CHAPTER 1

My uncle Donald is the youngest of my mother�s siblings, the only uncle 
that is still alive on my mother�s side of the family. Donald had his 
first son at the age of 46, with a woman who is 5 years younger than 
me. My uncle is 18 years older than me, his son Matthew is 6 years old 
(still is), and lives with his mother about 2 miles away. Matthew, or 
Mattie, as everyone calls him, stays with his father every weekend, and 
every other week during the summer.

Driving my grandmother, my uncle�s mother, and also Mattie's 
grandmother, from Florida to Minneapolis, in my truck, with a trailer 
full of furnishings, my grandmother decided to loan my uncle the money 
so that I could stay and remodel his house. Grandma was bringing a 
bedroom suite up so that she would have a place to stay when she came 
to visit. My uncle has a spare bedroom in his 4 bedroom house. He has a 
roommate, a room for his son, his bedroom, and the spare, which is 
connected to Mattie's room through a door in the closets. By no means 
is it a large house, the rooms are not very large, but there are 4.

We arrived in Minneapolis late on a Friday night at the end of April, 
it was Mattie's weekend with his dad, and I had not seen him since he 
was about 12 months old (obviously he was going to have no idea who I 
was). Everyone was asleep, except for Uncle Donald, who was awaiting 
our arrival. The weather was dismal when we got there, pouring down 
rain, and especially chilly for those of us arriving from Florida. 
Grandma and I ran into the house with only our overnight bags, deciding 
that we would not unload anything until the morning. The trailer was 
filled with my grandmothers possessions, the back of my truck, with a 
cap, contained my tools, clothes, computer, and guitar.

That night, my grandma slept on the couch, and I slept on the floor of 
the living room. The drive was a 24 hours, 1550 miles, and I drove it 
straight, so I was freaking exhausted. Sleeping for about 6 hours, I 
was awakened by the slamming of a door, to the sight of a 6 year old 
boy wearing nothing but a NASCAR t-shirt, and an obviously soaked 
Goodnite. Introducing myself, I said, �Hey Matt, I'm your cousin.....� 
to which his response was a protruded tongue, followed quickly by him 
crying, and running back into his bedroom, once again slamming the 
door. Fully refreshed from my invigorating slumber, I proceeded to 
familiarize myself with the kitchen, and began to prepare a massive 
breakfast for everyone in the house. Dicing up 10 potatoes, a whole 
onion, and green pepper, I began to cook the home fries. Then I cracked 
and whipped a dozen eggs, to scramble with Swiss cheese, and garlic. 
Frying up an entire pound of bacon, I set the oven to bake at 325 
degrees, to make 10 slices of cinnamon and sugared toast. Hearing the 
shower run from my uncles bedrooms master bath, I assumed that one, pee 
soaked little boy, was being cleaned up as I cooked.

Half of an hour later, everyone was in the kitchen, just staring at me, 
as if what I was doing was really unusual (other than my grandma, who 
knows how well I treat everyone and love to be paternal). "Come and fix 
your plates," I said, "everything is ready!" A plate, fork, and table 
knife was already in place for everyone on the kitchen island that was 
surrounded by high-backed stools. Everyone was enjoying their 
breakfast, everyone except for Mattie, that is. He pushed his plate in 
front of his father and said, �Daddy, I want a 'Pop-Tart'!� My uncle 
Donald quickly sprang to his feet and proceeded to toast 2 strawberry 
"Pop-Tarts" in the 2-slot toaster. Immediately intervening, I said, 
"What, he doesn't like eggs and bacon?�

"Only when Mommy makes it", came Uncle Donald's reply. �What a baby!� I 
said.

"I bet mine are better than your mommies, any day."

Matthew started to bawl, and my uncle looked at me like I was the jerk 
in all of this. My grandma stood up for me.

"Donald!" she exclaimed, "Mattie should eat what he's given, or nothing 
at all!"

Uncle Donald, completely ignoring his mother, continued to serve Mattie 
his "Pop-Tarts" and carried on scraping the contents of Matthew's plate 
onto his own. Grandma shook her head with a look of disgust on her 
face.

Just to skip rapidly over the boring parts, my grandma stayed for 2 
weeks, then flew back to Florida. The spare bedroom had still been 
filled with Mattie's mother�s "Mickey Mouse" memorabilia, until just a 
few days before my grandma left, but we finally took all of that junk 
to her parents garage. We set up that room with my grandmother�s 
belongings. That is where I stayed for the rest of the summer. Grandma 
had put up an extra long double bed, but left a vinyl mattress cover in 
place to protect her investment (which, by the way, was incredibly 
awesome for me), as well as a large, convex, thin plastic coated, 
pillow (very large, and a good changing pad substitute).

Onto the main household bathroom, still completely embellished with 
"Winnie the Pooh" ornamentation, including a clock that said "Mattie". 
Toilet seat cover, shower curtain, soap dispenser, wall stickers, and 
even toothbrush holder, all " Winnie the Pooh�. The top two shelves of 
the bathroom closet were still filled with baby products, powders, 
oils, lotions, Desitin, baby shampoo, and anything else you could 
imagine. Mattie's room was totally adorned with "Sesame Street", with 
wall murals that were done by his mothers brother (they are decent 
murals, but seeing as I'm a professional muralist, they aren't really 
up to my standards). A short railed toddler bed was what Mattie slept 
in, and I once caught him playing with his old car seat, and "Blues 
Clues" potty seat, that were still in his bedroom, as if they were 
toys.

Mattie was, even now, treating me as an outsider, sticking his tongue 
out at me, blowing raspberries at me. Picking him up by his ankles, I 
said, �I've been nothing but nice to you, so you'd better start being 
nice to me, or I'll tell all of your kindergarten friends your secret!" 
Evidently, he'd forgotten that I saw his diaper that first morning, or 
simply played it off as if I hadn't, "Did my daddy tell you my secret?� 
he queried. �No!� I said, �I just know everyones secrets, I know 
everything!� Now what I've failed to mention until this point, is that, 
when we had all sat down to watch television together, several times 
during my short stay so far, I had noticed that every time a diaper 
commercial came on, Mattie's attention was immediately fixated on the 
T.V.

The next morning, when everyone else was outside, I said to Mattie, 
�Remember how I said, I know your secret?� Mattie said, �Yes!� I 
stated, �well I know your real secret, you really like your secret�. 
Several days later, I was once again cooking breakfast for everyone, we 
were alone, Matthew piped up, and told me, �You're right, I really do 
like them, but you're the only one who knows, please don't tell anyone 
else�. �It's okay,� I said, �It's okay to like baby stuff." Beside the 
attentiveness to diaper commercials and baby items in his room, I also 
noticed, that he tended to stick things in his mouth, fingers, toys 
whatever he had available.

I won't go into to too much detail, but the very first project I 
started at Donald's house was restoring the barn behind the house, it 
was about ready to fall down, so I essentially completely rebuilt it. 
The barn was a two-story, with a loft, and a very small single car 
garage protruding of its side. The whole building was filled with junk, 
my uncle being a pack-rat, as with the majority of my family, other 
than myself. So after hours of persuasion, I finally convinced my uncle 
that, �If you haven't used something in years, or completely forgotten 
that you had it, get rid of it!� Now I had a small wood shop space in 
the garage, and I converted the loft into a really cool playhouse for 
Mattie. I put a trap door with a ladder to access the play house from 
inside the barn. Where the external ladder and loft door had been, I 
put up a 12 foot, by 5 foot deck, with a 5 foot square sliding window, 
that was a perfect door size for Mattie. I put a swing under one side 
of the deck, and a yellow plastic tube slide from the other side. There 
is a gable roof over the garage that dormers into the barns mansard 
roof, I extended the loft into that space with a removable panel in the 
floor, and my uncle used that part for storage. With that floor panel 
removed, you can see from the play space, down into what was my 
workshop.

Mattie was now really starting to warm up to me, especially when no one 
else was around, when he treated me badly in front of other people, I 
would simply, silently, mouth out, "I know what you like-" he would 
just get wide eyed, and stop. My other weapon against his mistreatment 
of me, was silently mouthing, �diaper baby!� and then stick my fist to 
my mouth, as if I were sucking my thumb, but he always said, "stop it!� 
when I did that, so I didn't call him that very often (in front of 
other people that is).

