was Mommy's house, so I figured he could make the rules. I got undressed, and started downstairs. The first thing I noticed was that the floor was cold! ( I wasn't used to running around barefooted either.) I was embarrassed, and a little afraid. As I snuck down the stairs, I kept trying to hide my privates. When I reached the bottom step Mommy said " Come over here and stand in front of me, I can't see you way over there." When I was standing in front of him, he spread his legs said "Kneel down, I can't talk to you, when you're towering over me."I was so nervous, I did what he said, and knelt down between his knees! He reached out, stroked my hair and said "Now to tell me about your day, little boy, did your daddy give you a big hug and a kiss to start you off this morning? " (I had called him, and told him, my father wouldn't be coming with me.) I started to tell him that my father had to work, but I couldn't! My father had broken his promise! I couldn't lie for him, so I told the truth. My father would rather spend time with one of his damned girls then with me! I started to cry. Mommy hugged me to his chest and said softly, as he kissed the top of my head, "Cry little boy, cry! It's all right to cry! It's good to cry sometimes." Then I really started cry, with great heaving sobs! "Cry little boy, cry. Cry for the man you'll never be. Cry for the macho bully, your father wants you to be. Cry for the nice little boy, you're going to be. Cry little boy, cry," he said. With that, I cried even harder. I sobbed and sobbed, it was like a dam broke! I told him all about my father. I told him about the lost teddy bear (but not about Willie). I told him about the pony ride, and about the little boys who got kissed when they fell down, or got their diaper changed. I told him about school, and how my father made me to push ups. I don't know everything I told him, but I cried for long time. As my crying subsided, he said "Don't worry little boy, Mommy loves you, and will care for you. You don't have to worry anymore, your Mommy's little boy now, and he loves you!" Then he helped me up and told me to sit on the couch, and said "you're much too big to sit on my lap, so I'll sit on your lap!". With that he sat on my lap and hugged me, and kissed me, and told me that he loved me! He said that any time I wanted a big hug and a kiss I should come to him, because he loved me! I loved having somebody hug me, and kiss me, and treat me like a little boy! For the first time in my life I knew what it felt like, to love someone, and have them love me back! He stood up and said, "It's a long past your bedtime, little boy. Come with me, and Mommy would give you a bottle, and tuck you into bed." I didn't really understand what he was talking about, but at that point I really didn't care. I was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted, and anything that sounded like BED sounded good to me! He took me my arm and led me upstairs, not to the room I thought was my bedroom, but to the adjoining room, next-door. When he opened the door, and flipped on the lights he said "This will be your nursery little boy, where you'll sleep.". I was shocked. It was an oversized nursery! There was an adult sized crib on one side, and a big changing table on the other. It had a large play pen in one corner, and a big high chair in the other!. The whole room was decorated with nursery rhymes, and stuffed animals! It was a baby's room! "THE HELL YOU SAY," I shouted "I'm not sleeping in here!" With a pull, and a twist of my arm, he sat down on a convenient chair, and laid me across his small lap! He then grabbed a hairbrush from the top of the dresser and hit me on my bear bottom! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! HE WAS SPANKING ME! Nobody had ever spanked me! Not my father, and certainly not one of his damned girls! I had never been spanked before, and I didn't know what to do about it! WHACK! WHACK ! WHACK! I was bigger than him! I was stronger than him! I could tear him to pieces! I could tie him in a knot, I could kill him! But this was Mommy! I loved him, and he loved me! WHACK! WHACK ! WHACK! Mommy couldn't hit me, hard enough to really hurt, but my bottom was getting hot and sore, so I cried, "Please don't spank me anymore, Mommy, I'll be good!" WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! "Please Mommy, don't spank me anymore! I like my nursery, and I love you, and I'll be a good little boy for you!" I cried. He dropped the hairbrush, and pulled me around, so I was again kneeling in front of him. He hugged me, and kissed me! ( We