Why Is This Website About Boys Who Wear Diapers (and the Girls Who Diaper Them)?

 

Updated 08/09/2009

 

One question people may have had on their minds but are afraid to ask me is, “If you steadfastly and assertively claim to not be a pedophile, then why do you have so much of an interest in boys who wear diapers (and girls who diaper boys)?”

 

To answer the aforementioned question, it’s important to understand how my sexual feelings towards diapers developed. If you don’t feel like reading the whole story, that’s fine, and I’ll cut to the chase here.

 

First off, I was never sexually or physically abused in any way, so anyone who thinks that I was ever beaten or molested as a child can put that notion to permanent rest right now. My parents raised me in a loving and supporting environment and they always looked out after my well being. I never went hungry and I never had to worry about having my basic needs being met. My parents never fought, and there was no alcoholism or any other substance abuse within my family, and nobody ever had any frequent or recurring problems with the law. My family’s collective rap sheet would be nearly blank.

 

Simply put, my fetish for diapers stems from the extreme difficulties I faced with toilet training and the ways my sisters teased me mercilessly for having accidents and wearing diapers well into my childhood. As far back as I can remember I have always been sexually responsive to diapers, which may explain why I was so difficult to become toilet trained. I was also sexually responsive to the ways my sisters teased me (including their implicit teasing of merely wearing pants in my presence when I only had on “diapers”— actually, several pairs of white boys’ briefs), but why I developed these strong sexual feelings remains a mystery to me. Perhaps someone who has a background in psychology can share his or her opinion with me on this one (not that I am asking for free therapy, mind you).

 

In retrospect, I had some very good experiences with “diapers” during my boyhood that I still fondly reminisce upon. These experiences were very influential in the development of my diaper fetish. In fact, these experiences had so much of a profound impact on me that my sexuality developed primarily around diapers and other boys who wear diapers. While I never seriously thought that I might be gay (I didn’t even know what being gay meant until I was maybe 10 or 11), I knew I wasn’t like other boys. My friends all wanted to see naked girls in the swimming pool dressing room and relished the thought of getting to look at a porno mag, but I was more content with diaper ads, photo albums with pictures of diapered boys and boys’ underwear models in the Sears catalog.

 

For the first few years of my teens, girls were not the subjects of my boyhood sexual fantasies in the traditional sense. I didn’t imagine what girls would look like naked or what it would be like to kiss or make out with a girl or have sex with her. Instead, I fantasized about cute and attractive girls being my sisters or perhaps my babysitters forcing me to wear diapers while they pranced around in tight blue jeans, teasing me as they fed my pent up sexual tension and eventually forcing me to release such tension into my diapers.

 

While I eventually came around and began to recognize girls in a “normal” sexual sense, I found girls to be unapproachable (I was the classic dweeb that not even the ugliest girls in school wanted anything to do with). I was a pariah to most girls. As pathetic as it sounds, I had to rely on a friend who had transferred to another school to hook me up with a girl at his school who did not know of my reputation as a social outcast.

 

While I did enjoy the sexual experiences that many teenage boys have, I never felt fully confident or secure with such feelings. As I got older I realized that my fixation on my childhood sexual feelings never went away. Because I have always been so much more familiar with these feelings from my childhood, it’s only natural that I would remain fixated on them for the rest of my life. Every time I masturbated I thought about being a little boy in lots of underwear, forced to poop in it while my sisters watched with amusement, intrigue and perhaps an element of disgust and pity.

 

My dating experiences as an adult have been few and far between. While none of the women I have dated have been aware of my diaper fetish or the experiences I had in my boyhood that contributed to it, I don’t doubt for a moment that my fixation on diapers affected my ability to perform sexually, which only exacerbates my social ineptitude, which really has nothing to do with my diaper fetish.

 

So here I am, still single, and likely to remain single for the rest of my life. I have lots of other issues with dating and relationships that I won’t get into. Suffice it to say that I am more content with my diapers and the boyhood experiences that these feelings are built upon. Perhaps it’s a form of sexual dysfunction in that it interferes with my ability to have normal sexual relations.