School had just ended for the summer, and Mattie had just finished 
kindergarten. My uncle was often on the road, he is the only traveling 
salesman for a racing car parts company based out of North Carolina. 
Usually he is only gone for a day or two at a time, sometimes only half 
of a day. On a few instances, when it was his week, or weekend with 
Mattie, he asked if I would mind taking care of Mattie while he was 
away, because he wanted to keep him away from his insane mother as much 
as possible. Pretending that it was a huge favor to ask, I always acted 
as if it were a big burden for me to have to watch him. The first time 
I was baby-sitting Mattie, I was building a new ground level, entry 
deck on the side of the house, which was where everyone came in and 
out, no one used the front door, as the driveway and main house garage 
were on this side.

Mattie had come outside to ask me if he could have a drink, I went in 
with him, and ask what he wanted, he said, "Kool-Aid". Now what was in 
the refrigerator, were those, "Kool-Aid Bursts", I grabbed a grape 
flavor for him, and twisted the top off. Mattie took the bottle with 
both hands and began to suck on it, I asked in a condescending voice, 
�Is baby happy with his baba?� He immediately placed the bottle on the 
counter top, and proceeded to hoist himself up onto the counter top, to 
reach into the upper cabinet to grab a glass. �Are you sure you can 
drink from a big-boy cup without spilling it?� I questioned him. Mattie 
quickly flashed me a scowling face and set in motion to pour the 
contents of the bottle into the glass. Pretending to tidy up the 
kitchen for a little while, I awaited Mattie's tasks completion. As 
soon as he went to take a sip from the glass, I abruptly turned to 
shout, �are you sure you don't need a sippy cup at least?� Startling 
him sufficiently with a sudden sound and motion, Mattie had spilled the 
contents of his glass down the entire front of his shirt, as well as 
splashing quite a bit from the kitchens linoleum floor onto the living 
room carpet. �Please don't tell my daddy I spilled.� Mattie begged, I 
began to clean up the mess with paper towels and replied, �I won't tell 
anyone, anything, as long as you promise to use a sippy cup from now on 
when I ask you to.� Taking off his shirt after cleaning the carpet, I 
asked, �maybe a bib, and highchair, wouldn't be a bad idea either?� 
Mattie once again shot me a mean looking stare, as I added, �Don't 
worry, remember, I already know you like baby things? I will never tell 
anyone, you don't have to pretend to be a big boy around me.� Mattie 
sort of smiled at me, and giggled, �Stop it!� Now there weren't 
actually any sippy cups in the cabinets, but there were cups with bendy 
straws and lids, close enough, I poured the remaining contents of his 
glass into one of those, and Mattie drank from it.

Uncle Donald was to be back home very early the next morning, and 
Mattie usually put his own Goodnite on before bed, I told him to get 
ready for bed, he went to his room, I came in a few minutes later, and 
asked, �Do you have your diaper on?� he nodded his head, and said, �Uh 
huh.� The next morning, my uncle Donald was home, he had already gotten 
Mattie out of bed, and had him bathed and dressed for the day. They 
both went outside to play, so I went into Mattie's room to check the 
trash can, sure enough, there was one more, very wet Goodnite, on top 
of the others (my uncle just threw them in the trash, and Mattie's room 
reeked of urine most of the time).

After a few minutes, I joined everyone outside. �Did you have a good 
time with Uncle Eric?� my uncle Donald asked Mattie. �I'm his cousin, 
not his uncle,� I intervened, �You're my mom's brother, remember?� I 
said. �Yep, Uncle Eric is awesome,� Mattie stated, I interjected once 
again, �Cousin Eric!, your daddy is my moms brother!� We all played 
some basketball on the hoop I had just installed over the barn garages 
door, it was set at about 8 feet to be more in scale for Mattie, but I 
could slam dunk on it easily, so I really enjoyed it as well.

Mattie's mother was pregnant by her new boyfriend, they were getting 
married in a few weeks, so Mattie was going to have a new stepdad. 
Mattie was supposed to spend the two weeks of his mothers, and new 
stepfathers, honeymoon, with my uncle. Two days before the honeymoon, 
my uncle Donald's boss called, and ask him, if he could fill in for an 
important business trip for him to California. Uncle Donald's boss' 
wife was dying from cancer, and he couldn't make the trip. My uncle's 
roommate was tending to his dying mother in New York, and had already 
been gone for over a week, nobody expected him back for at least 
another month. �Could you watch Mattie for a couple of weeks? Just 
don't tell anyone I am not here, I'd rather him stay with you than his 
mother's parents.", my uncle asked me. �You're going to owe me a shit-
load, but I guess so.� I replied. �I will leave you $600, all you have 
to do is either set the shower temperature for him, or just give him a 
bath, just make sure he is cleaned up well in the morning, otherwise he 
gets skin irritations from his dia... , uh, night pants.�

My uncle Donald was completely embarrassed, and obviously disappointed, 
that his 6 year old son was still a bed-wetter. Every time Mattie woke 
up with a dry Goodnite, Uncle Donald would stop putting them on him 
until he wet the bed again. �You were doing so good, what happened,� I 
would always hear him say, as he would be doing the laundry of wet 
sheets. �Uncle Donald,� I would usually interrupt, �He's 6 years old, 
it's not that uncommon, just let him be!�

As usual, my uncle Donald was scrambling around the next morning, 
trying to get ready to leave, (he was supposed to have left the night 
before). Donald finally drove off and called me about 3 hours later, 
�Shit!� he said, �Mattie's car booster seat is still in my car!�

�I know you're going to have to go to the grocery store and stuff, 
Mattie's old car seat is in the new crawl space above the barn, you'll 
just have to use that while I'm gone.� Mattie was still way under the 
height and weight restrictions of the states car seat laws, so I would 
have to put his old car seat in the middle of my pickup trucks bench 
seat. Mattie talked with his daddy on the phone for a couple of 
minutes, when they were finished, I turned to Mattie and said jokingly, 
�Bad news buddy, your daddy left your car booster seat in his car, so 
you're going to have to ride in your old baby car-seat until he gets 
back!� Mattie frowned and asked, �Do I have to?�

�Yep! that's the law, and nice pretending that you don't like the idea, 
by the way,� I responded teasingly, and he sort of crack a smile for a 
split second.

Mattie was a very fussy eater, ham and cheese, with no bread, "Chuck E. 
Cheese", cereal, grapes, baby carrots, and "Pop-Tarts", were about the 
only things he would eat willingly, seriously. My little cousin seemed 
to be essentially running the show in his family, not a very good 
situation, and probably why I'd seen the regressive tendencies. Uncle 
Donald did not make Mattie do anything, the only thing he ever said 
anything slightly parental about, was about the bedwetting, and that 
was the only issue he should have left alone. Oh, I suppose threatening 
to limit the throttle on his 4-wheeler when he went too fast, was sort 
of parental (yes, he got a 25cc quad for his 4th birthday!). The 
dynamics of Mattie's mother and soon to be step-father, I don't know 
completely, but the small glimpses I did have of their interactions 
with Mattie, is that they were all on about the same intellectual 
level. Everything really started to make sense as to why Mattie behaved 
the way he did, acting like, what he thought was, a grown-up, and 
treating people like crap during the day, and probably being a sweet 
little baby at night.

Everyone had been gone a few days by now, and I decided that I would 
take this opportunity to try and really get through to Mattie, sort of 
help him start over, and kind of show him what he evidently missed. 
Mattie's Goodnite had been dry every morning so far, so I had just been 
setting the shower temperature for him, and letting him take care of 
himself. His parents were never married, and split up when he was 2 
years old, so it was always just some sort of contest as to who could 
make him like them the best, I was going to lay down the law in one way 
or another. The approach would be entirely up to Mattie, but I figured 
he would go for the fun way. �Matthew!, could you come in here for a 
minute please?� I yelled, from the living room back to his bedroom, 
where he was playing. �What do you want Uncle Eric?� he yelled back, 
�COUSIN!!� I barked, �just get your little toddler butt out here now!� 
Mattie sheepishly crept out of his bedroom, and probably the first time 
I hadn't heard him slam the door, I'm not sure whether it was the tone 
of my voice, or the fact that I called him a toddler that affected him 
this way. The tone was the most likely culprit, as I'd been cracking 
baby jokes, at his expense, every chance I've had since I'd been here.