were both crying now) "Mommy loves his little boy, and doesn't want to spank him, but sometimes Mommy's have to do things they don't like to do, or little boys won't grow up to be nice little boys." He said. "Always remember, that Mommy loves you, and is only doing what's best for you, sometimes it's hard, but remember Mommy knows best." I was so tired, so confused, and so emotionally drained, that I really didn't understand what he was saying, but I knew that he loved me, and that I loved him. That was all that mattered, he loves me, and I loved him! I didn't care if he spanked me, beat me, or chopped off my head! I loved him, and would do anything for him! He helped me up, and led me over to the changing table, where he had me lay down. Then he pushed a bottle in my mouth, with a nipple on it! I had a little trouble at first, getting used to the nipple, but I soon learned to suck on it properly, and the milk tasted good. I hadn't realized how thirsty I was, but I hadn't had anything to drink since I stopped for gas, in St. Louis! When I looked down, I saw that he was pinning three big thick diapers on me! I started to complain, but he just said, "remember, Mommy knows best" so I let him go ahead and do what he wanted . He put a pair of plastic panties on me, and pulled them up over my diapers, then he dressed me in a baby blue sleeper, with a big white teddy bear on the front. When I looked in the mirror, next to the dresser, I looked like an oversized 2-year- old! I felt like one too. I had just been hugged and kissed, and spanked and diapered, and I was tired and ready for my bed! He led me over to the crib, where he tacked me in, kissed me good night.(I had never been kissed her good night before.) He said he would read a bedtime story to me, but I fell asleep before he put the side of the crib up. I was exhausted. I woke up sometime during the night, and needed to pee, but I was still sleepy, and tired. As I lay there, warm and comfortable, I realized that there was a big pink teddy bear laying next to me, and that it the room was cold. I didn't want to walk with my bare feet on that cold floor, and I didn't know where the bathroom was anyway.(I couldn't have gotten out of the crib, by myself, but I didn't know that, at the time.) I just hugged my teddy bear, and let myself flow into the my diaper. When I got that warm wet feeling in my crotch it felt good, so I drifted back to sleep, thinking, "Gee, I'm glad Mommy put a diaper on me tonight." When I woke up the next morning, I was hungry, wet, thirsty and scared. I couldn't understand what was happening to me! Here I was, locked in a crib, in a strange house, and wearing a wet diaper! I called for help, but nothing happened! I screamed and shouted, but nobody came! Now I was really scared. "What my going to do, Willie," I asked. "Just cry. Mommy's always come when their little boys cry." the pink teddy bear said! I looked at it in amazement! It was WILLIE! ! He up wasn't invisible anymore! I hugged him, and kissed him as he explained, that now that I was Mommy's little boy, he didn't have to be invisible anymore! I could hug him and kiss him anytime I wanted too! I was surprised, I had never seen Willie before, and I didn't know that he was pink, I hadn't thought about it much, but pink was a nice color for Willie. I decided to do what Willie suggested so I cried. WAA! WAA! WAA! By the time I got to the third WAA, Mommy was there opening the crib! He was now wearing a sport shirt, and gray trousers, protected by a large white apron. "I see you found your new teddy bear" he said. "His name is Willie, and he isn't new, he's been with me for years," I informed him. Mommy looked a little surprised, at this, but said " Good morning Willie, I'm glad to meet you". Willie said that he liked Mommy, but of course Mommy couldn't hear that. (Willie only talks to me.) When he felt my diaper, he announced that I was wet and needed to be changed. I thought that was rather obvious, but he seemed to think it was a great discovery. When he led me over to the changing table, I made sure to bring Willie along. , and hugged him as Mommy changed my diaper. This time he put a single diaper on me, again covered by a pair of plastic panties. He helped me into a T-shirt, and then produced a pair of bright red shorts, that had no fly or pockets, but had an elastic waste band. All I can think of was Mickey Mouse, and when he pulled them up over my diaper and I saw how round they looked, I realized I was right! ( Mickey Mouse really does where diapers under his shorts!) Next came a white shirt with