 

While I am content with myself and the fact that I have a diaper fetish, I concede that I can never be a young boy again, so the next best thing I can do is vicariously relive these experiences through what others share on this web site.

 

While my experiences with diapers were significant, I realize that so much more could have happened that would have made my boyhood diaper experiences even more satisfying to reminisce upon. Below is a chart that compares several key elements of my reality to my fantasies:

 

Reality	Fantasy
Was eventually toilet trained.	Parents gave up on toilet training and kept me in diapers permanently.
Was never a bedwetter.	Was a bedwetter in addition to having bowel control problems.
"Diapers" consisted of wearing multiple pairs of underwear	Wear multiple high-rising wide-crotched plain white cloth diapers with lots of pins in them.
Usually wore about a dozen pairs of underwear, about two dozen pairs being the most pairs I ever wore.	If not diapers, wear three, four or even five dozen pairs of underwear at a time with larger sizes to fit over smaller pairs underneath. Outer pairs would not be stained and would always be just as white as they were when first taken out of the package.
Only wore "diapers" when I had accidents or bouts of diarrhea. I was always pantsless; otherwise, I wore pants.	Wear super thick diapers at all times; pants come off first thing upon getting home and are only worn when I leave the house (diapers thinned down for such times but still thick enough to be highly conspicuous),
Sisters teased me frequently but did not dedicate all of their time to it.	Sisters pay even more attention to my diapers and go out of their way to remind me that they see me wearing them and know why.
Sisters usually wore long pants or shorts, and always wore pajamas to bed. I never saw my sisters in their underwear.	While the classic Deekerian sister (type A) is one who is always decently dressed, as was the case with my sisters, the more liberal (type B) Deekerian sister wears her thin, skimpy panties out in the open to show off her clean body. For best results and to make a greater contrast between her underwear and her brothers’ diapers, she wears a thong (T-backs are most effective).
Sisters never changed my diapers.	Sisters delegated as primary diaper changers to relieve my mother of the duty and for punitive purposes.
Did not have friends come over for visits or sleepovers until I was 10 or 11 when pooping accidents decreased.	Friends are all aware of my diapers and my pooping accidents and also wear diapers themselves.
Observed a boy who also wore multiple pairs of underwear but never made any direct contact with him.	This boy becomes my best friend and I put my existing friendships on the line and risk worsening my already low standing amongst my peers to spend more time with him and to indulge in my multiple underpants with him (see story What Might Have Been).
Devoted some of my time to writing stories and drawing pictures.	Devote much of time to writing stories and making drawings, which entire family has seen with such materials contained.
Virtually no photographs of me in diapers.	Sisters always taking pictures, fill several photo albums of pictures of me in my diapers. Appear in diapers in all family photos at home, including holidays and birthdays.
Nobody knew of my sexual feelings towards diapers.	Everyone, especially sisters, are aware of my sexual feelings towards diapers.

 

I have to admit that I envy those whose boyhood diaper experiences were closer to what I have described above as fantasy. Because of my fondness for diapers and my longing for the never-possible opportunity to revisit my boyhood and enhance my diaper experiences in ways that would be nice to reminisce upon as real memories, it’s hardly a surprise that I would create a web site that allows me to do this vicariously. While this web site is intended to benefit others, for my own purposes, it functions as a vehicle that transports me back in time to my boyhood where I can, in my mind, recreate such scenarios and include the experiences of others in my recreations. It’s an escape from the stresses and worries of present-day reality.

 

Many diaper lover web sites attempt to exclude minors (persons legally recognized in the United States as such who are under age 18 who have limited rights and responsibilities and are also protected by a variety of statutes due to age, many of them concerning sexual matters) on the mere (and flawed) principle that the discussion of or even the mere thought of sexual matters of any kind concerning minors is a taboo and verboten subject that should never be approached by anyone who is not a minor himself.