"Come here and sit down," I said, �I want to ask you some serious 
question for a little bit, and plus we need to go to the grocery store 
soon.�

�I don't wanna go to the grocery store, I'm playing!� Mattie started to 
stand up, when I grabbed his wrist, pulled him over my knee, and gave 
him two very firm swats on his rear. No crying, no tears, his lip 
quivered just a little, Mattie looked at me in a daze, I think that 
might have been his very first spanking, and he didn't know what to 
make of it.

"Now sit back down, I have some serious questions for you, and you are 
going to the grocery store with me," I ordered, �and I want you to be 
honest with me, you know I haven't told anyone your special secret, so 
you can trust me, right?� Mattie nodded his head and just looked down 
at the floor. �Okay, so my first request, will lead up to my first 
question, I want to hear you tell me exactly what your special secret 
is, what it is that you like. �Mattie sat silent for a moment, bringing 
his gaze from the floor to my face, with a look of almost horror on his 
face. �C'mon," I prodded, �just say it out loud, I guarantee you'll be 
happy if you do.� Almost an inaudible whisper came out of his mouth, �I 
like to wear my Goodnites.�

�What's that?� I asked, like I didn't hear him at all. Mattie got on 
his knees next to me on the couch, cupped his little hands over my 
right ear, and repeated his whisper, �I like to wear my Goodnites.�

�You don't have to whisper Mattie,� I said, �There's nobody here, 
remember? So, since there is nobody here, and you know you can trust me 
not to tell anyone, how would you like to wear them all the time while 
everybody's gone?�

�Can I really?� Mattie asked, with the biggest smile I'd ever seen on 
him. �Well that all depends,� I said, �we're going to the store, would 
you rather me buy you more Goodnites, or would you like to try some 
real baby diapers?�

�I'm too big for baby diapers,� Mattie replied.

Now Mattie was a pound per inch dead on, and I knew this because of the 
"Winnie The Pooh" growth chart outside his bedroom, 45 inches, 45 
pounds. Also, having been in this city for a while now, I knew that the 
one local grocery store chains carried the size 7 "Pampers", and that 
they would be just the right size for my little cousin. �I didn't ask 
what you thought you knew,� I said, �I asked if you would like to wear, 
tape on, baby diapers that fit you, instead of pull up, Goodnites?�

�Baby diapers!� Mattie shouted, quickly covering his mouth as if that 
would take back the volume at which he said it. �Okay then,� I said, 
�for now, why don't you go put on one of your Goodnites, and I'll go 
put your old car seat in my truck." Mattie ran back to his bedroom as I 
got up to go out to the barn storage loft.

Having not been in the storage part of the loft since I built it, I had 
no idea what all was up there, or how easily I would be able to find 
the car seat. Climbing up through the playhouse hatch door, I went over 
to the storage side of the loft. Just I had assumed, my uncle had the 
space almost completely filled, but it was very well organized. The 
back section was filled with old race car tires, the front was boxes 
and bulkier items, it was difficult to see because the only source of 
light was what came through the small doorway from the playhouse 
section. The car seat was on top of a stack of boxes, I pulled it down, 
and caught a glimpse of what looked like one of those modern, all 
plastic, highchairs. Taking the car seat out to the playhouse, I 
returned and slid the stacks of boxes out of the way, sure enough, not 
only was there a Graco highchair, but a Pack N Play, and behind more 
boxes, was a fully disassembled crib. Deciding to put the highchair and 
the "Pack N Play" out in the playhouse as well, I resolved that I 
wasn't going to even mess with the crib. As I went to slide the boxes 
back out of the way, I noticed that most of them I had just moved were 
labeled, �Mattie", or "baby stuff", and that the boxes were merely 
folded, and not taped shut. Quickly opening a few boxes, just to see if 
there was anything useful in them. The first box was a disappointment, 
just infant clothes and tiny cloth diapers and plastic pants. The 
second box was a jackpot, it contained all sorts of bibs, baby bottles, 
sippy cups, and baby dishes. There was even a loose pacifier I that 
second box, but it was a size one, with those joke crooked teeth, still 
it wasn't going to be useful.

Getting ready to take the car seat out to my truck, I placed one of the 
sippy cups from the box into the seat. The car seat was strapped into 
my truck, and I took the sippy cup into the kitchen to wash. �Are you 
almost ready?� I yelled back towards Mattie's room, �I need you to put 
my shoes on!� he shouted back. �Okay baby who can't tie his own shoes, 
I'll be back there in a minute!� I teasingly said. Filling the freshly 
cleaned sippy cup with apple juice, I ran it out to my truck, and 
placed it in the cup holder under the feet of the car seat.

Back in the house, I went back to Mattie's bedroom. Mattie was sitting 
on the edge of his bed with his sneakers at his feet, I bent down to 
put his shoes on, and asked, �do you have a diaper on?� he laid back, 
pulled up his shirt, and pulled the waistband of his Goodnite from the 
top of his pants. �Good.� I said, �Are you ready to go to the store?� 
as I finished tying his shoes. Mattie sat up and nodded his head, then 
asked, �Can I take my elephant?�

�Sure you can, just for the ride though, not into the store,� I 
answered, as I picked him and his big, blue, stuffed elephant up, and 
carried them both out to my truck.

Mattie was strapped into his old car seat, his elephant was in the 
passenger seat, I told him, �Now we're going to be driving for a while, 
because we're going to a different store than usual, okay?� Mattie 
seemed a little upset, then said, �I was hoping maybe we could see 
grammy at the store.� His maternal grandmother just happens to work at 
the closest grocery store to the house, and that is where he is used to 
going shopping at. �So who did you want to tell your grammy that the 
Pampers we're buying are for? She knows I don't have any kids, and we 
don't want her to know your daddy is out of town. Besides, I thought 
maybe we'd stop at Chuck E. Cheese on the way back to town.�

�Oh boy!� Mattie exclaimed, �Can we play Skee-Ball?� Mattie loved Skee-
Ball, and it was something he really enjoyed playing with me over the 
past couple of months, �What else do you think I would want to go to 
that silly baby place for?� I responded, �You know I think their pizza 
is terrible.�

�Nuh-uh!� Mattie retorted, �Chuck E. Cheese has the best pizza!�

�I guess a lot of babies like their food, huh?� I chided Mattie, as I 
bumped my shoulder into his car seat.

The next closest store in the chain that carried the Pampers Cruisers 
in a size 7, was 18 miles from the house, I called that morning to make 
sure they had them in stock. We were about 5 miles away from the house, 
when Mattie said, �I'm thirsty, can we stop for a drink?� I said, �We 
don't have to stop.� I reached down under his feet, and handed him the 
sippy cup.� I brought something for you already.� Mattie's eyes lit up, 
�Hey, that looks like my Blues Clues cup?� he said, inquisitively. �I'm 
pretty sure that it is.� I said, �If the boxes that say "Mattie's baby 
stuff" are your things?�

�Where did you find those?� he asked, I said, �Up in the room next to 
your playhouse I built you.�

�Can I see when we get home?� Mattie inquired, �If you're a good baby 
for me, I guess we can look at them when we get back.� I said. Mattie 
drank about half of his juice, and then handed me his sippy cup, I put 
it back in the cup holder.

Another thing that I have, as yet, to have mentioned, is that, my uncle 
Donald's house is filled with pictures, and picture collages, of 
Mattie's entire life, with plenty of baby pictures among them. Besides 
the diaper commercials, I also noticed, several times, Mattie staring 
at those images of himself in which he was wearing nothing but diapers, 
or diapers, shirts, and shoes. �When was that?� I asked him on one 
occasion, when nobody was around, �Last month?�

�No!� Mattie countered, �That's when I was a baby!�

�That's what I just said!� I countered, �Last month.�

The rest of our little trip to the store, was uneventful. My G.P.S. led 
me right to my destination (Mio, by the way, as far as G.P.S. systems 
go, you'll never get a better value for your dollar with Garmin, or 
Tom-Tom brands.). Fortunate enough to have found a parking spot near 
the stores entrance, and right next to a car return, I unbuckled Mattie 
from his car seat, and placed him right in the seat of a shopping cart. 
�I can walk you know?� Mattie said, as I was fastening the belt buckle 
of the cart seat, �Well, if you want to.� I retorted, �I just thought 
you might like to sit in the baby seat, so people don't have to hear 
your diaper crinkle when you walk.�

�No, I want to ride in here.� Mattie said, with a smirk on his face.