short sleeves, and a Peter Pan collar trimmed in red. Finally he supplied a pair of white socks again trimmed with red , and out a pair of little red sneakers, held on with Velcro strips instead of laces! He pinned a red ribbon to my shoulder, and fastened a pacifier to it, which he placed in my mouth! (When I looked in the mirror, I thought I looked very cute) and Then he led me over to the high chair. When he sat me in the chair, and fastened the tray table in place, there was no way I could fall out, slip out, crawl out, or get out! It was very safe, but I had to sit there until Mommy let me out! (Sitting in a high chair can get very boring, but if you cry, really hard, Mommy will come and let you out) He gave me another bottle to suck on, while he went downstairs to get some oatmeal and baby food, which he fed to me, with a very small spoon. Then it was over! That's all there was! It might have been enough for most people, but I was a big boy, and I was still hungry! I wanted something more to eat, but he just gave me another bottle to suck on. ( I was almost always sucking on a bottle, or pacifier, or something..) He put me in the play pen, and left me there to play with Willie, and the other stuffed animals, while he did some other things downstairs. I really had fun, when Willie introduced me to all the other animals He seemed to know them all by name, and could tell stories about each one of them! When he came back, he had me sit in the rocking chair while he sat on my lap, and read stories to me! We read lots of stories together, and talked about Big Bird, Bugs Bunny, and all the other characters, in the stories. I loved to have him sit on my lap, and read stories to me, but after awhile he looked at his watch and said, "It's time for your bath" and led me over to the bathroom, where I got another shock. The bathtub was raised two feet off the floor, with steps leading up to it! It looked strange, but made it very easy for Mommy to give me a bath, which he did, as he shaved all the hair off my body! He washed me all over, he even washed my hair, and cleaned my ears! After he patted me dry, with a big fluffy towel, he took me back to the nursery, and put another diaper on me. This time he used a small, disposable diaper, under the plastic panties. Then he said "it's getting late, and we have places to go, and things to do.". Suddenly he began to cry! He said he loved me, and he would miss me! He said he wanted me to always remember that I was Mommy's little boy, and that Mommy loved me! I didn't understand a bit of this, but said I loved him too, and would always remember, that I was Mommy's little boy. Then, in a completely different voice he said," Come with me into the study and I'll explain things .to you" I got up and followed him into the other room, wearing only my diaper and panties. The room looked different! The bed was gone, replaced by two comfortable chairs with good reading lights. There was also another desk in the room, and a computer I hadn't seen before. Now I understood, this wasn't a bedroom, it was a study and I would share it with this man who call himself Mommy! Not as a baby, or a little boy, but as a man and a student, and a friend! He told me to sit in one of the chairs, while he put on his suit coat and paced up and down, like the professor he was. "You are Mommy's little boy, and will have to wear a diaper at all times." He said, "but you're also going to have to be a big man on campus, so you will wear regular clothes over your diaper when you're at school. You are not allowed to use any of the bathrooms, or men's rooms on campus! If you want your diaper changed, or a bottle, or just a hug and a kiss, come to my office, and Mommy will be there. My office is in the English department, just ask anybody where it is. By the way I'm Dr. Mommer, and you will refer to me that way, at all times, while on campus. At home I am Mommy, but on campus I'm Dr. Mommer. and don't you forget it!" I was amazed, and thrilled. This was Dr. Mommer! The world renowned author and teacher! He was one of the main reasons I chose this school! I knew this man! I had read his books! I loved him for the depth and emotion he wrote with! What I applied to the school, I assumed I would see him on campus, and I hoped that I would have some classes under him, but I never thought that I would get to share his study! To get to know, and work with a man like Dr. Mommer was beyond my wildest dreams! He was going to be my teacher, my mentor, my Mommy, my friend, the man I loved! I was so excited, I jumped up, threw my arms around him