 

I personally disagree for the simple reason that we are sexual beings by nature from day one and we become increasingly aware of our sexual feelings and desires long before we reach that arbitrarily magic number of an age that suddenly makes it okay to bring all sexual matters out into the open. It’s as if they think that a boy doesn’t get his first hard-on or have his first thought about sex or even learn that girls do not have a penis until the very day he turns 18. Such a notion is preposterous at best.

 

Many adults who enjoy wearing diapers have had these feelings towards their diapers since early childhood. These feelings are often if not always sexual in nature and many young children only have a limited understanding of why they get such feelings. Those whose sexual feelings developed around diapers are often confused and uncertain about themselves. Having a web site that assures preteens and teens that having sexual feelings about diapers is okay helps them to feel better about themselves.

 

As our experiences from childhood are often the foundation for our lifelong feelings about diapers, it’s only fitting and appropriate to openly explore and reminisce upon this high formative stage of our lives when our bodies and minds (sexuality encompasses both of these) are most greatly influenced by our environment.

 

This web site has often been criticized and come under fire for its openness towards pre-adult sexuality where diapers are concerned. My fiercest adversaries claim that this web site is pedophilic in nature and allege that I am involved in or would be involved in activities that are associated with pedophilia. Nothing could be further from the truth.

 

I shouldn’t have to go on record as saying that I think pedophilia is wrong and that exploiting children for one’s own prurient interests is a wholly despicable and depraved act whose participants thereof deserve to be incarcerated and tormented until their final days, but if this is what it takes to help my opponents to understand the truth about me, then so be it. I would never think of approaching a child, especially one I did not even know, and luring him or her into performing any kind of sexual act, and I would certainly never touch a child. I respect people’s privacy and I work hard to protect the privacy of minors who submit material for inclusion on this web site. I never ask for phone numbers or addresses or do anything for the purpose of arranging a meeting with anyone whom I know is a minor. I don’t hang out by schools, playgrounds or swimming pools to watch the children play. I know there are morons out there who would like to believe otherwise, and God help them, because I can’t. I also know that there are seemingly otherwise rational and intelligent people who believe we came from alien beings who existed trillions of years ago, people who think Elvis is still alive, people who think the moon landings were faked.

 

The point I am making is that people will interpret what they irrefutably conclude is sufficient evidence (which in some cases is a lack of evidence to the contrary) to support their wacky theories and believe that something is true. They are so absorbed in their flawed and obstinate thinking that nothing presented to them from a sound mind will convince them to abandon their ways. To do so would shake their worldview and turn it upside down.

 

I know that my most outspoken, vociferous and vehement haters critics are hopelessly too narrow-minded and willfully and pitifully ignorant to consider any semblance of reason whatsoever, and attempting to reach out to any of them in hopes of gaining their understanding is a frustrating exercise in futility, but this is the best I can do to dispel them of their shortsighted notions about me.

 

They send me hate mail. They make threats. They tell me that I am some sick pervert who either needs to get help or should commit suicide. To paraphrase Seth MacFarlane, the creator of Family Guy— who isn’t afraid to give his would-be censors and his critics the finger— getting flames from these hatemongers is like getting hate mail from Hitler. These people live woefully pathetic existences and seriously need to get a life. Nothing they ever say has any iota of merit and is lacking of even the slightest degree of intelligence. In short, they can go fuck themselves.

 

So there you have it, folks, the honest-reason this web site is about boys and diapers— and perhaps more importantly, why it’s NOT about pedophilia! Contrary to the woefully flawed beliefs of some, I do not seek out actual children to recreate these scenarios and I never have. The most I ask of anyone is for those of you (boys and grown males alike) who had such experiences in your boyhood to share them on this site.

 

For those of you who are still reading and have an open mind, I sincerely commend you and I cordially invite you to read my article, Deeker’s Diaper History, which supplements the information in this article.