Upon entering the store, the very first aisle straight back from the 
door was the baby isle. Pushing the cart in that direction, we hastily 
breezed through the baby aisle; I quickly scanned the products 
available, and then continued to go on about my regular shopping first. 
Mattie was visibly nervous as we first strolled through the baby aisle, 
so I sought to calm him down, by whispering to him, �Don't worry, 
nobody knows who we are way out here, we'll get the baby stuff last.� 
Picking up the household staples, you know, eggs, milk, bread, meat, 
veggies, potatoes, and other items like that, we slowly made our way 
back to the baby section. First thing I went for, were the "Gerber 
Graduates For Preschoolers-Healthy Meals", I picked up several of all 3 
varieties, I also grabbed one of each 8 of the selections of "Gerber 
Graduates Lil' Entrees" for toddlers, and a whole selection of "Gerber 
3rd Foods", a sort of chunky baby food that blends puree's with chunky 
bits. Next we got to the binkies and bottles, I asked Mattie, �What 
colors do you want?� as I presented to him, the three different packs 
of "Nuk" size three pacifiers they had, he choose, the orange and 
green, with pink and yellow, or the blue and yellow two pack. Mattie 
chose the blue and yellow pack. The "Playtex Nurser" with the drop-in 
liners, and textured nipple, baby bottle, was also hanging there, I 
threw one into the cart.

Turning the cart to the opposite side of the aisle, the diaper side, I 
quickly grabbed a bag of XL boys Goodnites, knowing that he only had 4 
left at home. A women, who's son was holding her hand, just happened to 
be waiting right behind me, and picked up the same package of the XL 
Goodnites immediately after I did, �So you have a wetter too?� she 
asked. �Yep," I replied, �and his little brother at home, he still 
needs to wear these too.� The store only had two packages of the 
Pampers Cruisers size 7, in 28 count packs left on the shelf, I grabbed 
them both, and held them up for the women to see. Walking the shopping 
cart to the front of the store, I rapidly approached the self-checkout 
area. After making the transaction on one of my credit cards, I pushed 
the cart, with Mattie and the groceries, out to my truck (I would have 
to use the cash, my uncle Donald left for me, to pay my credit card 
back with later, I just didn't want to give my uncle Donald a receipt 
that said "Pampers" on it! [ and the receipt did in fact say "2x P&G 
Pampers sz 7 28 ct. @ $15.99 each"]).

Once back at the truck, I strapped Mattie back into his car seat, 
loaded all of our baby item purchases behind the passenger side seat, 
and the groceries into the cooler in the back of my truck. We continued 
with our journey onto "Chuck E. Cheese". Knowing that we had 
refrigerated items in the vehicle, and it was summertime, I told 
Mattie, �We can only play a couple of games, but then we have to hit 
the road, because we've got eggs and milk in my truck, okay?� Mattie 
nodded his head, grabbed my shirt sleeve, and said, �Okay, just a 
couple of games!�

The two of us played about twenty games of Skee-Ball together, I said, 
�Hey buddy, let's go trade your tickets in, so we can get back home 
soon.� Mattie grabbed my shirt, and told me, �I have to go to the 
bathroom!�

�Let's just go trade your tickets in.� I said back to him, �A big boy 
like you can hold it until we leave, right?� We stood in the ticket 
redemption line for a while, I could see Mattie holding his crotch, and 
squirming like crazy, then, it was finally our turn to trade in our 
tickets. Mattie pointed out to a couple of 25 ticket rubber snakes, 
some silly plastic jewelry, and some candy, the young girl was starting 
to say that he had a lot more options left, but I gave her a look, and 
I interrupted, �Well I guess that's just about it buddy, we'll have to 
save the rest of your tickets for next time, so we have enough for 
something good.� The cute young girl giggled, gave me a knowing smile, 
and joined in the lie, �Yep, I guess you should save those tickets, 
until you get enough for some more stuff.� Mattie was able to count to 
twenty, but the larger numbers of the ticket prices and the piles of 
tickets that we had, were beyond his young comprehension. �Thank you.� 
I whispered to the young girl.�

�Oh my gosh, your little boy is so cute,� the girl said to me, �You 
bring him back anytime, and I'll make sure to take special care of both 
of you.� I gave her a cutesie little hand wiggle, she returned the 
gesture, I said " Say bye-bye to the pretty girl Mattie,� he did, and 
she blushed at what I had said.

We walked back out to my truck, I strapped Mattie back into his car 
seat, and began to drive home. �Uncle Eric?� Mattie tugged on my shirt, 
�I give up!� I said, �Okay, I guess I'm your uncle, not your cousin!, 
What do you want baby nephew, not cousin, Mattie?�

�I really have to go potty.� Mattie said. �Well then go!� I said, 
nonchalantly, �What do you normally do in your Goodnites at night?�

�I wet them.� Mattie said coyly. �Well then, why don't you just do 
that?� I said, �And I'll change your wet diaper when we get home!�

�Can I?� Mattie asked. �No!� I said sarcastically, �I just bought you 
two bags of baby diapers to look at, of course you can pee your pants 
buddy, why do you think I just got you all of those diapers?�

Normally in the summer, I drive with my window down, and the radio 
turned up fairly loud, but with a little one in the truck, I figured 
the air and noise might be too much. My window was up, and I had 
"Disney" radio on at a low volume for Mattie. About 30 seconds after 
our conversation, I could faintly hear the hiss of a Goodnite being 
peed into. The barely audible sound lasted for quite a while, and when 
it ceased, I tilted my head toward Mattie, and said, �Well that sounded 
like I'm going to have one, very wet, little babies diaper to change 
when we get home.� Mattie giggled, turned to and asked, �Can I have 
some more of my juice , please?�

�Sure thing.� I said, handing him his sippy cup. Mattie contently 
sipped from his cup, while he squirmed about in his car seat, 
undoubtedly enjoying the feel of his warm wet diaper.

Pulling into the driveway about 20 minutes later, I unfastened Mattie 
from his car seat, picked up he and his elephant, and carried them to 
the house. �Why don't you just sit here and play for a second while I 
bring everything in, and then I'll change you into a nice dry Pamper!� 
Mattie was still clutching his essentially empty sippy cup, I took it 
to the kitchen, rinsed it out, and filled it back up with water. 
Handing Mattie back his cup, I turned on the T.V. he straddled his 
elephant, took the sippy cup by both handles, and began to rock back 
and forth like he was on a toy horsey. �Be right back!� I said, patting 
him on top of his head.