and tried to kiss him, but this was Dr. Mommer, not my Mommy! He gave me a gentle hug and backed off. "Save that for Mommy" he said "Now get dressed, while I fix some breakfast, and then come down stairs. The bathroom is across the hall, if you need to shave, or anything. "Just as he was leaving, he turned and said "Welcome to the school, and to my home. I know this all must seem strange you, but I think we're going to work well together. I think you and Mommy will get along well together too. I know Mommy fed his little boy, in the nursery, this morning, but I think the rest of you might like some ham and eggs! I'll see you downstairs!" I got dressed quickly, shaved, and brushed my teeth. When I looked in the mirror, on the back of the bathroom door, I noticed a bulge in my pants, that some of the girls on campus might find interesting, some of the boys might find it interesting too, but I didn't think it would be a problem. When I got downstairs, Dr. Mommer had breakfast ready and waiting. That's the way it worked. Mommy would feed me, in the nursery, and then Dr. Mommer and I would eat together later. We had wonderful discussions at meal times. Dr. Mommer and I would talk about great authors, and world affairs. Mommy and I would talk about Mickey Mouse, and teddy bears. After breakfast, we headed off to school, he to his office, and me to my first orientation class. By mid morning, my diaper was wet, so I went to find Dr. Mommer's office. When I finally found the right office, I met his secretary Mary! She was beautiful, I had never seen anybody like her before! I was speechless! I just the there and looked at her, I couldn't say a thing! "You must be Dr. Mommer's new student." she said " Just go right in, he said he would see you anytime." She had the most beautiful voice I had ever heard! After that first meeting I would always stop outside, comb my hair, straighten my clothes, and make sure that I looked my very best for her.. I wanted her to like me, so I was always trying to impress her. I wanted her to think of me, as an adult, so I always tried to act very serious, and reserved, around her. I was fascinated by her, and I couldn't stop thinking about her! Sometimes I would drop by Dr. Mommer's office, not to see him, but just to talk to Mary. I made up all kinds of reasons, and excuses to see her. Willie said that I should ask her for a date, but I was too scared. What if she said NO? What would I do then? I couldn't face that thought, so I never told her I liked her. During the mid-term exams I was worried about a history test that was coming up, so I stopped by his office, and there was Mary, but no Dr. Mommer! She said " Dr. Mommer is tied up with an English exam, but I can change your diaper, or give you a bottle, or great big hug and a kiss if you want. I'd like that!" I was stunned! She knew all about my diapers! I was so embarrassed, I could feel the tears running down my face! I stood there totally confused for a minute and then blurted out "YOU KNOW ABOUT MY DIAPERS!" "Of course I know about your diapers!" Mary said " I handle all of the doctors accounts, including his checkbook! He thinks I didn't notice, when he bought all that adult baby furniture. He's so cute, when he tries to find things from me." Mary said with a chuckle in her voice. Then she took me by my hand, led me into the office the office, and locked the door! I was totally confused, when she pushed me into a chair and sat on my lap! Then she kissed me! I had never been kissed like that, before! She put her tongue in my mouth! My emotions flew in all directions, I couldn't breathe, I didn't care! I didn't want her to stop! She kissed my nose, she kissed my eyes, she nibbled on my ears! IT WAS WONDERFUL! I had never felt anything like that before! I kissed her back, I hugged her, and we made LOVE!! Not the nasty, dirty sex, my father had with his damned girls, this was LOVE, this was different! It was beautiful, and wonderful, and perfect. I never realized to people could be so close together. I knew we would get married, but it didn't matter, the two of us were already one! I knew that from that moment on I would share my life with Mary! Gradually, and sometimes painfully, Dr. Mommer taught me to write, and love books, Mommy taught me to be little boy, and one kind of love, Mary taught me to be a man, and a different kind of love, and Willie taught me to put it altogether and write stories about it! You may have read some of my stories, or your children probably have, they're called "Tales Told by a Pink Teddy Bear", and they've sold by the millions.