Just as I turned to go out to get the groceries, there was a knock on 
the side door, �Oh shit!� I said, quickly scooping up Mattie and 
running him back to his bedroom. �We just got back from hiking, then 
Chuck E. Cheese, you were really tired, so you took a nap, okay?� I 
told Mattie. �Who's at the door?� Mattie asked me, �I don't know, but 
if I had to guess, I'd say it's probably your grammy, just lay down and 
pretend that you were sleeping, okay? Remember, we were hiking then 
went to Chuck E. Cheese!� Quickly stashing the sippy cup under Mattie's 
bed, I pulled off his sneakers, threw his blanket over him, and went to 
the door. Exactly as I had suspected it was Mattie's grammy, his 
mommies mother, Gail. �Hi Gail!� I greeted her, as I opened the door, 
�What are you doing here?�

�Oh, I just brought some clean outfits over for Mattie, but I guess 
he's out running all over God's creation with his daddy?� Gail said, 
�Just some warmer pajamas, and long sleeves, it's supposed to cool down 
quite a bite for the next week.�

�Grammy!� I heard the bedroom door slam, as Mattie shouted for his 
grandmother. Mattie ran up to his grammies waiting arms. �Nope.� I 
said, �His daddy had to run up to Bob Dawson's shop this morning, so I 
took Mattie to the Wolsfeld park, for a hike, then we went to 'Chuck E. 
Cheese, and he just went down for a nap about 20 minutes ago.�

�A nap?� Gail inquired, �Mattie never takes naps for me,� she stated as 
she scooped Mattie up into her arms and kissed him. �Well, how often do 
you take him on a 3 mile hike, and then to Chuck E Cheese for an hour?� 
I questioned back. Now Gail was in her early fifties, and I'd have to 
guess, just shy of about 300 pounds, if not right on the money. �That's 
a good point.� Gail said, with an almost guilty tone to her voice. �My 
goodness, you're soaking wet Mattie, did cousin Eric put you in your 
sleep pants for your nap?� Gail asked her grandson. �No.� I said, �I 
asked Mattie to put one on before his nap, I'd much rather clean up a 
wet diaper than a peed bed!�

�Mattie doesn't wear diapers!� Gail interjected, �He wears special 
sleep pants for big boys that still wet the bed�. �Oh, �I replied " I'm 
sorry if I hurt your feelings Mattie, I'd rather change special sleep 
pants, than wet sheets.� I gave Gail a wink, she smiled at me and said, 
�That's alright, you didn't know.�

Gail started to carry Mattie back toward his bedroom, �I'll get him all 
cleaned up for you, if you wouldn't mind bringing back the clean 
clothes I brought for him?� Gail asked. �Not at all!� I answered, 
�Saves me the trouble.� As I lay the stack of clothes on top of 
Mattie's one dresser, Gail deftly pulled down Mattie's pants and laid 
him on his bed. �Would you mind fetching me some wipes from the 
bathroom?� Gail inquired of me, �No problem.� I countered, �Anything 
else?� Hearing the side seams of Mattie's Goodnite being torn apart, 
Gail added, �How about some Desitin, and maybe some powder, it looks 
like he's got a little rash.�

�That stuff's all in the bathroom closet right?� I asked, pretending to 
be ignorant.� �I'm pretty sure it was the last time I looked, so it 
probably still is knowing Donald!� Gail shouted back to me.

Gail and her husband, Dale, (I know pretty funny, huh?) live right 
across the street from Mattie's mom and new stepdad, where Mattie lives 
the majority of the time. Actually, the entire neighborhood where they 
live, was developed by Mattie's great-grandfather, who was still alive, 
as well as his great-grandmother. The entire maternal side of Mattie's 
family lived in a giant cluster of homes where all of the yards 
attached, to make one fairly large backyard. Now my uncle Donald on the 
other hand, lived 2 miles away, on the western border of Minneapolis, 
and had 5, massive, adjacent, properties that accounted for about 30 
acres, with 3 rental houses, a wooded area, and a stream.

�Well,� Gail said to Mattie, as I returned to the bedroom, with the 
supplies she had requested, �I would invite you, and your uncle, Eric 
over to go swimming in our pool, but the weather said that it's 
supposed to get really chilly this afternoon, and for the next couple 
of days.�

�That's one of the main reasons I brought some of Mattie's warmer 
clothes over. �Gail stated, looking up at me, then continued a 
different invitation, �You are more than welcome to come over for 
dinner tonight though, if you would like.� Handing the wipes, cream, 
and powder to Gail, I said, �Well, my uncle Donald should be home in a 
few hours, but if Mattie wants to go with you, I'm sure that I wouldn't 
get in any sort of trouble for sending him off with his grammy.�

�No, uncle Eric,� Mattie interrupted, while his grammy held his legs up 
in the air, and continued to wipe his pee soaked bottom" you said we 
could work on my playhouse today!�

�Cousin!, gosh darn it!� I said, in a pretend frustration, �I'm his 
cousin, I get it, I'm old! But I'm still just his cousin!� Both Gail 
and Mattie laughed hysterically at my antics. Gail finished up by 
applying liberal quantities of Desitin, and baby powder to Mattie's 
bare behind

�Well?� Gail began to question, �Since you two boys have work to do, 
I'll be on my way. If you're going to put him back down for a nap, do 
you want me to put another Goodnite on him?� Gail opened the dresser 
drawer where Mattie's Goodnites were, and pulled one out. �No,� I 
answered, �he seems pretty awake to me.�

�Oh my!� Gail said, as she looked in Mattie's diaper drawer, �There are 
only 4 sleep pants left, would you like me to bring over some more 
before tonight? I know his daddy refuses to pick them up at the store.� 
Actually, Gail, to be honest.� I said, �Mattie and I stopped at the 
store on our way back from hiking, and picked up a pack of Goodnites. 
We also got some dinner to cook.�

�Oh, �Gail began to ask, as she put Mattie into some clean underwear 
and pants, �What are you having?�

�Chicken, pasta, and peas,� I said. �Mattie doesn't like those things.� 
Gail said inquisitively. �Mattie?� I questioned, �What do we eat when 
Cousin Eric cooks?�

�Whatever he makes, or nothing at all!� was Mattie's response. �And we 
eat it because it is what?� I queried again. �Because it is the best. 
�Mattie responded again. �Because it is the best, what?!� I posed one 
more time. �Because it is the best, sir, Uncle Eric!� Mattie saluted at 
attention, as best a 6 year child could, with a straight face. Gail 
laughed, a full belly laugh, grabbed me affectionately by the arm, and 
said quietly to me, �I can tell that you're going to be a very good 
influence on my dear Grandson, you boys have a great afternoon, and 
I'll see you both later.� Gail headed for the side door, gave Mattie a 
big hug, and said, �bye-bye you two gentlemen!� as she gave a, jovial, 
pretend salute. �Say bye-bye Grammy.� I instructed, as I nudged Mattie 
by the shoulder, sideways. �Bye-bye Grammy, I love you!� Mattie said as 
his grandmother was exiting the house. �Love you too sweetheart!� Gail 
said as she was closing the door behind herself, and blowing Mattie a 
kiss.

Waiting a few seconds after I heard Mattie's grandmother shut her car 
door, I looked down at him and asked, "Aw, did the little baby just get 
his wet didee changed, by his grammy, in the middle of the day?� I 
reached down and tickled him mercilessly, �Stop it!� Mattie squealed. 
�You're right,� I said, as I stopped the tickle teasing, �I don't want 
the baby to wet his pants before he has his clean Pamper on!� Back in 
his bedroom I reached under Mattie's bed, I pulled his sippy cup out 
from underneath, and handed it back to him, �Here's your baby cup 
back.� I said as I led him out of the room. Mattie took it with his 
free hand, that I wasn't leading him with, giggled, and began to drink 
from his sippy cup. Scooping Mattie up into my arms, and cradling him, 
I walk out the side door toward the playhouse, I asked, �Do you think 
you might be able to keep your pants dry until I get back to put your 
Pampers on?� Mattie smiled from behind his sippy cup, and replied, �I 
don't know Uncle Eric?�

�Well, you'd better try,� I jiggled him, and spoke, �or I'll have to 
give the baby another spanking!� then kissed him on the forehead.

Opening the barn garage door, I put Mattie on the ladder that went up 
into his playhouse, �Why don't you go upstairs, and I'll be right 
back.� I said, with a playful pat on his unpadded bottom. Running back 
to my truck, I quickly extracted all of the perishable goods from the 
cooler, and took them into the houses refrigerator. One more trip, back 
to my truck, I scooped up all of the baby goods from behind the 
passenger seat, and dashed toward the playhouse where Mattie was 
awaiting me. The barn wasn't as well equipped as a the house, as far as 
amenities go, but my small shop area had a microwave, a hot-plate, a 
very small refrigerator, and cold running water, in a small, single 
basin sink, that drained into the stream behind it. There was no hot 
water, as the sink in the barn was usually just used as a source of 
water, or a place to wash your hands, not for any kind of raw sewage. 
Putting a pot of water on the hot plate to boil, I opened the package 
of pacifiers, and the Playtex Nurser bottle and nipples, dropped them 
into the soon to be boiling water, grabbed one of the bags of Pampers, 
and climbed up the ladder into the playhouse.

Mattie had already discovered his old highchair, and was startled away 
from his curios investigation when he saw me pop my head through the 
access hatch. �What did you find?� I asked smiling, as he rapidly 
pulled away from his exploration of this not so unfamiliar object. �You 
don't want to sit in that baby seat, do you?� , I asked, with an 
intentionally puzzled look on my face. �I think you do want to sit in 
there , don't you?� I stated, not so unsure in my tone. �Well, why 
don't we get you dressed more appropriately first, okay?� I 
recommended. Dropping the unopened package of Pampers down on the 
carpet, I motioned for Mattie to come over toward me, tore open the 
package of diapers, and said, �Let's see if Uncle Eric can't find a 
more suitable place to put your diaper on at, Huh?� Crouching back into 
the other half of the loft, I pulled the crib mattress out from behind 
the pieces of the disassembled crib, cautiously walking from the rear 
storage space, I threw the crib mattress to the ground. �Why don't you 
lay your little baby butt on this?� I said, commanding, more than 
asking. Mattie just sort of stood there looking at me dumbfounded, 
�Here, on the pad,� I said, picking him up by his armpits, and laying 
him with a plop, onto the crinkly, plastic covered, crib mattress. 
Mattie was sort of halfway frozen with a combination of fear, and 
excitement. Pulling his pants and underwear down around his ankles, I 
reached over and ripped the plastic, perforated, top of the bag of 
Pampers open, removed a diaper, and shook it open. Mattie was actually 
trembling a little, when I grabbed the bunched up pants around his 
feet, lifted the entire lower half of his body, and slid the opened 
diaper under his backside. �Don't be so nervous,� I said, �this is 
exactly the same as a Goodnite, I don't care if everyone calls them 
'sleep pants', Goodnites are diapers, just like this. These are just 
way better diapers, and since I know you like to wear diapers, I 
thought you should have good ones!� Fastening the Pamper, securely 
around Mattie's waist, I removed his pants completely, took the 
underwear out that he had on underneath, and slid his pants back up 
over his newly diapered backside. Grabbing his wrists, one with each of 
my hands, I pulled Mattie into a standing position off of the crib 
mattress, patted his behind, and said, �There, what do think of these, 
doesn't that feel a lot more comfy than those silly old Goodnites?� 
Mattie gave me a huge smile, then threw his arms around my neck, I 
pretended to choke, and said, �I guess I can take that as a yes?�

�Can you stay up here by yourself for a second?� I asked Mattie, �I 
have to go down in the barn for a little bit, I forgot something, 
okay?� Mattie nodded his head, I descended back down through the trap 
door to attend to the boiling pot. Removing the now rapidly boiling pot 
from the electric burner, I took it to the small utility sink in the 
corner, I ran cold water from the tap into the pot until it was 
overflowing into the basin. When I was sure that the contents of the 
pot were sufficiently cool, I removed them, and kept running the cool 
water over them. Placing all but one pacifier back into the now cool 
pot, I held that one pacifier in my hand, and climbed back up the 
playhouse ladder. With just the top half of my body up in the playhouse 
area, I called Mattie over to me. �Hey Mattie!� I called, �Come over 
here!�

�What is it Eric?� Mattie asked, �Just come over here,� I repeated. 
Mattie waddled over from his chalk board, that was next to the old 
dresser up here, that contained his playhouse toy collection. �Open 
your mouth, and close your eyes, �I then rhymed, �and you will get a 
big surprise!� Mattie was right about head to head level with me, as I 
stood halfway up the ladder, he leaned toward me, and did exactly as I 
instructed. Taking the 18+ month, NUK size 3, binky, I had stashed 
behind my back, I slipped it into his wide open mouth. �Go ahead! Open 
your eyes!� I said, as he slowly closed his mouth, and wrapped his lips 
around the pacifier. When he had figured out what I had just given to 
him, Mattie squealed with excitement, bounced on his heels, and flapped 
his arms wildly. He ran back over to the crib mattress, flopped down on 
his back, placed one hand over his new binky, the other on the front of 
his diapered crotch, started rolling from side to side, and began 
chuckling like the "Pillsbury" doughboy.

�You going to be alright up here for a minute or two, while I go and 
fix you some dinner?� I called over to Mattie (of course he was, he was 
in a newfound state of bliss!). No response, �MATTIE!!!� I really 
shouted, �Did you hear my question?�

�I'll be okay.� he finally answered. Climbing back down into the barn, 
I proceeded to place in the microwave, a package of "GERBER GRADUATES 
FOR PRESCHOOLERS HEALTHY MEALS � Cheesy Pasta, Chicken, and Vegetables 
with Peas in Sauce". Running back to the house, with the "Playtex 
Nurser" baby bottle, I filled it with milk, and returned to the barn, 
just as the microwave was beeping, to signal that Mattie's dinner was 
ready. Ascending back through the playhouse' trap door, I set the 
bottle and the food behind me on the carpet. �Hey Mattie!� I awoke him 
from his daydream once again, �Come help me look through those boxes I 
told you about real quick, okay?� Pulling the box that I knew I wanted, 
as well as several others I had yet to even open, out into the lighted 
playhouse area, Mattie and I started sorting through the contents. �We 
just need a couple of things,� I said to Mattie, �So pick out a bib and 
a baby spoon, and we'll go through the rest after dinner.� Mattie 
immediately picked out a big, plastic, "Blues Clues" bib, and 
surprisingly found what looked to be a matching spoon, �I remember 
these!� he said, �I want these!�

�Okay buddy, bring 'em over here then!� I sounded, trying to match the 
spirit of his enthusiasm. Taking the items from his hands, I put the 
baby spoon in my shirt pocket, and proceeded to snap the bib around his 
neck. This bib was actually gigantic on him now, I can only imagine how 
huge it must have looked years ago, the last time he wore it. Removing 
the tray, and the weird head rest insert, from the highchair, I picked 
Mattie up, placed him in the seat, and strapped the belt onto him. 
Clicking the tray back into place, I reached back to pick up the bottle 
of milk, turned back, and handed it to Mattie.

�Here's your baba of milk little baby.", I said in a really babyish 
voice, �Let me go wash your baby spoon, and I'll be back to feed you 
din-din in a minute!�

Back down to the sink one more time, I couldn't help but laugh to 
myself how often I was using the word 'baby' to refer directly to 
Mattie, and everything he was using or doing. Not one single protest, 
no stuck out tongue, not a single word, my assumptions about his baby 
desires were spot on. The spoon was actually clean as far as I could 
tell already, but I gave it a quick rinse just for good measure. Up 
through the trapdoor, and into the playroom, once again, I picked up 
the now, perfect temperature, Gerber meal. �Is baby ready for his num-
nums?� I asked, holding up the spoon in one hand, and tray of microwave 
baby food in the other. Mattie tapped his feet together, and nodded his 
head, with the bottle of milk still in his mouth. Setting the food down 
on the high chairs' tray, I noticed Mattie's feet were on the footrest 
of the chair, it was a funny sight, because his knees were nearly up to 
the bottom of the tray. This mad him look way too big for the 
highchair, I stooped down to look for a way to adjust the footrest. Two 
clicks I was able to lower it, as far down as it would go, I placed 
Mattie's feet back on the footrest, �There is that more comfortable?� I 
asked. Mattie said, �Uh huh.� �Good, then let's have some dinner.� I 
said.

Airplanes and choo-choo trains were the predictable beginning of our 
first baby feeding session, but I think we both got bored with that 
rather quickly, so I decided to turn on the little T.V. that was up in 
the playhouse. Placing Mattie's partially eaten dinner back onto his 
highchairs' tray, I asked, �What would you like to watch?� There was no 
cable in the playhouse, but the small T.V. had a built in DVD, and VHS 
player. �Madagascar!� Mattie squealed, while wiggling in his highchair 
seat, �Okay!� I said partially with real enthusiasm, but not because I 
wanted to watch it for the hundred and fifty-second time with him, 
mainly because it was one of the few movies already in the playhouse. 
After inserting the video into the player, I continued to feed Mattie 
the rest of his meal. There were only about three tiny bites left, but 
Mattie said, �I'm stuffed, I don't want anymore.�

�You ate really good! I'm really proud of you!� I said, as I tickled 
his belly through his very clean bib, I scooped the last portion into 
my mouth in one gulp, and growled like a monster, �Mmmmm! GOOD YUM-
YUMS! Arrggghhh!!!� Mattie laughed hysterically for a few seconds, I 
took his bib off, licked my thumb, and wiped off the tiny bit of food 
around his mouth with my spit wet thumb. Getting Mattie out of his 
highchair, I laid him down on his belly on the crib mattress, I pushed 
the highchair back into the corner, and went back to continue going 
through the boxes I had brought out.

The movie was probably about 20 minutes underway, Mattie was paying 
absolutely no attention to me, and I had just begun to skim the surface 
of the small sample of the vast quantity of boxes that were actually in 
the storage space. About five boxes into the second stack however, 
something caught my eye, the top of that particular box was labeled "M. 
Mouse Clothes and Diapers". None of these were small boxes by the way, 
they were all about 2 by 3 by 1 foot tall, so it took more than a 
couple of minutes to go through, and then repack each one. Opening the 
curious box, I was instantly excited by what I saw on the top, whole 
left side, it was a huge collection of the very largest 'Disney Babies' 
Pampers from back in the early 1990's, both the blue and pink 
waistbands. These weren't ever Mattie's, these were part of his moms 
weird collection of "Mickey Mouse" junk, but my gosh, these diapers 
were gigantic, I mean, they had to be half as long again as the size 
7's I had just bought today, and it would take at least two of those 
cloth backed ones to even come close to the thickness of these things. 
Picking one up to show Mattie, I was stopped dead in my tracks once 
again, by what I saw on the other side of the box, huge plastic pants! 
The first pair I picked up had "Pluto" printed all over them, I could 
see, what looked to be at least ten other pair below these, the next 
layer was, of course, "Mickey Mouse".

You could tell these things were mint, and not ever intended by their 
owner to be used, the largest plastic pants I'd ever seen (not counting 
the ones for adults of course!). To this day, I still haven't been able 
to track down where these things came from, not on eBay, not anywhere! 
Pulling out 2 of the blue waisted, vintage Pampers, I put this box off 
to the side. Now my uncle didn't like Mattie's mom very much, but I 
wasn't going to mess with her collection. The only reason I even pulled 
out the old Pampers, was that I figured her son loved diapers, and he 
might as well get the pleasure of wearing these classics while they 
still fit him. He may not appreciate the full uniqueness of what the 
plastic backing is, but the size and thickness, plus the fact that 
these were unmistakably baby diapers, was something I was sure he would 
remember for the rest of his life. Nothing I was doing, was going to 
affect Mattie's diaper desires one way or another, any of you reading 
this already know that, I just wanted to give Mattie as much truly 
therapeutic regression time as I could, in the hopes that maybe it 
might help him in the course of his lifetime, to be a better person.

After putting all of the boxes back in the storage side of the loft, I 
went over to lie down with Mattie, and watch the rest of the movie with 
him. �Do you want some juice or milk in your bottle?� I asked, �Not 
right now . �he said, not even glancing away from the television for a 
split second. Mattie slowly slid off of his crib mattress, and laid his 
belly on my back, resting his pointy little elbows on my shoulder 
blades, and slowly, but repetitively, bouncing his tiny feet just above 
the backs of my knees. �Are you comfortable back there?� I whispered, 
in a sort of fake, loud raspy whisper, �Yep.", Mattie retorted, mocking 
me as best he could. �Good!� I said, in the same voice, �Please just 
don't pee on me! I don't want any leaky little diaper babies getting me 
all wet�. Reaching my arm up behind me, I squeezed and tickled just 
below Mattie's ribcage, right on his side, under his left arm. �Stop 
it!� Mattie squealed and laughed at the same time, I flipped over, 
rolled him on his back and tickled both sides. Mattie was flailing, 
screaming, and laughing at the same time, I stopped the torture, 
quickly pulled up the front of his t-shirt, and blew a really loud 
raspberry on his belly. There on the floor, I saw his new binky, I 
picked it up, cradled Mattie up into my arms, and gently placed the 
pacifier in his mouth.

We sat and watched the movie for a little while longer, when Mattie 
reached up to pull the binky out of his mouth. �Uncle Eric.", he said, 
�I have to go potty!�

�I thought we went over this already?� I asked, �You're wearing a 
Pamper, just go in your diaper.� I said. �No, I have to go poop!� 
Mattie said, with a small bob of his head, while he widened his eyes. 
�Well, go poop then!� I responded, mimicking his odd facial gestures. 
�Can you take me in please? It's getting dark outside, and I'm scared 
to go in by myself.� Mattie said. �Why do you want to go in?� I asked, 
�I thought we were spending the night out here?�

�But I have to go poop!� Mattie sounded confused. �You don't want to 
poop in your diaper? That's what I meant silly, you can go poop in your 
diaper if you want to!� I said. �I can?� Mattie asked, probably not 
trying to frustrate me, but that was the end result. �For crying out 
loud!� I amplified my volume, �Just go potty in your diaper, and I'll 
change you when your done, Okay?� I stood Mattie up from my lap, got on 
my feet, and said, �Let me go into the house and grab some supplies, 
I'll be right back, okay?� Mattie stuck his binky back in his mouth, 
and nodded a yes. Picking up Mattie's bottle, I headed back down to go 
to the house.

The sun was fairly low in the sky, but it wasn't really even close to 
getting dark yet, I also knew that Mattie played outside all the time 
in the dark. Maybe Mattie was just uncomfortable with the thought of 
walking back to the house by himself in a baby diaper, not that I had 
planned on letting him, I just wondered what that was all about.

Rinsing out the milk remnants from Mattie's bottle, I refilled it with 
some "Kool-Aid" for him. The changing supplies were still on his 
toddler bed, where his grammy had left them. Before I picked up the 
wipes, lotions, and powder, I decided to have a look through the 
clothes Mattie's grandmother had just delivered. When I carried them 
back to Mattie's in the first place, I wasn't really paying much 
attention as to what variety of clothes she brought, it was just a big 
stack. The first thing that caught my attention, as I began to sort 
through the pile, was a thick layer of dark green, and a light blue 
fleece, I pulled that section out, and unfolded the items. Two footed 
sleepers, I couldn't believe it, the green sleeper had a T-rex 
embroidered on the front, the blue one had a soccer ball. Placing both 
sleepers on Mattie's bed, next to his changing supplies, I rolled 
everything up into his bedspread, and walked out of his bedroom. Going 
into my bedroom next, I grabbed my sleeping bag, and the large concave, 
plastic covered pillow. �That should do it.� I spoke out loud for only 
myself to hear. Snatching up the recently filled baby bottle of "Kool-
Aid", I headed back out to the barn.

Having left the garage door, on the perpendicular structure, open when 
I left, I decided not to close it yet, so that I could have a stealthy 
spy on Mattie through the small opening that looked up into the 
playhouse area. Mattie was on his hands and knees, rocking his body 
forward and backward, pacifier still in his mouth, and eyes looking up 
towards the T.V. Turning back, I proceeded to close, and lock, the 
garage door. The noise of the door rolling closed certainly alerted 
Mattie of my return. When I popped back up through the playhouse hatch 
door, Mattie was just sitting on the floor, holding the tops of his 
feet, in his hands, with the bottoms of his feet pressed against each 
other. He smiled through his binky, as his gaze, only for a second, 
turned from the video, over to me.

Setting the blanket roll, and other items down on the floor, I caught a 
faint whiff of a distinct odor, that I recognized immediately. �Pee-
yew!� I exclaimed, �It smells like a baby nursery up here!�

�What did you do? Did baby have an accident?� I derided. �Come over 
here.� I demanded, pointing to the floor directly in front of myself. 
Mattie rose to his feet, and waddled toward me, I turned him about-
face, and pulled the waistbands, of both his pants, and diaper, out as 
far as I could. Peering down his backside, and seeing the mess within, 
I said, �Oh, my goodness! Baby went poopy in his pants! I guess we have 
a stinky little boy to clean up, don't we?� Mattie squealed a big laugh 
as I picked him up and placed him on the crib mattress, I walked over 
to the television, and pressed the pause button on the DVD player. 
�Just give Uncle Eric a little time to get ready, would you?� Placing 
the changing supplies in the top drawer of the toy storage dresser, I 
position my pillow on top of the dresser, I then began to go back 
through the storage boxes, until I was able to find one of those very 
thin, vinyl faced, portable changing pads. Laying the pad on top of my 
pillow, I went and grabbed a new Pamper from the opened package. The 
dresser was fairly large, about 3 and a half feet tall, 18 inches deep, 
and 4 feet wide, an excellent changing table substitute, for a boy 
Mattie�s size, now if I could figure out a way to strap him down, it 
would be perfect.

�Get over here stinky butt!� I spoke in Mattie's direction, �Let's get 
you out of that yucky, poopy, diaper.� Mattie toddled over toward me, I 
picked him up from where he stood, and laid him down on the makeshift 
changing table. Placing the clean, still unfolded, diaper on his chest, 
I asked, �Here, can you hold onto this for me, for a second?� Mattie 
chuckled, as he examined the Pamper he was now holding, �It has Cookie 
Monster on it!� he snickered. �Yep! It sure does buddy, and I'm pretty 
sure you just made a big poopy on Big Bird!� I chortled back to him. 
Unbuttoning his pants, I asked, �Can you lift up your tushie for me?� 
Mattie arched his back, and I was able to slide his pants down off of 
him. Opening the top drawer of the dresser, that I had just loaded with 
the diaper changing supplies, I then gently pushed Mattie's hips back 
down to the changing tables surface. Plucking a handful of wipes, out 
of the "Huggies" baby wipes container, I stopped to ponder, and said, 
�You know what? Forget this silliness, how about we save Cookie Monster 
for tomorrow morning, I have a really special diaper for you to wear 
tonight!� Sauntering over to the pile of old school, plastic backed, 
"Pampers" I had stashed in the corner, I retrieved a blue waisted 
diaper. Digging through the box of "Disney" plastic pants, I grabbed 
the top pair of, Pluto printed, baby pants. �What do you think about 
this stuff?� I interrogated of Mattie, as I held up the nearly 2 decade 
old diaper and plastic pants. �Those are the diapers my mommy has on 
her baby dolls!� Mattie shrieked, �Can I wear them?� he asked 
excitedly. �I was kind of asking if you would like to.� I rejoined, 
�But I suppose I can take that as a yes?� With the vintage diapers in 
hand, I returned to Mattie on his provisional changing table. Taking 
back the Pamper I had left him to hold onto prior, I handed over to 
him, his new attire, �Alright, how about you hold these for me 
instead?�

Carefully untaping Mattie's freshly soiled Pamper, I scraped the excess 
mess down with the pee saturated front of his diaper. �Oh yuck! Stinky 
baby!� I spoke, attempting to add to his regressive shame, �I can't 
believe a baby, this big, still has poopy pants to change?� Mattie just 
continued to nurse, contentedly, on his binky, as though he didn't hear 
a single word I was saying. Cleaning up his dirty bottom went pretty 
quickly, I only used 3 wipes to finish the task at hand. Lifting 
Mattie's ankles up with one hand, I slid the vintage diaper under his 
butt. Applying a liberal glob of rash ointment to his smooth backside, 
I continued to massage it into his delicate skin. A generous quantity 
of baby oil, was followed by a considerable amount of powder. Drawing 
the diaper up between Mattie's spread open legs, I taped it snugly in 
place. Pulling the plastic pants over his feet, I lifted Mattie's body 
up once again, and tugged the baby pants up over his already secure 
diaper. A quick run of my thumbs around the elastic leg bands, made 
sure that the Pamper was totally, and securely, encased. Dressing 
Mattie in one of his sleepers while still situated on his changing 
table, would have been a fantastic conclusion to this diaper change, 
but it would have been an incredible hassle. Standing Mattie back on 
the floor, I held up the dark green, T-rex sleeper, behind him. �Here, 
step into the feet.� I said, as I guided his legs into the foot holes 
of his sleeper. Pulling the fleece garment up around his body, I helped 
Mattie slip his arms, one at a time, into the sleeves. Drawing closed 
the zipper, that extended from the left ankle, up to the collar, of 
Mattie's footed sleeper, he was completely dressed for bedtime.

Pressing the play button on the DVD player, I started to unfold the 
"Pack N Play" playard. After completing the setup of the playpen, I 
grabbed Mattie's bottle, motioned for him to come sit with me in the 
very small reclining chair that was set up in the playhouse for adults 
to sit in. Mattie curled up into my lap, I held the baby bottle filled 
with "Kool-Aid", up to his lips, and he began to nurse on it. Rocking 
him in the chair, feeding Mattie his baba, while stroking his hair, I 
asked, �So what do you think buddy, are you having a good time playing 
baby?� Mattie wrapped his small hands around the hand that I was 
holding his bottle with, and just nodded his head yes, while he 
uttered, �Mmm Hmm.� Mattie drifted off to sleep in my arms, just as the 
video came to an end. Slowly, I arose, placed Mattie ever so gently 
into his playpen, slipped his pacifier into his mouth, and draped his 
blanket over him. Ever so quietly, I sneaked down the playhouse hatch 
door. Back to the house, I returned with Mattie's big, blue, stuffed 
elephant, I slowly placed his stuffed animal down by his side, as he 
slept. Unzipping my sleeping bag, I quietly lowered myself down, snug 
up against the playpen where Mattie was resting, and fell asleep 
myself.

The next morning, I woke up with the sunrise. Mattie, still lay 
peacefully in his slumber, I reached down to feel if he was in need of 
a diaper change, sure enough he was completely saturated. As tenderly 
as I was able, I lifted Mattie from his place of sleep, laid him on the 
temporary changing table I had created for him, and started to remove 
his sleeper. �Daddy.� he said, half asleep, �I don't wanna get up yet.�

�It's not your daddy.� I said, faintly whispering into his ear, �It's 
your cousin Eric, and he has to change the baby's wet diaper. Just go 
back to sleep now buddy, alright?� I requested in a soft voice. 
Unzipping the green sleeper, I slowly pulled the sleeves off of 
Mattie's arms, and began to carefully slide the fleece garment under 
his back. Mattie's eyes popped wide open, �It's cold Uncle Eric!� he 
spoke, obviously fully awake now. �I know buddy, but I have to change 
your pee-pee diapee, I don't want Baby Mattie getting a rash.� I told 
him. �Stay still for a second, I don't want you to fall off of your 
changing table.� I said, as I turned around to grab the T-shirt Mattie 
wore yesterday. Pulling Mattie into a sitting position, I lifted his 
arms above his head, and put his shirt on him. �There,� I told him, 
�that should help keep you a little warmer while I get you all cleaned 
up. �Lay back down now, and lift your butt, okay?� I asked, then 
finishing the removal of his sleeper. Changing him back into one of the 
new "Pampers", I dressed Mattie back into yesterdays outfit.

�How about we go inside, eat some breakfast, then give you a bath, 
alright?� I asked, as I opened the hatch to descend into the first 
floor of the barn. �Can I eat in the highchair again?� Mattie inquired 
enthusiastically. �You can have lunch and dinner in the highchair,� I 
responded, �but let's just have breakfast in the house, Uncle Eric 
needs to give you your bath.�

�Can we take the highchair in the house?� Mattie questioned excitedly, 
at his self-perceived brilliant idea. �What would you like me to tell 
Grammy that there is a highchair in the house for, when she just shows 
up unexpectedly? Oh, Grammy, by the way, Mattie wants to be a baby, and 
I didn't want his Pampers to leak on the good chairs?�

�Okay.� Mattie said, with obvious disappointment in his voice. �Why 
don't you run over there and get your bib and sippy cup though?� I 
said, pointing back to his highchair, where those items were located. 
Mattie smiled, turned around, and rushed over to retrieve his bib and 
cup.

CHAPTER 2

I will continue this story in the near future, I wanted to get this 
portion up this week. I am also the author of "A Baby Poem", but I e-
mailed that in html format, so I wasn't able to get any feedback. 
Please feel free to comment on either of my compositions here.


 








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What diapers do you wear?

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Are your diapers plain white?

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How do you use your diapers?

Pee
Poop
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